Degrees: Deal breaker?

March 21, 2012

And Kaylan: I really don't care about what a guy does to earn money as long as it's legal and he doesn't struggle to support himself. What is most important is that he is a good person and treats me with the respect and love I feel I am entitled to. That is what gets me through life, that is what makes me happy--more than money or an otherwise lucrative/successful venture ever could. You can't take that stuff with you when you die. I will most certainly not be lamenting the fact that I should've gone for more 'successful' guys while I'm on my deathbed.

This is essentially my perspective as well. Because I am wholly uninterested in the prospect of marriage or parenthood, the qualities that I look for in a potential suitor are located more in the intangibles that you identified: the capacity to love and be loved, to be respectable and to afford respect to me and other living beings, etc. I tend to seek women more for who they are rather than their worldly accomplishments.

That isn't to say that ambition geared toward material attainments isn't important. It is crucial for me that a woman be able to support and provide for herself, but I have very few stipulations concerning whatever method she has chosen to secure a standard of living (provided they are not extralegal).

March 21, 2012

College has been invaluable to me.

I don't remember anything about a single subject, but my critical thinking skills have grown exponentially over those four years.

College also showed me that getting a degree to get a good job and work till retirement is also something I don't desire. It helped solidify my thirst for entrepreneurship, and starting up my own business.

Learning and mastering an academic subject doesn't yield financial independence, which is important to me. But I might not have learned this lesson if I didn't go and get a degree.

I in no way look down on people who didn't go, because many times you will find they are extremely knowledgeable in subjects I know nothing about.

Construction workers build our houses, electricians keep our lights on, farmers provide us food, janitors provide us with sanitary working conditions, and so on.

I view these no more important than the top physicist who discovered the latest theory, or the doctor who discovered a cure to a powerful illness, because if that poor/uneducated farmer doesn't provide them food (a job which most college grads will not take), these discoveries are impossible. However, when that farmer gets sick, he might want to see a doctor who can cure him.

I guess all I'm saying is, there's a place for all levels of education, and we are invaluable to each other. A little humility on all ends goes a long, long way.

Edited March 21, 2012 by MrNate 2.0

March 21, 2012

A chick who went to college generally has the same goals and ideals that I do. More so than someone who didnt.

Plus people who go to college tend to have a bit more drive to succeed and do big things. I like that in a girl.

I agree with this. I’m definitely more attracted to men with degrees – preferably at the graduate or professional level (though this varies depending on the necessity of an advanced degree for the chosen career).

For me, it’s not just about having the fancy piece of paper or increased earning potential; it’s more about drive & ambition. These are two of the sexiest qualities a man (or woman) can have & degrees just happen to be tangible evidence of those qualities.

Drive is the difference between a person who sets their sights on a lifestyle that’s going to make them happiest and most comfortable and goes after it vs. someone who’s complacent with a lesser accomplishment simply because the road to what they really wanted to achieve was “too hard”.

To give a personal example, I became a lawyer at the age of 25. Because of this, people tend to assume that I “love” school or am a natural at it. No and no! Honestly, I can’t stand being in a classroom, or taking exams, late night study sessions, etc. What made me stick it out was knowing that I wanted to become a lawyer and that seven years of school and giving up a summer to take the bar exam was the only way to accomplish this….so I made it happen.

Ideally, I’d want a partner with a similar mindset.

While it is possible for people to have that level of drive without formal education, it’s a characteristic more often than not found in someone who has a degree (or at the very least has the intention of obtaining one) than without. As already said in this thread, like attracts like.

Edited March 21, 2012 by LexiB

March 21, 2012

Something we have in common.
Oh yay...lets argue the "every" vs "many".

No not everyone working a low wage job lives cheaply, but most poor people who live barely within their means are low wage earners. Lets be real here. If they werent then most people wouldnt be trying to avoid ending up in that social class.

And just because someone can take care of themselves on a low wage and not struggle, does not mean thats where they want to be. Most people want to have the ability to take care of themselves and still have a good amount of disposable income left over. That doesnt really happen with low wages.
No, living with passion doesnt always tie into career....for many people it doesnt...however I think it should tie in more often. If you are going to do something for 8 hours a day, why not do something you love so you can truly excel at it and become successful?

I personally feel that the main reason a lot of people become complacent about their careers and dont end up becoming the successes that they have the potential to become is because they dont like what they do.

