ThatDudeXO Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I'm approaching 1 month NC and feeling a lot better than before! Sometimes when the thought of her comes up in conversation, it brings back such good and fun memories of my ex and makes me smile but also hurts a lot inside to know that I won't have those any more. We were amazing together but ur relationship died down, she changed and fell out of love with me, that was that. She said she wanted to try again but after my begging, pleading and angry conversations, she said we're done for good. I've accepted that she won't come back but I can't seem to hate her, most of my thoughts are positive. We didn't have many bad times in the last year and a half. So forcing myself to think of the bad times, isn't really an option even though I know now that she's changed, we aren't right for each other. I was wondering if there is a way to channel and control these positive, loving thoughts of my ex? They only hurt me inside but I can't seem to stop them. I just want to smile at those thoughts and carry on with what I'm doing instead feeling this pain. What can I do or say to myself to help stop these thoughts of my ex? What do you do when you find yourself reminiscing and romanticizing about an ex when you don't want to?
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I'm approaching 1 month NC and feeling a lot better than before! Sometimes when the thought of her comes up in conversation, it brings back such good and fun memories of my ex and makes me smile but also hurts a lot inside to know that I won't have those any more. We were amazing together but ur relationship died down, she changed and fell out of love with me, that was that. She said she wanted to try again but after my begging, pleading and angry conversations, she said we're done for good. I've accepted that she won't come back but I can't seem to hate her, most of my thoughts are positive. We didn't have many bad times in the last year and a half. So forcing myself to think of the bad times, isn't really an option even though I know now that she's changed, we aren't right for each other. I was wondering if there is a way to channel and control these positive, loving thoughts of my ex? They only hurt me inside but I can't seem to stop them. I just want to smile at those thoughts and carry on with what I'm doing instead feeling this pain. What can I do or say to myself to help stop these thoughts of my ex? What do you do when you find yourself reminiscing and romanticizing about an ex when you don't want to? Oh, man, I would LOVE to swap places with you, for I am filled with hate and loathing and anger for mine; he was so very abusive and played a lot of head games. You sound very loving and forgiving, kind and compassionate. It's better to have positive thoughts such as you have==its healthy. What I am doing is not healthy, brings me down. In your situation, there was some closure and bridges were not burned--which means down the road you will be able to communicate with no animosity or grudges. Every day that passes, you will heal. I tried to nix the hate and think of good things about my ex, what did I love about him...what I loved was an act he put on to charm me and lure me in. I don't think it's possible to stop thinking of the ex just like that; she has to eke out of your system each day. and one month is still early and fresh. It does get easier==more easier for you , I would think because there is no bitterness or anger, but a lot of peace and good feelings. I would rather feel love than hate.I truly admire you and sending good vibes to bring you peace and happiness that you deserve. 2
Author ThatDudeXO Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Thank you. I'm really sorry you're healing is being hindered by the hate you have for your ex. I'm sorry he didn't turn out to be what you once thought. For me, I understand why it's better to feel love but it feels so frustrating how I can love someone and not have them. It hurts my ego more and it just makes me feel terrible. Maybe I need to change the way she did?
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Thank you. I'm really sorry you're healing is being hindered by the hate you have for your ex. I'm sorry he didn't turn out to be what you once thought. For me, I understand why it's better to feel love but it feels so frustrating how I can love someone and not have them. It hurts my ego more and it just makes me feel terrible. Maybe I need to change the way she did? Never EVER change; be YOU; that is what a person who is worth it will fall for:) Besides, a person's true colors come out *such as my ex's--one can only act for so long. She probably never really changed; just some stuff came to light. When we are heady with the fever of spring and all lovey, we tend not to see what we need to or we overlook things because of our feelings for that person. My ego is also very damaged---he has someone new that he is showing off all over Facebook when he would not do that for me--if I posted on his wall, he would delete it and restrict me from posting by using a security feature. Then play more of those games from there. He blamed his impotence on me---THAT is a huge ego blow, if ya wanna talk ego!! Back to you...In life, when we get dumped/cast aside, it only means that something better is coming, but that we have to be truly healed from the ex. This will happen for you, but the wound is still very fresh and you can't see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel just yet, but the light is there:) It just takes time to heal it. What gets me through is to listen to good music---NOT love songs, LOL!!!! Classical, bossa nova, jazz, etc. Good comedy or Three Stooges----old, original stuff. Working out each day at the gym. Set personal goals for you and do something just for you. I've learned that the people we think hung the moon aren't really all that;) You will see in time and your kind heart will heal. 1
mymission Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 The same happened with me my ex fell out of love with me. When positive memories come up in conversation it makes me smile for a second then feel the pain. Its hard.
Author ThatDudeXO Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Never EVER change; be YOU; that is what a person who is worth it will fall for:) Besides, a person's true colors come out *such as my ex's--one can only act for so long. She probably never really changed; just some stuff came to light. When we are heady with the fever of spring and all lovey, we tend not to see what we need to or we overlook things because of our feelings for that person. Thanks...I find that sweet. This actually does make sense to my situation. She wasn't right for me and when all the lust faded away she realised she needed someone different, either that or she's going the G.I.Gs. Sucks how I didn't figure this earlier, thought she truly loved me. Thanks for you input B&B, it's really helped me. I'm healing and moving on but I guess this is the last stage of my healing, where the good memories haunt me sometimes. I guess there is no magic cure for this but to sit and wait! And once again, I'm sorry you had to go through such BS with a person like that. You deserve much better than what you have gotten and you shouldn't waste such emotions on a person so undeserving, even if it is hate. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Thanks...I find that sweet. This actually does make sense to my situation. She wasn't right for me and when all the lust faded away she realised she needed someone different, either that or she's going the G.I.Gs. Sucks how I didn't figure this earlier, thought she truly loved me. Thanks for you input B&B, it's really helped me. I'm healing and moving on but I guess this is the last stage of my healing, where the good memories haunt me sometimes. I guess there is no magic cure for this but to sit and wait! And once again, I'm sorry you had to go through such BS with a person like that. You deserve much better than what you have gotten and you shouldn't waste such emotions on a person so undeserving, even if it is hate. Each day is one day closer to total healing in both of our situations:) You needn't sit and wait; your healing is happening right now:) Make sure you are taking good care of YOU and do something nice for yourself. The clouds always pass. Trying very hard not to waste energy on the ex, but it seems to want to walk right into my brain and take up space. Had he been a great guy and we parted on good terms, it would hurt, but I would heal much better, not so broken as I've been. Good terms equals no bridges burned. You have the right attitude:) Hold onto that:)
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