verhrzn Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 And for the 2nd issue I wanted to address: Verzhrn. I've seen a lot of your threads about how you are lonely and can't get a man no matter how hard you try. This is why I was somewhat surprised with the level of viciousness with which you attacked The OP. I am by no means a defender of him and guys like Somedude but I would have thought that you, of all people, would be sympathetic to his plight and that of other people like him. I don't want you take this the wrong way, but perhaps this is an indicator that you do exude something in your interactions with other people and perhaps this is part of what is setting you back? I found hypocrisy very annoying. I would have been much more sympathetic to the OP if HE had showed sympathy in return. If the OP had stuck entirely to his own issue... that he's bummed he doesn't have a girlfriend at 23, that he sometimes feels as if no one supports him... okay, that I can get behind. I relate to the sadness of that. Instead he chooses to bash another person, and complain about how people are giving HER all the sympathy and not HIM. How dare they! And yes, saying that someone is fat and thus should not have the audacity to reject suitors IS bashing. It's the same thing other posters slam SD for.... that women (especially unattractive women) do not get to have their own standards. I was also not angry with the OP until my 2nd post. I thought he was being a little unsympathetic, which is why I suggested trying to lead by example. However, when he started bringing in how oppressed men are, no one looks out for them, blah blah... yeah, THAT gets my ire up. I am NOT sympathetic to guys who complain about how they can't get a woman, but then turn around and women-bash. (Women can't have standards, women get everything in life, etc.) In other words, I refuse to give sympathy to people who refuse to give sympathy to others.
Els Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Two things I want to say. One: How on earth is that almost every thread that begins about something else becomes a personal thread about Somedude 81. I actually had to check again to make sure he wasn't the OP. I admire your writing skills in that you are able to thread-jack so effectively (no seriously I am) and you could potentially use this to land a date. Just a thought. Well, to be fair to SD, I really don't think this thread was his fault. I probably led the conversation towards him, but hey, the OP was clearly a troll and I couldn't be bothered to spend the time dedicating proper responses to him, whereas SD is likely to be a genuine guy who's just in a bad place (unless he's an extremely, extremely GOOD troll, and in that case he deserves the attention because he has got to be the most dedicated one I've ever seen ). My sincerest advice, and please don't take this the wrong way, is that you need to get off the computer and off this website. It can be toxic under the wrong conditions. And there are so many inflammatory threads and trolls that its hard to tell what's real any more. It's enough to crush even a healthy persons self esteem and confidence. You need a dose of RL. The fact is this board isn't representative of the general populace and I'm sure you will have better fortunes without it. I think this board has helped many people, you just need to be able to filter out the good from the bad. But I agree that anyone who finds themselves sliding down the slippery slope of bitterness here, could do well to try a LS detox and see how things go. Never hurts to try. And for the 2nd issue I wanted to address: Verzhrn. I've seen a lot of your threads about how you are lonely and can't get a man no matter how hard you try. This is why I was somewhat surprised with the level of viciousness with which you attacked The OP. I am by no means a defender of him and guys like Somedude but I would have thought that you, of all people, would be sympathetic to his plight and that of other people like him. I don't want you take this the wrong way, but perhaps this is an indicator that you do exude something in your interactions with other people and perhaps this is part of what is setting you back? I think a difference between V and SD is that SD is more blunt with the angry and bitter thoughts about women that happen to flood him at any particular moment. So he ends up saying very offensive stuff sometimes, whereas V generally just says repeatedly bad stuff about herself, not about men in general. I don't believe either is a healthy coping mechanism, or is worse or better than the other, but we're all human and can't always react as ideally as we'd like. As for the OP, trolls exist to get bashed. It's what they thrive on anyway. Take that away and they shrivel up into nothingness because they aren't getting the response they desired. So in that way, one could say that we're actually humoring the OP.