Tying in your passion into your career is a great way to lead a happy life...if you are going to spend 40 hrs a week over the next 30 years doing something...why not do something you love?

Oh please...Why am I gonna even bother with you? When did I say simply owning a home makes you successful? Dont put words in my mouth buddy. Plenty of people own homes but barely make it by and are buried under a mountain of debt. I think most Americans have a common idea of what success is.

To many it means not struggling from pay check to pay check, having enough cash to live comfortably, and having enough disposable income to have some fun more than just once in a while.

Wooo-ooah, there, buddy, you act as if my single post was some sort of big malicious attack or some sort of challenge, it was an innocent inquiry about your subjective personal-experience-limited opinion on what makes a person happy. I never put words in your mouth, I simply asked you a question based on the post I was quoting. I was skimming through the thread, so I apologize.

There's ultimately no point in either of us arguing, because I'm sure both of us are content with our lives, overall. If you choose to look down upon someone like myself, who has passions and goals lying outside of the accumulation of currency or flashing gaudy peacock feathers, that's fine. I can't help the fact that I'm content with less than others.

Some people can't imagine living in a home without a pool in the back yard.. Some people could give two ****s and would rather go to the beach. Some people can't imagine walking or riding a bike anywhere, and yet some people LOVE all of the benefits of riding a bike or walking and it energizes rather than tires them. A dude with rotting teeth could pity a health nut who thinks candy tastes too sweet/gross/ect.. It's all about perspective, and everyone's is different.

March 21, 2012

I'm honestly not bothered about a GF having a degree or not, as long as she has personal ambition in some form. I don't think it has to come from having a degree. Leigh87, I agree with you sometimes in that where I am from, people are very snobbish about degrees, they look down on you like they are smarter and sometimes they are the biggest posers on the planet .

Ironically though, I would love to have a degree, I don't know what in though, but before I was kicked out of Uni (long story), I was doing a music degree and I was hoping to go for my doctorate in musicology. I will go back to Uni some time soon, but right now I have different motives at the moment.

I don't think a degree is a dictator of drive in my opinion. I look to people like Richard Branson, who might be the exception to the rule but still was told that he would be nothing and didn't even get his O levels (or GCSEs as they are these days).

March 21, 2012

This is true, but only to a degree. There are many people (children are generally studied but if they never learned) who cannot successfully learn spelling and grammar without explicit instruction. It really depends on a combination of your natural intelligences (linguistic and mathematical) and your experiences. "Just reading" isn't enough for everyone, unless they get the basics, which everyone should in K-12 but not everyone does, sadly.

Bad spellers also tend to STAY bad spellers. Especially in older generations since spelling was taught completely incorrectly till very recently --- the whole notion of "sound it out" is bizarre for English spelling. Most spelling is a visual exercise, and visual memory and skill is far more important to it that phonological memory and skill. FWIW. Also, spelling and handwriting have absolutely NO correlation with IQ. Grammar does, though it is more heavily linked with mathematical intelligence, believe it or not!

I value college and never dated men without degrees. It was something I ticked as essential on OKC but otherwise never consciously "filtered" in terms of asking people whether they went to college. I couldn't have imagined marrying someone who didn't go to college personally (and hubby did) but not because of intelligence. Because academia and education are my life, and someone who didn't care about those things wouldn't care about most of my day.

I'm perfectly fine with the fact that someone may dismiss me because I don't have a degree, but how can they say that I'm uninterested in the world around me simply because I choose to be my own educator?

I don't require a physical degree for the jobs I'm planning on applying for, so why would I waste money that I don't have? A majority of subjects in college could be self-taught at home, if you're willing enough to actually search for credible sources of information.

Despite not NEEDING to be well educated, I still enjoy learning and being well-informed of the world around me. Understanding and information = power.

March 21, 2012

Wooo-ooah, there, buddy, you act as if my single post was some sort of big malicious attack or some sort of challenge, it was an innocent inquiry about your subjective personal-experience-limited opinion on what makes a person happy. I never put words in your mouth, I simply asked you a question based on the post I was quoting. I was skimming through the thread, so I apologize.

Miscommunication I guess. You asked me a question about something that was not even being talked about. Maybe if you worded it differently it would not have seemed like you were assuming I had the belief that home ownership = comfortable living.

