confusedone01 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 2 year relationship, broken up and in lc for 2 mo.'s now. When she broke up with me she said it was bc in the last couple mo.'s she wasnt as happy, but didnt no exactly why, but also knew that she still had all the same feelings for me and that she felt very conflicted on whether it was the right decision or not, and needed time to herself to figure things out. But here is the dilemma, about two weeks ago after all the haze of the break up went away, and after doing some seriouse self analyzing and having a very candid conversation with a.very close friend of mine, i had realized that it was mainly(90%) my fault that the break up happened through small actions/inactions over the long term and larger one towards the very end, i am not putting her up on a pedestal by any means but i know for a fact that it was ME that caused this break up to occur. Ever since this revelation i have been good and happy and no that if i must i will have to take what i learned to my next relationship, but i would really like to see if i could reconcile.things with her and show her i changed(through actions not words) but for that to happen i would have to get her to give me a chance with baby steps. I still think the world of her and no that i want to get back with.her for the right reasons(not ego, or just wanting wat i cant have, etc.), but since the break up she has.shown and outwardly said that she has "shelled up" around me for the time being, and me and everyone else notice that wenever she is physically around me she seems very conflicted, figuratively wanting to take a step fwd but stopping herself and also wanting to say things but biting her tongue. Anyways, i know.the normal thing to do is wait for the dumper to come back, but wat if its the dumpees(me) fault? I'm thinking about telling her that i no it was my fault and that i have changed the things that were causing the problems in the past relationship, and ask her if she would like to start hanging out(w/o anyone else around) and have regular conversations to get the awkwardness between us away and possibly crack at her shell a little so.she can open up to me again. "Hanging out" will also give me a chance to start showing her that things will be different and to see if it could evolve on its own into dating and eventually to a new, better relationship.
Me...IamMe Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Pretty much same boat I'm in. I messed up a 5 ye relationship and she's jumped into another one very quickly. All I can say is she has to see the change, not just hear it from your lips. And maybe that won't get her back. My ex said she didn't like who she was with me anymore. Kinda brutal. But truth sets you free. Really look inside and really change the **** that is making you lose women. I've finally learned and it is hard to change, but I'm doing it. Even if she doesn't come back, you will be ready for the next real relationship. Peace Out!
zoomzoom Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Ive been doing the same thing with my relationship that folded. She accepts 80% of the blame but I have a hard time accepting that! I feel like more of it is my fault. I wish I would have done so many things different and could have curved her feelings. But remember its their fault also!!! Not all of it it's hard but you cant beat yourself up to much. You may have acted that way for a reason maybe because how she was with you? Thats how I have felt at times at least. When I spoke with her I told her the same thing, how I felt bad and attempted to take more blame off her and put it on myself but she still did not agree.
Philosoraptor Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Ok, so we have 3 people beating themselves up. Did any of you pretend to be someone you are not? Did you try to hurt your ex in any way? If not, then it's not your fault. If someone isn't happy with you for exactly the person you are then you need to leave them. 1
zoomzoom Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Ok, so we have 3 people beating themselves up. Did any of you pretend to be someone you are not? Did you try to hurt your ex in any way? If not, then it's not your fault. If someone isn't happy with you for exactly the person you are then you need to leave them. I would say not most of the time, towards the end last 8 months or so I did put up a cold front and I was angry alot with stupid things. I think it was because I was not happy and most of it was a reaction to how she was treating me. I feel bad about that though because I'm not a "angry" guy as she was looking at me in those last months.
Me...IamMe Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Actually, I wouldn't grow up. I knew I was messing up, felt bad. But I wouldn't get help. Financially an idiot. Wouldn't seek help for depression, that runs in my family. Pushed everyone away. Friends, family, and the love of my life. Definitely 80% my fault. I didn't Man up. Now that its to late for her, I will never be like that again. Get back on the horse gut shot and keep movin'.
flitzanu Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 of course it's all your fault. that's what she told you, right? then it must be true. or.....perhaps it's human nature to blameshift and make others feel responsible when they don't want to take accountability or be honest.
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