Els Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Thanks Elswyth. I've felt like I have a mental block. I'm only able to see things negatively and in anger. Then I also have a very stringent view of what I think I want. It seems that the only thing to do now is let time pass and just hope I start to feel better. Getting over that girl is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm sorry to hear that. I know it's easy to give advice - the hard bit is following it. It's perfectly understandable that you would react negatively and in anger to a rejection by someone you were crushing hard on. It's only human. But you have GOT to do whatever it takes to pull yourself out of there. One step at a time. We're here to help.
joystickd Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Recently a female who is friends with my family was strung along by a guy and got ditched after getting her hopes up. He was from an internet dating site and she lied about her weight. Shes in her 40's and what happened to her is indeed sad, she's only had a couple of boyfriends but never been married or had any kids. For guys, getting ditched or no response on an internet dating site is an every day occurence and women casually dismiss the misery it can cause as "part of the game", but for her it was devastating and everyone was waiting to bash men together (including some lame men ). I felt bad too, but everyone's acting like the worlds ending. My mom is so depressed about it and trying to find ways to make the lady feel better and get her self-esteem back up. However this is my gripe. I understand men are stronger than women and supposed to have a thicker skin but sometimes even the strongest of men need a sympathetic ear to listen. I'm a 23 year old man and never had a real girlfriend, I deal with it and move on with my life not thinking about it, but once in a while I feel kind of bummed out about it and will try to talk to my mom (the same lady in tears over another womans romantic hardship) only to hear "get over it, that's life" (in a nicer way of course). You go on forums like this, and the women do the same exact thing. Maybe men vent here because nobody else listens without completely dismissing us, or saying it's all our fault. For every woman whose 40 and never been married, there's 100 guys in their 20's that have never had any female interested in them. I'm all for pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, but sometimes we need someone to listen too. Both sides need a sympathetic ear to listen. I will say the woman I bet she goes through this a lot and gets the sympathetic ear all the time. I have looked at a woman who wanted a sympathetic ear and basically told her to woman up and deal with it in a nice way. The thing is for some people men and women having a sympathetic ear can be addictive. They don't have to change because they have some type of support and it becomes their comfort zone. You see it on here the bitter men and women.
zengirl Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 If you look at my first post in this thread. I was trying to be on-topic and relate to the OP. Then zengirl comes in and makes everything personal. Then other people come in later. Also, it's hardly every thread. It's actually only a very specific type of thread. Right now on the first page of the dating forum, this is the only thread that was unintentionally jacked. I have a few posts in other thread and they are hardly about me. You said the following: Why should anybody feel bad for her? The reasons why she's single are completely her fault. I thought most women wizened up when they got to that age and realized their true market value. She could either, gasp lower her standards or double gasp, lose weight. So when do people actually start worrying about guys? About 7 years ago, I was single never had a girlfriend, 23, decent looking and 5'6. And now look where I am. And the funniest thing, not one person in my family is worried about me. I just responded to what I read in that post, informed by my knowledge of you as a poster. Your post had your personal issues in it already. I had no reason to think those same issues were OT. As to the OP, I feel how Elswyth does, not much you can do with a troll. *shrug* Though he's a mild one. Anyway, conversation evolves. The OP wasn't asking a specific solution anyway---it was a rant. Rants rarely stay OT. So, I don't get the thread-jacking claims, especially since you have similar "rants" to the OP (not similar in all ways but in the complaint -- that women are too picky, that single men are so much worse off and get no sympathy, etc). I think a difference between V and SD is that SD is more blunt with the angry and bitter thoughts about women that happen to flood him at any particular moment. So he ends up saying very offensive stuff sometimes, whereas V generally just says repeatedly bad stuff about herself, not about men in general. I don't believe either is a healthy coping mechanism, or is worse or better than the other, but we're all human and can't always react as ideally as we'd like. I think one is worse. I think if you must be angry, bitter, and terrible to someone, it should be yourself. Still not a good thing to do, but better than turning it on the world or a gender or so forth. It's the difference between assaulting others and cutting yourself, between murder and suicide . . . none of these are good things, but there's a clear "better."
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