WinorLoseItsHowUPlay Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Hello Everyone, I have only had a small amount of time to take a look around but what I have seen so far; I like. I look forward to contributing my insights based on past experiences in future threads. I have a bit of a quandry here..... 2 weeks ago; a friend from the past friended me on FB. It was during the work week. In order to give everyone who would like to contribute the full scope of the situation; here is a winded but nonetheless sterling review. I apologize in advance in any of you fall asleep; the good news is I use paragraphs. About 5-6 years ago I hung out with a large group that was pretty close. We went out every other night typically and had alot of fun. At one point I was single and not really looking for any serious relationships at that time. One of those friends was a girl I considered a big sister type figure. She was always giving me good advice and in general was a good friend. One night; we all went out like any other only this time; things were a little bit different. One of her friends and I locked eyes and something just clicked then and there. I pulled her into me by her waist and gave her a kiss that stopped time around us. We continued to make out throughout the night but never slept with her and did not even attempt it that night out of respect for my "big sis" who was close friends with her and there that night. I also had respect for the group and last but not least; I had respect for the friendship with the girlI was kissing. The consensus was shock (in a good way) when they saw us because we were always friends. Also worth mentioning. It was St. Paddys day. Ironically,this will come up again later. Anyway, I woke up the next morning at my big sis' house (no I did not sleep with her ) Nursing a cataclysmic hangover, I walk out into the main room and see that she is laughing and smiling. Hangs up the phone and asks me HEY! how you feel about dating so and so? I could tell that this had already been in the works all morning while I was passed out. She had insisted that we would be great together. I still was not ready for another relationship and politely said that it had nothing to do with her friend and that I was content solo for the time being. Well the next time I was going to see everyone I was going to pull her aside for a private talk about things because I didnt want her to get the news second hand from the group. Too late; they already told her and suprisingly it wasnt weird or akward when we saw eachother; we really didnt bring it up. Then a major rift occurred in the group due to no fault our hers or mine (totally unrelated incident and the details dont matter) which caused everyone to pick sides. Everyone knows how those immature years went. Anyway, this rift occurred on the second outing after the St paddys evening. You guessed it... She ended up on the other side of the fence. Everyone moved on, graduated, got married, had kids etc... the group basically disintigrated. 5-6 years later; fast foward to 2 weeks ago. The same girl (single) friends me during the week on FB [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] We exchanged some brief messages for a couple days, hi, how are you, do you remember when.... all that good stuff. after a walk down memory lane; she mentioned she missed the "crew" and all the fun we all had. I then asked if she had any plans for later that evening (Saturday), she replied that she may or may not be going to a bar later. She asked what I was up to and I mentioned I had a late night the night before - which I did and therefore did not have anything specific planned. I left it with telling her that if she wanted to hang out later that night should her plans falls through to call me. Gave her my number. that was in the afternoon. Later around 8 or so she texted me asking if I still wanted to go out. I agreed and picked her up, went to a local decent bar to play darts and have a few drinks - catch up. Everything was going just fine, the friendship was clearly taking a back seat as we got more and more into eachother while talking and having a good time. We quickly forgot about everything else and whatever spark we had long ago reignited. in the interests of getting to the end of this here, ill speed up, we ended up closing out the bar at like 2 am and had got there at 9. We drove back to her house am when I pulled up to drop her off, she asked if I would like to come in. As I was pulling up on her driveway she jokingly said " i bet you were planning this all night " thinking it was a subtle sign; and it probably was; I played it off perfectly and just laughed. we went inside and within 5 minutes we were on her couch making out. we started getting pretty heavy and she initiated a hand job. sorry if that term is in bad form on the board. It is important to note that she initiated. we continued to kiss as she did that and clearly she was enjoying herself. I then broke my rule of the night not to push for sex. I got so into it I asked if she wants to go to her room and she said not tonight. We continued to kiss. No akwardness. And a relief actually because had she said yes I would not have been able to stop myself and I know that (given the fact I really like this girl with possible long term relationship material) it would have been a doomed relationship from the start with sex on the second date. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] We then decided to call it a very late night around 4 am and I left. This was a saturday. I then didnt communicate with her again till late in the day on monday via text. just harmless little stuff that cant make or break anything. just to break the ice and get to a point where I can point blank find out no bs what she thought of everything that happened and if she enjoyed herself as much as it looked. She did according to what she said. and I of course told her I had a great time also. We then talked thru text some more and I asked her if she wanted to go out on the following night (tuesday) for dinner and she quickly agreed to and then sent another text about half hour later saying that Thursday would work out better. She said she was excited about dinner and had forgotten about things she had going on that needed to be taken care of. and asked if we could go thursday instead. I agreed because I liked her and understand busy schedules as I lead one myself. At this point I cant base anything on an excuse there, too early so I obliged to it in the