joystickd Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Nope. You're trying to turn it around on me now by hinting that I am insecure or something I guess. Nope. Not at all. Sorry to disappoint. Well it damn sure sounds like you are insecure. Guess you did the preemptive strike lol:laugh:
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 LOL! I'm real and I definitely understand there are women that don't like what I do. In my mind its like who gives a sh*t. If they want me they will put in the work to prove they are worth my time. You just hate to put in the work for someone. You want them to put in the work. Guys that multidate have that important trait because if they didn't they wouldn't be multidating would they. EH? Who spoke about only one person doing the work!? BOTH parties should. Just what da fudge are you talkin' bout mate?
joystickd Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 EH? Who spoke about only one person doing the work!? BOTH parties should. Just what da fudge are you talkin' bout mate? You want somebody to stop doing something for you. That sounds one sided. Like I said what are you doing so both parties will be putting in the work. Dont even mention time
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Well it damn sure sounds like you are insecure. Guess you did the preemptive strike lol:laugh: OMG! I'm crying! Tis so funny! (Actually, no, I've seen other older posts of your to have predicted where this was going: a personal attack, that is). Look, I have no more desire to engage in any more conversation with you because I have the feeling it will just hijack the thread.
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 You want somebody to stop doing something for you. That sounds one sided. Like I said what are you doing so both parties will be putting in the work. Dont even mention time Why? You didn't like my perfectly legit time example? And everything else I mentioned? Like the desired TRAITS? I'm heart-broken. lol Again, sorry to disappoint you.
joystickd Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 OMG! I'm crying! Tis so funny! (Actually, no, I've seen other older posts of your to have predicted where this was going: a personal attack, that is). Look, I have no more desire to engage in any more conversation with you because I have the feeling it will just hijack the thread. LOL no that is what some of you women do like the cheap shot Red Robin said. You brought up insecure I didn't and that says a lot. I say whatever and women like you hate that but you want to say whatever the hell you want. I'm not one of these punk ass guys that will just sit back and hope to get brownie points or just avoid an argument. Since you are psychic what am I going to say next.
Mantis Toboggan Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 That's what I'm saying. You wouldn't know. Because you'd thought it was controlling, when both parties have every right to walk away. How is that controlling? And I think I'm being misunderstood. Nobody is asking for commitment from a first date. I already said that would be silly. All I'm personally asking is the common COURTESY not to date others while he's dating me. Surely a couple of weeks to get to know me would not be such a long time away from his other prospective dates? I'm going to try to paint a picture here: You go on a first date with a guy you met 4 days ago. He sits down with you, and at some point he says, "Yeah. I just broke up with a girl I had been seeing for 5 months." You say, "Oh wow. That's rough. When did that happen?" He says, "4 days ago. The day I got your number. I wanted to give you the courtesy of not dating anyone else. " This is how you envision dating? People just putting all their eggs in one basket to see if something MIGHT work with someone they MIGHT like? When you're dating someone for 2 or 3 weeks, you might see them 2 or 3 times. That's barely enough time to gauge their sense of humor, let alone their long term potential. I can't envision myself turning away good potential dating candidates just because of 2 or 3 dates with a person. "I'm sorry, Potential Love of My Life. I'm on a 2nd date with Ursula here, and I feel obligated to date only her while I determine whether or not she's a good person." Eh. You have your expectations and I have mine. It just seems unrealistic to expect the dating world to cancel all other options just for a 3rd coffee date with a potential partner. Maybe it's cynicism on my part. But I know that any girl I'm dating could be seeing someone else. And it never intimidates me. I just accept it as part of life. If I want a woman who has no other options, then I guess I'd have to date a lower quality of woman. To me, it seems that the alternative is to be that type of person who sets himself up for heartbreak every time he gets a woman's number. Actually, this message board is plagued with those stories, "I met someone last week! I'm so excited!! We haven't had sex or gone on a date or kissed. But I'm just so excited about this phone number!" People here seem to put all your eggs in the first basket that comes along, and then because it's your only option, you overrate it. "He's divorced with 3 kids, and he's 'self employed', but he really makes me laugh. I think he's the one!" People end up lonely and desperate, and like a starved person, the first meal they get is suddenly the BEST meal they get. I put myself in the position of being a man who has options. Options is power. Options is qualification. I would never give up options just for the sake of coffee dates with a girl. You've dated before. You know darn well that anyone you date in the early stages could stop seeing you without so much as a phone call. I'd never bet my heart on someone who I've only just begun to see. 5
joystickd Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Why? You didn't like my perfectly legit time example? And everything else I mentioned? Like the desired TRAITS? I'm heart-broken. lol Again, sorry to disappoint you. I do what I do. You do what you do. I know I don't invest in any woman so easy she has to earn that right. That is me and not every woman is going to like that and the ones that do love it.
