Rant, rant, rant etc

[AlexDP]

My post wasn't aimed at pointing out "your faults," but rather pointing out that he was NOT giving you all the signs that it would work out as you seem to think. That said, IMO you don't seem to really recognize your faults or how you contribute to the downfall of your "relationships" at all. As you admitted yourself (points for that) in the other thread, it's all about you, you, you.

 

I don't understand the reference to my guy. Are only people NOT in relationships allowed to comment in your threads?

 

This is a public forum, I'll comment as I want. You don't like what I have to say, I realize that. But if you don't want to read my words, ignore me. Literally and figuratively.

 

You can't expect someone who has difficulties interpreting and realizing the role their own behaviour plays in relationships to do just that when you say they should. It's the exact thing she struggles with.

[xxoo]

I'm angry and upset, but mostly angry. As much as he's telling me he wants to make things work, all I'm really getting at this moment is empty words and lack of action. .

 

 

Why anger?

 

You've known someone less than a month. He shows interest in you, but not enough interest to make time for you.

 

Why are you angry about this?

 

If you were an established couple, and you had made sacrifices for this relationship, I could see anger and resentment. But why get angry with someone so new if they do not prioritize you?

 

Are you angry with him? Yourself? Your dating life? Life in general?

[Imajerk17]

xxpapercutxx--

 

Hard to know if you are really "learning" as you say you are, because your threads all seem to read the same.

 

It's also tough to unwind things here. My head was spinning from the details such as your crazy cell-phone plan and how many minutes you have left, your needing your boss to pick you up from work, and so on. Those details are irritating for another person to deal with, and make you sound kind of juvenile.

 

Anyway, I'm sure you came across as unreasonable in plenty of other ways since, such as when you said you needed to spend time with your friends.

 

It does seem to me that you "test" your dates by making unreasonable demands on them, and then when they push back at you, you fall for them. Maybe you want to reconsider that? Many good guys will just leave.

[Star Gazer]

You can't expect someone who has difficulties interpreting and realizing the role their own behaviour plays in relationships to do just that when you say they should. It's the exact thing she struggles with.

 

I totally get that. She said she is fully aware of all her faults. I'm simply disagreeing with her.

[zengirl]

Why anger?

 

You've known someone less than a month. He shows interest in you, but not enough interest to make time for you.

 

Why are you angry about this?

 

If you were an established couple, and you had made sacrifices for this relationship, I could see anger and resentment. But why get angry with someone so new if they do not prioritize you?

 

Are you angry with him? Yourself? Your dating life? Life in general?

 

This.

 

Anger is too heavily invested.

[Emilia]

Why anger?

 

You've known someone less than a month. He shows interest in you, but not enough interest to make time for you.

 

Why are you angry about this?

 

If you were an established couple, and you had made sacrifices for this relationship, I could see anger and resentment. But why get angry with someone so new if they do not prioritize you?

 

Are you angry with him? Yourself? Your dating life? Life in general?

 

With all fairness, this is easier said than done. We all get caught up in the excitement of meeting new and expectations towards that person. I think it's completely normal to be disappointed when it isn't reciprocated. Disappointment can manifest itself as anger.

[xxoo]

With all fairness, this is easier said than done. We all get caught up in the excitement of meeting new and expectations towards that person. I think it's completely normal to be disappointed when it isn't reciprocated. Disappointment can manifest itself as anger.

 

Disappointment is appropriate. Anger is not.

 

Yes, some people get angry when a more appropriate response would be disappointment, or sadness. But, if that's the case, it is good to examine why, and if the anger itself is an issue.

[kaylan]

OP I met a girl and we hit it off in the bar. Then few days later, there was drama..I should of bailed then....but i staid since i knew I still could get some....even though she said she wanted to be just friends.

 

After I got some, i lost total interest. I was up to hang our or maybe some more sex....but to invest my time with phone calls to her and texts...no way. I lost all interest when drama began. Before i was keen, after i was indifferent.

