ja123 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I've seen this guy a total of 4 times now. Last Saturday we had a date, then a "sexcapade!" Our first time! In short, it was mind-blowing and I pushed the envelope. He loved it ... we were both kinda speechless on Sunday. So, I thought he would have contacted me sooner (by phone or email), but he didn't and I that made me feel angry, especially as I asked him to send me a picture of some photoshopped art he made. Finally, he sent an email Sunday night (which I didn't read 'till Monday), he started off by saying that it was our "one week anniversary" from that night, and explained that it seemed like ages ago, and that regular images keep popping in his head, but that he thinks his mind still hasn't processed it. Then he went on to tell me some details from his busy week and that he was feeling exhausted, so he just rested on the weekend. He didn't mention about meeting again, but said he wanted to say "hi" and see how I'm doing. My question to you, LoveShackers is how should I respond? and ... What do you think this guy could possibly be thinking? I think I'll return his email tomorrow. I'm thinking to keep it short, light, positive, happy, friendly, and admit that I, too, have not processed it; but, not to mention meeting again ... as I organised the last date, I'm thinking that it's his turn to organise (pursue me?) the next date. What do you think?
veggirl Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Wow it took a week to contact you after sex? I mean, I'm sure the sex was amazing and all, but seriously it doesn't take a week to recover unless you guys molested a donkey or something. I'd be totally annoyed. Has he normally taken this long to contact you? Do you reach out to him and initiate? Why hasn't he set another date? I'd respond (why do you guys email, why not call or even text?) and ask him for a date and see what happens. I think that'll answer your question. Seriously why does it take over a week to process sex? LOL. Both of you ? Like...what did you do? Usually amazing sex leads to the desire for more asap. I'm so confused.
Author ja123 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 veggirl ... I won't go into all the details ... just let's say that we had discussed certain things before ... so I knew he was very open-minded and very interested. The night included a lot of BDSM elements. As for me, I am (or was) essentially a BDSM virgin, but I gave it like a pro and he took it like a pro. It was too amazing for words! So hot, steeped in fantasy, like from a movie. It was a five-hour tour de force, then sleeping next to each other ... well, neither of us could sleep we kept waking up and doing it (regular style! which was amazing, too, it seems like we have a connection and a strong attraction), then the hotel staff kept calling us to check out, otherwise we'd be charged extra. But that being said, there was a time in the morning when I was just touching him ... affectionately petting him all over ... for maybe 45 minutes ... and he said he didn't know what it was about my touch, but that I am the first person who has ever been able to touch his stomach without his having a reflex to seize up. I could have just spent the week touching him really. It was a beautiful, tender, and very intimate experience.
dasein Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Sorry to say, but he doesn't seem that interested. Would give a brief, casual reply without seeming hurt, and leave the ball entirely in his court.
Author ja123 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Sorry to say, but he doesn't seem that interested. Would give a brief, casual reply without seeming hurt, and leave the ball entirely in his court. That's good to hear, dasein; although, I wish it were different. It probably meant a lot more to me, than it meant to him. I really like this guy!!! But, I don't want to let too many emotions get involved if they're not reciprocated. I'm venturing into that territory of questioning myself ... like what did I do or didn't do ... and that's starting to play havoc with my self-confidence. Is it not possible that he is still processing it, though? Nah, probably not. If he were really into me though, he would have called or at the very least dropped me an email within 24-72 hours, no?
veggirl Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 If he were really into me though, he would have called or at the very least dropped me an email within 24-72 hours, no? YES. He would have. the next day, I'd think. Thanks for the clarification on the sex :o:o:lmao:
dasein Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Would also suggest next time consider not making the first sex encounter a five hour extravaganza, and save those for later when he has shown more interest in you and being on the same page. I generally save the overnight into the next day marathons for exclusivity after at least 7-10 dates, to avoid getting too involved too soon. In any event, good luck, there are lots of guys who appreciate an adventurous woman with few sexual hangups, and imagine you will find someone with compatible goals sooner rather than later, spend the time you would spend thinking about this guy out there finding the next.
Author ja123 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 YES. He would have. the next day, I'd think. Sh*t!!!! I know you're right! My gut is telling me the same thing. Now, I'm just trying to figure out how to end it. I deserve better.
dasein Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Sh*t!!!! I know you're right! My gut is telling me the same thing. Now, I'm just trying to figure out how to end it. I deserve better. Look, this isn't a done deal, no need to "end" anything, you really don't know this guy well enough to write off entirely at this point. He should have called but didn't, people do all sorts of things they should or shouldn't do and then come right back in the picture. All I'm saying is start cultivating other options instead of worrying too much about this one.
