how on earth are people ok with this?

[starla33]

...and no, it is also highly unlikely that anyone I meet in my general vicinity (unless they are just a common criminal looking for a victim) is going to be a psycho either. In that case, I have good enough instincts to avoid going on a date with one. But nice try.

 

 

AMEN! I'm not creepy I just get grossed out if I imagine a guy I have a date with was kissing on some other girl the day before. THAT IS GROSS I don't need that thanks. I don't do it so I would rather that people I see don't do it either. Not sure what is so creepy about it.

 

If I don't see them after the 2-3 dates then I move on to someone else.

[kaylan]

Funny that you think that spending time getting to know someone is a 'commitment'. Last time I checked, a commitment is marriage.

Its a commitment when they are not allowed to get to know other people as well. If its not a committed relationship, a guy or a girl should be allowed to casually meet other people. As long as physical contact isnt invovled, I see it as a non issue to go out on friendly dates with others.

 

But that's ok. Feel free to associate yourself with the ADD'ers of the dating world.

An insecure lash out...fine by me.

Not sure about 'solely' about them after a few dates either. I actually DO have a life. One that I care to project honestly from the beginning. That is pretty tough to get from a multidater. Honesty that is.

How is it any tougher to protect your life from one person to the next person? Them being a solo or multidater doesnt matter. All that matters is how you click with them. Once you see things are going someone, then you talk about exclusivity. Until then I dont see the big deal in talking to other people.

 

I dont see how them talking to someone else when you arent at all serious, is in anyway a threat to your protected life.

So... pass... and about my circle of friends... in my world, people who multidate are called cheaters (if they lie) or people in an open relationship (if they are honest about their multidating). I'm not into either one. In my world, you like someone, you date only them until you stop liking them. It really isn't complicated.

How is someone a liar or a cheater if they go on a date with a girl one night, and a first date with another girl a couple of days later? Please share your logic with me. How is it cheating if there is no commitment and most likely no physical contact what so ever.

 

You said a commitment is a marriage. Hence you dont see dating as a commitment. So how the hell can cheating occur without a commitment?...especially in the early stages of casual dating.

 

...and no, it is also highly unlikely that anyone I meet in my general vicinity (unless they are just a common criminal looking for a victim) is going to be a psycho either. But nice try.

Dude, unless you can read everyones mind, there is no way you know who is or isnt a psycho. Psychos can be found anywhere. Not just online. Either way, MANY types of people use the internet, so to brand OLD the only place someone can meet psychos is downright ignorant.

 

So nice try.

[Black Jack]

You dont need to ask for my comment. Its a damn public discussion and Im allowed to offer up a rebuttal since I disagree with your viewpoint.

 

Good for you!

 

I dont want someone to be dissuaded from using a good avenue to meet people all because you decided to paint OLD as a place to meet psychos. You can meet psychos anywhere.

 

Nobody is discouraging you to meet women online. If that's you then that's you, but just because someone expresses their disapproval with someone you like, doesn't mean they are trying to dissuade you. That's where your argument is flawed.

 

Get my argument straight? How about you reread and actually attempt to comprehend my argument.

 

Your "argument" doesn't deserve rereading. Not from my eyes. I have more important and interesting things to look at. If you had politely disagreed with me, I would've considered it, but you just came at me rudely thinking you know better than me, as if what I felt didn't matter.

 

You did paint OLD in a bad light with your initial post. Saying you met a psycho, wont use OLD again, and then leaving it at that would come off to many as you saying "online dating is filled with psychos". So I offered up my argument that you can meet psychos anywhere and just because you met one online doesnt mean you cannot meet a lot of good people online.

 

If you honestly wanted to emphasize with me to see your point of view, then perhaps what you said in the bolded would've been a better way to disagree with me instead of coming at me with smart remark. There's way to convey your opinion instead of being mean about it, man.

 

You had a sick experience with it...fine. But I was adding to the discussion so some people wont get a simply one sided view of OLD...its public discussion.

 

Those people don't need you to force your own view of OLD down their throats. All I said was that I won't do it anymore and then you came at me with your rude reply, as if it's a joke to you. Your view of OLD is not universal, it's just an opinion, just like mine, although I'm not the one coming off as condescending as you are.

