Gypsie Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I'm in my early to mid thirties and still single. No kids either. Have been in relationships and dated around before but nothing has worked out. Feeling cursed. Have such bad luck when I meet guys. Most guys I meet end up being jerks or guys who just want sex. . Getting really fed up with it all and have given myself a break from it for a while. It is so hard to find a decent guy these days. Where the hell are they?
manup Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I'm in my early to mid thirties and still single. No kids either. Have been in relationships and dated around before but nothing has worked out. Feeling cursed. Have such bad luck when I meet guys. Most guys I meet end up being jerks or guys who just want sex. . Getting really fed up with it all and have given myself a break from it for a while. It is so hard to find a decent guy these days. Where the hell are they? I would do some self reflecting. How am I meeting these guys? Where am I meeting these guys? Am I putting out a good vibe? Am I attracted to jerks?
Eddie Edirol Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I would do some self reflecting. How am I meeting these guys? Where am I meeting these guys? Am I putting out a good vibe? Am I attracted to jerks? Thats right my dear, its your man picker that is off. Do you actively approach the guys you want, or do you just wait for them to approach you?
Author Gypsie Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 It is a little bit of both I guess. Maybe I have to be friends with them more first before I even consider dating them... Any other ideas to improve things??
mortensorchid Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I am where you are, asked myself those same questions. But, think of it this way: If you had ended up with whoever you are thinking of from the past, you wouldn't be happy. It wasn't meant to be. You want someone who deserves you rather than some idiot. As for how to improve things? Find new and meaningful things to do with your time. Then you will fill up your time with more productive things and projects rather than sitting around doing nothing. It takes the focus off yourself and makes you think of other things. Everything falls into place, the bad is waiting for it. But ... Whatever it is can and will happen for the best.
SJC2008 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Gypsie I am a man who just reached 30 and am asking the same thing so I can relate. For every woman who says men are jerks or only want sex there is a man like me asking why women bail so fast. I thing at our age we need to "think outside the box" if you will. What I mean is stop chasing an immediate spark if you ade and really try to get to know someone. I tried to do this with the last woman but she ghosted, mabye I should of been more up front. Basically I was very attracted to her, we got each others sense of humor but there was almost no conversation flow. So I have a feeling that's the main reason she ghosted. Mabye if I told her that I was aware of it and was concerned but willing to give it a few more dates to see if things blossom she would of agreed. I don't mean force things, ya gotta draw the line somewhere but to me it would of been worth it. The way I see it is that it really takes time to get to know someone, especially from atom and I'll give the benefit if the doubt to not miss out on a chance of meeting a great woman. Now there's now way I woulda done this with the last girl I dated so it does depend on the person. I used to work with a friend and the 1st month or so we couldn't buy a convo but can hold them all the time now. Also, some men can be a little shy AT FIRST, like me. It doesn't mean we're doormats or are afraid of the you know what, we just take a little while to come around. Lastly know what you want in a man and get the closest to it as no man or woman is perfect. Keep your head up and good luck! 3
lospantalonsfancie Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Maybe I have to be friends with them more first before I even consider dating them... No. That is the exact opposite of what you should do. You shouldn't become MORE picky, but become LESS picky. The more picky you are, the more you are filtering the guys with no game and selecting the guys who can fool you the longest --- i.e. the players. I suggest dating geeks: men who are awkward, intellectual, wear glasses, and are nervous around women. These are the men who are the most likely to treat you the way you want to be treated, and the least likely to only want sex. If you continue to select men who are "charming", "confident", or "suave", be prepared for many of them to be players.
djmm Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 im in 30s and single too. im being positive about it but this new sense of 'time running out' has creeped in my brain. i dont believe it to be true but it is there. I want things to happen naturally meaning i dont want to go to online dating or anything like that. I think if you are right with yourself, feel confident and positive with yourself, things will happen.
thatone Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 It is a little bit of both I guess. Maybe I have to be friends with them more first before I even consider dating them... Any other ideas to improve things?? that will get you the opposite extreme (from players to doormats), which you won't be happy with, then will go back and find more players to compensate.
Arkaeology Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I'm a male turning 31 this year. I was in a handful of long term relationships and the last one being 5 years. I could have been married by now if I want to but I didn't see myself getting married with my girlfriend then so I broke it off. Based on my experience, you should give yourself ME time. What I did was in the past 3 years, I chose to be single and not be with anyone. I did three hobbies and they made me an optimistic and happy person. My current hobby makes me work out 6-7 days a week and that brought me to my best shape of my life. My point here is that learn to be happy and be confident. Once you're happy, things will just fall into place and you won't stress out about things too much. I know I'm not ugly but nowadays I see women tell me that I'm handsome and sexy considering that I've always seen myself as a 6.5 although I'm probably an 8.5 on confidence. I was never fat or anything but now I'm just flowing with optimism and positivity in life. Also, men will always want sex. We're wired that way. The question is, who will you give it to? Will you give it to the guy you just met at the club or to someone who you got to know a little bit better? Yes, you're feeling the biological clock creeping on you. This should make you reflect on what you want and go after it. Once you meet that potential partner, don't hesitate and just be yourself and hope that other sees all the potential in you as well. That or adopt a kid...
ascendotum Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 (edited) Feeling cursed. Have such bad luck when I meet guys. Most guys I meet end up being jerks or guys who just want sex. . I've known at least 1/2 dozen women your age who say the same thing about having such rotten luck with men again & again. These women were okay looking, outgoing & friendly, liked to have fun, but were nothing special, had averge lives, they weren't great catches imo, but they tended to over estimate themselves because they could bang hot or exciting guys (ST but not keep them LT), in my opinion anyway. One of them had been cheated on 6 out of the 7 of her LTR. I used to see a number of the guys these women would go for...bad boy types, tough guys, style over substance, good looking bull**** artists, cocky player type guys. Most were big on confidence in their men, but being arrogant, full of ****, egotistical, somone quick to get in a fight, someone who didn't make the girl his priority, it was the same as confidence. I've seen them when we have been out at bars or parties, and watch the guys that approach them, 'regular/nice type' guys are usually labeled 'boring' or 'there's no chemistry' and the guy walks off because of the vibe she gives him. A number of the women complained they are magnets for losers, but they dress to get to attention, and they generally had sex pretty quickly with any guy. Maybe this is nothing like you, but IDK, 20 yrs of bad luck with men, what do you control & what can you change. Getting really fed up with it all and have given myself a break from it for a while. Probably a good idea to re-evaluate. It is so hard to find a decent guy these days. Where the hell are they? At your age, majority are already married or in LTRs. Whats that saying some of the women I know use....all the great guys are married or gay or players. Edited March 20, 2012 by ascendotum 1
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