ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Hope you will have the common sense to ignore what your mum wants in the future. If you don't keep her out of it, it will cause split loyalties in the future and you won't thank you for that, trust me. So my brother keeps telling me . He always ignores her. I'm not that bothered, if I wasn't living at home I'd be dating girls of any race I choose. I just don't have the patience for the aggro, my explosive temperament is easily summoned in arguments with mum. Love her lots but I disagree on that front. She's very pro-black (as is Dad), stems from having an activist grandfather . Besides, white and mixed raced girls tend to like me more than black girls OK, if you don't think older inexperienced women are rare. Why do you think they are inexperienced? There could be numerous reasons. Maybe men didn't want to date them, or maybe they kept it for someone "special" or whatever. I just know that it's not as rare as we think.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Not large at all, as I was never in the USA or UK (where the largest and most prestigious universities are). Oh well then that makes sense. My school had a little over 30 thousand students.
serial muse Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Though I'm wondering if inexperienced women my age even exist? If they do, I'm sure they are very rare. I highly doubt it would be a good idea to try and limit myself to such a small demographic. Especially when I've been constantly told that I need to increase the number of girls I ask out out. it would be stupid to only limit myself to inexperienced older women. But...no one's saying you should limit yourself. What people are saying is perhaps you should broaden your pool to include more women - in other words, adding older women to the mix. Instead, you are pre-emptively eliminating these women based on assumptions: 1. Odds are a younger woman is going to have had far less drama in her life. 2. Also what if I want to have kids eventually but not in the near future. Would 33 year old woman seem like a good choice? I get the kids thing, but 33 is not ancient. What have you really got to lose? At this point, your primary obsession - by FAR - is with dating and sex anyway, so why not focus on that instead of pushing ahead to marriage and kids already? You're boxing yourself into a corner by throwing up unnecessary roadblocks.
ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I'm 24 and I grew up with Pinky and the Brain. And Animaniacs. And Darkwing Duck. Heck, I even remember some of the original animated Ghost Busters (not the "extreme Ghost Busters that came on in the late 90s). And James Bond Jnr . I remember ALL of those cartoons.....
Els Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 And James Bond Jnr . I remember ALL of those cartoons..... Oh, gosh, Anamaniacs. Now you've gotten that damn song stuck in my head.
serial muse Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Oh, gosh, Anamaniacs. Now you've gotten that damn song stuck in my head. ...aaaaand, done. Mine too, now. 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 But...no one's saying you should limit yourself. What people are saying is perhaps you should broaden your pool to include more women - in other words, adding older women to the mix. Instead, you are pre-emptively eliminating these women based on assumptions: I get the kids thing, but 33 is not ancient. What have you really got to lose? At this point, your primary obsession - by FAR - is with dating and sex anyway, so why not focus on that instead of pushing ahead to marriage and kids already? You're boxing yourself into a corner by throwing up unnecessary roadblocks. Seriously, he should just date fat women too. I would, I've seen some hot women with a bit of meat on 'em recently
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 And James Bond Jnr . I remember ALL of those cartoons..... Oh yes, James Bond Jr. And the real adventures of Johnny Quest. There was even a Mario Bros. cartoon. Ah, those were the days. 1
jerbear Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 ROFL. Good luck with that, Brain. It is Narf, not ROFL.
somedude81 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I'm 24 and I grew up with Pinky and the Brain. And Animaniacs. And Darkwing Duck. Heck, I even remember some of the original animated Ghost Busters (not the "extreme Ghost Busters that came on in the late 90s). Not large at all, as I was never in the USA or UK (where the largest and most prestigious universities are). I am in my mid 20s. I suppose I just started watching TV early. Ah that makes sense. I was in 6th or 7th grade when those shows were on. So it makes sense that the younger kids could have watched them too. Ah, it's good to know that I'm not as old as feel. Soooo.. if you'd rather be in jail than not be with a girl, and you'd rather not be with a girl than consider looking at your requirements from my and zengirl's point of view... You must really not mind jail, huh? Elswyth, will you do me the honor of being my first kill? I'll get your name tattooed on my face. I'll have the W be a heart. As for the requirements thing from you and zen, I don't even know if you guys are being serious any more or just trying to pick on me.