 

Dont get upset when people with opposing viewpoints comment.

 

Like I said there's a way to oppose someone's view without being rude about it.

 

Not that I thought you were capable of following my argument. So thats fine.

 

It's incomprehensible so that's moot.

[veggirl]

I don't do online dating, but if I did, I think I'd make myself not check the guys profile to see when/if he was logging on. That'd just drive me a little crazy, I think. I think it's technically fine for him to be logging on if you aren't exclusive, but yes it would turn me off and I totally understand why you don't like it. I don't multi-date and wouldn't be cool going out with a guy who had, for example, just gone on 2 dates with another girl and had a 3rd lined up with her. Of course I'd probably never know he was doing this, apparently you are supposed to assume people are multi dating. I don't know. I don't have time for that, I guess. I don't want to be out every night of the week and if I am dating I assume I'll see the guy approx 2x per week, that doesn't leave much time for anyone else other than my friends and my alone time.

[kaylan]

Good for you!

Thanks

Nobody is discouraging you to meet women online. If that's you then that's you, but just because someone expresses their disapproval with someone you like, doesn't mean they are trying to dissuade you. That's where your argument is flawed.

My argument is not flawed. You expressing supreme dissatisfaction with online dating and making a statement regarding psychos as if they cant be found elsewhere, can in fact be dissuading to someone when it comes to OLD.

 

You made an argument against OLD. I made one for OLD. I simply was telling everyone here that its a decent way to meet people and the same people you can meet out in the real world, are the same people you can meet online

 

Simple.

Your "argument" doesn't deserve rereading. Not from my eyes. I have more important and interesting things to look at. If you had politely disagreed with me, I would've considered it, but you just came at me rudely thinking you know better than me, as if what I felt didn't matter.

Oh yes, my argument doesnt deserve rereading, yet you have the time to read and reply to my elaboration of my original argument. Smart guy you are Mr. "I have better things to do"

If you honestly wanted to emphasize with me to see your point of view, then perhaps what you said in the bolded would've been a better way to disagree with me instead of coming at me with smart remark. There's way to convey your opinion instead of being mean about it, man.

And how about you convey your original opinion without a silly blanket remark about online dating and psychos. Can you not really see why I responded the way I did. Grow a thicker skin if you cant take my response a bit more lightly. Did it hurt your feelings that much?

 

Those people don't need you to force your own view of OLD down their throats. All I said was that I won't do it anymore and then you came at me with your rude reply, as if it's a joke to you. Your view of OLD is not universal, it's just an opinion, just like mine, although I'm not the one coming off as condescending as you are.

Force my view down their throats? How am I doing that if I am simply offering up an opposing, yet positive view of online dating. If anything, you simply want to stifle my opinion so the negative Nancys can reign supreme and say how bad online dating is.

 

You said you didnt do it anymore because you met a psycho on there. The way you phrased your original comment insinuated that theres nothing good to be found online and that you wont find psychos elsewhere. I offered up a rebuttal.

 

If you dont like that, then please go to another forum with private membership. This is a public discussion and I was offering up something different than a negative view about online dating. I havent had super success online, but I dont knock the system.

 

Again, if my reply bothered you this much, then grow a tougher skin. It hardly warranted such an emotional reaction. Jeez.

 

Like I said there's a way to oppose someone's view without being rude about it.

Cry me a river. Build a bridge. Get over it.

It's incomprehensible so that's moot.

Of course youd say that since you dont agree with my argument. Im so sorry you have trouble following. Edited March 21, 2012 by kaylan

[RedRobin]

Its a commitment when they are not allowed to get to know other people as well. If its not a committed relationship, a guy or a girl should be allowed to casually meet other people. As long as physical contact isnt invovled, I see it as a non issue to go out on friendly dates with others.

 

An insecure lash out...fine by me.

How is it any tougher to protect your life from one person to the next person? Them being a solo or multidater doesnt matter. All that matters is how you click with them. Once you see things are going someone, then you talk about exclusivity. Until then I dont see the big deal in talking to other people.

 

I dont see how them talking to someone else when you arent at all serious, is in anyway a threat to your protected life.