There's ultimately no point in either of us arguing, because I'm sure both of us are content with our lives, overall. If you choose to look down upon someone like myself, who has passions and goals lying outside of the accumulation of currency or flashing gaudy peacock feathers, that's fine. I can't help the fact that I'm content with less than others.

You obviously have not my [previous posts. In my first reply to Leigh87 I said that I care about a girls ambition and goals...not about being rich or flashing feathers. So please go back and reread my posts if you care to make the time.

Some people can't imagine living in a home without a pool in the back yard.. Some people could give two ****s and would rather go to the beach. Some people can't imagine walking or riding a bike anywhere, and yet some people LOVE all of the benefits of riding a bike or walking and it energizes rather than tires them. A dude with rotting teeth could pity a health nut who thinks candy tastes too sweet/gross/ect.. It's all about perspective, and everyone's is different.

yada yada yaya...theres always someone in every thread saying how everyone is different. I think we all know that, hence why we discuss why these differences exist.

March 21, 2012

I'm perfectly fine with the fact that someone may dismiss me because I don't have a degree, but how can they say that I'm uninterested in the world around me simply because I choose to be my own educator?

I don't require a physical degree for the jobs I'm planning on applying for, so why would I waste money that I don't have? A majority of subjects in college could be self-taught at home, if you're willing enough to actually search for credible sources of information.

Despite not NEEDING to be well educated, I still enjoy learning and being well-informed of the world around me. Understanding and information = power.

I never said it implied disinterest in the world --- just disinterest in what I do (education).

March 22, 2012

What if you meet the ideal person, who earns a decent living, and is everything you want...

..and then you find out they do not have a college degree?

You'd be surprised at how many people who never finished college (or never went) started successful businesses and got rich.

definately
Plumers
acossiate
as much as ap erson

Furthermore, when I do get my degree in the next 4 years, I also plan to get:

I hope you learn how to spell when you're in there!

As far as my requirements... I won't date dummies, even educated dummies.

March 22, 2012

Not having a degree is definitely not a deal breaker for me. I know PLENTY of people who went to college and ended up doing something completely different afterwords, including still looking for ANY job.

The deal breaker for me is someone with no desire to learn and improve on what they are passionate about in life. It's also much more impressive to be self taught and a LOT less money, which is another trait that I find attractive. I don't want to be with someone who feels the need to spend money on everything and can't do anything for themselves.

I'm not against people who DO have a degree though, I just can't judge a person based on that because there are definitely more important variables to consider. I don't want to assume ANYTHING until I actually get to know a person for who they really are, and that means simply spending some time with them and talking with them.

Edited March 22, 2012 by brokenTom

March 22, 2012

I never said it implied disinterest in the world --- just disinterest in what I do (education).

Alright, yeah, I'm sorry, I've been a bit hazy lately, but the point is, why does it mean that I'm uninterested in education, simply because I choose not to pursue an education in an establishment? Is my own self-education lesser than a college education if I'm teaching myself all of the same information? It might make it slightly easier as an extra mental filter to find someone who shares a similar viewpoint, but there are no guarantees.

There's a bit of truth in every cliche, as beaten blue as the most rigid hooker's corpse - Every individual is different. An old man who goes around assuming that every little kid is an arrogant little **** with an underdeveloped brain is just as likely to be proven right and he is to be proven wrong. But unless he takes his chances and talks to each little kid, he might overlook a cool little kid assuming he's a little **** only to turn his focus onto a REAL little ****. lol

It doesn't hurt to let someone be heard before you dismiss them. Online dating is different, I guess, because you have the luxury of automatically choosing to have such a filter in place, but in real life, I hope you really do give guys a chance as you say. If they've got their **** together, does it really matter how? So long as it was legal, at least.

March 22, 2012

Miscommunication I guess. You asked me a question about something that was not even being talked about. Maybe if you worded it differently it would not have seemed like you were assuming I had the belief that home ownership = comfortable living.

You obviously have not my [previous posts. In my first reply to Leigh87 I said that I care about a girls ambition and goals...not about being rich or flashing feathers. So please go back and reread my posts if you care to make the time.

yada yada yaya...theres always someone in every thread saying how everyone is different. I think we all know that, hence why we discuss why these differences exist.