somedude81 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 But...no one's saying you should limit yourself. What people are saying is perhaps you should broaden your pool to include more women - in other words, adding older women to the mix. Instead, you are pre-emptively eliminating these women based on assumptions: And where should I meet older women? Also, would an older woman be OK with dating a guy who is only working part-time retail and is still going to college? Never mind the fact that he has zero relationship and sexual experience. I get the kids thing, but 33 is not ancient. What have you really got to lose? At this point, your primary obsession - by FAR - is with dating and sex anyway, so why not focus on that instead of pushing ahead to marriage and kids already? You're boxing yourself into a corner by throwing up unnecessary roadblocks.You do have a point. Right now I'm so focused on getting into an LTR that I didn't even think about just dating around. Seriously, he should just date fat women too. I would, I've seen some hot women with a bit of meat on 'em recently I've never been into overweight women. That doesn't seem like something I should try to force. No woman wants to be with a man who doesn't consider her attractive.
Els Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 It is Narf, not ROFL. Um. Giggity? Ah that makes sense. I was in 6th or 7th grade when those shows were on. So it makes sense that the younger kids could have watched them too. Ah, it's good to know that I'm not as old as feel. Age is but a number. Elswyth, will you do me the honor of being my first kill? I'll get your name tattooed on my face. I'll have the W be a heart. Honored, but I'm afraid I must decline. I enjoy living too much. As for the requirements thing from you and zen, I don't even know if you guys are being serious any more or just trying to pick on me. C'mon, I don't pick on genuine posters. Not intentionally, at least. I really do think that if you eventually reach an epiphany about that, your chances at a solid relationship would increase substantially.
ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 And where should I meet older women? Also, would an older woman be OK with dating a guy who is only working part-time retail and is still going to college? Never mind the fact that he has zero relationship and sexual experience. You do have a point. Right now I'm so focused on getting into an LTR that I didn't even think about just dating around. I've never been into overweight women. That doesn't seem like something I should try to force. No woman wants to be with a man who doesn't consider her attractive. Well, you obviously don't want a woman that bad enough then (don't worry, I'm busting your balls
serial muse Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 And where should I meet older women? Also, would an older woman be OK with dating a guy who is only working part-time retail and is still going to college? Never mind the fact that he has zero relationship and sexual experience. You may have already answered this somewhere, but meetups are an option. Yes, undoubtedly there are going to be people who will reject you out of hand for things outside of your control. But don't paint everyone with that broad brush - there are plenty of women who won't judge in the way that you fear. You're going to college, which a lot of people will see as being self-motivated, with an eye to the future. That's a strength and you can emphasize it.
somedude81 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 C'mon, I don't pick on genuine posters. Not intentionally, at least. I really do think that if you eventually reach an epiphany about that, your chances at a solid relationship would increase substantially. An epiphany would be great. I need a serious change. Though I don't think it's something I can wait for. I don't know if you could tell, but I've been in a very dark place for months, ever since things with D fell apart. I feel like I'm struggling to reach air. Well, you obviously don't want a woman that bad enough then (don't worry, I'm busting your balls You might not know this, but the only girl I've ever dated and kissed, was obese. That was 7 or 8 years ago. Desperation does funny things to a man.
ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 An epiphany would be great. I need a serious change. Though I don't think it's something I can wait for. I don't know if you could tell, but I've been in a very dark place for months, ever since things with D fell apart. I feel like I'm struggling to reach air. You might not know this, but the only girl I've ever dated and kissed, was obese. That was 7 or 8 years ago. Desperation does funny things to a man. She doesn't have to be obese, just a little chubby
zengirl Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 V said something similar. Though I'm wondering if inexperienced women my age even exist? If they do, I'm sure they are very rare. They do exist, but I'm willing to bet they've mostly graduated college already. Some may be in grad school or PhD programs (actually I bet a good % of fairly inexperienced women are there). Even with experienced older women, not ALL will mind your lack of experience -- there are also women who are "mildly experienced" but don't know what they want / haven't been happy with their dating lives / etc who may be more open to dating inexperienced guys. Granted, women who've had deep, successful LTRs and know what they want and are gearing up closer to marriage than the "just dating" stage are likely to discriminate against inexperience (not all will) but the best phase for your success would be between the "I'm young, just fun" and "know what I want" stage IMO. Many women do meet the guy they want then too or even while they're just having fun, so it's not like the stages have clear delineation though. I think you should broaden your parameters wherever possible (I'm not suggesting you date people who repulse you or anything) and stop thinking of efficiency. You should ask any girl out you could potentially ever see yourself wanting to go on a date with, rather than fixating. You're not in a position to cull (some people are) -- and perhaps neither is the woman in the OP, I don't know, but it may be that the suitors she's ruling out really repulse her. Which is never something to go after. Odds are a younger woman is going to have had far less drama in her life. Also what if I want to have kids eventually but not in the near future. Would 33 year old woman seem like a good choice? I'm not sure what you mean by drama. The kids thing is a good point, but I think most people I know had the most drama in their lives between 15 and 22, personally. The people who continue it perpetually are out there, but the thing about college girls are. . . they're going to have drama, and it's completely unknowable whether they're drama queens or just 20 year olds. Because ALL 20 year olds are drama queens to some degree. Interesting. I guess my school was really an odd duck then. Maybe that's what happens when you go to a Final Four... If I may ask how big was the school you went to? My undergrad school and Masters school were similar to yours. No idea about my PhD school, really, but I do see undergraduates around and I presume they can figure I'm either a Masters or a PhD candidate based upon my age and manner of dress (professional dress). But...no one's saying you should limit yourself. What people are saying is perhaps you should broaden your pool to include more women - in other words, adding older women to the mix. Instead, you are pre-emptively eliminating these women based on assumptions: I get the kids thing, but 33 is not ancient. What have you really got to lose? At this point, your primary obsession - by FAR - is with dating and sex anyway, so why not focus on that instead of pushing ahead to marriage and kids already? You're boxing yourself into a corner by throwing up unnecessary roadblocks. Right. We were, by no means, suggesting you put more limitations on yourself, FWIW. And FTR, I was being serious, SD, as I generally am. I don't "pick on" posters (sincere non-trolls) for fun. I may continually disagree with someone's POV (current and previously expressed) on things and point things out, but I don't intend to tear people down. I point these things out to you continually because I truly believe that your perspective is creating your unhappiness.
Els Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 An epiphany would be great. I need a serious change. Though I don't think it's something I can wait for. I don't know if you could tell, but I've been in a very dark place for months, ever since things with D fell apart. I feel like I'm struggling to reach air. I could tell, yes, and I'm sorry to hear that. Some of us have been trying to reach out to you, and I guess what frustrates us is that you often seem to choose to remain set in your ways, rather than attempt to see other points of view to give yourself a possible chance of pulling yourself out of that. Epiphanies only come when you give other POVs a lot of thought and consideration, they don't come from defensively holding on to your ways. I say this in the nicest way possible, because I'm hoping for the best for you. Feel better. 1
somedude81 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Thanks Elswyth. I've felt like I have a mental block. I'm only able to see things negatively and in anger. Then I also have a very stringent view of what I think I want. It seems that the only thing to do now is let time pass and just hope I start to feel better. Getting over that girl is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
jobaba Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Thanks Elswyth. I've felt like I have a mental block. I'm only able to see things negatively and in anger. Then I also have a very stringent view of what I think I want. It seems that the only thing to do now is let time pass and just hope I start to feel better. Getting over that girl is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Might I pass on a useful piece of advice to you. You might want to consider holding off on dating or attempting to date other women if you are not over the 'D' girl. This is probably contrary to whatever I've 'preached' in the past, but like you I'm learning as I'm going. If you feel like you are really not over her, I have something that can help you. PM me. Though you do seem more buoyant lately and your sense of humor has picked up. I can tell.
somedude81 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Might I pass on a useful piece of advice to you. You might want to consider holding off on dating or attempting to date other women if you are not over the 'D' girl. This is probably contrary to whatever I've 'preached' in the past, but like you I'm learning as I'm going. If you feel like you are really not over her, I have something that can help you. PM me. Though you do seem more buoyant lately and your sense of humor has picked up. I can tell. I strongly believe that the best way for me to get over her. Is to get on somebody else.