How is someone a liar or a cheater if they go on a date with a girl one night, and a first date with another girl a couple of days later? Please share your logic with me. How is it cheating if there is no commitment and most likely no physical contact what so ever.

 

You said a commitment is a marriage. Hence you dont see dating as a commitment. So how the hell can cheating occur without a commitment?...especially in the early stages of casual dating.

 

Dude, unless you can read everyones mind, there is no way you know who is or isnt a psycho. Psychos can be found anywhere. Not just online. Either way, MANY types of people use the internet, so to brand OLD the only place someone can meet psychos is downright ignorant.

 

So nice try.

 

Dating in my mind is designed to determine someone's trustworthiness and establish how they live their lives.

 

I'm not going to 'click' with someone who needs to date multiple people simultaneously past a few dates. If they do, then they aren't into me and out they go.

 

It has nothing to do with being insecure or clingy. Being insecure or clingly would be continuing to date a multidater and hoping they will change... or coming here and complaining about why they won't pull their profile down.

 

So, no worries... the poor multidaters out there will not be burdened by any dramatics from me. I just won't go on more dates with them.

 

Cheer up... I'm making them solo daters by the process of elimination. I just dump them so they can focus on #2, #3, or who knows how many. Less work for them, I guess. And less drama for me since they can't stop their channel/date surfing.

[kaylan]

Dating in my mind is designed to determine someone's trustworthiness and establish how they live their lives.

And I dont see how having coffee with 2 girls in the same week makes someone untrustworthy. I mean come on Ms Robin.

 

I'm not going to 'click' with someone who needs to date multiple people simultaneously past a few dates. If they do, then they aren't into me and out they go.

Who said anything about dating multiple people simultaneously past a few dates. I have obviously been taking about the first few dates, and the OP is talking about only 2 dates.

 

I think its fine to want someone to be more focused on you after 3 dates. However, for anything less than 3 dates, I think its inconsiderate to expect them to not casually see any other people at all.

It has nothing to do with being insecure or clingy. Being insecure or clingly would be continuing to date a multidater and hoping they will change... or coming here and complaining about why they won't pull their profile down.

How is it not insecure when someone is all up in arms and feeling unwanted because someone else didnt drop their entire dating life for them after only 2 dates. Really now...

 

So, no worries... the poor multidaters out there will not be burdened by any dramatics from me. I just won't go on more dates with them.

Whatever works for you miss.

Cheer up... I'm making them solo daters by the process of elimination. I just dump them so they can focus on #2, #3, or who knows how many. Less work for them, I guess. And less drama for me since they can't stop their channel/date surfing.

Oh jeez...theres nothing to cheer up about. This isnt that serious.

 

With work and/or school, most people can only muster to see 2 different people in a week. If someone is just getting to know both of these people, then whats the big deal with seeing them both in the same week.

 

Are they supposed to see one during one week, and the other during the next? Why throw your eggs in one basket and potentially miss out on something good with one person if the other person decided they didnt like you.

 

In the early on-goings I see nothing wrong with casually getting to know a couple of people you like and seeing whos more of a match for you.

[starla33]

And I dont see how having coffee with 2 girls in the same week makes someone untrustworthy. I mean come on Ms Robin.

 

Who said anything about dating multiple people simultaneously past a few dates. I have obviously been taking about the first few dates, and the OP is talking about only 2 dates.

 

I think its fine to want someone to be more focused on you after 3 dates. However, for anything less than 3 dates, I think its inconsiderate to expect them to not casually see any other people at all.

How is it not insecure when someone is all up in arms and feeling unwanted because someone else didnt drop their entire dating life for them after only 2 dates. Really now...

 

Whatever works for you miss.

Oh jeez...theres nothing to cheer up about. This isnt that serious.

 

With work and/or school, most people can only muster to see 2 different people in a week. If someone is just getting to know both of these people, then whats the big deal with seeing them both in the same week.

 

Are they supposed to see one during one week, and the other during the next? Why throw your eggs in one basket and potentially miss out on something good with one person if the other person decided they didnt like you.

 

In the early on-goings I see nothing wrong with casually getting to know a couple of people you like and see whos more of a match for you.

 

I think you may be missing the point as most of the guys that multi-date also SLEEP with mutliple people at the same time. This is what we are trying to avoid!

