RedRobin Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I'd like to add this (I couldn't edit my previous post): The fact that there are people appalled or even disgusted by multi-dating, and not the other way round, speaks volumes. I have never encountered a multi-dater who would be appalled at the thought of dating a single-dater. They would either be indifferent or even pleased actually. The reverse exists though, and thus, it speaks volumes about the problems arising from an arrangement like multi-dating. Couldn't have said it better myself. 1
kaylan Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Hmm.. how would they go about getting those 'committed' romantic relationships? From thin air? No. They pursue them casually.. Sometimes they end up becoming 'committed'. Sometimes they don't. And no, they don't 'commit' to all or necessarily even one. They just commit to being open about the pursuit of multiple romantic connections. Which is exactly what you are doing. Sorry if you don't like the label. But polamory suggests committed romantic relationships, and generally there is already a main relationship established. There isnt one with multi dating. And there doesnt have to be any establish romantic connection in multi dating. There can simply be casual meetings. So again...its two different things....and its completely asinine of you to try and force your negative opinion upon the rest of us.
oaks Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I'd like to add this (I couldn't edit my previous post): The fact that there are people appalled or even disgusted by multi-dating, and not the other way round, speaks volumes. I have never encountered a multi-dater who would be appalled at the thought of dating a single-dater. They would either be indifferent or even pleased actually. The reverse exists though, and thus, it speaks volumes about the problems arising from an arrangement like multi-dating. I'm... disappointed... that some people feel that I should be offering them exclusivity before the first date. I can't say that it's something to be appalled at, given that there are so many other reasons why I might not like them by the end of the evening, but I know that there are people who are incompatible with me and I accept that. Life's too short to get upset over some things. 1
mortensorchid Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I think you need to have really thick skin for online dating. I myself, do NOT date multiple people at the same time (i know I shouldn't do that blah blah everyone is dating mutliple people early on). Well I don't like to. If i go on 2 amazing dates I kind of stop looking and want to see where it goes with the guy, but if the guy is from a dating site and I log on to the site I see him sitting on there what is one to think? I just assume he is not interested and lose interest in him at that point....so when he contacts me again I may go out with him, but I've already lost interest at that point. Playing the field is cool and all, but you would at least think they would quick looking and give you a chance. You think the online world is bad? There is a super skank in my office who is without a doubt the biggest slut I have ever encountered. She keeps her job because she had sex with the big boss. Then he marriage broke up, reconnected with some guy she had known a long time ago and this guy actually asked his wife if he could have sex with her just this once and it not mean anything. What the wife's answer was is questionable, but he went ahead and did it. After about a year of their living together and hearing them scream and fight with each other on the phone, she finally kicked him out and he went back to his wife.
kaylan Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 (edited) I'd like to add this (I couldn't edit my previous post): The fact that there are people appalled or even disgusted by multi-dating, and not the other way round, speaks volumes. I have never encountered a multi-dater who would be appalled at the thought of dating a single-dater. They would either be indifferent or even pleased actually. The reverse exists though, and thus, it speaks volumes about the problems arising from an arrangement like multi-dating. Actually, we are disgusted by both of your closeminded attitudes and shaming tactics. And youre wrong...plenty of people are appalled your idea of being committed to someone they barely know...hence why many people multidate. This conversation is no different from when prudish folks try to shame people for not having sex within committed relationships. Or shaming people for having sex too quickly in a relationship. Get off you high horses...because as Ive said in the past, I have something to take out its kneecaps. Edited March 25, 2012 by kaylan
oaks Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 But polamory suggests committed romantic relationships, and generally there is already a main relationship established. There isnt one with multi dating. And there doesnt have to be any establish romantic connection in multi dating. There can simply be casual meetings. So again...its two different things....and its completely asinine of you to try and force your negative opinion upon the rest of us. Ahh, but from the view of someone who dates but doesn't support multi-dating, there's some form of commitment to exclusivity from date #1. Perhaps this is where the confusion regarding commitment comes from? (I may have got this wrong, since it's not my view.)