Author ja123 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 OP, why couldn't you of contacted him? phineas, because I've been the one to make first contact after the last couple of dates (even if it was just to say that I got home alright, and that I had a nice time) and I was the one who called him to ask him out on this date. Seeing as he told me about his art work, when we kissed goodbye, I said, "Send me the art you made!" In otherwords, CONTACT ME the ball is in your court. He nodded, "Yes." Then I didn't hear from him for a week, and he didn't send the art work either. I'm wondering if he isn't trying to play me by tugging at my heart strings with all the one-week-anniversary cr*p. It feels like he sent me a belated birthday card. If I'm all nicey-nice with him now, then I'm just showing him that I'll accept being disrespected, and that I'm clinging on to any crumbs he might toss my way. I know he's busy, but it's no excuse. That's why I'm posting on LS, to get your feedback. I want to be level-headed about this and I'm not feeling very level-headed right now. One second, I'm so happy he wrote and maybe we have a chance ... to ... I'm seriously ticked off and I think he should jump in a lake. Is there a middle ground between those two extremes? If so, how do I keep grounded enough to stay in the middle and see what happens without becoming emotionally invested? Or should I just chuck it in right now? Honestly, I don't know if I'm cut out for all this dating baloney!
Author ja123 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Would also suggest next time consider not making the first sex encounter a five hour extravaganza, and save those for later when he has shown more interest in you and being on the same page. I generally save the overnight into the next day marathons for exclusivity after at least 7-10 dates, to avoid getting too involved too soon. In any event, good luck, there are lots of guys who appreciate an adventurous woman with few sexual hangups, and imagine you will find someone with compatible goals sooner rather than later, spend the time you would spend thinking about this guy out there finding the next. I wanted to start us off on the BDSM direction first because I felt it would be easier to go from that to being regular (or vanilla, so to speak) after, rather than the other way around which might have been more difficult. I haven't slept with anyone since last year, and in truth although he certainly enjoyed it and wanted it, too - the extravaganza was to fulfill my needs ... it just happened that way ... I didn't predict that it would be that long - I was just so in the moment. As for finding someone who is open-minded, I'm wondering if that is possible ... I feel that I'm generally misunderstood. I'm so incredibly loyal, good-hearted, deeply romantic ... yet it's juxtaposed with a very wild and dirty streak. Guys that I've met really like the dirty side but they're frightened of it, too ... maybe they're thinking I'm so voracious that I need a lot of men in my stable, when the fact is I just need one man (not ten thousand), someone who is on the same page and similar to me in that regard. The really dirty men I've met do have other women in their stable. I'm just looking for someone who wants me as much as I want him. Gosh, I'm feeling sad and lonely! And what about his comment about my being the only one to touch his stomach? Doesn't that count for something? Has he developed feelings for me and now he's in freak-out mode? Or is it a lie and he's been playing me? I hate all these games and inauthenticity. I really want to tell him how I'm feeling, but I think it would be way to much! Guess I'll slink back into inauthenticity - that's how the dating game is played, no? P.S. Sometimes, when I've been so authentic, people have thought that I'm playing them! Because it's so out-of-the-norm to how things are done. I need patience.
Author ja123 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Look, this isn't a done deal, no need to "end" anything, you really don't know this guy well enough to write off entirely at this point. He should have called but didn't, people do all sorts of things they should or shouldn't do and then come right back in the picture. All I'm saying is start cultivating other options instead of worrying too much about this one. This is very reasonable advice, dasein! Thank you!
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Yeah, I have to chime in in agreement. A guy who's interested does not wait a week (a week??!!!!) to contact you...especially after sex! My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time on our fourth date, too...which can be a little soon...so I was relieved when he called me the next afternoon to tell me what a great time he had, see how my day was going, and follow up on our plans for the next date. Men know that those couple of days after first time sex can cause a little bit of anxiety for a woman. So a guy who truly cared about you wouldn't leave you hanging for an entire week. Just my $0.02.
Author ja123 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Yeah, I have to chime in in agreement. A guy who's interested does not wait a week (a week??!!!!) to contact you...especially after sex! .... Men know that those couple of days after first time sex can cause a little bit of anxiety for a woman. So a guy who truly cared about you wouldn't leave you hanging for an entire week. Just my $0.02. So, what would you do in my case? How would you handle this? Do you think he is playing me with the one-week-anniversary cr*p?
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 So, what would you do in my case? How would you handle this? Do you think he is playing me with the one-week-anniversary cr*p? Well, I don't know if he's "playing you" per se. He's probably thinking "Hmmm...been a week...I could use another go." It sounds like he's thrown you the teeniest little pile of breadcrumbs possible to keep you on the hook for sex in case he wants it. You dove headfirst into a fetishy, 5-hour "sexcapade" in your very first sexual experience with him!! It's obvious that you really like him and want to please him, but this might just be way too much too soon. I think it's likely he sees you as a casual sex option. I would handle it by breaking it off, to be honest. An entire week without contact after sex is unacceptable in my book barring a personal or family emergency. And then after a week he can't even call you? An e-mail has got to be the most impersonal form of communication available. I would say "Nice to hear from you, but I don't think we're compatible. Thanks and best of luck." If you want to leave the door open for him, just respond with a curt e-mail and say to give you a call if he'd like to go out again sometime.
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