AD1980 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 My buddy brought this girl he just started to see to the bar st paddys day and she brought a few friends.. Im kinda shy and women arent attracted to me so i usually just dont approach but i decided to introduce myself to one of the friends just to see if i could strike up a conversation and see if it leads to anywhere.. As soon as i approached she looked at me like how dare i enter her airspace when i asked her name and tried to get a convo started she mumble a few one word answers so i just left.. I dont get why she had to act so stuck up..i was just trying to strike a conversation,thigns like this is why i dont approach women.. Im sure if i was good looking she wouldnt have been so rude but because im not i dont desrve to strike a convo with her.. Maybe i shouldnt care that shes a bitch and not take it so personal but somebody whos shy and insecure to begin with in attracting women things like this bother me and put me further in a hole in not wanting to approach women..
sid3 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 No not maybe, you definitely shouldn't care that she was rude. I wouldn't let one person's unwillingness to have a conversation effect your self esteem. 1
veggirl Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 She was rude. There is no reason to be stuck up and rude, even if a guy approaches that you aren't interested in. When that happens to me, I will chat for a min and very quickly mention I have a BF (whether it's true or not, i will say this if I'm not interested!). It's an easy out, an easy way to let someone down, no hard feelings.
udolipixie Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I'm not seeing how she was mean, stuck up, rude, or a bitch as you state. She gave you a look that you didn't like interpreting it as "how dare you enter my airspace" and answered your questions one wordily in mumbles then left before you could pursue the conversation you wanted. Would you have rather she said when you first approached I'm not interested than her one worded answers then leaving? Or her not answering then hoping you go away? Or are you the type who insists on receiving appreciation for interrupting a person's time and space because you ware attracted to them or because you want to talk to them? Socialization when in public is expected but it's not automatically entitled to be appreciated or reciprocated. No one is obligated to talk to you if they don't wish to. You can approach her in public and she can chose not to being, participate heavily, or continue a conversation. She didn't participate heavily as she gave one word answers and she didn't continue the conversation as she left before you pushed further. Probably best suited to get rid of this she's stuck up, so rude, she's a bitch, and she would have talked to me the way I wanted her to if I was good looking mindset when you don't get what you want. Though you stated you wanted to strike up a conversation and see if it leads anywhere. She did converse with you just in one worded replies before leaving so you did get the conversation.
udolipixie Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 She was rude. There is no reason to be stuck up and rude, even if a guy approaches that you aren't interested in. How was she stuck or rude? She gave him a look he interpreted as "daring to enter her airspace". She gave one worded answers to his questions in mumbles before leaving. The rude thing I see is the mumbling and perhaps the look if it was truly that and not just his interpretation.
Cracker Jack Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 No not maybe, you definitely shouldn't care that she was rude. I wouldn't let one person's unwillingness to have a conversation effect your self esteem. This. I'm sure every guy has dealt with a woman who wasn't willing to have a convo with him. It's nothing out of the ordinary. Plenty of women are actually cool about being chatted up. Focus on those ones instead of fretting over women like this. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Because if she was nice to you, she assumes you wont leave her alone. So she has to discourage you from continuing to talk to her. Who knows, she might have had a bf that was pissing her off and she was in a bad mood. You dont take it personal, and yo0u move on to the next woman. The more you do it, the less the womans attitude will effect you. Unless you enjoy getting emotional about it.