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Actually, we are disgusted by your closeminded attitudes and shaming tactics. And youre wrong...plenty of people are appalled your idea of being committed to someone they barely know...hence why many people multidate. Right. Well, I'm the most open-minded one could encounter and I'm being told that constantly, so, no, I'm not close-minded. I simply have logic-derived boundaries. I'm on the ground, not on a horse or even donkey. And I never spoke about commitment. That would be silly. I spoke about seeing one person at a time. 1
RedRobin Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 But polamory suggests committed romantic relationships, and generally there is already a main relationship established. There isnt one with multi dating. And there doesnt have to be any establish romantic connection in multi dating. There can simply be casual meetings. So again...its two different things....and its completely asinine of you to try and force your negative opinion upon the rest of us. Not forcing anything, sweetheart. You seem to be the one forcing your multidater agenda on everyone else. I'm just doing my best to help those who don't like multidating or multidaters to avoid them. I'm sorry if you don't like the idea of being 'avoided' because of your dating style, but too bad.
kaylan Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Right. Well, I'm the most open-minded one could encounter and I'm being told that constantly, so, no, I'm not close-minded. I simply have logic-derived boundaries. And I never spoke about commitment. That would be silly. I spoke about seeing one person at a time. Whats logical to you may not be logical to everyone else. And what you see as boundaries, I may see as constraints. Unless I am serious about a girl, I see no reason why I must be speaking to only her.
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Whats logical to you may not be logical to everyone else. And what you see as boundaries, I may see as constraints. Unless I am serious about a girl, I see no reason why I must be speaking to only her. So, if the girl of your dreams was against multi-dating, would you be appalled then?
joystickd Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Considering the only opponents of multidating are women. If a man is out here multidating he is not having sex with all these women. Remember we live in the real world and not all men are out trying to bang everything breathing. Please join everyone else in the real world. 1
Anela Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Hmm.. how would they go about getting those 'committed' romantic relationships? From thin air? No. They pursue them casually.. Sometimes they end up becoming 'committed'. Sometimes they don't. And no, they don't 'commit' to all or necessarily even one. They just commit to being open about the pursuit of multiple romantic connections. Which is exactly what you are doing. Sorry if you don't like the label. I think you're both right, because I know people who live in each fashion. One was regularly seeing four men, four years ago. The only trouble was, she couldn't handle her feelings - not just for one man, but more than one - and she was running off and dating more and more people to get her mind off them. She also had a long-distance friend/lover. Some of her relationships were committed in that sense that they were long-standing - I was always confused by any of them saying that "this wasn't supposed to get complicated" because I thought that polyamory meant actual relationships, too. Loving more than one person, not just sexually, but emotionally, and it's bound to get complicated at some point - at least in my view. They encouraged her to explore sexually - she got involved with women, too. I actually grew tired of her talking so much about sex. I know another woman who has long-standing relationships with at least two men. I don't know so much about her life in that way, but she's open, kind and honest when asked questions about her life, and she feels that you won't judge her. I don't know if she dates new people here and there, or not. I only know that she's happy and that it works for her. I haven't read a good portion of this thread. I tend to feel the same way that RedRobin does about multi-dating, if there's sex involved. If there isn't, then that's different, but then I've never just wanted to jump into bed with anyone - I'm not *that* casual.
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Considering the only opponents of multidating are women. If a man is out here multidating he is not having sex with all these women. Remember we live in the real world and not all men are out trying to bang everything breathing. Please join everyone else in the real world. Nope. All males I know and I've discussed it with are also appalled by multi-dating. Not a female problem.
oaks Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I'm just doing my best to help those who don't like multidating or multidaters to avoid them. Just ask your potential dating partner before the first date if he'll commit to not seeing anyone else while he's dating you. If he runs away then you weren't compatible with his dating style and you saved yourself some time. Problem solved.
