nick d Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 This is mainly just a rant.. I think the hardest part of this break up is knowing my ex could care less about me and is having more fun without me.. How do people get over someone they were with and saw everyday for the last years so fast?! She parties and goes to the bar all the time now and is dating already.. When I go out I have to put on an "act" like I'm having fun.. When deep down inside I'm miserable and hate life and just want it to end. Day 14 of NC today and I'm just getting lower and lower. Now I even think of stupid thoughts in my head that I shouldn't be thinking.. And all over a girl. Pathetic, I know. Just miserable right now...
RobotNano Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) i will never understand that either. Ones with good hearts in so many ways, not just love, but caring, etc, end up the victims. I have never encountered anyone just leaving a relationship feeling bad for hurting someone. Been with my -ex-wife for 14 years, and their was nothing. I tried everything to chance for her. One week were playing around like lubby dubby, then the next week she is gone for a week or 2 at her friends (babysitting, or her friend is lonely), and I have to start all over when she returns. I couldn't leave, until one day she figured it out, and apologized. Now were separated, but good friends. We have one child together. Edited March 21, 2012 by RobotNano
LSgirl Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Did your friends tell you she's out partying? I hope you are not in contact with your ex. I would hate to know my ex was out dating around, it's best not to know anything and move on. I imagine that your ex isn't having the greatest time as you may think she is. Like you, she may feel empty and hurt inside, but trying her best to get out there and move on. I go out and feel miserable as well. It's hard not to show my emotions, I can't really fake it. Just don't worry about what she might be feeling, it's not about her anymore. She may even be wondering what you're feeling, but that shouldn't matter to her either. Focus on yourself, you're going to give this girl way too much credit in your life. Life is too short to be hung up on something you have no control over. It's easier said than done, but we just have to keep reminding ourselves.
Author nick d Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Did your friends tell you she's out partying? I hope you are not in contact with your ex. I would hate to know my ex was out dating around, it's best not to know anything and move on. I imagine that your ex isn't having the greatest time as you may think she is. Like you, she may feel empty and hurt inside, but trying her best to get out there and move on. I go out and feel miserable as well. It's hard not to show my emotions, I can't really fake it. Just don't worry about what she might be feeling, it's not about her anymore. She may even be wondering what you're feeling, but that shouldn't matter to her either. Focus on yourself, you're going to give this girl way too much credit in your life. Life is too short to be hung up on something you have no control over. It's easier said than done, but we just have to keep reminding ourselves. No, I'm not in contact with her at all. But unfortunately, she works where I do. But on an opposite shift.. So I always have people telling me crap I really don't want to hear. I just really hate life more than ever right now!
Eddie Edirol Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Much of the time, when people break it off with you, they fake the relationship for months while they mull over breaking it off with you. By the time they decide to do it, they are mostly over you. So if she is having a good time, breaking it off might have been a big weight off her shoulders, and that would make anyone happy. But like it was said, she might be faking. No one wants to hang out with a downer, so she could be getting out there to find a rebound, and keep life going. Women have that kind of support system when they have a lot of friends. 1
wibe Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Yes, you note right, that this is about having a lot more fun without you, like with you but I do not agree with you that you are miserable! That kind of thing like parties, having a lot of fun are just make you feel exactly like you feel right know. She is doing it purposely. She wants make you brutally jealous and that is part of the girl thinking. They never come to you and talking to you straight... Head up! Finger crossed Wibe.
smudge21 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Like Eddie says, when a dumper ends something it's usually been building up for some time and they've lost that love for their partners. I'm not saying they're good or bad by doing this, it's just the way it is. I know when I was the dumper a while back, I tried for many months to make it work in my head and heart but in the end I had to say goodbye. Now for me, it was a relief (sorry that sounds bad) as I felt I had finally got out of something I was not enjoying (I still liked her, but didn't love her), so therefore I didn't have to heal in any way, nor was there any pain or misery. Yeah, I felt bad when I saw how hurt she was as to her this was all a shock. It was sudden, yet to me, it had been ending for sometime, if you get me. So for many dumpers, mentally and emotionally they have moved on long before they end a relationship. Whereas for the dumpee it's like a smack in the face and often takes us by surprise, which in turn leads us to feeling down and empty, yet our ex's go on to live their lives. 1
Philosoraptor Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 They are either truly happy because they have properly healed and took care of themselves, or they are putting up a front. Either be happy for them and find your own path to healing, or pity their masking their emotions rather than doing the work necessary to heal. Either way, stop paying attention if it brings you pain. 2
melenkurion Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 When I go out I have to put on an "act" like I'm having fun.. When deep down inside I'm miserable ... The thing is, you have no idea whether she is doing exactly the same. Maybe she is blissfully happy, maybe she is utterly wretched but extremely good at faking it. There's no way you can know. This sort of thinking just tortures yourself, needlessly. Of course it's natural, and most of us can't help doing it. But happiness isn't a zero-sum game. You can be happy whether she is happy or not: her happiness (or otherwise) isn't subtracted from yours. I do understand why you are thinking this way, it was exactly the same for me.