 

Also, I knew her less then a month....and no real Man, would invest much in to some new chick....I am alpha...I do my own thing.

alpha troll is alpha

[kaylan]

Phone, text, etc. I'm over it. Any kind of communication with him that is not in person, I'm not even going to be a participant in. I'm reserving my texting priveledges for my friends.

 

I did call him, but he decided to act childish by intentionally not picking up my call.

 

I still disagree with you he's a player, because he didn't " play" me to have sex, I was the one who initiated any sex that we've had. I will agree that he's not all that into me. I get it. If he bothered, he would have the decency and consideration to see me.

 

That's all I ask, consideration. Again, I just gave him too much credit where credit wasn't due. I'm never dating a workaholic again. Lesson learned.

You really underestimate this guy. If you want to really start understanding men as you said in your last thread then you need to LISTEN to what men are telling you here.

 

This guy was most likely playing you. Deal with it and get over it. But stop trying to see the situation as something it wasnt. This whole situation went exactly the way some of us thought it would...and this dude got what he wanted from the jump.

 

Stop being naive and just look at this stuff objectively. If this happened to one of your girls what would you think about the dudes intentions?

 

It has NOTHING to do with him being a workaholic. I know workaholics who make time to see chicks they really care about. Plus I dont buy that his was as busy as he lead on...Im pretty positive he was splitting time among other girls. This guy didnt care to spend time with you and just wanted to get it in. Real talk.

Edited March 20, 2012 by kaylan

[xpaperxcutx]

Why anger?

 

You've known someone less than a month. He shows interest in you, but not enough interest to make time for you.

 

Why are you angry about this?

 

If you were an established couple, and you had made sacrifices for this relationship, I could see anger and resentment. But why get angry with someone so new if they do not prioritize you?

 

Are you angry with him? Yourself? Your dating life? Life in general?

 

 

I'm angry at him for telling me that he wants to make this work and wanting to be with me yet, when it came time for him to show it, his actions were lackluster. I'm angry at the timing and how much work takes over his life. I'm angry at myself, for being angry in the first and expecting so much. I'm angry for being emotional about a guy. etc. I guess there's alot to be angry about.

 

Disappointment is appropriate. Anger is not.

 

Yes, some people get angry when a more appropriate response would be disappointment, or sadness. But, if that's the case, it is good to examine why, and if the anger itself is an issue.

 

Honestly, I was more upset. My anger merely evolved out of what a ****ty night I was having and when I did managed to get ahold of him last night, we didn't talk for too long. I ended up getting his voicemail again and he texted me he was going to bed because he was tired.

[xpaperxcutx]

xxpapercutxx--

 

Hard to know if you are really "learning" as you say you are, because your threads all seem to read the same.

 

It's also tough to unwind things here. My head was spinning from the details such as your crazy cell-phone plan and how many minutes you have left, your needing your boss to pick you up from work, and so on. Those details are irritating for another person to deal with, and make you sound kind of juvenile.

 

Anyway, I'm sure you came across as unreasonable in plenty of other ways since, such as when you said you needed to spend time with your friends.

 

It does seem to me that you "test" your dates by making unreasonable demands on them, and then when they push back at you, you fall for them. Maybe you want to reconsider that? Many good guys will just leave.

 

Why am I unreasonable? I try to keep my work separate from my personal life, his earlier demands for wanting to drive me to work, as appreciative as I was, was unrealistic. He has to be in at work by 8, I start work at 9. His reasoning was that we could spend the night together and he'll drop me off someplace while I wait for my boss to open up the shop ( I work in a salon/spa). So honestly, if anyone's going out of their way, I'm literally getting the shortend of the stick.

 

Yeah, okay, me being with my friends is selfish of me. I made plans with my girlfriends prior to us wanting to see each other. I told him I can meet him after dinner but it'll be a little late. He didn't protest to my offer, yet when it came time for me to head out, he told me it was getting late and wanted to reschedule for the next night. I had no choice but to agree even though he could've made plans for the next day to go out with me; instead he chose to go to the gym. And I didn't hear a peep from him until he got off work at 11, which brings us to the OP post; yes, I am angry, angry for putting up with being backburned and being jerked around.

