Sensitivity towards male and female dating woes?

March 20, 2012

Recently a female who is friends with my family was strung along by a guy and got ditched after getting her hopes up. He was from an internet dating site and she lied about her weight. Shes in her 40's and what happened to her is indeed sad, she's only had a couple of boyfriends but never been married or had any kids. For guys, getting ditched or no response on an internet dating site is an every day occurence and women casually dismiss the misery it can cause as "part of the game", but for her it was devastating and everyone was waiting to bash men together (including some lame men ).

I felt bad too, but everyone's acting like the worlds ending. My mom is so depressed about it and trying to find ways to make the lady feel better and get her self-esteem back up.

However this is my gripe. I understand men are stronger than women and supposed to have a thicker skin but sometimes even the strongest of men need a sympathetic ear to listen. I'm a 23 year old man and never had a real girlfriend, I deal with it and move on with my life not thinking about it, but once in a while I feel kind of bummed out about it and will try to talk to my mom (the same lady in tears over another womans romantic hardship) only to hear "get over it, that's life" (in a nicer way of course).

You go on forums like this, and the women do the same exact thing. Maybe men vent here because nobody else listens without completely dismissing us, or saying it's all our fault. For every woman whose 40 and never been married, there's 100 guys in their 20's that have never had any female interested in them.

I'm all for pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, but sometimes we need someone to listen too.

March 20, 2012

You have your whole life ahead of you while hers is half over. Time is a cruel master.

March 20, 2012

You go on forums like this, and the women do the same exact thing. Maybe men vent here because nobody else listens without completely dismissing us, or saying it's all our fault. For every woman whose 40 and never been married, there's 100 guys in their 20's that have never had any female interested in them.
.

I understand what you're saying, but in regards to the above, you'll also see men talking about the fact that they (supposedly) get more attractive as they get older, whilst us women are no longer wanted as we age.

March 20, 2012

You have your whole life ahead of you while hers is half over. Time is a cruel master.

So? Right now I'm at the most attractive I ever will be. I'm healthy, got my hair, athletic, and at the so-called male sexual pique. My dreams and aspirations; none of them are ever going to bring me fame or great wealth (it doesn't interest me either). I don't understand how my situation is any better ?

This lady has had suitors in the past, but she's one of those overweight women that doesn't like overweight guys. So she goes on internet dating profiles, messages the best looking most athletic guys, then cries when they realize she's fat...? Meanwhile, I'd love to date a girl whose got my build, or a similar face, with my personality, etc. I'd even date girls who are a little chubby or plain or boring even, but simply no women want me what so ever.

If you're a woman in your 40's and haven't been married yet, you're too picky and can choose to be alone or "settle" for someone like you. Yet for me, nothing ever plays out right (I'm a few inches under average height and women really hate this).

March 20, 2012

I'm a 23 year old man and never had a real girlfriend, I deal with it and move on with my life not thinking about it, but once in a while I feel kind of bummed out about it and will try to talk to my mom (the same lady in tears over another womans romantic hardship) only to hear "get over it, that's life" (in a nicer way of course).

You go on forums like this, and the women do the same exact thing. Maybe men vent here because nobody else listens without completely dismissing us, or saying it's all our fault. For every woman whose 40 and never been married, there's 100 guys in their 20's that have never had any female interested in them.

I'm all for pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, but sometimes we need someone to listen too.

People tend to focus on their own problems, that's why.

Nobody is going to help you in this world.

As for myself, I've been there, so I'm extremely sympathetic towards unsuccessful men.

Plus I always root for the underdog. You should hear which sports teams I root for.

March 20, 2012

Be honest with yourself: do you think you want it (it being a relationship) as much as the woman your mother is crying over? You mentioned that you get a "little" bummed... how much effort have you really put into dating? How much do you really want it?

Then compare that to this woman. She's now into middle age, craving something, working at it, and yet it's looking more and more like it's never gonna happen for you. You have at least 20 years ahead of you before that happens, AND she seems to want it much more than you.

Perhaps you could display some compassion for a woman who will never get to fulfill her dream of a husband and a family? Lead by example?

March 20, 2012

I have to say I'd feel more sorry for the woman than you, at this point, mostly just because of age and the fatness you speak of. According to you, you're 23 and pretty good-looking and maybe 5'6" or so. You'll have a woman in due time. She's fat and getting old; why would I feel more sorry for you? (I mean, that's a compliment to you).

March 20, 2012

According to the guys on LS, guys are in their prime in their 40s. So, okay you are 23 and can't get a girl, but at 40 you will be rolling in the 22 yr old girls who reject you now. You will also be rich. And funny. Obviously handsome and in shape. Your stock will be rising! Meanwhile, your female counterpart will be fat, ugly, old, and desperate.

It's true. The guys on LS said it.

So...yeah, I feel worse for the lady in your scenario.

To be fair, I do feel bad for people (men and women) who want healthy relationships and can't find them. In your case, you have youth on your side and many years ahead to find that. So that's good news.

March 20, 2012

It ain't just about me. I have a couple of friends who are in the same boat as me and it kind of bums me out. I'm always trying to hook them up with girls (yet they blow it despite me virtually slam dunking the women, one of them is bordering on autistic)...then I realize...I'm in the same situation as them.

I'm just thinking there's a lot more concern for women than men. Every time I open up a newspaper there's some new article where feminists are bashing Barbie dolls or models and movie stars for making women feel bad about their bodies. Yet...have you seen the guys women these days seem to like? I can't think of a single popular male movie star in the newer generation that is under 5'11 or completely jacked up when they take their shirts off. This extends into other fields like all the various organizations and awareness campaigns for Breast cancer, yet very few equivalents for things like prostate cancer which are just as common. Or all the various scholarships geared towards women, yet none geared towards men (despite the fact that in the modern structured education system, males struggle more than females)

I'm not here looking to play the victim card or whore for attention, but my point is that women often pull for women while with male issues we have to look out for ourselves. And like everything, groups of people that work together will always have a huge advantage over individuals.

point is, every man isn't an island. Or shouldn't be. Buy hey, it's the way it goes, just DEAL WITH IT.

March 20, 2012

If it were a 23 year old girl who were still good-looking and about 5'2" vs. a 42 year old man who was fat and never liked by anybody, I'd feel more sorry for the fat older man. It's not a gender thing; it's an age and fatness thing.

March 20, 2012

Be honest with yourself: do you think you want it (it being a relationship) as much as the woman your mother is crying over? You mentioned that you get a "little" bummed... how much effort have you really put into dating? How much do you really want it?

Then compare that to this woman. She's now into middle age, craving something, working at it, and yet it's looking more and more like it's never gonna happen for you. You have at least 20 years ahead of you before that happens, AND she seems to want it much more than you.

Perhaps you could display some compassion for a woman who will never get to fulfill her dream of a husband and a family? Lead by example?

I try not to get desperate, but lately I've been finding myself craving woman more than ever. For sex, yes, but also for companionship. It's hard to pinpoint exactly why it's hit me lately, but it's a horrible feeling. I do my best, try to look good and live my life like a brave, bold man. I can make them laugh and have many interests... But there's just no romantic response. I try talking to women, conversation goes great, then they get all lukewarm romantically. There's just nothing in me women find compelling, and I have no idea what can be done.

I've done everything I possibly can and it just never works out. Atleast if I was fat or something I'd have something to work towards/fix, but aside from dedicating my life to becoming rich (and I really hate the idea of a woman wanting me for my money or living just to horde money) I can't think of anything else I can do.

I have to say I'd feel more sorry for the woman than you, at this point, mostly just because of age and the fatness you speak of. According to you, you're 23 and pretty good-looking and maybe 5'6" or so. You'll have a woman in due time. She's fat and getting old; why would I feel more sorry for you? (I mean, that's a compliment to you).[/Quote]

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't even feel sorry for me. I was just particularly baffled by this incident.

According to the guys on LS, guys are in their prime in their 40s. So, okay you are 23 and can't get a girl, but at 40 you will be rolling in the 22 yr old girls who reject you now. You will also be rich. And funny. Obviously handsome and in shape. Your stock will be rising! Meanwhile, your female counterpart will be fat, ugly, old, and desperate.

It's true. The guys on LS said it.

So...yeah, I feel worse for the lady in your scenario.

To be fair, I do feel bad for people (men and women) who want healthy relationships and can't find them. In your case, you have youth on your side and many years ahead to find that. So that's good news.[/Quote]

Maybe if I was studying to be an accountant or something. But in the future I plan on being a rancher. Not exactly going to be a chick magnet lol.

March 20, 2012

It ain't just about me. I have a couple of friends who are in the same boat as me and it kind of bums me out. I'm always trying to hook them up with girls (yet they blow it despite me virtually slam dunking the women, one of them is bordering on autistic)...then I realize...I'm in the same situation as them.

I'm just thinking there's a lot more concern for women than men. Every time I open up a newspaper there's some new article where feminists are bashing Barbie dolls or models and movie stars for making women feel bad about their bodies. Yet...have you seen the guys women these days seem to like? I can't think of a single popular male movie star in the newer generation that is under 5'11 or completely jacked up when they take their shirts off. This extends into other fields like all the various organizations and awareness campaigns for Breast cancer, yet very few equivalents for things like prostate cancer which are just as common. Or all the various scholarships geared towards women, yet none geared towards men (despite the fact that in the modern structured education system, males struggle more than females)

I'm not here looking to play the victim card or whore for attention, but my point is that women often pull for women while with male issues we have to look out for ourselves. And like everything, groups of people that work together will always have a huge advantage over individuals.

point is, every man isn't an island. Or shouldn't be. Buy hey, it's the way it goes, just DEAL WITH IT.

Here's the dirty little secret about all of those issues: women have articles and scholarships and awareness campaigns because those issues are not the norm.

Historically, there has been very little attention paid to women's health. Doctors just assumed that the way they treated men worked for women. A lot of medication and medical issues are seen as male-normative: meaning, men are the normal, women are the abnormal. You don't hear about funding going towards men's issues because it's ALREADY been doing that. Science has spent most of the last century already pouring research and money into male health issues, because of that male-normative assumptions.

And while women DO get more attention and funding for certain issues, notice what those issues are always about: their "womanness." Breast cancer. You don't hear about funding for lung cancer effecting women. You don't hear about funding for heart issues in women, which is actually a far bigger killer of American women, AND evidence shows heart attacks are different in men and women. It's all about the breasts... by emphasizing breast cancer, there is a subtle culture message that a woman's health issues aren't important unless they threaten what makes her a woman (breasts, ovaries.)

As for male celebrities, well... welcome to what women have experienced for decades. While male celebrities certainly have gotten more physically appealing in a set way in recent years, there is still a MUCH wider range of attractive types than there are among Hollywood actresses. George Clooney is over 50 and still seen as a sex object... name an actress who can claim the same honor. Women in Hollywood (and the media) are still defined by a narrow scope of attractiveness. Male standards are slowly catching up, but there is still an expectation that a man can work THROUGH his looks if he has some other characteristic (humor, charm, etc.)

The fact is, you're expressing the desire for sympathy for your somewhat minor plight (as I explained in my last post) while ignoring/denying the situation the woman is in. Do unto others. Extend some empathy and compassion her way; maybe try to examine the idea of WHY people think she has it worse.

March 20, 2012

If it were a 23 year old girl who were still good-looking and about 5'2" vs. a 42 year old man who was fat and never liked by anybody, I'd feel more sorry for the fat older man. It's not a gender thing; it's an age and fatness thing.

So where's the Kony 2012 equivalent to the millions of lonely neck beards that live on the internet? If anything, the 42 year old fat guy never liked by anyone is a target of amusement for most of our society. And you have to admit, most of the time when women are asked, they will always say it's his fault, rarely an iota of sympathy.

March 20, 2012

Also, it's kind of ironic that lots of men disdain and/or mock how women have the need to get together, support each other, talk everything out and cry together, etc., etc. Yet you also envy it and think it's unfair that women have the 'advantage' of a collective approach to problem-solving and coping.

March 20, 2012

Here's the dirty little secret about all of those issues: women have articles and scholarships and awareness campaigns because those issues are not the norm.

Historically, there has been very little attention paid to women's health. Doctors just assumed that the way they treated men worked for women. A lot of medication and medical issues are seen as male-normative: meaning, men are the normal, women are the abnormal. You don't hear about funding going towards men's issues because it's ALREADY been doing that. Science has spent most of the last century already pouring research and money into male health issues, because of that male-normative assumptions.

And while women DO get more attention and funding for certain issues, notice what those issues are always about: their "womanness." Breast cancer. You don't hear about funding for lung cancer effecting women. You don't hear about funding for heart issues in women, which is actually a far bigger killer of American women, AND evidence shows heart attacks are different in men and women. It's all about the breasts... by emphasizing breast cancer, there is a subtle culture message that a woman's health issues aren't important unless they threaten what makes her a woman (breasts, ovaries.)[/Quote]

Oh I see, so the disproportionate attention to womens health issues like breast and cervical cancer (to the point where they want to give boys potent vaccines at age 11 so that they don't give women HPV that could possibly cause cervical cancer in women) is really just another conspiracy by men to objectify women.

Are you a troll or a college humanities student? They often have a similar tone.

Women have historically lived longer than men, if science only focused on male issues for all of history this wouldn't be true.

As for male celebrities, well... welcome to what women have experienced for decades. While male celebrities certainly have gotten more physically appealing in a set way in recent years, there is still a MUCH wider range of attractive types than there are among Hollywood actresses. George Clooney is over 50 and still seen as a sex object... name an actress who can claim the same honor. Women in Hollywood (and the media) are still defined by a narrow scope of attractiveness. Male standards are slowly catching up, but there is still an expectation that a man can work THROUGH his looks if he has some other characteristic (humor, charm, etc.)

The fact is, you're expressing the desire for sympathy for your somewhat minor plight (as I explained in my last post) while ignoring/denying the situation the woman is in. Do unto others. Extend some empathy and compassion her way; maybe try to examine the idea of WHY people think she has it worse.[/Quote]

A lot of women I see on TV are older. Mary Louise Parker is in her 40's and considered attractive, with her own TV show. The Desperate Housewives, Cougartown, TV is filled with older women who are playing "sexy roles".

Yes it's true men can get movie roles and tv shows with their wit and charm, but that doesn't make them "sexy". Danny DeVito's in a lot of movies, but he doesn't play a leading man. Roseanne Barr was the star of a popular TV show, for a sense of humor she is rumored to have.

I made it clear I sympathized for the lady I know. I just find it a lot harder to do than average, because with the pitfalls and rides women have taken me for (usually with nothing worthwhile coming to fruition) I've been told to suck it up and take it like a man by EVERYONE (male and female), which for the most part I do well (very few, if any, people know my desire for some female company). Well by george, if this is the era of equality, why doesn't she suck it up too? What's with the double standard?

March 20, 2012

Also, it's kind of ironic that lots of men disdain and/or mock how women have the need to get together, support each other, talk everything out and cry together, etc., etc. Yet you also envy it and think it's unfair that women have the 'advantage' of a collective approach to problem-solving and coping.

I think identity politics are horrible for a society and wish they never existed. I don't envy anything, I just think that if women want to get together at male expense, don't you think it's fair if we have a collective too? But at the end of the day, most men just join the choir that men deserve what they get (mostly out of fear of being ostracized by women).

March 20, 2012

So where's the Kony 2012 equivalent to the millions of lonely neck beards that live on the internet? If anything, the 42 year old fat guy never liked by anyone is a target of amusement for most of our society. And you have to admit, most of the time when women are asked, they will always say it's his fault, rarely an iota of sympathy.

Well, I myself have sympathy for anyone who is getting on in years and isn't looking too great and doesn't have love in their life and really really wants it. The only time I wouldn't have sympathy for a person in his or her 40s who is unattractive is if he/she is a jerk or a bitch.

March 20, 2012

Women just can't understand what it's like to be completely unwanted. Guys aren't much better when it comes to showing sympathy, often for fear of being outed themselves.

This stuff can really mess with your mind thoug, especially when you're young.. All through college, I'd be thinking, "I'll never be as good looking as I am now, nor have as many attractive young girls around." And yet I was invisible. The urge for a female body became so strong, I'd wake every other night in cold sweats while clutching my pillow.

Edited March 20, 2012 by Bob_Funk

March 20, 2012

This stuff can really mess with your mind thoug, especially when you're young.. All through college, I'd be thinking, "I'll never be as good looking as I am now, nor have as many attractive young girls around." And yet I was invisible. The urge for a female body became so strong, I'd wake every other night in cold sweats while clutching my pillow.

Exactly what I'm going through, I'm finishing up college now. Now that it's getting warmer out, and women are dressing really skimpy, I find it excruciatingly difficult to function normally. It's like a cruel joke- similar to how those Bum Fights guys tied BlingBling and left a crack rock just close enough so he could see it, but never reach it. Then they squeeze that feminist lemon over the gaping wound by making prostitution illegal and unaffordable for average guys, to atleast temporarily relieve the symptoms.

Edited March 20, 2012 by Hetzer

March 20, 2012

It really is. Some people seem to think that men never have any problems and can just easily get anything we want when it is just not true. Also then many of these same people then go and complain that men are emotionally close off.