Alright, alright, whatever. We know this, but you've got to admit, at least it's more productive and optimistic than the countless negative nancies and nerdy neds who pointlessly whine about the same **** over and over again, only for most of the posters (myself included) to usually try for the 20000th time to change their deeply rooted mindsets. Better to overdo the optimism than the pessimism. Better to spread positive viruses than negative ones..

It's cool that you're more worried about a girl's ambitions and goals, I just hope you don't dismiss goals and ambitions that aren't necessarily rooted in materialism as invalid ambition/goals simply because they don't necessarily lead to a comfortable lifestyle. People can have the best of both worlds.

And there's nothing wrong with materialistic ambitions, don't get me wrong. I'm sure you can agree that neither type of goal/ambition is less valid than the other. Nothing wrong with what you want, I'm sure most people want some ambition in a person to achieve whatever it is that they choose to do, s'long as their ambitions are productive in some way. That's all I ask..

I'm sorry I didn't take as much time to thoroughly read your posts, it was lazy of me. I hope you know I don't usually do that, and it was nothing personal. I'll read through the rest of this thread in a little while, most likely.

March 22, 2012

I think you and your boyfriend are very well suited to each other.

So a few mistakes means my boyfriend and I are morons? Actually, I write essays fine, and did well in linguistics. I am just a sloppy typer, and average at grammar.

for the record: I sit in bed with a broken keyboard at 2 pm writing a lot of posts, and while some people I associate with are very gamatically sound, others are not: I tend to text shortened versions of words be defult when I comminicate with certain people.

I adapt my language to the person around me. Some people I know, do shorten words so rampantly ( gramma instead of grammer). They did not get the education in regards to grammer that is needed to write essays, but they are sucessful in their own jobs, most earning a decent living.

YOur post is very snobby. My boyfriend and I are every bit as remarkable as YOU are, and we are not SNOBS. I do not look down on people who are bad spellers.....

March 22, 2012

So a few mistakes means my boyfriend and I are morons? Actually, I write essays fine, and did well in linguistics. I am just a sloppy typer, and average at grammar.

for the record: I sit in bed with a broken keyboard at 2 pm writing a lot of posts, and while some people I associate with are very gamatically sound, others are not: I tend to text shortened versions of words be defult when I comminicate with certain people.

I adapt my language to the person around me. Some people I know, do shorten words so rampantly ( gramma instead of grammer). They did not get the education in regards to grammer that is needed to write essays, but they are sucessful in their own jobs, most earning a decent living.

YOur post is very snobby. My boyfriend and I are every bit as remarkable as YOU are, and we are not SNOBS. I do not look down on people who are bad spellers.....

Uh, I think all Carrie said was that you and your bf have equivalent grammar and spelling. Why the claws, girl?

March 22, 2012

I find it funny that these education/achievement threads get nastier than any other kind around here.

If I were a troll/flamer, I sure wouldn't be making a post about how I cheated on my girlfriend while she was on vacation, that's for sure.

The forum trolls could learn a lesson here.

March 22, 2012

I plan to get a degree, because I enjoy studying. I like keeping busy; there are different ways to keep busy, and structured learning is one of the ways to keep busy which I fancy.

Although I WANT to get a degree, I am not quiet ready too. For my own personal set of circumstances. I want to be ambitious and driven in my OWN way first, that will amount to MONEY, and then I will be set to start my life at a tertiary level.

My point, which a lot of people have helpfully put perspective on, is that based on who I am, and what I have been through in my life, I have not yet obtained a degree. Although I do have the capacity to, and I even thrive and enjoy that way of learning.

I enjoy learning in varius ways: I love people and learning from talking to a diverse range of individuals ( hence why I am HERE): ANY TV I watch is educational, preferably documentaries: I love to read books on real life inspiring people, or on facts real life events: Lastly, I LOVED leaning at school!!!!!!!!!

I have not obtained a degree, based on events that unfolded in my life. Had the events not occurs, I mostly likely would have gone to college and earnt a degree by the time I was 23 - 24. Right here, right now, who am I? Am I a person who cannot contribute to a conversation, when I am in a group of people WITH degrees?

Of course, people who are very academic, like ZENGIRL and THREEBYFATE, would be best suited to partners who PREFER to talk about more scientific related theories, and subjects routed heavily in academia:They would both prefer themselves, to discuss topics that NEED a degree, in order to understand.