[Professor X]

Why am I unreasonable? I try to keep my work separate from my personal life, his earlier demands for wanting to drive me to work, as appreciative as I was, was unrealistic. He has to be in at work by 8, I start work at 9. His reasoning was that we could spend the night together and he'll drop me off someplace while I wait for my boss to open up the shop ( I work in a salon/spa). So honestly, if anyone's going out of their way, I'm literally getting the shortend of the stick.

 

Yeah, okay, me being with my friends is selfish of me. I made plans with my girlfriends prior to us wanting to see each other. I told him I can meet him after dinner but it'll be a little late. He didn't protest to my offer, yet when it came time for me to head out, he told me it was getting late and wanted to reschedule for the next night. I had no choice but to agree even though he could've made plans for the next day to go out with me; instead he chose to go to the gym. And I didn't hear a peep from him until he got off work at 11, which brings us to the OP post; yes, I am angry, angry for putting up with being backburned and being jerked around.

Well, you shouldn't be angry, you made conscious decisions, no one forced them on you and as such, the right thing to do is to try and learn from them and grow.

Next guy will teach you new things, and so on, until you find the guy who is exactly what you want and need.

 

And for next time: Drama so early = bail.

[xpaperxcutx]

You really underestimate this guy. If you want to really start understanding men as you said in your last thread then you need to LISTEN to what men are telling you here.

 

This guy was most likely playing you. Deal with it and get over it. But stop trying to see the situation as something it wasnt. This whole situation went exactly the way some of us thought it would...and this dude got what he wanted from the jump.

 

Stop being naive and just look at this stuff objectively. If this happened to one of your girls what would you think about the dudes intentions?

 

It has NOTHING to do with him being a workaholic. I know workaholics who make time to see chicks they really care about. Plus I dont buy that his was as busy as he lead on...Im pretty positive he was splitting time among other girls. This guy didnt care to spend time with you and just wanted to get it in. Real talk.

 

Real talk, kay, thanks so much for your support but as much as I want to say I got played for sex, I just don't feel used in the physical area. Sex is sex, and I enjoyed it. I'm just emotionally drained from dealing with his need to cancel on me and not meeting me half way.

 

If he's splitting his time with other girls, then he can have those other girls. I'm out of the equation.

 

Maybe I'll take another poster's offer and go out with you :lmao:

But I'll wait until I dump my baggage before I go after another guy.

[kaylan]

( I work in a salon/spa).

An Asian girl who works in a "spa"....riiight lol I kid I kid

 

Also why don't you go on a date with kaylan? His replies to you totally seem like he would be down. He seems nice too. Woohoo!

 

I wonder how you came to this conclusion. I thought I was giving advice in the same way everyone else was.

 

 

P.S. Im not nice lulz

Edited March 20, 2012 by kaylan

[xxoo]

I'm just emotionally drained from dealing with his need to cancel on me and not meeting me half way.

 

With the benefit of hindsight, try to figure out how you got so emotionally invested in a man who didn't give you enough time and attention even for the initial month you've known him.

 

What was it about this man, or this relationship, that made you want it enough to continually go more than half way?

[veggirl]

 

 

I wonder how you came to this conclusion. I thought I was giving advice in the same way everyone else was.

 

 

P.S. Im not nice lulz

 

*shrug* not sure exactly how I acquired that conclusion. Just a vibe, lol.

I'll stop threadjacking.

[kaylan]

Maybe I'll take another poster's offer and go out with you :lmao:

But I'll wait until I dump my baggage before I go after another guy.

We can make the next Tiger Woods, if you catch my drift

Edited March 20, 2012 by kaylan

[Untouchable_Fire]

Why am I unreasonable? I try to keep my work separate from my personal life, his earlier demands for wanting to drive me to work, as appreciative as I was, was unrealistic. He has to be in at work by 8, I start work at 9. His reasoning was that we could spend the night together and he'll drop me off someplace while I wait for my boss to open up the shop ( I work in a salon/spa). So honestly, if anyone's going out of their way, I'm literally getting the shortend of the stick.