[RedRobin]

... and that's another thing... I don't agree to go on a date unless I want to get to know the person. Pretty tough to do when they are multidating. So, they are basically just wasting my time. I don't get angry. Not anymore. I just don't agree to see them again.

 

Or, they get put in the friendzone.

 

Is it getting clearer now? Why some women don't call back? Why some women put the guy in the friendzone? It isn't always because they have some other guy.

 

Sometimes it is simply because he's a multidater. Yep.

[Black Jack]

Thanks

My argument is not flawed. You expressing supreme dissatisfaction with online dating and making a statement regarding psychos as if they cant be found elsewhere, can in fact be dissuading to someone when it comes to OLD.

 

I never said they couldn't be found elsewhere so like I said earlier, assumptions serve no purpose.

 

If I want to state my disapproval about it I will, regardless of whether it's dissuading you or not, but don't try and pick a fight you can't win.

 

You made an argument against OLD.

*sighs*

 

The fact that you said something so lumpish like the bold statement above (when clearly my first post on this thread said otherwise) just further shows why there's no point in reading your posts.

 

I made one for OLD. I simply was telling everyone here that its a decent way to meet people and the same people you can meet out in the real world, are the same people you can meet online

 

Simple.

Oh yes, my argument doesnt deserve rereading, yet you have the time to read and reply to my elaboration of my original argument. Smart guy you are Mr. "I have better things to do"

And how about you convey your original opinion without a silly blanket remark about online dating and psychos. Can you not really see why I responded the way I did. Grow a thicker skin if you cant take my response a bit more lightly. Did it hurt your feelings that much?

 

Force my view down their throats? How am I doing that if I am simply offering up an opposing, yet positive view of online dating. If anything, you simply want to stifle my opinion so the negative Nancys can reign supreme and say how bad online dating is.

 

You said you didnt do it anymore because you met a psycho on there. The way you phrased your original comment insinuated that theres nothing good to be found online and that you wont find psychos elsewhere. I offered up a rebuttal.

 

If you dont like that, then please go to another forum with private membership. This is a public discussion and I was offering up something different than a negative view about online dating. I havent had super success online, but I dont knock the system.

 

Again, if my reply bothered you this much, then grow a tougher skin. It hardly warranted such an emotional reaction. Jeez.

 

Cry me a river. Build a bridge. Get over it.

Of course youd say that since you dont agree with my argument. Im so sorry you have trouble following.

[veggirl]

Also, i don't consider 2 first dates in a week (that were preplanned) multi dating. I wonder if people have different definitions of this. How long do multi daters do it for? I seem to notice on LS that it's like, 2 dates perhaps a first with a 2nd girl in the middle, and then maybe deciding no more dates with the first girl? I mean...how many dates does it take for you to decide you don't want to pursue girl A(example)? Or how many dates do you need with girl A to decide you ONLY want to pursue her?

 

If I was on like date 4 with a guy and found out he was dating others, I'd FOR SURE bounce. Prior to that, I'd be iffy, but it's never happened (that I know of) so I don't know for sure how I'd react if say on date 2 I found he had another date lined up for the next day.

[RedRobin]

And I dont see how having coffee with 2 girls in the same week makes someone untrustworthy. I mean come on Ms Robin.

 

Who said anything about dating multiple people simultaneously past a few dates. I have obviously been taking about the first few dates, and the OP is talking about only 2 dates.

 

I think its fine to want someone to be more focused on you after 3 dates. However, for anything less than 3 dates, I think its inconsiderate to expect them to not casually see any other people at all.

How is it not insecure when someone is all up in arms and feeling unwanted because someone else didnt drop their entire dating life for them after only 2 dates. Really now...

 

Whatever works for you miss.

Oh jeez...theres nothing to cheer up about. This isnt that serious.

 

With work and/or school, most people can only muster to see 2 different people in a week. If someone is just getting to know both of these people, then whats the big deal with seeing them both in the same week.

 

Are they supposed to see one during one week, and the other during the next? Why throw your eggs in one basket and potentially miss out on something good with one person if the other person decided they didnt like you.

 

In the early on-goings I see nothing wrong with casually getting to know a couple of people you like and seeing whos more of a match for you.