danny in van Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I'm not seeing how she was mean, stuck up, rude, or a bitch as you state. She gave you a look that you didn't like interpreting it as "how dare you enter my airspace" and answered your questions one wordily in mumbles then left before you could pursue the conversation you wanted. Would you have rather she said when you first approached I'm not interested than her one worded answers then leaving? Or her not answering then hoping you go away? Or are you the type who insists on receiving appreciation for interrupting a person's time and space because you ware attracted to them or because you want to talk to them? Socialization when in public is expected but it's not automatically entitled to be appreciated or reciprocated. No one is obligated to talk to you if they don't wish to. You can approach her in public and she can chose not to being, participate heavily, or continue a conversation. She didn't participate heavily as she gave one word answers and she didn't continue the conversation as she left before you pushed further. Probably best suited to get rid of this she's stuck up, so rude, she's a bitch, and she would have talked to me the way I wanted her to if I was good looking mindset when you don't get what you want. Though you stated you wanted to strike up a conversation and see if it leads anywhere. She did converse with you just in one worded replies before leaving so you did get the conversation. you're right- she doesn't have to me nice. She can be as cold as she wants (one word answers and a bitchy persona). But then people will describe her as bitchy and cold, and that'll be her rep. There are 2 types of girls out there- the ones who gracefully can let a guy down ez and he doesn't feel worse for saying hello- or this type. And I know certain girls will say 'I have to be bitchy or they'll just keep trying' - is untrue, but only serves to cement her reputation as a 'bitch'. Which will haunt her and make the nice good looking ones stay away from her. Cuz us guys DO watch how girls treat others btw... 1
Author AD1980 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 I'm not seeing how she was mean, stuck up, rude, or a bitch as you state. She gave you a look that you didn't like interpreting it as "how dare you enter my airspace" and answered your questions one wordily in mumbles then left before you could pursue the conversation you wanted. Would you have rather she said when you first approached I'm not interested than her one worded answers then leaving? Or her not answering then hoping you go away? Or are you the type who insists on receiving appreciation for interrupting a person's time and space because you ware attracted to them or because you want to talk to them? Socialization when in public is expected but it's not automatically entitled to be appreciated or reciprocated. No one is obligated to talk to you if they don't wish to. You can approach her in public and she can chose not to being, participate heavily, or continue a conversation. She didn't participate heavily as she gave one word answers and she didn't continue the conversation as she left before you pushed further. Probably best suited to get rid of this she's stuck up, so rude, she's a bitch, and she would have talked to me the way I wanted her to if I was good looking mindset when you don't get what you want. Though you stated you wanted to strike up a conversation and see if it leads anywhere. She did converse with you just in one worded replies before leaving so you did get the conversation. I wasnt approaching a women in another group it was my friends new girl he met's friend and all i did was ask her name and a few questions i wasnt asking her hand in marriage
pteromom Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 The issue I see here is the OP, not the woman. He describes himself as: women arent attracted to me Im sure if i was good looking... but because im not... Your issue, AD, isn't your looks. It's your insecurity. You walked up to her EXPECTING that she wouldn't be attracted to you and wouldn't be interested. You just didn't expect her to be so rude about it. Women (and men) can smell that insecurity from a mile away. You need to start working on your self-worth. If you truly think you are unattractive (even though there's someone who is attracted to anyone), focus on building up what you DO have to offer to someone. Even if you aren't Brad Pitt, you can still be loving, sweet, good in bed, a good provider, funny, or a million other things women look for in a man. A good place to start is not referring to women as "bitch". You don't know that she's a bitch. Maybe she was in that corner trying to get distance from her controlling jealous boyfriend, and she was gonna hear about you talking to her. Maybe she just came off a bad breakup and isn't interested in ANYONE. You never know someone's intentions, so it is best not to GUESS. But even so, always assume it is about THEM and not about YOU. Work on finding what you love about yourself. If there isn't much, put some thought into what kind of person you WANT to be, and work toward being that. If you love yourself, you'll find someone who appreciates those things you love about yourself as well...
ThaWholigan Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I'm not seeing how she was mean, stuck up, rude, or a bitch as you state. She gave you a look that you didn't like interpreting it as "how dare you enter my airspace" and answered your questions one wordily in mumbles then left before you could pursue the conversation you wanted. Would you have rather she said when you first approached I'm not interested than her one worded answers then leaving? Or her not answering then hoping you go away? Or are you the type who insists on receiving appreciation for interrupting a person's time and space because you ware attracted to them or because you want to talk to them? Socialization when in public is expected but it's not automatically entitled to be appreciated or reciprocated. No one is obligated to talk to you if they don't wish to. You can approach her in public and she can chose not to being, participate heavily, or continue a conversation. She didn't participate heavily as she gave one word answers and she didn't continue the conversation as she left before you pushed further. Probably best suited to get rid of this she's stuck up, so rude, she's a bitch, and she would have talked to me the way I wanted her to if I was good looking mindset when you don't get what you want. Though you stated you wanted to strike up a conversation and see if it leads anywhere. She did converse with you just in one worded replies before leaving so you did get the conversation. LOL you are the most interesting poster I have seen on here. Do you ever agree with anything?? ---------------------------------------------------------------- Personally if I was the OP I wouldn't be taking it so seriously, but he obviously has beliefs about himself which he identifies with and women are picking up on that. As a result, he is stuck in a vicious cycle. I have followed OP's posts closely and he is also one of the few of us who has never had any interest from women. So I imagine this is a big step for him to even be talking to this girl, so I understand why he feels the way that he does. I wouldn't have taken it in the way he did, but she was perhaps a little rude, although it's more a case of our OP subtly projecting his insecurity without realising.