Yeah, okay, me being with my friends is selfish of me. I made plans with my girlfriends prior to us wanting to see each other. I told him I can meet him after dinner but it'll be a little late. He didn't protest to my offer, yet when it came time for me to head out, he told me it was getting late and wanted to reschedule for the next night. I had no choice but to agree even though he could've made plans for the next day to go out with me; instead he chose to go to the gym. And I didn't hear a peep from him until he got off work at 11, which brings us to the OP post; yes, I am angry, angry for putting up with being backburned and being jerked around.

 

... Don't you understand yet? He just wasn't that interested. Nothing against you... this stuff just happens. You didn't really get him excited about you. Not to say he couldn't fall in love with you down the line... it's just that would require effort on his part... which isn't happening... because he doesn't care that much.

 

You represent occasional sex for minimal effort. Sure you might bitch at him about his lack of interest and effort... but you still put out.

 

Get it? Got it? Good!

Edited March 20, 2012 by Untouchable_Fire

[Mme. Chaucer]

With the benefit of hindsight, try to figure out how you got so emotionally invested in a man who didn't give you enough time and attention even for the initial month you've known him.

 

What was it about this man, or this relationship, that made you want it enough to continually go more than half way?

 

I still get the feeling, paper, that you have not connected with what most of us believe we see that was out of whack with your approach to meeting and beginning to date this guy.

 

It's not just going more than half way, because that implies a relationship is present where both parties are going at least part of the way.

 

This is a man you were in the initial getting to know phase with.

 

All the stuff that was "wrong" really should NOT have elicited an emotional reaction within you, and certainly not started "fights" WITH the guy.

 

IMO, the appropriate response would have been to observe, take note, maybe talk with friends a little bit, and decide for yourself (without discussing it with a man you had NO relationship with so far) whether what he was bringing was what you wanted.

 

Or, just let it unfold without all the premature investment of feelings, angst, and enmeshment with the guy. That could have looked kind of like:

 

You met a guy, you weren't sure, but were kind of interested. You dated him 4 times and had sex once because you really wanted to, but it seemed hard to get together and it really wasn't going anywhere, so it faded away.

 

Maybe a little regret, but ZERO drama, fighting, etc.

 

Or, you might have had nice but infrequent dates with him that went on for a while before you both decided that you wanted to spend a lot more time together, and you may have made that happen.

 

But pushing all that enmeshment (starting with sleeping in the same bed the first night you met - which might have been more entangling than just having sex would have) kind of stops you from being able to actually observe and deal with what is really happening.

[xpaperxcutx]

With the benefit of hindsight, try to figure out how you got so emotionally invested in a man who didn't give you enough time and attention even for the initial month you've known him.

 

What was it about this man, or this relationship, that made you want it enough to continually go more than half way?

 

He did give me attention and time just not as much I wanted it.

 

I don't know how to answer this, but I guess I was just attached to the idea of having someone that was so into me. Before him, I was not/seeing this guy who only ever talked to me in text. This guy helped me get over the last guy.

 

I know I have issues. I have issues with falling too fast and jumping from date to date.

We can make the next Tiger Woods, if you catch my drift

 

Har, har, har... no.

 

... Don't you understand yet? He just wasn't that interested. Nothing against you... this stuff just happens. You didn't really get him excited about you. Not to say he couldn't fall in love with you down the line... it's just that would require effort on his part... which isn't happening... because he doesn't care that much.

 

You represent occasional sex for minimal effort. Sure you might bitch at him about his lack of interest and effort... but you still put out.

 

Get it? Got it? Good!

 

Then tell him to stop contacting me.

 

I had sex because I wanted to sleep with him. Yeah I put out, that hardly makes me a slut.

Edited March 21, 2012 by xpaperxcutx

[kaylan]

Har, har, har... no.