 

Ok... please tell me how long it takes you to go on three dates with someone. Maybe a month? Max? Probably 2-3 weeks. There are probably some phone discussions and other communication.

 

You mean you can't devote a few weeks of your time to getting to know someone? If you come across someone else you like, you can easily tell them that you are spending a few weeks getting to know someone and you will get back to them soon.

 

I'd say it is pretty insecure to think that a couple weeks of your time is too much to ask... The people who say they can't put all their two-three weeks of eggs in one basket... now that sounds insecure. Or selfish.

[kaylan]

I think you may be missing the point as most of the guys that multi-date also SLEEP with mutliple people at the same time. This is what we are trying to avoid!

Bull freaking ish. I multidate as well as a couple of good friends of mine. We do NOT sleep with more than one woman at a time. So please stop making grand assumptions about all men.

 

You are not even a man yourself, so you wouldnt know. Some men sleep around like that, but some do not.

... and that's another thing... I don't agree to go on a date unless I want to get to know the person. Pretty tough to do when they are multidating. So, they are basically just wasting my time. I don't get angry. Not anymore. I just don't agree to see them again.

Its really not hard at all to get to know a couple of new people in your life. Why must you be the only person I get to know?

 

Or, they get put in the friendzone.

Id rather the friendzone than get guilted about having coffee or drinks casually with someone else.

Is it getting clearer now? Why some women don't call back? Why some women put the guy in the friendzone? It isn't always because they have some other guy.

 

Sometimes it is simply because he's a multidater. Yep.

I smell loads of insecurity fueled by assumptions. Just because a guy decides to see more than one women during the week does not mean anything serious is going on with any of them.

 

Cant it be that maaaaybe, just maybe he likes getting to know new people...and that once he decides whos right for him, that he will make things more exclusive...and yes...before any sex.

 

I never said they couldn't be found elsewhere so like I said earlier, assumptions serve no purpose.

You dont need to say it...its implied. Saying you will never online date again because you met a psycho would lead any logical thinking human being to believe that your viewpoint is that online dating has more psychos than "real world" dating.

 

Lets be real here.

If I want to state my disapproval about it I will, regardless of whether it's dissuading you or not, but don't try and pick a fight you can't win.

Pick a fight I cant win? Oh gimme a break kid. All I did was offer up an opposing viewpoint. Thats all. You stated your disapproval, after which I state my approval of OLD

 

No big deal.

*sighs*

 

The fact that you said something so lumpish like the bold statement above (when clearly my first post on this thread said otherwise) just further shows why there's no point in reading your posts.

What kind of point is that to make? Really?...you wanna point out the fact that I stated that you made an negative comment about OLD? Well you did...and then I made positive comments about it.

 

No bigge. Jeez. And good job putting slashes through my post...you really showed me:lmao:

[kaylan]

Also, i don't consider 2 first dates in a week (that were preplanned) multi dating. I wonder if people have different definitions of this. How long do multi daters do it for? I seem to notice on LS that it's like, 2 dates perhaps a first with a 2nd girl in the middle, and then maybe deciding no more dates with the first girl? I mean...how many dates does it take for you to decide you don't want to pursue girl A(example)? Or how many dates do you need with girl A to decide you ONLY want to pursue her?

 

If I was on like date 4 with a guy and found out he was dating others, I'd FOR SURE bounce. Prior to that, I'd be iffy, but it's never happened (that I know of) so I don't know for sure how I'd react if say on date 2 I found he had another date lined up for the next day.

I say three dates is when someone should have figured out if they like someone enough to see only them for a little while. If a girl wasnt sure about me after that, then I would still see her casually, but I wouldnt consider her as a girlfriend. Id know we dont click that way.

Ok... please tell me how long it takes you to go on three dates with someone. Maybe a month? Max? Probably 2-3 weeks. There are probably some phone discussions and other communication.

 

You mean you can't devote a few weeks of your time to getting to know someone? If you come across someone else you like, you can easily tell them that you are spending a few weeks getting to know someone and you will get back to them soon.

It generally takes people 2 to 3 weeks to go 3 dates. But whos to say I dont run into someone else I like as well? Am I supposed to ignore them and forgo the chance of a pretty good relationship, all because I went on a couple of dates with someone who I may never have any future with?