Chi townD Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Well, the reason why it's so easy for them is because she disconnected from the relationship a LONG time ago. Even when you two were dating. She already determined that the relationship was over and now all they had to do is find the guts to pull the trigger and end it. SO, she mourned the lose of the relationship a long time ago (ironically, while you two were still dating) and this is still too fresh for you.
flitzanu Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 This is mainly just a rant.. I think the hardest part of this break up is knowing my ex could care less about me and is having more fun without me.. How do people get over someone they were with and saw everyday for the last years so fast?! She parties and goes to the bar all the time now and is dating already.. When I go out I have to put on an "act" like I'm having fun.. When deep down inside I'm miserable and hate life and just want it to end. Day 14 of NC today and I'm just getting lower and lower. Now I even think of stupid thoughts in my head that I shouldn't be thinking.. And all over a girl. Pathetic, I know. Just miserable right now... fake it to make it, my friend 1
nature Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Read thru this post. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/318097-how-does-ex-feel-during-gigs Sounds like your ex has GIGS (Grass is Greener Syndrome) Helps to know you are not alone:
LogicallyIllogical Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Whether it's GIGS, personality disorders, lost feelings or decisions they'll later regret, who cares? Don't waste your time worrying about ex's. The past is the past. Let it go. The future is now and you will be happy again. 1
nature Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Yikes LogicallyLogic...easier said than done. I think most people came to this board because they are hurting over an ex who dumped them, and trying to make some sense of it, questioning things, etc. It's a place to vent. I read your post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/315457-setback and you've had the same questions. It's just a way to help get thru it by talking to people on here. Yes, we all know the past is the past and to move on, but sometimes it's hard for people to just say, "ok we broke up, I'm over it, moved on, bright and cheery days ahead!". It can take time to work thru the hurt and the anger.
LogicallyIllogical Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Yikes LogicallyLogic...easier said than done. I think most people came to this board because they are hurting over an ex who dumped them, and trying to make some sense of it, questioning things, etc. It's a place to vent. I read your post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/315457-setback and you've had the same questions. It's just a way to help get thru it by talking to people on here. Yes, we all know the past is the past and to move on, but sometimes it's hard for people to just say, "ok we broke up, I'm over it, moved on, bright and cheery days ahead!". It can take time to work thru the hurt and the anger. You're right. I've done it myself. I ran my breakup and my ex through my head over and over until I realized it was doing me harm and keeping me from recovering. It definitely takes time, some longer than others, but I was only trying to put it in perspective.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 They are either truly happy because they have properly healed and took care of themselves, or they are putting up a front. Either be happy for them and find your own path to healing, or pity their masking their emotions rather than doing the work necessary to heal. Either way, stop paying attention if it brings you pain. Philo, my friend calls it a 'filler', when someone is trying to avoid healing/their own feelings. They find someone and use them as a filler. What say you?
Philosoraptor Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Philo, my friend calls it a 'filler', when someone is trying to avoid healing/their own feelings. They find someone and use them as a filler. What say you? It's simply a path of avoidance. Rather than taking the time to deal with themselves they do whatever possible to help push those feelings away. Probably the least effective way to get over a relationship. When the rebound fails many times they run back to the ex partner as a means to avoid the feelings regarding the most recent failed relationship.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 It's simply a path of avoidance. Rather than taking the time to deal with themselves they do whatever possible to help push those feelings away. Probably the least effective way to get over a relationship. When the rebound fails many times they run back to the ex partner as a means to avoid the feelings regarding the most recent failed relationship. Makes, sense, although I don't think my ex would do that with me--he loathes me too much for ripping off his mask as they say. I talked with his ex wife and he will be forever angry at me for that.He made up a ton of stuff about me to make sure everyone knows what a sinister, evil monster I am--his names for me among more which are not printable. The last time he contacted me was August, but he was not worthy of a response from me. in January he hooked up with this new one. He left me alone after those 2 attempts. With his ex's he was relentless--while we were together, he was still contacting his ex wife wondering why she left---for another woman. He would harass her partner as well, sending filthy texts. But when you meet him, he is very...unlike that, it is creepy.
robertmathis1026 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 There are 2 possibilities 1.Your ex really have some fun 2. Your ex is trying to make you jealous and want you back, and your ex want that you iniciate the contact first Are you SUFFERING THE PAIN, because your ex DUMP you? Can You imagine, if you can make your ex BEGGING TO BACK WITH YOU? click here to make it HAPPEN!!
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 There are 2 possibilities 1.Your ex really have some fun 2. Your ex is trying to make you jealous and want you back, and your ex want that you iniciate the contact first Are you SUFFERING THE PAIN, because your ex DUMP you? Can You imagine, if you can make your ex BEGGING TO BACK WITH YOU? click here to make it HAPPEN!! Enough with the spam already.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 It's simply a path of avoidance. Rather than taking the time to deal with themselves they do whatever possible to help push those feelings away. Probably the least effective way to get over a relationship. When the rebound fails many times they run back to the ex partner as a means to avoid the feelings regarding the most recent failed relationship. It's really starting to make sense. When my ex and I started talking, it was about a year and a half after his divorce, but he was still very hurt by it---she left because of his mental/verbal abuse, but put up with it for 18 years/left 3 times before saying that's it. He became quickly smitten with me *his word*. But he was still going on and on about his ex wife and looking for a relationship; going out with many, but not making any connections. He was obsessing over one lady who wasn't interested in him at the time and, when he and I were dating, talked about her and his ex very negatively--but he had this other woman on his fb and did all he could to keep her there. If she unfriended him, he would send her a bunch of inboxes wondering why, etc. Instead of communicating with me towards the end, he put his dating profiles back up--he had many. Still contacted me in August though it was over. In January his serious with this new one. I don't think he took any time to heal. He always told me he hated to be alone and was looking for someone to fill that time. My view is that he wants someone to travel with, do fun things with, but when the reality of a relationship sets in, he will bail. He got upset with me when he said if he and I do end up together, we can put our bank accounts together and buy a house, etc. I told him I don't share my bank account with anyone. That's how I knew a lot of what he wanted had to do with money===he would complain daily about how he paid his ex wife a certain amount of money for settlement and he wanted to put that money back, it hurt him to lose that much money, etc. Maybe this new woman is his sugar momma. Regarding taking the time to heal; He seems to 'heal' quickly and move on to the next thing. But....he has trashed every woman in his past.
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