Meh, suit yourself

[Imajerk17]

Why am I unreasonable? I try to keep my work separate from my personal life, his earlier demands for wanting to drive me to work, as appreciative as I was, was unrealistic. He has to be in at work by 8, I start work at 9. His reasoning was that we could spend the night together and he'll drop me off someplace while I wait for my boss to open up the shop ( I work in a salon/spa). So honestly, if anyone's going out of their way, I'm literally getting the shortend of the stick.

 

Yeah, okay, me being with my friends is selfish of me. I made plans with my girlfriends prior to us wanting to see each other. I told him I can meet him after dinner but it'll be a little late. He didn't protest to my offer, yet when it came time for me to head out, he told me it was getting late and wanted to reschedule for the next night. I had no choice but to agree even though he could've made plans for the next day to go out with me; instead he chose to go to the gym. And I didn't hear a peep from him until he got off work at 11, which brings us to the OP post; yes, I am angry, angry for putting up with being backburned and being jerked around.

 

Alright there's enough blame to go around. I guess. This whole thing seems about as difficult to unwind as that mess AIG caused...

 

That said, I have no idea why you fell for him. I mean, if he really is as difficult and inconsiderate as you make him out to be, then maybe your people-picker is just off?

Edited March 21, 2012 by Imajerk17

[xpaperxcutx]

He texted me tonight after I specifically told him not toc. He apologized for his behaviour but then he went off on me about being stubborn and how I'm missing out on someone good and if I didn't answer him he was gone for good.

 

I texted him back about how I felt and how I thought it was better to give each other space, yet somehow he came back at me again for being stubborn. I tried calling him ( I know, bad idea) and left him two messages, and yet I know he intentionally turned off his phone. Then he texted me that he was sorry and that he needed to talk to me tomorrow.

 

I don't understand what's going on. All day I was minding my own business and I was in such a good mood, and now he's blowing up my phone with texts yet won't even answer my calls. He keeps texting me how much he likes me. But I feel like something's amissed. I asked him if he's seeing someone else and he told me it was far from the truth.

 

So, now I'm at a crossroad. When I posted this thread last night, I was over him and now he pulled me back in. I'm just waiting for the other foot to drop and I know it's not going to be good news.

[xxoo]

He texted me tonight after I specifically told him not toc. He apologized for his behaviour but then he went off on me about being stubborn and how I'm missing out on someone good and if I didn't answer him he was gone for good.

 

I texted him back about how I felt and how I thought it was better to give each other space, yet somehow he came back at me again for being stubborn. I tried calling him ( I know, bad idea) and left him two messages, and yet I know he intentionally turned off his phone. Then he texted me that he was sorry and that he needed to talk to me tomorrow.

 

I don't understand what's going on. All day I was minding my own business and I was in such a good mood, and now he's blowing up my phone with texts yet won't even answer my calls. He keeps texting me how much he likes me. But I feel like something's amissed. I asked him if he's seeing someone else and he told me it was far from the truth.

 

So, now I'm at a crossroad. When I posted this thread last night, I was over him and now he pulled me back in. I'm just waiting for the other foot to drop and I know it's not going to be good news.

 

You have issues, he has issues. Now that he can't have you, he wants you.

 

You know how so many posters are getting on your case here for fighting in such early stages of a relationship? It takes two to fight. He's got some issues if he is sticking around and engaging this.

 

You said you were going to take some time off before dating other guys. I think you should take some time off before dating anyone--including him.

[kaylan]

Wow dude...just block this fool already. He can text about how much he likes you but wont answer your calls so you can hear his voice and talk about all this...really?

 

Jeez...Youre not gonna listen to any of us here and youre gonna continue with the drama...so what the point in us giving you advice when you ignore all of us.

 

Im convinced that youre just desperate for a boy in your life...meh...Im just gonna follow these threads for the lulz from now on.

 

 

EDIT:

P.S. - Why the hell would you wait for the other shoe to drop when your gut is telling you bad news is a comin'. Im convinced you are looney tunes ms. cutz.

Edited March 21, 2012 by kaylan