fortyninethousand322 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 This will be long. Be warned. Here's what I suggest you do. Think about all of the men and women that you know in your social circle ... and all of their friends. Then, think about a girl that you met before that struck you as a nice gal, a good gal. Find out what she is up to and work from there. This thread is partially in response to this quote from another thread of mine. But also a reaction to what I was thinking about yesterday. Yesterday I was in New York City visiting. I saw so many people (young people especially) walking around holding hands, etc. And I was annoyed. I was supposed to be having fun doing what me and my friends were doing, but I was genuinely annoyed. So many people doing what was probably routine to them but would be spectacular if it ever happened to me. I realized that I am as far removed from having a girlfriend as is humanly possible for an able bodied young man to be. Thus far the main method I've tried to get dates (free online dating sites) have yielded very little results. Most women don't respond to my messages and those that do, stop responding after a short while. I believe this is not the ideal place to try to find dates. At least not for me. Now, in regards to this quote above. I have two problems: one my friends don't really have many women in their social circles. In fact, the only women I've ever met through my friends were women who were either a) in relationships already or b) were my friends' girlfriends. The other problem is that I think I've become somewhat socially isolated. I don't see my friends all that often. Some are married, some have children already, some have careers, etc. My high school friends have scattered to the four winds, my college buds live somewhat far away, and my basketball friends only like playing basketball (most of them are married). Sometimes a friend will say he (or she) knows a girl he wants to introduce me to, but it never happens. This most recently happened this past summer and fall. In the past year I've only met three new women, all from my basketball team. I don't socialize with them outside of league games. So here I am, I suppose. I don't have much of a social circle, and zero prospects for dates. Since it's been over a year since I last went on a date, I'd like to go on one reasonably soon (like not wait another year). So, since I'm starting literally from scratch, I'd like some ideas on how to maybe get some dates maybe even date someone seriously. I don't feel quite confident enough to hit on bank tellers or girls in the grocery store so if there's a way around doing those things, I'd like to hear them.
dasein Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Many of those guys you saw out walking around holding hands saw you and wish they were as unencumbered as you are. By all means go for what you want, but try not to fall into "grass is greener" thinking also. 1
sid3 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I'd suggest you work on expanding your social circle, for several reasons. Isolating is extremely detrimental to your attitude, its easy to forget there are women everywhere. So many, and so little time.
Lobouspo Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Are you still unemployed and living with your folks. I would concentrate on finding a job, and getting my own place first. Your circumstances are dealbreakers for alot of women. Not saying its fair, just sayin how it is.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Many of those guys you saw out walking around holding hands saw you and wish they were as unencumbered as you are. By all means go for what you want, but try not to fall into "grass is greener" thinking also. Well, I'd like to be able to experience both sides of the fence to make an informed choice about which is better.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Are you still unemployed and living with your folks. I would concentrate on finding a job, and getting my own place first. Your circumstances are dealbreakers for alot of women. Not saying its fair, just sayin how it is. Yeah. That's another issue. I have no idea what to do about employment. I have a worthless degree and only retail job experience. I don't want to work retail, but I guess I have no choice. Maybe I should be a truck driver. My friend wants to start a business with me, but we'll probably fall flat on our faces. Otherwise, the job hunt was so depressing that I stopped bothering with it.
Lobouspo Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Hey OP, I have been following your posts , and FYI when I was 23 and my last semester of college, I got laid off from my job and was still living at home. At that point in my life, I was a complete deadbeat with women. No GF and very little sexual experience. To be honest, having a GF was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted to finish school, get a decent job, and get my own place. Im in my 30's now, have had a few GFs, and hooked up with some hot women since. Just sayin keep ur head up. Have you thought about going back to school and maybe doing the retail thing part time while ur taking classes?
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 I guess the other question is, should I try to date younger women who might be as inexperienced as I am, or take my chances with girls my age or older? Or is it just "take what you can get"?
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Hey OP, I have been following your posts , and FYI when I was 23 and my last semester of college, I got laid off from my job and was still living at home. At that point in my life, I was a complete deadbeat with women. No GF and very little sexual experience. To be honest, having a GF was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted to finish school, get a decent job, and get my own place. Im in my 30's now, have had a few GFs, and hooked up with some hot women since. Just sayin keep ur head up. Have you thought about going back to school and maybe doing the retail thing part time while ur taking classes? Yeah, I guess if I made a list of things that were important, it would be like this: -kiss a girl (something I've never done) -get a decent job -get my own place -get a girlfriend I guess my fear is that I'll go back to school, continue to avoid women, and wake up at 26 or 27 and still be in the exact same place I am now. Only it will be more awkward to be in my late twenties and have zero experience than it will be to in my mid twenties.
tman666 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Become a cop or a fireman. Srs. If I recall correctly, you're in decent shape, right?