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 blah blah blah blah..... As I said. No more desire to have personal attacks directed at me or hijack the thread.
joystickd Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 As I said. No more desire to have personal attacks directed at me or hijack the thread. I haven't done personal attack. If you mentioning porn thread. I just pointed out things the other person said that was not an attack and the mangina comment was an accurate reflection of that guy. What man you know would accept being in a commitment with someone that wasn't reciprocating? He should have asked about it and found out why. If she wasn't willing to work on it send her a$$ right where she came from. He definitely wasn't being a man. He was being a symp, trick, etc. A man can't let a woman weaken him like that. With that being said I'm done and back to regularly scheduled thread.
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I'm going to try to paint a picture here: You go on a first date with a guy you met 4 days ago. He sits down with you, and at some point he says, "Yeah. I just broke up with a girl I had been seeing for 5 months." You say, "Oh wow. That's rough. When did that happen?" He says, "4 days ago. The day I got your number. I wanted to give you the courtesy of not dating anyone else. " This is how you envision dating? People just putting all their eggs in one basket to see if something MIGHT work with someone they MIGHT like? When you're dating someone for 2 or 3 weeks, you might see them 2 or 3 times. That's barely enough time to gauge their sense of humor, let alone their long term potential. I can't envision myself turning away good potential dating candidates just because of 2 or 3 dates with a person. "I'm sorry, Potential Love of My Life. I'm on a 2nd date with Ursula here, and I feel obligated to date only her while I determine whether or not she's a good person." Eh. You have your expectations and I have mine. It just seems unrealistic to expect the dating world to cancel all other options just for a 3rd coffee date with a potential partner. Maybe it's cynicism on my part. But I know that any girl I'm dating could be seeing someone else. And it never intimidates me. I just accept it as part of life. If I want a woman who has no other options, then I guess I'd have to date a lower quality of woman. To me, it seems that the alternative is to be that type of person who sets himself up for heartbreak every time he gets a woman's number. Actually, this message board is plagued with those stories, "I met someone last week! I'm so excited!! We haven't had sex or gone on a date or kissed. But I'm just so excited about this phone number!" People here seem to put all your eggs in the first basket that comes along, and then because it's your only option, you overrate it. "He's divorced with 3 kids, and he's 'self employed', but he really makes me laugh. I think he's the one!" People end up lonely and desperate, and like a starved person, the first meal they get is suddenly the BEST meal they get. I put myself in the position of being a man who has options. Options is power. Options is qualification. I would never give up options just for the sake of coffee dates with a girl. You've dated before. You know darn well that anyone you date in the early stages could stop seeing you without so much as a phone call. I'd never bet my heart on someone who I've only just begun to see. Full post: I already explained. I have nothing new to add to this as I've already covered it elsewhere. Bold parts: 1. Cynicism. I probably agree with this. 2. I have WAY too many options. Perhaps that's my problem. And no, I don't like what you are implying here about "lower quality women". Only multi-daters are high-quality people? Single-daters have PLENTY of options, actually. They're just more PICKY.
Anela Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 We had a brief attempt at defining multi-dating a few pages back. I wondered if someone would chime in with "multi-dating means having lots of casual sex partners" because it's come up before (in this thread and others) but really that doesn't define multi-dating. As for whether sex = commitment, that's a whole other topic! That's what I was getting at - or trying to. I wonder if you have me on "ignore" because I talked to a troll or two, though. (?) If a man was having sex with someone else, when he was dating me - even on his first date with me - that would bother me. I would wonder what the point was of his being there with me, when he was actively having sex with someone else. Maybe that's because I don't date much at all, so I only think about going out on a date when I'm really attracted to someone, and have known them for a little while. I'm aware that people can go to the movies, and get to know each other, go hiking, dancing, out to dinner, etc... but if he's bedding other women and comparing me to them? No way. I do understand the fear of committing to someone early on, if you don't know them that well - and then the possibility of you not doing so well in bed - but I also think that when you're really into someone, those things will sort themselves out and can be improved upon. I've seen men complain on this board, about women potentially having a FWB, whilst dating other men. It really isn't just women. 2
oaks Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 That's what I was getting at - or trying to. I wonder if you have me on "ignore" because I talked to a troll or two, though. (?) haha, not yet! but maybe I missed your post - this thread has been moving quickly. If a man was having sex with someone else, when he was dating me - even on his first date with me - that would bother me. I think that's understandable, and I share this view. I don't think that multi-dating automatically means having multiple sex partners, or even having one sex partner while trying to date others. I say this from my own experience - I've multi-dated but have never had sex when there was any question of dating anyone else other than the single person I was having sex with, and I don't think I want to. 1
FitChick Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Lots of pages of text here... the best way to avoid a multidater is simply to avoid OLD in the first place. IRL, there really aren't these issues. The best way to avoid a multidater is simply to avoid dating. 3
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 The best way to avoid a multidater is simply to avoid dating. ... or come to my country of origin. Most people do not multi-date - or even know what multi-dating is. lol
Andy_K Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 You want somebody to stop doing something for you. No, it's not about wanting somebody to stop dating others for you, it's about wanting somebody to not want to date others at the same time as you. Ultimately it is an extension of how an ideal relationship should work - it's not that you don't **** around on each other because you've agreed not to, or as a 'favour' to your partner, it's because you actually don't want to. Respect, courtesy, empathy, consideration, these are the traits being alluded to that are more clearly shown when you don't multi-date. I feel that just dating one person gives a far more natural progression to a relationship than dating several and arbitrarily cutting them off at some point.