On average though, most people with degrees, who have a random conversation with a person WITHOUT a degree, would not be able to TELL this person does not have a degree.. because you do not need a degree in order to be intelligent.

Wages, security, and people who prefer to talk about advanced theories that require a degree, are all factors in WHY a degree is a deal breaker. Although some jobs withut degrees pay well or simialr to degree jobs, an are just as secure, degree jobs are MORE LIKELY to have a decent wage and security.

At the very least, I would hope that people who require a partner with a degree, treat people without degrees with the same respect. Also, that people with degrees who also want a similar partner, are OPEN to meeting a fantastic person, who they fall for and happens to NOT hold a degree.

People who require partners with degrees: What if, before you found OUT they had a degree, they turned out to be the most charming, kind, loving person you have ever met? You decide " wow I want to keep seeing this person". Would you change your perception if you found out they had no degree?

I understand people who's main interests and conversations are about more advanced theories that REQUIRE a degree, needing a person with a degree. I DO NOT understand, if:

a person with a degree only dates people with degrees, even if:

- a non degree partner is as intelligent as they are

- a non degree partner is as ambitious as they are

- a non degree partner earns as much or similar to their own wage

- a on degree person is just as passionate about their career, life,and learning as they are

- a non degree person interacts with them in the exact same fashion as a person WITH a degree...

......and yet you knock these people back JUST because they do NOT hold degrees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THat, to me, is snobbery. You have a right to dismiss people without degrees, IF they are LACKING something! If the person is evenly matched to you insallery, drive, ambition, and everything else.. WHY dismiss them, JUST because they do not have a degree?

Seeking a busty blonde with blue eyes: sure, the person cannot get around it if they are a chubby brunette. But without a degree, a person can have ALL the qualities a person WITH a degree has.

Heck, there are people with degrees that are educated MORONS, like a lot of people have described here.

Those are my final thoughts on it. Some degree holdes need it for legit reasons: they have a high level of understanding in complex areas, namely in sciences, and the conversations they enjoy having are of things that YOU NEED to study a degree to understand.

Unless you studied the sciences and have a deep understanding in that area, and prefer people who most like to discuss scientific topics that can only be learnt through a degree..WHAT reasons are actually LEGIT for dismissing a NON degree holder?

Assuming that a non degree holder is: financially secure, able to discuss ANY topic with you as well as a degree holder, and are everything a person with a degree is.. WHY would you dismiss them purely o the gronds of NOT having a degree?

I am not talking about the fact that degrees afford, on average, more security, among other things... I mean IF a person WITHOUT a degree HAS all those things you VALUE in a person with a degree... WHY would you dismiss them?

It IS truly elitist, if you meet a date, they are everything you want, and after a few dates you find out they have no degree. IT COULD happen! You would think " damn, they do not have a degree, therefore this fator along means they do not have what I most value in a person".

the truth is, when you break it down: Degree or not, certain qualities are found in both people. Just because it is more common with people with degrees, it does not mean there are a good number of pepople without degrees, who are superbly matched to your needs.

March 22, 2012

Im a gratte typur. but i get plentya sex.

March 22, 2012

Uh, I think all Carrie said was that you and your bf have equivalent grammar and spelling. Why the claws, girl?

Actually... My grammar is not vastly bellow average. Sadly, it is not even below average.... Take a lot around you. No offence but - open your eyes. Plenty of people are not able to contruct essay - like, grammatically perfect paragraphs.

I am a much better speller than my boyfriend. Although he is a guy who is much loved by most people who bump into him, he sucks at spelling... He is terrible. He just has qualities that I like so much, that the two downsides to him ( terrible spelling and he is messy) are not deal breakers, because he is otherwise amazing to me.

He has hung around people with masters, he has enough general knowledge and has very cool interests and hobbies, enough to keep up and keep them interested. It is such a paradox, he is VERY bad at spelling, and yet people with masters degrees enjoy spending time around him.

I can guarantee, the average person in first world countries is actually not the best at grammar. In terms of people in a classroom, I am actually considered average in my essays. Sad but true. I am not great, but I am by no means shockingly poor in the way that I write.

March 22, 2012

KAYLAN - I just edited my post, I made the paragraphs longer. Is it better than my first attempt? The paragraphs look longer in the box in which you write them in, then when they are written out on the screen, the paragraphs look really short:(

It would not let my edit it, so I have copy and pasted and changed it for you here: