HurtPup Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 Me and my bf broke up a few months ago. He's tried to repair the damage during that time, but I knew it was best not to give another try at a relationship that has no way of improving. I truly care about him as a person. Even back when we were together, I considered him a confidant and a friend. I didn't want to lose that part of him even though we couldn't function as gf/bf anymore. But...the friend thing isn't working. We are still getting our noses in each others lives, he's judging me endlessly anymore, nothing I do he has anything good to say about, and although I bite my tongue at bringing up subjects that I know will end in a fight, he keeps pushing my buttons and forces a touchy subject..and a fight ensues. Also, he has a screename of mine that I go on under a webcam type of chat program (I don't know what name he uses, but he has mine). I was always honest with him about going on this thing. I see nothing wrong with it since we've broken up. But apparently he has reinstalled the program (he said he no longer had) and he knows when I'm on it,...and proceeded to tell me about it last night. What business is it of his??!! I don't need to be checked up on by an EX-bf! He was acting like he busted me doing something wrong. What I think he was doing was trying to find some amunition to use against me, because only 2 days ago, he slipped about something...turns out he lied about something while we were together. I'm sad. I so wanted me and him to be mature adults about this, but it's becoming clearer to me that what many of you here say is the best thing...no communication. I'm just seeing the friendship going the same way the relationship did...downhill fast.
blue-green Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 No communication is definitely the best. Change your screen name and avoid him. It seems often that there needs to be complete seperation for a while and then maybe you can go back to being friends. My ex g/f and I can never be friends again. That killed me for so long but that's the way it is because of how she treats me (not good) and it kills me to be around her when she's is lovey dovey one minute (like she wants to have sex or get back together) and the next time I am over she is complete opposite and wont even sit next to me on the couch. Believe it or not, it took me a while to accept that it wasn't going to work as friends either (even though I knew it from the get-go after breaking up). Blue-Green
faux Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 With everything that I have seen, it is impossible to remain friends after coming out of any type of relationship... unless enough time has passed. If someone breaks up with you and says he/she wants to be friends, it is almost always just being said to be "nice". Being "nice" on the other hand is also odd, as it is nothing but being absolutely cruel and spreading confusion. No contact is supposed to allow both people to move on with their lives, heal, and do what they need to do. Trying to remain friends after a relationship almost always causes huge problems. I recommend that you two stop talking to one another. Block all methods of communication and screen your phone calls. Inform this guy specifically and clearly (without being "nice" or "sparing feelings") that you do not want to talk to him anymore. If six months, a year, two years go by and you run into one another then you can probably be "just friends". Any sooner and friendship may stand a poor chance.
blue-green Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 Hey now! That is exactly what I was trying to say, only you said it so much better! Thanks for the help! Blue-Green
Author HurtPup Posted June 11, 2004 Author Posted June 11, 2004 Thanks for all replies. I suppose I thought it was better to try to work out some sort of middle ground where we can both be comfortable because we have some mutual friends and we are likely to see each other out. I also think it's a way of easing out of a relationship without feeling like you lost the person completely. But the reality of the situation is, if we are expected to move on, how can we do this if the other one is still asking "what did you do this weekend?"etc... I guess I can see that now after learning that he's still 'checking up' on me by monitoring when I go on the webcam. I guess to some degree, we are both behaving as if we still have a say in each others lives..and it hurts both of us when we realize that we don't. Old habits are hard to let go of, but I'm really trying, as I hope he does, so we don't end up saying things that we can't ever take back. I don't want to end up hating someone I love...we just need to both learn to COMPLETELY let go.
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