GoodOnPaper Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I put myself in the position of being a man who has options. Options is power. Options is qualification. I would never give up options just for the sake of coffee dates with a girl. I imagine you would certainly weed out all the sane men by having such a conversation, at least all the desirable sane ones. Looks like this is what the thread is really boiling down to: People who multi-date = desirable People who don't = undesirable I'll freely admit that I didn't multi-date simply because I never had more than one option at a time. By far, the hardest part of dating was finding someone willing to date me. Once I did, the last thing I wanted to do was to continue to torture myself by trying to find additional people who were willing to date me. Interestingly, as "undesirable" as I was/am, once I started dating someone, there was never any difficulty lining up dates -- even very early on. I took this to mean that the woman was either a single-dater like myself or if she was a multi-dater, she decided very early on that I was her primary interest. Shouldn't the ease with which you can line up Friday and/or Saturday night dates give you a clue about someone's multi-dating activity without needing a formal conversation about it in the very early stages?
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 (edited) I'm sure people with lots of options multi-date, no matter what country you're from. You sound naive. I will also refrain to say what you sound like if you think I'm being naive or if you think I have no options. LOL People with lots of options (that includes many solo-daters) actually can AFFORD to not multi-date as they don't NEED to multi-date. On the contrary, they can be as picky as they like. WAY more picky than those who multi-date I think. Hope you are not jealous now... LOL Myself I have a LOT of options! (at least 100+ messages a day in sites from eharmony and okcupid each)? So, yeah, me thinks I have a lot of options. I just won't multi-date. I don't need to. I can take my good time and pick whoever I want just from the online site and proceed. One at a time. Edited March 25, 2012 by silvermercy
PlumPrincess Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Well, I guess, I was right. Many people do not equal "dating" with "going out on a date", but with something a bit more serious, including sex, and "multi-dating" for them means that someone is seeing various people at the same time, including sleeping with one or more people.
PlumPrincess Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I will also refrain to say what you sound like if you think I'm being naive or if you think I have no options. LOL People with lots of options (that includes many solo-daters) actually can AFFORD to not multi-date as they don't NEED to multi-date. On the contrary, they can be as picky as they like. WAY more picky than those who multi-date I think. Hope you are not jealous now... LOL Myself I have a LOT of options! (at least 100+ messages a day in sites from eharmony and okcupid each)? So, yeah, me thinks I have a lot of options. I just won't multi-date. I don't need to. I can take my good time and pick whoever I want just from the online site and proceed. One at a time. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if some women are either totally exaggerate their online success or if they seem to have set their requirements that low so that the majority of guys think they have a chance with her. I really doubt that any woman can be so good-looking that she gets that many messages a day.
silvermercy Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Honestly, sometimes I wonder if some women are either totally exaggerate their online success or if they seem to have set their requirements that low so that the majority of guys think they have a chance with her. I really doubt that any woman can be so good-looking that she gets that many messages a day. I don't care if you believe it or not. LOL All it matters for me is that it happens. Plus it's not just great looks as you may put it, I have a full profile with my interests which include a lot of "male" hobbies from videogames, comics and other nerd/geeky gadget stuff to extreme sports etc. I have currently deactivated it though because I'm dating someone at the moment.
ThaWholigan Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Honestly, sometimes I wonder if some women are either totally exaggerate their online success or if they seem to have set their requirements that low so that the majority of guys think they have a chance with her. I really doubt that any woman can be so good-looking that she gets that many messages a day. It happens. Trust me.
oaks Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Well, I guess, I was right. Many people do not equal "dating" with "going out on a date", but with something a bit more serious, including sex, and "multi-dating" for them means that someone is seeing various people at the same time, including sleeping with one or more people. So what is it when you go on dates if it's not Dating? No wonder we can't agree on the merits of multi-dating if we don't agree what dating is to begin with!
PlumPrincess Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I don't care if you believe it or not. LOL All it matters for me is that it happens. Plus it's not just great looks as you may put it, I have a full profile with my interests which include a lot of "male" hobbies from videogames, comics and other nerd/geeky gadget stuff to extreme sports etc. I have currently deactivated it though because I'm dating someone at the moment. Well, I guess, if you really have 100+ viable options a day, then you're lucky.
PlumPrincess Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 So what is it when you go on dates if it's not Dating? No wonder we can't agree on the merits of multi-dating if we don't agree what dating is to begin with! I'm not a native speaker, so what do I know, but I always perceived "dating" to be a tad more serious than "going out on dates". And the only reason that explains to me why various people are so upset about the term multi-dating is that it can imply more than just going out and chatting with someone (ok, I still didn't read every post. Don't know, people just seem to get overly emotional over this issue). I mean, what's the harm in going out and talking to a lot of people, right?
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