nocontactqueen Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I met this guy randomly almost a year ago, and we instantly hit it off. We tried the whole dating thing, but we had both gotten out of serious relationships (in which we were both treated badly) and I was doing a lot of traveling- the ironic part was when I got back was when he got too busy with work to be able to spend time with me, and we decided it just wasn't good timing- he made the first move to break it off, but I knew it was inevitable. The next time we were in contact was over the holidays when he told me Merry Christmas. I replied nonchalantly because I was dating someone else, and didn't want to worry about talking to him again. In January, I went to a show he was in and he insisted that we get drinks afterward. He laid it on thick, saying he hadn't dated anyone since, he thought about me when he passed by the place we met, etc. I told him, though, that I was casually seeing someone else- mostly because that someone else was calling me constantly while he and I were getting drinks. So I freaked out, thinking this guy wanted to be in my life again, texting him and telling him that we should meet up again because I felt like I was putting my feelings on hold for the guy I was casually dating. This freaked him out (as it probably should have) and we eventually got together and talked, and he asked what this guy was doing for me for valentine's day, and I said nothing, and he said well, I don't know, maybe I'm not ready for a relationship yet. So I was like ok, fine- although now in retrospect, OBVIOUSLY we couldn't jump right in. So we didn't talk for about a month- but my birthday was coming up and I was no longer seeing this guy anymore, so I invited him out for drinks for my birthday. So we met up last night and I tried to play it cool- but I was so nervous, and so scared he was going to just come out and say he wasn't ready for a relationship. But he didn't- he asked me subtly if I was still "seeing the guy that kept calling the last time" and I said no. He asked if I was dating anyone, and I said no, and he smiled, but then I awkwardly made a joke and turned the conversation away. But then it felt like it turned into a date, he paid for our drinks and opened the car door when we got back to the car. We went to my place to watch a movie, this part makes me nervous, we sat close to each other, but then I felt like he would pull away or I would get up to get something. We touched flirtatiously a few times, but we didn't hold hands or anything like that. I walked him out and we hugged for a very long time, and I felt like there would be a kiss, but I wasn't ready for that so I tried to avoid making eye contact after the hug. He was smiling, and held my hands for a second and said "talk to you soon?' and I said "yep" and that was that. I was thinking of texting him today and saying thanks for the drinks and that I had a good time. But I'm scared and nervous, because I know I have to take things slow with this guy, but I don't know exactly what last night meant- interested? What do I do next? I know it involves waiting, but I don't want to get my hopes up, either. Although, I feel in my gut that last night means he's interested. Opinions?
thatone Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 relax. pretend you just met. don't talk about the past. see what happens.
Author nocontactqueen Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 can i even assume he's interested at this point?
Star Gazer Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 can i even assume he's interested at this point? You shouldn't assume anything until/unless you actually communicate about it. You seem to be going head first thinking "RELATIONSHIP!" whereas he's likely thinking more along the lines of, "I think I like this girl, I want to get to know her better." The latter is a healthier response, IMO.
veggirl Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Slow down, goodness. You're getting too worked up! He will pick up on that, and probably not like it. Calm down A good start would be a proper date, not ending at one of your houses. You guys know each other, so it's easy to fall into the hang out at home thing, but you should be going out, so that you can get to know one another (again) without the sexual tension / awkwardness of sitting on a couch, wondering where to put your hand etc. Relax, invite him out to do something fun and see what happens.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 (edited) Well...hate to put it to you like this but I think you're the type of girl these guys are not dating for something serious. You seem to wishy washy, not sure what you want in a mans eyes because you're not really decisive about your decisions. You seem like the fly-by-seat kinda girl that gets easily swept up into men who make empty promises and give you false hopes then when you go to cash the check, so-to-speak, then It bounces. Why are you letting this guy dictate the whole process? Don't you have an opinion or mind to tell this guy what you're looking for and what you're expecting or you just a little docile porcelain doll that sits there quietly with her hands crossed waiting for some random guy (which honestly kinda give off the douchey vibe) to sweep you away? Be more proactive for god sakes (allah, dalai lama, etc..), If this dummy has half-a-brain he's already figured out he's got you wrapped around his little finger...and for what? a few little nice words that..hell, like most men will do...are only half-truths or just trying to see If they can win you back over. He's messing with your head, he thinks he's Mr. Casanova pulling some BS romance on you, It seems non genuine. As a man he's acting out in way that says to me "I just want to see If I can pull her back in with me, and we'll hook up....the chase is on". And this whole bit how you weren't ready for a serious relationship and you were traveling is just a way to rationalize the situation to yourself of why he things didn't work out at that time. But we all know if Mr. Casanova wanted you back then he wouldn't have been too busy with work and it wouldn't have just been "bad-timing" and then he made the first move because it was "inevitable"...don't buy that at all. If he's sincere and not playing games with you, he's going to be communicative and not leaving you guessing and in the dark, he'll follow up and be respectful. However If he isn't genuine he's going to play the push and pull mysterious game and you'll be wondering isn't going right....just because you are being genuine. I'm going off very little information here, but from what you've said this guy reeks of an ego, rather than being a romantic who sees a possibility in a future with you. But that's just my opinion. Edited March 20, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas
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