ThaWholigan Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I wasnt approaching a women in another group it was my friends new girl he met's friend and all i did was ask her name and a few questions i wasnt asking her hand in marriage You have to stop telling yourself you will never get anywhere with women. The more you believe it, the more it will keep happening to you.
dasein Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 25% insecurity (snakes are as afraid of you as you are of them kind of thing) 25% unrealistic expectations about the social world, their place in it and value to it 25% generally nasty disposition 25% because men allow it and don't hold women accountable for it
Author AD1980 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 The issue I see here is the OP, not the woman. He describes himself as: women arent attracted to me Im sure if i was good looking... but because im not... Your issue, AD, isn't your looks. It's your insecurity. You walked up to her EXPECTING that she wouldn't be attracted to you and wouldn't be interested. You just didn't expect her to be so rude about it. Women (and men) can smell that insecurity from a mile away. You need to start working on your self-worth. If you truly think you are unattractive (even though there's someone who is attracted to anyone), focus on building up what you DO have to offer to someone. Even if you aren't Brad Pitt, you can still be loving, sweet, good in bed, a good provider, funny, or a million other things women look for in a man. A good place to start is not referring to women as "bitch". You don't know that she's a bitch. Maybe she was in that corner trying to get distance from her controlling jealous boyfriend, and she was gonna hear about you talking to her. Maybe she just came off a bad breakup and isn't interested in ANYONE. You never know someone's intentions, so it is best not to GUESS. But even so, always assume it is about THEM and not about YOU. Work on finding what you love about yourself. If there isn't much, put some thought into what kind of person you WANT to be, and work toward being that. If you love yourself, you'll find someone who appreciates those things you love about yourself as well... I dont buy this "what i project" thing it makes it seem like no women are just mean and shallow and it has to be some amazing womens intution she saw in me which caused her to act in such fashion. I wasnt even all that attracted to her nor did i approach in a predatory way or as a some sad sack victim i simply asked her what her name was and a few questions like a normal human being
Author AD1980 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 You have to stop telling yourself you will never get anywhere with women. The more you believe it, the more it will keep happening to you. I come to vent places like this im not nearly as negative when im out..am i shy and dont approach women very often? sure but beleive me i didnt even have time coming off as insecure with this girl i asked her a question and a half it was already clear she wanted no part of the discussion..
