Rant, rant, rant etc

March 20, 2012

I had my suspicions. But I only took him for his words when he said he hadn't been with anyone for two years.

Saying that he hadn't "been with anyone for two years" IS NOT the same thing as "I am not currently seeing anyone else."

March 20, 2012

He started writing to me about how much he wanted to make things work and wanting me to be understanding. Then when I didn't reply to him, he literally said I was dissing him.

Please, please, please do not tell me that you are using texting as the primary means of communication. If so, please do not do that the next time. I remember you said you have some awkward situation with your phone. In that case it would be better to put off dating until you can get a phone that you can talk freely. It is that important. If there was a way I could wave a magic wand and only change one variable for all LS users it would be to not have the ability to text at all until after 6 or 7 successful dates. So many problems would be avoided.

I agree with Kaylan; if you are having a bunch of drama right off the bat it's a major red flag. If most of these fights are resulting from text messaging it's a major red flag to me that you need to work on your communication.

Also, it does not seem that you are listening to what the folks here are saying. This guy is using you, yet you seem to continue denying it. It is better to admit that this is what happened so you can learn from it and not repeat history.

The way I know he is a player is that I can 100000% assure you that if a man is into you he will move heaven and earth to spend time with you. I don't care if it's the President of the United States; if he wanted you, and you made yourself available he would be there. Any excuse you are telling yourself as to why he can't find time for you is self-deceiving. A woman's love is that powerful to a man if he wants you. Don't underestimate yourself

Trust me when I say this; if he was into you, you would not be on the back burner for a job or even a million dollar deal...ESPECIALLY during the honeymoon stage!

March 20, 2012

Trust me when I say this; if he was into you, you would not be on the back burner for a job or even a million dollar deal...ESPECIALLY during the honeymoon stage!

I do agree with this.

March 20, 2012

I do agree with this.

However, they had a super rocky start + only knew each other for a short period of time - to short to get into the honeymoon phase.

I'd trade a girl I met a couple of weeks ago for a million dollars any day.

March 20, 2012

However, they had a super rocky start + only knew each other for a short period of time - to short to get into the honeymoon phase.

I'd trade a girl I met a couple of weeks ago for a million dollars any day.

Ha... Touche!

March 20, 2012

S_G if you pay half as much attention to spam thrreads as you do mine, you could've made a great moderator in keeping this forums spam free.

The man has got a point. I suggest you read your own threads about this guy again. You can't change his behaviour, but you can change yours. You admit you obsess over guys. You obsess over this guy and you hardly know him. At first you weren't even attracted to him. If you ask me, it's not him, it's you.

Also, if you have known someone for as much a month then no, you are not his top priority. And you shouldn't be.

March 20, 2012

OP I met a girl and we hit it off in the bar. Then few days later, there was drama..I should of bailed then....but i staid since i knew I still could get some....even though she said she wanted to be just friends.

After I got some, i lost total interest. I was up to hang our or maybe some more sex....but to invest my time with phone calls to her and texts...no way. I lost all interest when drama began. Before i was keen, after i was indifferent.

Also, I knew her less then a month....and no real Man, would invest much in to some new chick....I am alpha...I do my own thing.

March 20, 2012

Also, I knew her less then a month....and no real Man, would invest much in to some new chick....I am alpha...I do my own thing.

Right I could care less if you're an alpha or beta, that has nothing to do with your character as a person.

Neither did i ask for an investment so early on. IF that was the case I jumped on the band wagon and be his girlfriend. I just want someone who wasn't so busy to date and actually bother to spend time with me.

That's not called being needy, it's called dating.

March 20, 2012

Also, if you have known someone for as much a month then no, you are not his top priority. And you shouldn't be.

I don't want to be his top priority but it doesn't mean I want to be backburned either. We're both very busy people, but at least I give my time to people who deserve it. Especially, since time is so precious to me as of right now since I'm working fulltime, I like to spend my off days productively. His idea of using my time is making plans with me and then cancelling on me without prior notice. That's what I call BS.

March 20, 2012

Saying that he hadn't "been with anyone for two years" IS NOT the same thing as "I am not currently seeing anyone else."

We are not exclusive.

March 20, 2012

Please, please, please do not tell me that you are using texting as the primary means of communication. If so, please do not do that the next time. I remember you said you have some awkward situation with your phone. In that case it would be better to put off dating until you can get a phone that you can talk freely. It is that important. If there was a way I could wave a magic wand and only change one variable for all LS users it would be to not have the ability to text at all until after 6 or 7 successful dates. So many problems would be avoided.

I agree with Kaylan; if you are having a bunch of drama right off the bat it's a major red flag. If most of these fights are resulting from text messaging it's a major red flag to me that you need to work on your communication.

Also, it does not seem that you are listening to what the folks here are saying. This guy is using you, yet you seem to continue denying it. It is better to admit that this is what happened so you can learn from it and not repeat history.

