how on earth are people ok with this?

[kaylan]

And this is another personal attack.

Lol...you are simply trolling now. Because I did not personally attack you in my first post or my last post.

 

You simply repeat yourself since you cant prove your accusations.

 

I didnt know it was a personal attack to ask someone to provide evidence of their accusations. I didnt know it was a personal attack to ask someone to be a little more mature instead of taking an opposing viewpoint as an "attack" Are you that emotionally connected to your opinions? Serious question.

[Black Jack]

Lol...you are simply trolling now. Because I did not personally attack you in my first post or my last post.

 

You simply repeat yourself since you cant prove your accusations.

 

I didnt know it was a personal attack to ask someone to provide evidence of their accusations. I didnt know it was a personal attack to ask someone to be a little more mature instead of taking an opposing viewpoint as an "attack" Are you that emotionally connected to your opinions? Serious question.

 

Go ahead and keep attacking me while I report these.

[kaylan]

Go ahead and keep attacking me while I report these.

Report me for what? I think anyone here can see you are tip toeing around what Ive asked you while making baseless accusations.

 

The mods will simply laugh and ignore your pointless reports.

 

But do go on...I find this entertaining now. I havent taken this conversation seriously since 3 pages ago.

 

So please keep reporting me for personal attacks that dont exist....Im soooooo scared

[Black Jack]

Report me for what? I think anyone here can see you are tip toeing around what Ive asked you while making baseless accusations.

 

The mods will simply laugh and ignore your pointless reports.

 

But do go on...I find this entertaining now. I havent taken this conversation seriously since 3 pages ago.

 

So please keep reporting me for personal attacks that dont exist....Im soooooo scared xD

 

Thank you. I will keep reporting all of these off-topic, rude posts.

[kaylan]

Thank you. I will keep reporting all of these off-topic, rude posts.

Dude, if anything, youd get an infraction yourself for false reporting and posting off topic as well.

 

Until you can point out where Ive personally attacked you and where I was rude first...then Im inclined to keep laughing at you.

 

You new posters crack me up.

[starla33]

I'll PM you on the tells. I don't want the hardcore multidaters to get any tips on how to cover their tracks... not from me at least.

 

I'd love these as well

[Black Jack]

Dude, if anything, youd get an infraction yourself for false reporting and posting off topic as well.

 

Until you can point out where Ive personally attacked you and where I was rude first...then Im inclined to keep laughing at you.

 

Your replies to me were anything but nice.

 

You new posters crack me up.

 

Right.

[kaylan]

Your replies to me were anything but nice.

 

Right.

Please point out how my first reply to you was rude. If anything I became rude after you were rude to me first.

 

Here it is again:

 

All I saw was personal attacks thrown at me when I was simply stating my opinion to the original poster. So there's no need to reread them.

Heres my first response to you again. Where EXACTLY is the personal attack?

 

Because you can only meet psychos online?

 

Lets be serious here. You can meet bad dates anywhere.

""

Wheres the personal attack on your opinion? Because I dont see it. After I made this statement, you fired back rudely and thus started the negative exchange. Like I said before I even added the "puzzled" emoticon so I could accurately portray my tone and demeanor.

 

For you to gather a personal attack for this post and then get rude with me, is totally beyond me. Grow up dude, because I didnt attack you in that post.

""

[Black Jack]

Please point out how my first reply to you was rude. If anything I became rude after you were rude to me first.

 

Here it is again:

 

 

Heres my first response to you again. Where EXACTLY is the personal attack?

 

 

""

Wheres the personal attack on your opinion? Because I dont see it. After I made this statement, you fired back rudely and thus started the negative exchange. Like I said before I even added the "puzzled" emoticon so I could accurately portray my tone and demeanor.

 

For you to gather a personal attack for this post and then get rude with me, is totally beyond me. Grow up dude, because I didnt attack you in that post.

""

 

Your first reply to me was a rude post, nor was I even replying to you or attacking your approval of OLD.

[kaylan]

Your first reply to me was a rude post, nor was I even replying to you or attacking your approval of OLD.

And in what way was it rude? I was simply puzzled by your first post...hence my emoticon...and then I pointed out that bad dates arent exclusive to OLD (fact). How is a statement of fact considered rude? What language was rude in that post? Please quote it and point it out instead of simply crying wolf.

 

Anyone else who reads that post could tell it was far from rude. Youre reaching here.

 

Again...on a public forum, anyone and everyone can respond to whatever post that is present.

 

I did not become rude until you did.

Edited March 22, 2012 by kaylan

[Black Jack]

And in what way was it rude? I was simply puzzled by your first post...hence my emoticon...and then I pointed out that bad dates arent exclusive to OLD.

 

Anyone else who reads that post could tell it was far from rude. Youre reaching here.

 

It was rude dude, and just because a few agree with you, doesn't negate it was a smart remark.

[kaylan]

It was rude dude, and just because a few agree with you, doesn't negate it was a smart remark.