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 My buddy brought this girl he just started to see to the bar st paddys day and she brought a few friends.. Im kinda shy and women arent attracted to me so i usually just dont approach but i decided to introduce myself to one of the friends just to see if i could strike up a conversation and see if it leads to anywhere.. As soon as i approached she looked at me like how dare i enter her airspace when i asked her name and tried to get a convo started she mumble a few one word answers so i just left.. I dont get why she had to act so stuck up..i was just trying to strike a conversation,thigns like this is why i dont approach women.. Im sure if i was good looking she wouldnt have been so rude but because im not i dont desrve to strike a convo with her.. Maybe i shouldnt care that shes a bitch and not take it so personal but somebody whos shy and insecure to begin with in attracting women things like this bother me and put me further in a hole in not wanting to approach women.. You shouldn't feel bad for being a respectful and polite guy to a woman, regardless of how she may act towards you. You hold your own integrity in place for your own good, not because a few woman or several, decide to put on the guy repellent and act like they're better than everyone else so that you don't talk to them. Trust me, there's always these types of women everywhere, sometimes they aren't even in the mood to go out and get dragged out by their friends, some women just have a piss poor attitude towards life because they're not happy with themselves. So don't take it personal, however with that being said make sure you are not coming off with the typical "hey baby" vibe, make sure you're just making friendly conversation and don't over do the smile or come off like you're just trying to run some weak pick up tactics that women experience so often. In that case I don't blame them for being rude to men, a lot of guys approach women very rudely and childish themselves. Otherwise since she was a friend of your friends new gf she should have at least acted with a little bit of friendliness but you may have came off too interested in her and she wanted to shoot you down before you got started and then offered to by her drinks and all that...she wanted to shut it down before you got that impression. I know that sounds ****ty but you've got a have a backbone being a man, so don't get discouraged, a lot of women are not this way and you know what, she might have acted differently with you If she wasn't in a bar environment, sometimes that makes women uncomfortable or unfriendly by default. Be who you are, don't change or become bitter for it...just make sure you're not coming off too aggressive or like you got a red X on the target by the look in your eyes. 5
pteromom Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I dont buy this "what i project" thing it makes it seem like no women are just mean and shallow and it has to be some amazing womens intution she saw in me which caused her to act in such fashion. I wasnt even all that attracted to her nor did i approach in a predatory way or as a some sad sack victim i simply asked her what her name was and a few questions like a normal human being I wasn't there, so I can only go by what you are saying here. You said yourself that you view yourself as unattractive, and I do think it could be more obvious than you think. You don't have to be a "sad sack victim" for insecurity to show... There ARE mean shallow women out there. But if you are seeing all women through a "mean shallow" filter where you apply those attributes to them whether or not they deserve it, that's a problem. I'm not saying that's the case. Only you know what you feel. Just something to think about....
PJKino Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I've been there its nothign you "project" women are probably even more shallow then men and their precious egos get bruised by you thinkign you have a chance with them Plus since women never have reprocussions for their actions physically like Men do for saying mean things they can be even worse.
FitChick Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 You should have asked your buddy or his girl to introduce you to their friends. That way they would know you weren't some random stranger so at the very least they would have been polite. 1
Author AD1980 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 You shouldn't feel bad for being a respectful and polite guy to a woman, regardless of how she may act towards you. You hold your own integrity in place for your own good, not because a few woman or several, decide to put on the guy repellent and act like they're better than everyone else so that you don't talk to them. Trust me, there's always these types of women everywhere, sometimes they aren't even in the mood to go out and get dragged out by their friends, some women just have a piss poor attitude towards life because they're not happy with themselves. So don't take it personal, however with that being said make sure you are not coming off with the typical "hey baby" vibe, make sure you're just making friendly conversation and don't over do the smile or come off like you're just trying to run some weak pick up tactics that women experience so often. In that case I don't blame them for being rude to men, a lot of guys approach women very rudely and childish themselves. Otherwise since she was a friend of your friends new gf she should have at least acted with a little bit of friendliness but you may have came off too interested in her and she wanted to shoot you down before you got started and then offered to by her drinks and all that...she wanted to shut it down before you got that impression. I know that sounds ****ty but you've got a have a backbone being a man, so don't get discouraged, a lot of women are not this way and you know what, she might have acted differently with you If she wasn't in a bar environment, sometimes that makes women uncomfortable or unfriendly by default. Be who you are, don't change or become bitter for it...just make sure you're not coming off too aggressive or like you got a red X on the target by the look in your eyes. I dont think i was too agressive i probably am not agressive enough at times in fear of getting reactions like that.. I hear you though dude...im not gonna change my ways i know im a good person and have been told im a sweetheart and a gentleman by most friends wives it just hurts being invisble to women and when you get treated badly for just trying to be nice..