aj22one Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Become a cop or a fireman. Srs. If I recall correctly, you're in decent shape, right? Dude gave up his plans of working for US intelligence or CIA whatever because of his libertarian political beliefs. Highly doubt he'll go into police work.
tman666 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Dude gave up his plans of working for US intelligence or CIA whatever because of his libertarian political beliefs. Highly doubt he'll go into police work. I doubt firefighting has too many philosophical chips stacked against it though! Those guys get grade-A poon literally thrown at them, haha.
verhrzn Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Yeah. That's another issue. I have no idea what to do about employment. I have a worthless degree and only retail job experience. I don't want to work retail, but I guess I have no choice. Maybe I should be a truck driver. My friend wants to start a business with me, but we'll probably fall flat on our faces. Otherwise, the job hunt was so depressing that I stopped bothering with it. What's your "worthless" degree? Ever thought about going back to community college? I actually rather agree with TMann... cops and firefighters are always going to be needed by our society, the pay usually isn't so bad, you can choose either big city or small town, etc. And I have yet to meet a lady who can resist a guy in uniform (myself included.) The one thing you'll need to worry about is your physical shape. My dad is a cop approaching retirement, and he's becoming more and more concerned about his health... The long hour/sudden rush of stress can really take a toll on a body that isn't looked after very carefully.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 (edited) What's your "worthless" degree? Ever thought about going back to community college? I actually rather agree with TMann... cops and firefighters are always going to be needed by our society, the pay usually isn't so bad, you can choose either big city or small town, etc. And I have yet to meet a lady who can resist a guy in uniform (myself included.) The one thing you'll need to worry about is your physical shape. My dad is a cop approaching retirement, and he's becoming more and more concerned about his health... The long hour/sudden rush of stress can really take a toll on a body that isn't looked after very carefully. Religious Studies. It was supposed to be Middle East studies before they decided to postpone the program's debut another year. So if I wanted a ME studies degree I would have to wait another year (or maybe more depending on the funding issue) . I majored in it because I wanted to go into CIA/intel work, and aj's right I inconveniently got disenchanted with it late in the game. I'd probably feel the same about police work (no offense to any police officers out there). I don't know about fire fighting. I'd have to look into it. It does seem like a stressful job that I'd be doing just to get girls. If that was the goal I'd probably just go to law school. At least then I'd feel passionate about what I was doing. I feel like I have a lot of skills that could be useful to employers: research, writing, intelligent. I just don't know how to market those skills appropriately. I had two interviews at one place (a decent job too) but the second time they never got back to me. After a retail job and a bank teller position failed to work out, I kind of got depressed. And lately I've been depressed because I found out my brother has had sex a bunch of times and even drunkenly made out with another girl this past weekend. While I've never even kissed a girl. I feel like I'm falling greatly behind. The kissing thing in particular has kept me greatly preoccupied. I can't get my mind off of it. Edited March 20, 2012 by fortyninethousand322
tman666 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Religious Studies. It was supposed to be Middle East studies before they decided to postpone the program's debut another year. So if I wanted a ME studies degree I would have to wait another year (or maybe more depending on the funding issue) . I majored in it because I wanted to go into CIA/intel work, and aj's right I inconveniently got disenchanted with it late in the game. I'd probably feel the same about police work (no offense to any police officers out there). I don't know about fire fighting. I'd have to look into it. It does seem like a stressful job that I'd be doing just to get girls. If that was the goal I'd probably just go to law school. At least then I'd feel passionate about what I was doing. I feel like I have a lot of skills that could be useful to employers: research, writing, intelligent. I just don't know how to market those skills appropriately. I had two interviews at one place (a decent job too) but the second time they never got back to me. After a retail job and a bank teller position failed to work out, I kind of got depressed. No offense bro, but if your reason for doing ANYTHING is to "get girls", you're going to crash and burn. Perhaps a better first step for you is identifying what kind of traits you'd look for in a job (location, commute, pay, benefits, type of work, sense of team or community, etc.) and go from there. The sad fact of life is that MANY (most?) undergraduate degrees are at a point in this economy where simply having said degree is not a guarantee of a job. That doesn't mean your degree is worthless, but you should be thinking along the lines of 1) what do you want out of your job/life and 2) what are the prerequisites. Being able to market your current skillset may be inadequate by itself, so be prepared to seek further education or training.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 No offense bro, but if your reason for doing ANYTHING is to "get girls", you're going to crash and burn. Perhaps a better first step for you is identifying what kind of traits you'd look for in a job (location, commute, pay, benefits, type of work, sense of team or community, etc.) and go from there. The sad fact of life is that MANY (most?) undergraduate degrees are at a point in this economy where simply having said degree is not a guarantee of a job. That doesn't mean your degree is worthless, but you should be thinking along the lines of 1) what do you want out of your job/life and 2) what are the prerequisites. Being able to market your current skillset may be inadequate by itself, so be prepared to seek further education or training. Now I feel even more depressed. Honestly, I want to do the business that my friend wants to do (media company). It would be perfect. I'd get to do something I like and would be passionate about. But, I'm afraid we'll fail horribly and it will have ended up being a waste of time. Other than doing that, I literally have no idea what I want to do with my life. So before I invest in more education or training I want to figure that part out. So, should I follow my fears or my passions? (rhetorical question, no one has to answer that). I feel like if I take a job at Walmart or wherever, women will just dismiss me as a loser with a dead-end job. And since I have enough savings to live off of, it's not like I need the money right now. I hate being an adult.