Please point out the smart remark. If I had used a laughing emoticon to mock you, then yes it would have been rude.

 

I, on the other hand, used a confused emoticon because I was actually confused about your viewpoint. Then I stated a fact...that you can meet crazies anywhere...online or offline.

 

So again...how was my post rude? Like I said, youre simply reaching. Either that or youre way too sensitive to online text. Emoticons exist for a reason. They are used to accurately convey tone. Take notice to this next time.

[Black Jack]

Please point out the smart remark. If I had used a laughing emoticon to mock you, then yes it would have been rude.

 

I, on the other hand, used a confused emoticon because I was actually confused about your viewpoint. Then I stated a fact...that you can meet crazies anywhere...online or offline.

 

Again it was a sarcastic rude reply that was not needed.

 

So again...how was my post rude? Like I said, youre simply reaching. Either that or youre way too sensitive to online text. Emoticons exist for a reason. They are used to accurately convey tone. Take notice to this next time.

 

Another personal attack.

[oaks]

Get a room, you two.

[starla33]

Get a room, you two.

 

Seriously I didn't make this thread for them to start a fight about psychos on online dating. YES there are psychos...I have met a bunch. Mostly it's just people looking for sex.

[kaylan]

Again it was a sarcastic rude reply that was not needed.

 

Another personal attack.

lmao...whatever you say brah

 

:smile:

[Black Jack]

lmao...whatever you say brah

 

:smile:

 

Yea okay........

[RedRobin]

I'd love these as well

 

Will do.

 

(10 word minimum).

[RedRobin]

ok... well, I thought it would be a simple matter to PM someone (have never done it here)... but I can't seem to find the right buttons.

 

so, here are just a few of my multidater 'tells'. I mean, the ones who don't want to tell you they are dating other people that is.

 

As a general disclaimer... what I'm about to list is somewhat vague. It is the combination of these things that generally gives me the impression that someone is dating/sexing other people and not being upfront.

 

- they cancel at the last minute. Ok. duh, right? But for people who have kids and jobs... it can be tough to tell if that is a better-deal cancel or something legit. If they do it more than once... out they go.

 

- They just can't seem to firm up plans within a reasonable time frame. Or, they are the ones who are always making the plans. The idea is to put their interactions with you on a 'schedule' so that they can easily stuff in their other dates.

 

- They are inconsistent with their stories. This is the biggest one. Watch and listen. Learn not to react when you hear or observe them coming up with a different take on what they did one day vs what they told you a week or two ago. Take a deep breath and then ask them all about their new (or old) version of the story and see how uncomfortable they become.

 

- don't be surprised if they come up with pre-emptive calls/texts so that they can block out time for their other dates. The last thing they want you to do is CALL them or drop by when they are out with girl # who knows how many. So, they will call you before their other date. Or, they will say "I have plans", then suggest you talk to them afterwards. Its up to you to decide if you want to do that. I don't usually take them up on it. I would rather get a good night's sleep than wait up to talk to some guy who just had a date and is comparison shopping.

 

- they rarely or never are game for something spontaneous that you suggest. Why? Probably because they've got their other dates to juggle. Or they just aren't into you. Either way, don't waste your time.

 

- When you call at unexpected times, there is always some reason why they need to keep the convo short. Doesn't matter what the reason is. It is always something. They do make sure to call you back the next day or whatever. There is always some reason. Circle back to inconsistencies though. Ask them about whatever reason it was they had to keep it short and listen. Don't be accusatory. Be genuinely interested. There is an off-chance it was legitimate. You don't want to scare away a sincerely busy guy. But be aware, nonetheless.

 

If they do any of the above more than a few times, then you know you have the classic don't-ask-don't-tell multidater on your hands. You have two choices. You could ask if he is seeing other people or just stop seeing him. It will be up to you to decide when to trust your gut on it.

[neowulf]

I find the whole "dating" concept to be a really bizarre way to meet people in the first place.

 

It's probably why I treated "coffee dates" as simple meet and greets. You don't *know* anything about this person.

 

Sure, you might have read a bit of their profile, chatted a few times, but really that's no substitute for spending some face time with them.

 

Is a single date, or even two dates a commitment in my mind? Not in the least. We're just getting to know each other. If we get to the end of the 3rd date, do we need to have a "formal breakup", or can we just kindly and gently admit it isn't working?

 

Dating (online and offline) is just a way to spend some one on one time, feeling each other out and seeing if there's something there to go further.

 

When I was younger, I used to get more of those "OMG.. I'm SO attracted to that girl" moments. As I've gotten older, they simply don't happen. I've been around the block, I'm just not that quick to throw my heart under the bus as I once was.

 

Do I give up dating all together until I see that girl across the room who just blows me away? Sure, I *could* take that approach.. but practically all the dating advice I've read says waiting for those "Magical moments" is a sure fire way to wind up old and alone. They're just too random and too rare to bank on. There's also no evidence to support that connections formed that way outlast all others.