The way I know he is a player is that I can 100000% assure you that if a man is into you he will move heaven and earth to spend time with you. I don't care if it's the President of the United States; if he wanted you, and you made yourself available he would be there. Any excuse you are telling yourself as to why he can't find time for you is self-deceiving. A woman's love is that powerful to a man if he wants you. Don't underestimate yourself

Trust me when I say this; if he was into you, you would not be on the back burner for a job or even a million dollar deal...ESPECIALLY during the honeymoon stage!

Phone, text, etc. I'm over it. Any kind of communication with him that is not in person, I'm not even going to be a participant in. I'm reserving my texting priveledges for my friends.

I did call him, but he decided to act childish by intentionally not picking up my call.

I still disagree with you he's a player, because he didn't " play" me to have sex, I was the one who initiated any sex that we've had. I will agree that he's not all that into me. I get it. If he bothered, he would have the decency and consideration to see me.

That's all I ask, consideration. Again, I just gave him too much credit where credit wasn't due. I'm never dating a workaholic again. Lesson learned.

Edited March 20, 2012 by xpaperxcutx

March 20, 2012

Again, I just gave him too much credit where credit wasn't due.

Yeah, you did, +1 for realizing that.

March 20, 2012

Yeah, you did, +1 for realizing that.

You're nice when you're not snarky or sarcastic.

March 20, 2012

This has never been a good potential relationship. There have been a myriad of problems throughout. I do not think this guy is necessarily a bad guy, nor do I think you are necessarily wrong either. Really, whenever an early relationship is infested with so much fighting, BOTH people are in the wrong and neither are; it's just a lack of compatibility. The end.

I don't think this guy was just after sex, though I do think he wanted to have sex with you. He seemed genuinely interested in the beginning, but here are the problems:

1.) You moved way too fast by:

*sleeping at his house on the first date

*expecting GF-level contact without the relationship

*fixating on how he was the first guy you'd met in a long time with boyfriend-like qualities and values

2.) You and he are both very busy with differing communication styles.

3.) You weren't all that interested in him in the first place (he was too heavy) and you "gave him a chance" based on his nice manners on the 2nd date.

4.) When there was conflict and fighting even just after a few dates, you pressed forward and tried to "talk it out" the way one would in a relationship. A few dates are not a relationship. They may survive some conflict, but not conflict that is so serious it requires serious discussions.

Really, what you need is space and time for things to develop and to see if you're compatible with someone. And accept when you are not. I still do not think this situation will work out for you. That could've been evident to you if you stepped back and reflected along the way, I think.

March 20, 2012

You're nice when you're not snarky or sarcastic.

I got my moments thanks

March 20, 2012

This has never been a good potential relationship. There have been a myriad of problems throughout. I do not think this guy is necessarily a bad guy, nor do I think you are necessarily wrong either. Really, whenever an early relationship is infested with so much fighting, BOTH people are in the wrong and neither are; it's just a lack of compatibility. The end.

I don't think this guy was just after sex, though I do think he wanted to have sex with you. He seemed genuinely interested in the beginning, but here are the problems:

1.) You moved way too fast by:
*sleeping at his house on the first date
*expecting GF-level contact without the relationship
*fixating on how he was the first guy you'd met in a long time with boyfriend-like qualities and values

2.) You and he are both very busy with differing communication styles.

3.) You weren't all that interested in him in the first place (he was too heavy) and you "gave him a chance" based on his nice manners on the 2nd date.

4.) When there was conflict and fighting even just after a few dates, you pressed forward and tried to "talk it out" the way one would in a relationship. A few dates are not a relationship. They may survive some conflict, but not conflict that is so serious it requires serious discussions.

Really, what you need is space and time for things to develop and to see if you're compatible with someone. And accept when you are not. I still do not think this situation will work out for you. That could've been evident to you if you stepped back and reflected along the way, I think.

Thank you. I never said he was a bad guy, it was just that we were not on the same page. The reason I pressed on was because he gave me all the signs that we could work, but obviously considering the outcome, he couldn't meet my needs and neither could I, his.

When I date, I need to go out with the person, not just communicate through phone and texting. I only get two days off, during which time I get my laundry done, clean my apartment, go the gym, and then I make time for the people around me. I make plans and I stick to them. So if I'm having dinner or going out for drinks with my girlfriends I don't cancel at the last minute.

For him, he's working from sunup until sundown, and I can't even reach him by text or phone when he's busy. When we make plans to see each other, he doesn't tell me to meet him when or where, he just says yes, and expects me to be there. So technically, I've became someone who has to wait for him to come around.

Had we met a different time when we were both weren't this busy, maybe there wouldn't be so much fighting about seeing each other. I can't say that I don't like him, because I did enjoy spending time with him but he's trying to juggle two jobs and me. Reiterating, I never asked him to make me a priority but if he wants to date, then he needs to taking dating as a priority.

This is no different from trying to meet someone online and trying to make that first date a reality. I became that person trying to plan the date and having the guy continuously giving me the runaround. The guy prior, who I was not/seeing pulled this exact BS and I stopped chasing.