Anela Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Considering the only opponents of multidating are women. If a man is out here multidating he is not having sex with all these women. Remember we live in the real world and not all men are out trying to bang everything breathing. Please join everyone else in the real world. Actually, that isn't true. I know of men who have not liked the fact that a woman they were seeing, was also dating other men. With the women I know who are polyamorous (different, but similar in the sense of the possibility of sex with more than one person you're dating), it tended to be most of the men this one woman was seeing, who got jealous and wanted her for themselves. It's like they went in, thinking that she would get over it once she was with them - they were smitten, and she would temporarily feel the same way.
joystickd Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Nope. All males I know and I've discussed it with are also appalled by multi-dating. Not a female problem. Probably because 1. they agree with the woman to avoid argument and score points with woman that made point 2. they hate the thought of women multidating.
kaylan Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Not forcing anything, sweetheart. You seem to be the one forcing your multidater agenda on everyone else. I'm just doing my best to help those who don't like multidating or multidaters to avoid them. I'm sorry if you don't like the idea of being 'avoided' because of your dating style, but too bad. Allow me to be frank with you. Hun, you are trying to force things...especially with your constant negative remarks about others' dating style. What happened to your leaving the conversation a couple of pages back? You said you were but its become clear that you simply cannot drop it. From the beginning stages of this thread you have been putting multidaters all under one big bad light...calling us all cheaters and liars...and you continue with this crap now...but you want to say youre not forcing anything? Im sorry, but get the hell out of here with that mis-remembering bullcrap. I dont care if women like you want to avoid me....do you realize that there are scores of women out there who outnumber you and think like I do? Therefore I couldnt care less about the women who wouldnt want to date me, because there are plenty of other women to be dated. My issue is with your arrogant, holier than thou attitude, in which you shame all multidaters as lying cheats who jump from bed to bed. Tell me dear, where the hell do you get off thinking this way? Christ almighty, I may be a multidater, but I know I make a damn good boyfriend and Im too good for you any day of the week. Hows that for a high horse?
joystickd Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Actually, that isn't true. I know of men who have not liked the fact that a woman they were seeing, was also dating other men. With the women I know who are polyamorous (different, but similar in the sense of the possibility of sex with more than one person you're dating), it tended to be most of the men this one woman was seeing, who got jealous and wanted her for themselves. It's like they went in, thinking that she would get over it once she was with them - they were smitten, and she would temporarily feel the same way. It has never bothered me. If she is open and honest like hey i'm dating more than you then its cool, but I'm a special case because i'm used to doing other men's wives and girlfriends so my mindset is different than a lot of men
kaylan Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Probably because 1. they agree with the woman to avoid argument and score points with woman that made point 2. they hate the thought of women multidating. 3. Theyd multidate if they actually had the ability. But since they dont, they just refer back to point number one.
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Probably because 1. they agree with the woman to avoid argument and score points with woman that made point 2. they hate the thought of women multidating. I will only agree with 2. 1 is very vague. Those men have no problems getting women without multi-dating so I don't think it's a problem for them; i.e. they have no need to keep the peace for "scoring" purposes.
RedRobin Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Considering the only opponents of multidating are women. If a man is out here multidating he is not having sex with all these women. Remember we live in the real world and not all men are out trying to bang everything breathing. Please join everyone else in the real world. Interesting coming from the man who has no female friends who are not lesbian... You only date women you would like to bang, is the impression I got from your other posts. The fact that you may or may not be currently banging more than one is besides the point. So, there seems to be a bit of a disconnect here.
kaylan Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 So, if the girl of your dreams was against multi-dating, would you be appalled then? I wouldnt know she was the girl of my dreams unless we were friends prior or were already dating in some capacity. If she told me right off the bat, before I knew her well enough to decide to date her exclusively, that she wanted me only seeing her, then Id tell her thats an odd and controlling thing to request from a practical stranger.
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I wouldnt know she was the girl of my dreams unless we were friends prior or were already dating in some capacity. If she told me right off the bat, before I knew her well enough to decide to date her exclusively, that she wanted me only seeing her, then Id tell her thats an odd and controlling thing to request from a practical stranger. So, you'd lose the girl of your dreams most possibly. It would not be controlling. You have the right to walk away, just as she does. 1
joystickd Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Interesting coming from the man who has no female friends who are not lesbian... You only date women you would like to bang, is the impression I got from your other posts. The fact that you may or may not be currently banging more than one is besides the point. So, there seems to be a bit of a disconnect here. What man dates a woman he has not at least thought about having sex with? Yeah I only have lesbians for friends I said this before less drama for me. Why bring that simple well established fact up for a cheap shot? I feel the love here:love:
RedRobin Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Allow me to be frank with you ...or Steve... or Charley... or Mike. ha ha
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