Torn_scorned Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 It has been a week later since finding out my gf has been sleeping around on me for about 4 months into our 3 year-old relationship. Words can't really explain what I felt in that moment and I use every single horrible word in the book. I end up spitting in her face and saying ''How long were you going to keep this a secret bitch, you ****ing whore I wish I never met you, I wish you were dead, I hope you get run over by a car, etc''. At the same time that's the woman I wanted to spend my life with but had to return the ring (she doesn't know this). But should I apologize? First, I have never been this rude to a woman ever in my life. Second, I don't really wish her bad things but I was crushed deeply. Then should I try to work it out with her? She's been trying to contact me and doesn't really blame me for how I acted. She wants to talk about it and the messages seem remorseful. But I don't know if there would be any success if I were to work it out. I'm sorry for what I told her. Have never done that ever. Although cheating is devastating, I'm feeling like a total jerk.
anon1111111 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 IMO her disgusting behavior created a spit magnet in her face that pulled the saliva right out of your mouth, you shouldn't feel too bad about that. Last week I went through what you're going through now, you might have read my thread. I went back to my girl pretty quickly and things returned to normal in a few days, but now I feel so sh*tty, it's really not the same once they betray you bro. I've signed myself up to see a shrink to help me figure out if I really do want to salvage the relationship. All I can tell you is don't act too quickly, take plenty of time to think, see a shrink, it might help. Good luck bro, wish we could have a few beers and forget about our girls for awhile.
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I don't necessarily believe the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" But I do believe that once you're cheated on by that person, you'll always be cheated on by that person. It isn't something you can just "get over". I always thought about the person I cared about not thinking I was enough and having to go find someone else to be with. It was always on my mind, not fun. As for spitting on someone, it's never okay to do that. But in this situation she really did hurt you. You should have been the bigger person and walked away, that way you wouldn't feel this guilt. But you didn't and it's up to you if you feel the need to apologize. I'm sure she does understand, and what she did was much more hurtful. So I'm not sure you owe her an apology, but if it does make you feel better than by all means apologize, but don't let her off the hook for what she did because you reacted like that to it. You were hurt and acted in a moment of passion, she cheated on you and that takes time and calculation. She intended to betray you, and you reacted in the heat of the moment. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Of course you should apologize. You broke the law. She didn't. You should certainly turn and put her in your past. 2
dasein Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 You broke the law. She didn't. It's quite possible she commited fraud. Good luck on either of them getting a conviction or judgment though. Not gonna happen. IMO, no don't apologize and no don't try to work things out, just move on. Good luck and very sorry this happened to you. 3
CC12 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 It doesn't matter what she did, she did not deserve your verbal abuse or to be spat on. You didn't deserve to be cheated on, either. Whether you intend to get back together or not, you were both terrible to each other and you both owe each other an apology. 1
Black Jack Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 It's quite possible she commited fraud. Good luck on either of them getting a conviction or judgment though. Not gonna happen. IMO, no don't apologize and no don't try to work things out, just move on. Good luck and very sorry this happened to you. Agreed. The man was angry and was traumatized at the moment of finding out she was unfaithful. It's not uncommon for humans to have impulsive outbursts when something as emotionally devastating as this occurs. 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 What you did was wrong, but we all do and say things we do not mean in the heat of the moment. When we are angry MOST PEOPLE have, at SOME point, said things that were hurtful which we did not mean at all. It is natural. Normal. It is human nature to say things we do not mean when we are angry. Cheating can cause this reaction. WHat you did was not technically RIGHT, but I honestly do not think you could help it. When you do something you cannot help, but is still wrong all the same, you just apologize. Own up to doing what you did, even if you honestly believe you could not have prevented it. Stay away from her for a while. With cheating, I firmly believe the person cheated on needs to take a step back, and let the cheater realize if they truly would do anything to get the person back. Best of luck, I am trrible sorry to hear about your pain.
Star Gazer Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Spitting in someone's face is battery; she could press charges and send you to jail. 1
Desensitized Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Where's the proof that the OP spit on her? We all do stupid things sometimes, especially when we are irrational. But hey, you didn't hit her at least. I would say just stay away from her, or perhaps next time it will be worse (you hitting her). Just leave her in your past, these type of girls tend to make guys go crazy. 1
Star Gazer Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Where's the proof that the OP spit on her? Umm, his own words? He said he spit in her face. What, you think he missed? 1
Desensitized Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Umm, his own words? He said he spit in her face. What, you think he missed? All I'm saying, is that in real life, no one can prove anything.
Desensitized Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I'm not condoning his behavior, just sayin'... the OP just needs to walk away from this whole mess and just forget about her.
CC12 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I'm not condoning his behavior, Yes you are, and so are a lot of others. Lots of the responses in this thread are basically, "You shouldn't have spit in her face, but she did deserve it." WTF. No. Nobody ever deserves that. That is in no way a reasonable reaction. It is human nature to be angry at things, yes, but it is also in our nature to express anger in a reasonable, humane way. Spitting on her and calling her a whore is not reasonable. 1
Desensitized Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Yes you are, and so are a lot of others. Lots of the responses in this thread are basically, "You shouldn't have spit in her face, but she did deserve it." WTF. No. Nobody ever deserves that. That is in no way a reasonable reaction. It is human nature to be angry at things, yes, but it is also in our nature to express anger in a reasonable, humane way. Spitting on her and calling her a whore is not reasonable. First off, some of the things that love makes you do are not reasonable reactions. This was one of them. I'm sorry, but if it acts like a whore, and looks like a whore, then it must be a _____? You make it sound like he killed someone. For one, words are words. You interpret them how you interpret them. Get offended if you actually believe you are a whore, I don't care. If someone calls me a slut, but I know I am not a slut, what's the need of getting offended? Like I said, words are words. Spitting isn't justified, and I have been spit on before on my face by one of my ex-gfs before, but I'm not going to report something as stupid as that. Seems like the reaction to everything nowadays is to call the cops, sue everybody! How about, you just don't see that person again and get out of that volatile relationship instead of being a big whiny baby? Just a thought. Then again, I tend to be less whiny about things. Can't say for the others. 1
CC12 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 First off, some of the things that love makes you do are not reasonable reactions. This was one of them. I'm sorry, but if it acts like a whore, and looks like a whore, then it must be a _____? Is the correct answer, "Whore"? Get offended if you actually believe you are a whore, I don't care. Do I have to be a whore to be offended?
Desensitized Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Do I have to be a whore to be offended? I would sure hope so, because if you're getting offended for no reason, then there may be something wrong. I could come up with various scenarios where you could justify being offended without actually being a whore yourself. For example, your best friend comes to you with news that her bf called her a whore. You feel offended for her. Ok, I understand, but then you ask why he said such things. She tells you she cheated on her bf. Her behavior would be classified as _______? I'm sure you can come up with other scenarios to be offended. We all can. We can just agree to disagree?
CC12 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Her behavior would be classified as _______? Whore. Why don't you just say it?
Desensitized Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Eh, because you know what the word is. And I did say it earlier in my post.
CC12 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Eh, because you know what the word is. And I did say it earlier in my post. Say it again.
AlexDP Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Spitting in someone's face is battery; she could press charges and send you to jail. No chance of that happening whatsoever. First of all there won't be any evidence. Secondly, jails are full and there are more important matters. The police wouldn't even investigate the matter. 2
Professor X Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Spitting in someone's face is battery; she could press charges and send you to jail. Theoretically yes, but in reality, no1 is gonna bother with this... Probably cops are gonna laugh, say "yes yes" and go eat a donut. 1
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