udolipixie Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 you're right- she doesn't have to me nice. She can be as cold as she wants (one word answers and a bitchy persona). But then people will describe her as bitchy and cold, and that'll be her rep. Exactly people often have to endure interruption onto space and time and most except that as socialization. However it seems women specifically have to endure this socialization from men and be so nice and appreciative about it as well as engaging them in a conversation she doesn't want otherwise she's rude, mean, bitchy, cold, and stuck up. There are 2 types of girls out there- the ones who gracefully can let a guy down ez and he doesn't feel worse for saying hello- or this type. So a gal giving you a look up for interpretation and one word mumbles then leaving will make you feel worse for saying hello? Other than the up for interpretation look she said hello, answered your questions, and left what would make a guy feel worse about saying hello for that? Do tell is it a bending over backwards to please you and spare your feelings and ego something that makes a guy not feel worse for saying hello? Can a gal just sidestep a guy who attempts approaching therefore evading the approach in the first place? Put on her headphones or look unapproachable therefore evading the approach? Say hello back and then walk away thus evading any conversation? Say hello and then state I'm not interested and walk away thus evading any possible conversation? Or is that more of being bitchy, cold, rude, mean? Does bitchy, cold, mean, rude, and stuck up entail anything that doesn't engage the guy and making him feel appreciated without hurting his feelings or ego in the slightest with that you don't want to talk to him? And I know certain girls will say 'I have to be bitchy or they'll just keep trying' - is untrue, but only serves to cement her reputation as a 'bitch'. Which will haunt her and make the nice good looking ones stay away from her. Cuz us guys DO watch how girls treat others btw... It seems guys are quite picky on defining this treatment of others when it's gals as well as quite extensive on what is bitchy.
Author AD1980 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Exactly people often have to endure interruption onto space and time and most except that as socialization. However it seems women specifically have to endure this socialization from men and be so nice and appreciative about it as well as engaging them in a conversation she doesn't want otherwise she's rude, mean, bitchy, cold, and stuck up. So a gal giving you a look up for interpretation and one word mumbles then leaving will make you feel worse for saying hello? Other than the up for interpretation look she said hello, answered your questions, and left what would make a guy feel worse about saying hello for that? Do tell is it a bending over backwards to please you and spare your feelings and ego something that makes a guy not feel worse for saying hello? Can a gal just sidestep a guy who attempts approaching therefore evading the approach in the first place? Put on her headphones or look unapproachable therefore evading the approach? Say hello back and then walk away thus evading any conversation? Say hello and then state I'm not interested and walk away thus evading any possible conversation? Or is that more of being bitchy, cold, rude, mean? Does bitchy, cold, mean, rude, and stuck up entail anything that doesn't engage the guy and making him feel appreciated without hurting his feelings or ego in the slightest with that you don't want to talk to him? It seems guys are quite picky on defining this treatment of others when it's gals as well as quite extensive on what is bitchy. I wasnt evne hitting on her nor was i super attracted to her i just wanted to say hello and maybe if she seemed cool who knows but since she was a few inches away from me standign there alone and she was a friends of my buddies new girl i figured id try to be nice.. If she did the same to me i would politely asnwer and try to get to know her a little as well you make it seem like i interrupted her meeting with the president
udolipixie Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I wasnt approaching a women in another group it was my friends new girl he met's friend and all i did was ask her name and a few questions i wasnt asking her hand in marriage She gave a look up for interpretation, said hello, answered your questions, and left. Is the issue that you didn't get the engaging conversation you wanted, her lack of interest in the conversation and you, the curtness? is the issue the look she gave? Was it a grimace, a look of disgust? You stated it was a look of daring to enter her airspace perhaps personal boundaries? She conversed with you just not in the way it seems you wanted her to. To me it would have been rude, mean, or stuck up if she ignored you, walked away, or insulted you. Seems all she did was give a look up for interpretation and answer one wordily then left. Just like it wasn't like you were asking her hand in manner she didn't have to talk to you or engage you the way you wanted.
udolipixie Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I wasnt evne hitting on her nor was i super attracted to her i just wanted to say hello and maybe if she seemed cool who knows but since she was a few inches away from me standign there alone and she was a friends of my buddies new girl i figured id try to be nice.. If she did the same to me i would politely asnwer and try to get to know her a little as well you make it seem like i interrupted her meeting with the president That wasn't even in response to you. That was in response to danny in van.
RedRobin Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 You shouldn't feel bad for being a respectful and polite guy to a woman, regardless of how she may act towards you. You hold your own integrity in place for your own good... This... (10 word minimum)
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