This also shows why some women have such a hard time finding a happy relationship. If you can't have any empathy for a man how do you expect to have a successful relationship with one? How can you expect a man to take a chance on a woman who doesn't give a damn about his feelings? Try some understanding and maybe a woman would more able to relate to and connect with a man.

March 20, 2012

I also notice the women on here who have been the most empathetic and supportive with my own issues for the most part tend to be in happy and lasting relationships and the ones that are single at least tried for real to make one work.

March 20, 2012

Maybe if I was studying to be an accountant or something. But in the future I plan on being a rancher. Not exactly going to be a chick magnet lol.

The world needs food. That's pretty sexy. Hang out at the farmer's markets. Even better, volunteer at one. Tons of rancher loving ladies there!

I work around 'accountants and something'... they have their own charm too.

Not sure what to tell you. Life IS a bitch. and I don't like the messages that our culture sends to men that they have to manage their emotional lives seemingly single-handedly... and to do otherwise is unmasculine. Or they get ONE way to manage...just one box-o-tools handed them to deal with life... and that is through casual sex and anger. So, I hear you.

On the other hand, I also get the messages about women.

No one gets a free ride. Just do the best with what you were born with. Most things work themselves out... or at least you can find some companionship along the way if it doesn't.

March 20, 2012

Women just can't understand what it's like to be completely unwanted. Guys aren't much better when it comes to showing sympathy, often for fear of being outed themselves.

This stuff can really mess with your mind thoug, especially when you're young.. All through college, I'd be thinking, "I'll never be as good looking as I am now, nor have as many attractive young girls around." And yet I was invisible. The urge for a female body became so strong, I'd wake every other night in cold sweats while clutching my pillow.

Sure we do. That's why some of us spend so much time building our 'careers'... since noone wants us. Well, men want us... but mostly as a glorified blow-up doll and someone to take care of sh*t around the house so they can achieve their goals.

Then, we we become self-sufficient and don't treat men like wallets, we get criticized for being feminnazi's out to take men's jobs and manhood away from them.

Give me a break.

p.s. you might be surprised to know that the 'urge' is as strong with some women too. We just don't get to capitalize on it unless we want to be called a 'slut'.

March 20, 2012

Women just can't understand what it's like to be completely unwanted. Guys aren't much better when it comes to showing sympathy, often for fear of being outed themselves.

This stuff can really mess with your mind thoug, especially when you're young.. All through college, I'd be thinking, "I'll never be as good looking as I am now, nor have as many attractive young girls around." And yet I was invisible. The urge for a female body became so strong, I'd wake every other night in cold sweats while clutching my pillow.

Well, my urge for that became stronger in my thirties - right around thirty-one actually. And I do know what it's like to be unwanted, to be mocked. I was messed up for a while, thought I was better some years back, only to be knocked off balance and this time, become incredibly depressed/angry/defensive about it, because it's twenty years later, and feeling that AGAIN, only knowing you don't have your whole life ahead of you to enjoy - ugh. I had an early mid-life crisis. So, I can relate to you, AND the woman in her forties, only I want to feel good in myself, more than I want any man. The only decent man in my life has been my dad, and maybe a couple of cousins.

I also know where I could have really worked on my confidence when I was younger, got some help with feeling better in regards to my looks, got therapy, etc. I wish I'd managed that, rather than thinking that it would sort itself out, because I used to be so confident.

March 20, 2012

It really is. Some people seem to think that men never have any problems and can just easily get anything we want when it is just not true. Also then many of these same people then go and complain that men are emotionally close off.

This also shows why some women have such a hard time finding a happy relationship. If you can't have any empathy for a man how do you expect to have a successful relationship with one? How can you expect a man to take a chance on a woman who doesn't give a damn about his feelings? Try some understanding and maybe a woman would more able to relate to and connect with a man.

I did have empathy for a man - I've had empathy for more than one man - and he screwed me over (even though I thought I was watching myself). They never had that empathy for me. They were bitter and knew everything, and I was woman so I really had no problems, according to them. Their problems were so bad that the world was crashing down, and although I have felt the same way for over a year now, he told me that this didn't matter, and that didn't matter - made light of the things that I was feeling, and wanted. Like he was in a relationship, in love, apparently, but he was telling me that love and sex are insignificant, and that I should be happy giving love to my family, friends and my pets. He's single again now, and guess who's suddenly all depressed and hating the world again? Feeling worthless. HIM.

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