 

You seem very naive if youre thinking someone new wants to be told "ill get back to you later, because Im seeing someone else". Anybody in their right mind would take that as a sign of disinterest and never give that person a chance. I think its silly to cancel out all of my options for a girl Im not serious about yet and only just met.

 

So be realistic please.

 

I'd say it is pretty insecure to think that a couple weeks of your time is too much to ask... The people who say they can't put all their two-three weeks of eggs in one basket... now that sounds insecure. Or selfish.

How is it insecure for someone to keep their options open and not have expectations? If anything your behavior is insecure if you expect someone to give you their all when they barely freaking know you.

 

Even if it just two weeks, time is precious...and I could go on two dates with you...have it lead to nowhere...and be kicking myself for never asking out the girl in line at the coffeeshop who I had an awesome conversation with...all because I decided to give some pseudo commitment to a woman who I didnt even end up with.

Edited March 21, 2012 by kaylan

[Black Jack]

You dont need to say it...its implied.

 

Implied to who? You? Nah.

 

Saying you will never online date again because you met a psycho would lead any logical thinking human being to believe that your viewpoint is that online dating has more psychos than "real world" dating.

 

Yet you're the only one here trying to push your own agenda.

 

Lets be real here.

 

Pick a fight I cant win? Oh gimme a break kid. All I did was offer up an opposing viewpoint. Thats all. You stated your disapproval, after which I state my approval of OLD

 

No that wasn't your approval. That was a personal attack. No formal argument was stated.

 

No big deal.

 

What kind of point is that to make? Really?...you wanna point out the fact that I stated that you made an negative comment about OLD?

 

So what if I stated a negative comment about it? That in no way was trying to personally dissuade you. And you attacked me, which is against the LS rules, so again no formal argument was stated.

 

Well you did...and then I made positive comments about it.

 

No bigge. Jeez. And good job putting slashes through my post...you really showed me:lmao:

 

Predictable.

[kaylan]

Implied to who? You? Nah.

 

Yet you're the only one here trying to push your own agenda.

 

Lolol...my own agenda? God forbid someone offer up an opposing viewpoint on a public forum...ok buddy;)

 

 

No that wasn't your approval. That was a personal attack. No formal argument was stated.

You really need to reread my first reply....in what way was it ever a personal attack? Stop being a baby.

 

Because you can only meet psychos online?

 

Lets be serious here. You can meet bad dates anywhere.

Wheres the personal attack? Wheres me being rude? I even added the emoticon so I could accurately portray my demeanor. I was puzzled by your post and was seeking elaboration. I never made any personal attack on you.

 

Like I said...grow a thicker skin. I only became rude after your silly comeback replies in which you were rude to me.

So what if I stated a negative comment about it? That in no way was trying to personally dissuade you. And you attacked me, which is against the LS rules, so again no formal argument was stated.

Please quote where I attacked you before your rude statements to me...please do so. Because I dont see it.

 

And although your original statement doesnt have the express purpose of dissuading others, its negative language will do so regardless of your intent. If you cannot see that, then oh well.

 

And how did I make no formal argument? I explicitly said that psychos can be found anywhere after your statement appeared to make the conclusion that they are more easily found online. Then I added to my argument in my following replies to you.

Predictable.

Thats all you have to say? The guy who who childishly took the time to cross out my post in a quote. Especially after you were the one who said you had better things to do than read my posts...yet you keep replying.

 

Edited March 21, 2012 by kaylan

[Jane2011]

Also, i don't consider 2 first dates in a week (that were preplanned) multi dating. I wonder if people have different definitions of this. How long do multi daters do it for? I seem to notice on LS that it's like, 2 dates perhaps a first with a 2nd girl in the middle, and then maybe deciding no more dates with the first girl? I mean...how many dates does it take for you to decide you don't want to pursue girl A(example)? Or how many dates do you need with girl A to decide you ONLY want to pursue her?

 

If I was on like date 4 with a guy and found out he was dating others, I'd FOR SURE bounce. Prior to that, I'd be iffy, but it's never happened (that I know of) so I don't know for sure how I'd react if say on date 2 I found he had another date lined up for the next day.