 

I make it clear to people on the first date, my attitude towards the experience. I explain to them that I view dating as a casual way to meet people, with the hope of something deeper forming down the road.

 

So much of the pain people appear to experience in dating and relationships in general appear linked to the false assumption that everyone thinks and feels the same way about dating as they do.

[oaks]

- They just can't seem to firm up plans within a reasonable time frame. Or, they are the ones who are always making the plans. The idea is to put their interactions with you on a 'schedule' so that they can easily stuff in their other dates.

 

I read the disclaimer, but I'm not sure how much you should rely on noticing that the other person makes the plans. I think there's a gender divide here, at least with early dates, where the guy does the asking most of the time and the girl does the 'pretending not to be too available' (or, wait, is she multidating? oh noes!).

 

As for one of your other points... some people just don't like talking much on the phone, so I hope your paranoia doesn't set off any false alarms.

[RedRobin]

I read the disclaimer, but I'm not sure how much you should rely on noticing that the other person makes the plans. I think there's a gender divide here, at least with early dates, where the guy does the asking most of the time and the girl does the 'pretending not to be too available' (or, wait, is she multidating? oh noes!).

 

As for one of your other points... some people just don't like talking much on the phone, so I hope your paranoia doesn't set off any false alarms.

 

That's fine too. Not talking on the phone. I prefer that over the pre-emptive call/text. Have had that happen a couple of times... I was always left scratching my head like, what makes you think I was going to call you anyway? I mean, why make up a reason to lie? You call, if they aren't there, you leave a message. You don't call and say "oh, in case you were going to call, I'm oh, knitting cat hair, or whatever".

 

Boggles the mind.

 

This is another reason I don't do online dating. If the guy was a friend of a friend, I can follow up and tell the person who set us up that the guy is a bit of a douche. Or, I could decide not to take the advice of my friend who recommended.

 

Either way beats OLD anyday where there are no consequences for being an a-hole or just run of the mill liar.

[Mantis Toboggan]

I find the whole "dating" concept to be a really bizarre way to meet people in the first place.

 

It's probably why I treated "coffee dates" as simple meet and greets. You don't *know* anything about this person.

 

Sure, you might have read a bit of their profile, chatted a few times, but really that's no substitute for spending some face time with them.

 

Is a single date, or even two dates a commitment in my mind? Not in the least. We're just getting to know each other. If we get to the end of the 3rd date, do we need to have a "formal breakup", or can we just kindly and gently admit it isn't working?

 

Gasp! Someone who understands that dating is a vehicle by which we get to know POTENTIAL lovers. And not a contractual agreement to see this person and ONLY this person.

 

 

 

Do I give up dating all together until I see that girl across the room who just blows me away? Sure, I *could* take that approach.. but practically all the dating advice I've read says waiting for those "Magical moments" is a sure fire way to wind up old and alone. They're just too random and too rare to bank on. There's also no evidence to support that connections formed that way outlast all others.

 

Once again. You. Get. It.

 

The only way to find the person for you is to date potential candidates and find someone who meshes with your good and bad qualities. And that's it.

 

I think the difference between you and much of what I seem to notice on this board is, well,....you're probably an attractive person.

 

All these people who are shocked an appalled at the concept of someone possibly dating multiple people are probably men and women who CAN'T date multiple people. Hence their fervor for holding onto any candidate as if it's their last chance at love. Because it very may well be years before they find a replacement.

 

 

 

 

I make it clear to people on the first date, my attitude towards the experience. I explain to them that I view dating as a casual way to meet people, with the hope of something deeper forming down the road.

 

Wait. So you're saying that you don't cut contact with all potential dates just because you went out with a girl twice? Blasphemy.

[RedRobin]

I make it clear to people on the first date, my attitude towards the experience. I explain to them that I view dating as a casual way to meet people, with the hope of something deeper forming down the road.

 

So much of the pain people appear to experience in dating and relationships in general appear linked to the false assumption that everyone thinks and feels the same way about dating as they do.

 

As long as you follow up with what your idea of 'casual' is and what 'deeper' is, then noone has any reason to gripe.

 

And I agree with the last statement.

 

However, I'm going to stop calling whatever it is people do these days while they are dating/f*cking as a 'relationship' though.

 

I have a 'relationship' with my coffee every morning. I have a 'relationship' with my dog (not THAT way, you pervs). I have a 'commitment' to my running schedule.... and a 'commitment' to making sure all of the perpetual dating/f*cking/commitment-phobes don't f*ck up real 'commitment' for the rest of us.

 

From now on, I'm going towards the "is that the person he/she is f*cking these days?" Because so much else of what I see doesn't even justify the term 'relationship'... or it does... but it has as much relevance as my morning coffee.

[oaks]

You don't call and say "oh, in case you were going to call, I'm oh, knitting cat hair, or whatever".

 

Boggles the mind.

 

That would definitely boggle mine!

 

Either way beats OLD anyday where there are no consequences for being an a-hole or just run of the mill liar.

 

Yes, the lack of consequences isn't ideal.