who_knew Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 So it's been 2.5 months since the breakup. I'm starting to feel better every day, but that doesn't mean I haven't forgotten. She broke up with me because she didn't think we were right together and she wanted to make friends at college and she couldn't have a boyfriend at the time. This being my first relationship ever, I was literally heartbroken and devastated by the breakup. I started contacting her immediately after we broke up and I realize now that didn't help at all. I did NC for a few weeks until she texted me and then she realized i wasn't ready so we went NC again for about 4-5 weeks and i texted her to see how she was and then she said she needed time. I had sent her a letter saying that I couldn't "just" be friends between then and she said she had become a lot more distrustful of me. I've realized over the past few months my mistakes in the relationship. I want to make things right and outright apologize. I know it wasn't totally my fault, but I know the actions that I took led to the breakup and if i had been aware of them before it probably would not have ended. Should I send her an apology letter explaining how i understand why she broke up with me and I hope that she can forgive me. I'm not expecting reconciliation, but I feel like she resents me now and I don't want her to feel that way. Maybe someday I can be friends with her, but if I leave her like this with these thoughts I feel like thats all she'll think of me as. When do you start to realize that you're spending more time trying to fix this and how do you know if its starting to annoy the other person? Like i really cared for her and she's all i think about, but maybe because its my first love. I feel like id do anything to start over or make her think of me better. I know time can heal, but I want her to think of me highly in those healing times. Should i send her a letter and then remain in no contact? It will strictly be explaining how i think the breakup ended and why and apologize for my actions and hope for forgiveness, nothing else, not a second chance, but just for forgiveness. I don't think we can both deal with a second chance yet, its still too soon. Maybe over this summer, but I don't want her to hate me.
NoneoftheAbove Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 If its gonna make you feel better by saying sorry do it. But don;t do it in a hope of her coming back to you. It might make you little better, but as seconds and minutes go by you are getting better. Dont think what she thinks of you..you've done your part and thats all to it. Dont be a doormat. 1
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I was literally in the same situation a couple years ago in my freshman year in college! I wrote a letter saying that I hope we can be friends and returning the promise ring.. BIGGEST REGRET EVER. Haha. Well maybe not my biggest. But I do still cringe when I think about that letter. That's just me though, and I think that my letter made me come across as sad and pathetic... just be careful how you would craft the letter if you do write one. I personally would never write the letter if I could go back and change it. I know now that I was kind of beating a dead horse, or however the phrase goes. It just depends on how you think she is feeling. But I'd say her breaking up with you when she went to college is a sure sign that she just wasn't wanting to be in a relationship- which is understandable. But if it was something that meant a lot to her she'd have kept the relationship going.. my best friend stayed with her boyfriend two years out of state for college before he was able to come and join her. Relationships that are meant to happen shouldn't change just because someone goes off to college. I would wait until she initiates contact with you, because right now it seems like she just wants her space. If it was me the letter would make me feel guilty for hurting him and resentful towards him for not understanding where I'm coming from. The first love is seriously the hardest thing to get over, because they're your first for so many things and that's the relationship you're going to remember as your first always. Anyways, I don't really know the details, so do what you think is best
divine010 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Hey if it set's your mind free - then do so. But be careful how you write it. Ask yourself, what are you trying to convey or what are you trying to accomplish. Saying sorry and acknowledging your faults is one thing, but adding on to say that you will do better next time, might send a message that you want her back. And that might come off to her as pressure and push her more away. So just keep it light and stick to the points and don't come off like everything was completely your fault, because she contributed to the relationship and she isn't perfect. But just keep that in mind as your writing it. You want to sound positive and upbeat and that maybe the break-up being the best thing for now. That you know you have to work on things and you respect her and do wish her well. Something like that!
Author who_knew Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 If its gonna make you feel better by saying sorry do it. But don;t do it in a hope of her coming back to you. It might make you little better, but as seconds and minutes go by you are getting better. Dont think what she thinks of you..you've done your part and thats all to it. Dont be a doormat. I'm trying to not think of it as a way of getting her back, because thats unreasonable. Can i think of it as a way of her thinking of me more highly? I feel like she just resents me right now, if i wait it out will those feelings pass? I do care what she thinks of me because I care what I think of her, but i guess that may not be mutual.