 

 

I want a guy to myself as soon as I start liking him enough to think about him when I'm not with him and feel like "I can't wait" to see him again. That happens around dates 3, 4, or 5, so somewhere in that time period, his philandering ways would need to come to a halt.

[Black Jack]

 

Lolol...my own agenda? God forbid someone offer up an opposing viewpoint on a public forum...ok buddy;)

 

 

You really need to reread my first reply....in what way was it ever a personal attack? Stop being a baby.

 

 

Wheres the personal attack? Wheres me being rude? I even added the emoticon so I could accurately portray my demeanor. I was puzzled by your post and was seeking elaboration. I never made any personal attack on you.

 

Like I said...grow a thicker skin. I only became rude after your silly comeback replies in which you were rude to me.

Please quote where I attacked you before your rude statements to me...please do so. Because I dont see it.

 

And although your original statement doesnt have the express purpose of dissuading others, its negative language will do so regardless of your intent. If you cannot see that, then oh well.

 

And how did I make no formal argument? I explicitly said that psychos can be found anywhere after your statement appeared to make the conclusion that they are more easily found online. Then I added to my argument in my following replies to you.

Thats all you have to say? The guy who who childishly took the time to cross out my post in a quote. Especially after you were the one who said you had better things to do than read my posts...yet you keep replying.

 

 

Again you're throwing out assumptions. How is that an argument?

[kaylan]

Again you're throwing out assumptions. How is that an argument?

Its pathetic that you cannot even form a decent rebuttal and instead make some silly accusation about assumptions. Quite comical it is. I did figure my last reply would shut you up, and of course you have nothing to back up your original claims of personal attacks in my initial reply to you.

 

Jolly good show then. Good day to you sir.

Edited March 21, 2012 by kaylan

[Black Jack]

Its pathetic that you cannot even form a decent rebuttal and instead make some silly accusation about assumptions. Quite comical it is. I did figure my last reply would shut you up, and of course you have nothing to back up your original claims of personal attacks in my initial reply to you.

 

Jolly good show then. Good day to you sir.

 

This makes no sense.

Edited March 21, 2012 by Black Jack

[RedRobin]

Kaylan,

 

These discussions regarding multidating and OLD tend to get heated, obviously. I'm just as guilty as anyone as stoking that flame. I really like you (most of the time ) so thought I'd take a step back to see if just once more you could put yourself in my shoes and those of the other people who responded. I'll do my best to put myself in yours.

 

Somewhere within the first few dates (somewhere between 2 to as many as 5) most people expect that what they FEEL or being told is a legitimate connection will be respected in some way.

 

I personally have given up trying to gauge the honesty of a multidater by dating him. Maybe you are the one honest multidater out there. Who knows? I've personally never met one. In every case I've sat on my hands and suspended judgement long enough for the so-called 'exclusive' talk, I have discovered that the stories they told me in the beginning were just that... stories. This is without any prying or digging or inquisitions. Just that it comes out at some point that they lied about their whereabouts. Then, in THEIR moment of vulnerability when they are finally ready to pull the 'exclusive' gun (usually because the other ones have fallen off the table or they are impatient for sex or they actually really, really like me) I have to unfortunately dump them because they couldn't be honest and transparent from the beginning.

 

Some would argue that those lies are harmless. That those lies are what people do and it's a-ok. I don't. Those lies and little stories give me an insight into their character. If they can't be honest and completely transparent when the stakes are as low as they can possibly be, they certainly won't be when things get tough. I've gotten much better at spotting multidaters now, and just avoid them altogether. Really is the best for everyone. I also discovered that IRL, multidating by the people I come across are rare or never. It really is a function of OLD... so, remove OLD, you tend to remove the worst of the multidating behavior. Really simple equation.

 

Now, you want to paint people who don't like multidaters as insecure. Maybe some are. I have to wonder about the 'security' of those who can't possibly face a weekend date-less or have to have a perpetual back-up plan at all costs. I'd also ask you, as someone I consider to be quite intelligent, don't you think the dating sites benefit from all the multidating? Do you seriously believe that most of them really want people to find someone and stay with them? Think about it. Think about their business model. It depends on keeping people constantly churning and leaving the impression of endless possibilities. That is how they make their money!