dasein Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Well, I'd like to be able to experience both sides of the fence to make an informed choice about which is better. Oh absolutely, and I hope you find that and have that informed choice available, but know that once you have, you will begin to appreciate more what you have now, solitude when you want it, freedom to spend your time as you see fit, and lots and lots of peace and quiet. I know many married guys who would love to have what you have right now. Some guys even give up all their worldly possessions to achieve it.
zengirl Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I feel like if I take a job at Walmart or wherever, women will just dismiss me as a loser with a dead-end job. And since I have enough savings to live off of, it's not like I need the money right now. I hate being an adult. Someone with a job at Wal-Mart who's figuring things out is certainly no more "loser"ish and sad than someone with NO JOB who's figuring things out now.
aj22one Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Someone with a job at Wal-Mart who's figuring things out is certainly no more "loser"ish and sad than someone with NO JOB who's figuring things out now. At least right now he's got lots of free time.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Someone with a job at Wal-Mart who's figuring things out is certainly no more "loser"ish and sad than someone with NO JOB who's figuring things out now. True. But would I really be any happier? The reason I left my last job is that it felt meaningless. I hated it. They probably would have made me part of management if I stayed (I had repeatedly rejected offers of promotion). But I guess you're right. I just have to hope Walmart would want to hire me.
verhrzn Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Someone with a job at Wal-Mart who's figuring things out is certainly no more "loser"ish and sad than someone with NO JOB who's figuring things out now. Agreed. It's very helpful to have some funds under your belt to facilitate, say, a move across the country (or even a few hours away!) when you DO figure out what you want. It's also just a good idea to get yourself out of the house. The more I go out, the more I am motivated to go out... When all you do is sit at home, it's very very easy to slip into bad habits and a child-like dependency on your parents.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Agreed. It's very helpful to have some funds under your belt to facilitate, say, a move across the country (or even a few hours away!) when you DO figure out what you want. It's also just a good idea to get yourself out of the house. The more I go out, the more I am motivated to go out... When all you do is sit at home, it's very very easy to slip into bad habits and a child-like dependency on your parents. Well I pay my own bills, and wash my own clothes. I'm not broke, just jobless.
somedude81 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I hate being an adult. I hear you loud and clear. I would love to go back to High School with what I know now and do it all over again. I guess the other question is, should I try to date younger women who might be as inexperienced as I am, or take my chances with girls my age or older? Or is it just "take what you can get"? No reason to not go for younger girls. Have you actually been saying no to them? I'm 30 and willing to go as low as, hell there is no bottom as long as she's legal. If some cute 19 year old girl was into me I'm hardly going to say no to her. As for starting from scratch, both you and I need to place ourselves in situations where interacting with women is a regular and frequent experience. What those are exactly, I don't really know.
zengirl Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 True. But would I really be any happier? The reason I left my last job is that it felt meaningless. I hated it. They probably would have made me part of management if I stayed (I had repeatedly rejected offers of promotion). But I guess you're right. I just have to hope Walmart would want to hire me. Jobs take the meaning you give them. Doing honest work is always worthwhile IMO -- and it doesn't have to be forever. When you decide what you really WANT to do, then I say go for that, whatever it takes, but you might as well do SOMETHING in the meantime. What's your useless degree btw? I didn't see it, if it was in the thread. At least right now he's got lots of free time. Probably too much free time to sit around thinking like this!
ThaWholigan Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Now I feel even more depressed. Honestly, I want to do the business that my friend wants to do (media company). It would be perfect. I'd get to do something I like and would be passionate about. But, I'm afraid we'll fail horribly and it will have ended up being a waste of time. Other than doing that, I literally have no idea what I want to do with my life. So before I invest in more education or training I want to figure that part out. So, should I follow my fears or my passions? (rhetorical question, no one has to answer that). I feel like if I take a job at Walmart or wherever, women will just dismiss me as a loser with a dead-end job. And since I have enough savings to live off of, it's not like I need the money right now. I hate being an adult. You should do the business man, even if you fall flat on your face it will be a learning curve. Go for it, take the risk!! That's what I'm doing 1
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