I am supposed to be the girl. I don't want to chase after a guy. I can be receptive but don't expect me to chase.

March 20, 2012

Thank you. I never said he was a bad guy, it was just that we were not on the same page. The reason I pressed on was because he gave me all the signs that we could work, but obviously considering the outcome, he couldn't meet my needs and neither could I, his.

No, he did not. On DAY 6 of knowing him, you were already angry, and from that point forward you complained about how he wasn't doing/giving you enough. Those were signs that it would NOT work.

BTW, we're now at 30 days. It shouldn't be "work" at this point.

I don't want to chase after a guy. I can be receptive but don't expect me to chase.

But that's what you do with pretty much every guy. You get aggressive with then get pissed off when they don't get in line and follow your rules.

March 20, 2012

I guess I should have taken everyone's advice but in the words of chinese proverbs I intentionally crashed my head into the wall.

I'm angry and upset, but mostly angry. As much as he's telling me he wants to make things work, all I'm really getting at this moment is empty words and lack of action.

For those who said I settled ( especially you, Kaylan), I realize no matter how much I try to appease to his circumstances and situations right now, I am the one who is unfullfilled in all of this. I'm settling for phone calls and texting and while it was a compromise to see him only once a week, we are now literally not seeing each other at all.

No, he didn't apologize, in fact he turned it around on me and telling me how it's my fault I had to see my friends instead of spending time with him. And then when I do give him my days off, he doesn't bother to let me know whether we're going to see each other or not. Which left me, like today, sitting at home and waiting for him.

If this is the mild version of being a doormat, I'm ready to sweep him off me and kick him out the door.

There's no point in dating someone who can only text " Hey I'm really tired and I'm going to go to bed. Ttyl"

So yeah, I told him until he gets his priorities straight, I'm done.

His contacts are deleted and if he can give me his time, he knows how to find me. In the meantime, I'm just going to reserve my off days for people worth my time.

I don't know anything of the situation or this man, but of your posts as an entirety, it seems like you relish drama. Like bad boys. Yet you want a committed partner.

It's kind of like being a professional skydiver and complaining that your life insurance is high.

Hey. To each their own...

March 20, 2012

No, he did not. On DAY 6 of knowing him, you were already angry, and from that point forward you complained about how he wasn't doing/giving you enough. Those were signs that it would NOT work.

BTW, we're now at 30 days. It shouldn't be "work" at this point.

But that's what you do with pretty much every guy. You get aggressive with then get pissed off when they don't get in line and follow your rules.

S_G, I appreciate if you don't comment on my threads anymore. It seems instead of helping you keep pointing out my faults ( of which I am aware of, thank you). Don't you have a guy, why the need to constantly bother with my threads? You're not contributing anything helpful. Just being sarcastic and incredibly condescending.

March 20, 2012

So I am an idiot for putting up with this. If he doesn't have time to date, he shouldn't get my hopes up. The fact that we do like each other doesn't help one bit.

Are you good at math?

A guys interest level in you = X

The effort he puts into you = Y

How much he listens to you = Z

Z*Y=X

March 20, 2012

S_G, I appreciate if you don't comment on my threads anymore. It seems instead of helping you keep pointing out my faults ( of which I am aware of, thank you). Don't you have a guy, why the need to constantly bother with my threads? You're not contributing anything helpful. Just being sarcastic and incredibly condescending.

My post wasn't aimed at pointing out "your faults," but rather pointing out that he was NOT giving you all the signs that it would work out as you seem to think. That said, IMO you don't seem to really recognize your faults or how you contribute to the downfall of your "relationships" at all. As you admitted yourself (points for that) in the other thread, it's all about you, you, you.

I don't understand the reference to my guy. Are only people NOT in relationships allowed to comment in your threads?

This is a public forum, I'll comment as I want. You don't like what I have to say, I realize that. But if you don't want to read my words, ignore me. Literally and figuratively.

March 20, 2012

Paper, you need to learn how to "fight" without fighting. No yelling, cursing, etc. I suspect many of these issues you had with the guy were dramatized and blown up unnecessarily by becoming fights. A disagreement does not have to become a fight. Learn to talk things through calmly, even when angry, and you will see a great improvement in your relationships with men. Fighting the way you've described happening with this guy should be RARE and a big deal when it does happen. Many of the things you've described could have likely been worked through without escalating to a fight.

March 20, 2012

I don't know anything of the situation or this man, but of your posts as an entirety, it seems like you relish drama. Like bad boys. Yet you want a committed partner.

It's kind of like being a professional skydiver and complaining that your life insurance is high.

Hey. To each their own...

Exactly.

If it was working for her, I'd say "to each their own" too. We all have different needs/wants/etc. But the way she handles things clearly isn't working...

March 20, 2012

Bad boy is all she needs to be happy. Easy, go to a bar OP and say to the cute guy, that you want some "bad boy sex" tonight. If he knows what you mean...you got him!

March 20, 2012

Also why don't you go on a date with kaylan? His replies to you totally seem like he would be down. He seems nice too. Woohoo!

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