 

The term 'ADD' and channel/date surfing as applied to online dating and multidating was quite precise.. and frankly, a trend I worry about in people's ability to maintain focus in many areas of their lives, not just 'relationships'.

 

Some multidate and do OLD so that they can have 'options' or the appearance of such. I don't date a guy just because he appears attractive to other women... at least not in a sexual way. If he is able to maintain legitimate friendships with women... that I find very attractive (which is a subject of my other thread).

 

Regarding the discussion with the other poster. I do happen to beleive that the internet is more prone to attracting dangerous people simply because of it's anonymity. To assume otherwise is a bit naive on your part. We don't need to toss all of OLD into the trash can (or assume others are doing that) to acknowledge that.

 

I've posted stories of my own about how one of my best male friends who dated a woman he met on Eharmony, and when things didn't work out like she planned, she made up false charges about him and dragged him into court... only to disappear on the trial day and shortly afterward, leave the state. He spent months worrying about what other craziness she would do, not to mention some time afterward repairing his reputation. So, I'm not surprised at all to see BlackJack's story.

 

These are things you don't tend to encounter when you meet people through friends/family. Meetups? possibly. Even then, you have the group intelligence that tends to weed people out. So, there are many other dating options out their (albeit, not INSTANT) that produce better long term results.

[silvermercy]

I don't like multi-dating either for the reasons stated by other posters already. Such as lack of transparency or lack of commitment to know each other better etc. The whole thing just sounds lukewarm... But other alarms ringing is the fact that he actually finds the time to multi-date. We're not talking about a couple of dates a month and then nothing. We're talking about a LOT of dating, 2 or 3 times a week at least and for weeks or months on end. That means for him multi-dating is SERIOUS business. So yes, kaylan seems like one of the few exceptions, as indeed, many multi-daters sleep around and those who say who don't, they still might do so. Or even worse, have f**k buddies to satisfy their needs in the meantime. All these are red flags for me.

 

RedRobin, I'd love to know some of the signs you spot as if to someone is a serial multi-dater! Please share! And I totally agree about the deliberate mismatches on sites like Eharmony. How will you keep coming back and pay your money? It's a very common tactic. lol

[stillafool]

I think you need to have really thick skin for online dating.

 

I myself, do NOT date multiple people at the same time (i know I shouldn't do that blah blah everyone is dating mutliple people early on). Well I don't like to.

 

If i go on 2 amazing dates I kind of stop looking and want to see where it goes with the guy, but if the guy is from a dating site and I log on to the site I see him sitting on there what is one to think? I just assume he is not interested and lose interest in him at that point....so when he contacts me again I may go out with him, but I've already lost interest at that point.

 

Playing the field is cool and all, but you would at least think they would quick looking and give you a chance.

 

I imagine it would depend on the age of the person. Younger people feel this is their time to date around to find out what kind of person they really like. I don't think it is healthy for young people to settle down too fast. Young people have so many options now I can understand your frustration if you are the type to want to settle down.

[kaylan]

This makes no sense.

Of course it wouldnt to you. I already made my point, waited for your rebuttal to my post from 2 replies ago, and you are just trying to swing the convo off track. Pathetic

[Mantis Toboggan]

Ok... please tell me how long it takes you to go on three dates with someone. Maybe a month? Max? Probably 2-3 weeks. There are probably some phone discussions and other communication.

 

You mean you can't devote a few weeks of your time to getting to know someone? If you come across someone else you like, you can easily tell them that you are spending a few weeks getting to know someone and you will get back to them soon.

 

I'd say it is pretty insecure to think that a couple weeks of your time is too much to ask... The people who say they can't put all their two-three weeks of eggs in one basket... now that sounds insecure. Or selfish.

 

It sounds insecure that you're expecting a full commitment after going on a date with someone.

 

Agreeing to go on ONE date with a woman does not mean that I should forsake all others, and avert my eyes from the possibility of seeing attraction on other women.

 

Dating is supposed to be fun, and you're turning into a contract. "By agreeing to go on a date with me, the potential lover shall forget all possible other options for a maximum of 4 dates, at which time we shall agree upon being serious, or going our separate ways."

 

The scent of desperation on this message board is STRONG. You NEED that relationship, dont you? Just cant wait to sink your needy claws into someone.