Eclypse Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 (edited) I think what a lot of people need to remember is that the lady in the OP lied about her weight and when this guy saw her he left her. Of course he would do that! The message this sends to the other person is: "If you can casually lie about important things like this before we even meet, then how the hell can I trust you if we get a relationship?" And now she is whining that he left her? Unbelievable. There are people of both sexes on here who deserve genuine sympathy for their dating woes but I'm afraid for this one I find it hard to feel sorry. Lying is not a good look in my book (not sure how others feel about this though, perhaps its ok for others?). A few years ago when I was younger (18) and more gullible I got into an internet relationship on a MMORPG. According to her pictures this girl was H-O-T. I was blinded with love. I couldn't wait to meet her. Thankfully before I did I dug through and found a real picture of her. Let's just say I wasn't impressed. It's low behaviour. I then found out she lied about pretty much everything else. Two things I want to say. One: How on earth is that almost every thread that begins about something else becomes a personal thread about Somedude 81. I actually had to check again to make sure he wasn't the OP. I admire your writing skills in that you are able to thread-jack so effectively (no seriously I am) and you could potentially use this to land a date. Just a thought. Also these types of threads are not very useful for you. Once again I was getting deja vu as Elswyth's and Zengirl's advice is practically identical to what they have given you in 28 other threads, as are your responses. Their advice is good, very good actually but you are in a bad place mentally. To you most of the advice probably seems like the same stuff you've tried and failed with for the last decade and you are hesitant to follow it. My sincerest advice, and please don't take this the wrong way, is that you need to get off the computer and off this website. It can be toxic under the wrong conditions. And there are so many inflammatory threads and trolls that its hard to tell what's real any more. It's enough to crush even a healthy persons self esteem and confidence. You need a dose of RL. The fact is this board isn't representative of the general populace and I'm sure you will have better fortunes without it. Another thing, don't compromise your standards. You wouldn't be happy and neither would she. I decided to wait a little longer and ended up turning down some very nice girls who just didn't do it for me physically. It was very hard, but I'm now with someone who I believe is everything I want in a partner and it gives me joy to see her. However I would suggest to broaden your net, but without compromising said standards. And for the 2nd issue I wanted to address: Verzhrn. I've seen a lot of your threads about how you are lonely and can't get a man no matter how hard you try. This is why I was somewhat surprised with the level of viciousness with which you attacked The OP. I am by no means a defender of him and guys like Somedude but I would have thought that you, of all people, would be sympathetic to his plight and that of other people like him. I don't want you take this the wrong way, but perhaps this is an indicator that you do exude something in your interactions with other people and perhaps this is part of what is setting you back? Edited March 22, 2012 by Eclypse
somedude81 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Two things I want to say. One: How on earth is that almost every thread that begins about something else becomes a personal thread about Somedude 81. I actually had to check again to make sure he wasn't the OP. I admire your writing skills in that you are able to thread-jack so effectively If you look at my first post in this thread. I was trying to be on-topic and relate to the OP. Then zengirl comes in and makes everything personal. Then other people come in later. Also, it's hardly every thread. It's actually only a very specific type of thread. Right now on the first page of the dating forum, this is the only thread that was unintentionally jacked. I have a few posts in other thread and they are hardly about me.
thatone Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 So? Right now I'm at the most attractive I ever will be. I'm healthy, got my hair, athletic, and at the so-called male sexual pique. My dreams and aspirations; none of them are ever going to bring me fame or great wealth (it doesn't interest me either). I don't understand how my situation is any better ? This lady has had suitors in the past, but she's one of those overweight women that doesn't like overweight guys. So she goes on internet dating profiles, messages the best looking most athletic guys, then cries when they realize she's fat...? Meanwhile, I'd love to date a girl whose got my build, or a similar face, with my personality, etc. I'd even date girls who are a little chubby or plain or boring even, but simply no women want me what so ever. If you're a woman in your 40's and haven't been married yet, you're too picky and can choose to be alone or "settle" for someone like you. Yet for me, nothing ever plays out right (I'm a few inches under average height and women really hate this). no you aren't the most attractive you'll ever be. that comes along in your early to mid 30s.
thatone Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I don't think super rare. There are women who think guys like us are super rare . I just wouldn't focus on requirements for now. I'm open to dating most women at the moment. Only massive problem for me at the moment is living at home. Race is also a bit of a problem (mum wants me to only date black girls). nice to know that black women have an equivalent of white women telling their sons sh*t they heard on oprah.
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