Author who_knew Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 I was literally in the same situation a couple years ago in my freshman year in college! I wrote a letter saying that I hope we can be friends and returning the promise ring.. BIGGEST REGRET EVER. Haha. Well maybe not my biggest. But I do still cringe when I think about that letter. That's just me though, and I think that my letter made me come across as sad and pathetic... just be careful how you would craft the letter if you do write one. I personally would never write the letter if I could go back and change it. I know now that I was kind of beating a dead horse, or however the phrase goes. It just depends on how you think she is feeling. But I'd say her breaking up with you when she went to college is a sure sign that she just wasn't wanting to be in a relationship- which is understandable. But if it was something that meant a lot to her she'd have kept the relationship going.. my best friend stayed with her boyfriend two years out of state for college before he was able to come and join her. Relationships that are meant to happen shouldn't change just because someone goes off to college. I would wait until she initiates contact with you, because right now it seems like she just wants her space. If it was me the letter would make me feel guilty for hurting him and resentful towards him for not understanding where I'm coming from. The first love is seriously the hardest thing to get over, because they're your first for so many things and that's the relationship you're going to remember as your first always. Anyways, I don't really know the details, so do what you think is best Basically she got more distrustful of me because of how i handled the breakup, wouldn't you be desperate if you broke up for the first time? I wanted to fight for what we had. Now i realize that the mistakes i made in the relationship may have still been coming through post-breakup and i realize i let jealousy get the best of me and I need her to realize that. I can't tell if she's fully over me. I keep thinking in perspective of things. This is her second longest relationship, ours being 6 months and the previous being over a year or so. We both go to different colleges and during the fall we made it work out because we weren't far. But I guess we had a fight over winter break and she realized I might not be worth the time and she wanted to make friends at school because she was having a hard time fitting in. I respect her decision, but I feel like she only realized that or made that her excuse because of the way I acted. How can I know for sure? I guess time heals, but does time also give one another a chance to be together again? Honestly we're not going to get back together in the next 2 months if at all, so I'm hoping when we're back for summer we can figure things out. I don't want to hint at that because it might pressure her, but i still want to show her there is something left in us and I found my faults and I'm willing to apologize and make up for them.
Author who_knew Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Hey if it set's your mind free - then do so. But be careful how you write it. Ask yourself, what are you trying to convey or what are you trying to accomplish. Saying sorry and acknowledging your faults is one thing, but adding on to say that you will do better next time, might send a message that you want her back. And that might come off to her as pressure and push her more away. So just keep it light and stick to the points and don't come off like everything was completely your fault, because she contributed to the relationship and she isn't perfect. But just keep that in mind as your writing it. You want to sound positive and upbeat and that maybe the break-up being the best thing for now. That you know you have to work on things and you respect her and do wish her well. Something like that! I don't want to make the same mistake of sending her the letter like last time. I feel like anything written is so final. I'd rather talk to her in person, but I'm not sure if she's willing to listen and hear me out. Having it written allows her to listen without any feedback. I feel like i have to explain a lot, but at the same time she might think I'm crazy and obsessed. Like i want to explain why I've done everything since the breakup and to show her it that it wasn't my anger, but love for her and how i let things blow out of proportion.
Leigh 87 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Don't bother. She will think more highly of you if you just leave things as they are. She spent 6 months with you - she KNOW'S th sort of person you are. Think logically: after 6 months, why would a silly letter and your reaction to the break up, change what she thought of your values, morals, and personality? Sure, she may have judged you a little, but the person she knows the most is the person she spent 6 months with. She KNOWS you enough. A letter will impact her opinion on your MORE, in a negative way. If she contacts you again, simply act normaly. Do not mention th break up. If she mentions anything, just say " sorry, I knwo I did things wrong, but I am not perfect and I hope you forgive me". ....DO NOT SEND A SILLY LETTER!!! 1
nature Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 If you haven't already sent her a letter, then I wouldn't. You've already apologized. This girl wants to be free right now. She doesn't want you as her boyfriend. And there is nothing you can do about it. Writing her a letter apologizing again, will make you come across as needy and desperate, even if you write it in the sense of not wanting her back. It is how it will come across. The best thing you can do right now is completely and entirely disappear from her life. Move on with your life. Have pride, self esteem, self worth and man up. She will find that alot more attractive than another apology. I am so sorry you are hurting. It sucks. Badly. But unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. She doesn't think that badly of you, really. She is just saying that to you to make herself feel less guilty for dumping you. She really just wants to be free and have fun and party and date at university. I was there once. I remember it well. You need to walk away with your head held high. No more apologizing. it will come across as weak, needy and whiney. No more. You don't owe her another apology. 2
Author who_knew Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 If you haven't already sent her a letter, then I wouldn't. You've already apologized. This girl wants to be free right now. She doesn't want you as her boyfriend. And there is nothing you can do about it. Writing her a letter apologizing again, will make you come across as needy and desperate, even if you write it in the sense of not wanting her back. It is how it will come across. The best thing you can do right now is completely and entirely disappear from her life. Move on with your life. Have pride, self esteem, self worth and man up. She will find that alot more attractive than another apology. I am so sorry you are hurting. It sucks. Badly. But unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. She doesn't think that badly of you, really. She is just saying that to you to make herself feel less guilty for dumping you. She really just wants to be free and have fun and party and date at university. I was there once. I remember it well. You need to walk away with your head held high. No more apologizing. it will come across as weak, needy and whiney. No more. You don't owe her another apology. Yea, thanks I won't send it. It'll just make things worse. I always wonder if things will be fixed over summer, and thats less than 2 months away. I don't know what to think. I don't want any other girlfriend right now, but I'm having trouble getting on with my life right now. I keep thinking everything sucks and I just can't talk to girls. I'm so depressed and my grades are slipping. I keep procrastinating to the point where I can do anything productive...
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