event its genuine. Couple days went by with more texts, really small stuff nothing make or break just keep the lines open but with funny charismatic things I put effort into because I like her; I made sure to make it look effortless so that she didnt think i was trying to hard. she enjoyed the texts and always replied. Then thursday rolls around. now it gets interesting. I text her as we get closer to the afternoon to confirm for later that night and now she says shes tired and was late for work this morning and does not know if she can make it later that night. She didnt outright cancel. I resolved to move quickly as I smelled a game brewing and in effort to snuff it out right away; while standing firmly; but still nicely; said that I was convinced she was not taking me and my time seriously as i was hers and that if she could not decide or could not make it that night; I would be making other plans. she quickly snapped back with a text apologizing and saying that i had it all wrong and that she was into it just again horrible timing and she also said that she was going to ask me if I could go Saturday instead. I had to move fast. it was critical because I had already violated a major rule of my own asking a girl for a second date on a weekday. I know the game. I felt so comfortable with how I was doing; how i did on the first one etc... Problem is I had plans with buddies from before she popped up on the radar. And I dont mean a problem as in breaking plans with buddies one time on an annual night of binge drinking for st pattys; because they are a good group and would understand me having to see about a special girl. The problem was if I oblige, how will the message be computed. Desperate perhaps? plausible... conversely, it could look like i am really interested in finally getting together again... also plausible but less likely. I could tell her i have plans on Saturday; which would have surely gotten her to call me next week to setup another date because I would have waited for her to call me or text me to re-schedule. But I really liked her and when faced with the propect of possibly playing into her hands, the opportunity and value was there in a higher percentage decision to allow this to continue. Why? because at worst i was one of two guys and clearly in the running, or at best the only one having had 2 consectuive dates on a weekend night. that and in my heart of hearts wiht everything i know plus my gut instincts; i felt I was the only one. this pushed it up and over. Now the grand finale. youve made it this far, cant turn back now Saturday comes and i text her early afternoon letting her know that I have some things going on during the day that I have to handle but that I should free up around 7 and asked what time she would be ready to go out. She said 830 9 oclock in there. some more light chat. nothing fancy. just getting her laughing and comfortable good mood etc... then she asks what i had in mind for the date and i said jumping out of a plane at 30,000 feet and i hope she didnt have a fear of heights, she laughed. She again asked what we were doing and likely to figure out what she is going to wear for occasion and of course the outside chance; but always present no matter how confident a man is; waiting for a potentially better date to come along that night and go on it instead knowing all my cards. I of course told her the plans and where I planned to take her etc. then the strangest thing happened. I simply stated the name of a very nice restaurant, walk on a shoreline during ungodly 80+ degree nice weather given its still winter here where i am, and a finish on the most popular bar strip in the area to close out st pattys day in style. Never heard back. thought it was fine, I usually on all successful dates rarely communicate in the hours leading up to the date and simply confirm on the phone primarily or thru text and show up. Sometimes not even confirm. I make the date on hte phone and the next time i talk is when im there. depends on the situation. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] i think nothing off it, take care of my errands, get home, get ready and then i made a fatal flaw in all my careful planning that i admit is a rookie mistake that i shouldnt have made, and im not happy with myself about it because i know better. I should have firmed up on the window (830-900) number one but was in a hurry and assumed like in the past, date confirmed, show up. inside window if there is one. Well i thought there was an outside chance shed cancel again so i started heading in the general direction where my friends were going to be (she lives not too far) and let it be known this was an OUTSIDE chance to me, i was supremely confident she wouldnt but if she did in that 1% scenario i could drop her altogher and go enjoy the night out on the town with my friends. She texted me while i was on the way, and i replied asking if she was ready because i was getting close to her house. didnt hear back till 930 (after our agreed times) and she says that her sister dropped by to do some things and just now had a chance to check her phone and see that i had texted her saying i was close by. Now i got stuck. I really had no idea what to do, very rare btw. I can read people pretty well and am in sales for a reason. But women are very unpredictable, therein lies the challenge. I texted her again an hour later with ???????? and let it go at that for the evening. Went out with the boys and tried to take my mind off it. No text that night from her. I didnt send another either. no text on sunday from either. none today so far. I dont believe she is going to call/text out of embarrasment if she really wanted this. She probably got talked into other plans and felt bad that this would be the third time and she would surely lose my interest. I mean afterall i did already affirm to stern position of self respect earlier in the week and showed i would not tolerate nonsense. This would mean i would hvae to break the ice. And that means putting myself back out there which could be again misconstrued for desperation. Then she would play back at me with the apology, excuse, genuine or not, and then let ask for the next date BUT ON MY TERMS where i have the say of what day/time/place. If she really is in, then this is no issue and is willing to hear it from me on the ridiculous stunts thusfar. If this was a game all along with no goal other than to blow me off, than thats fine to; she wont text me obviously anymore intially or otherwise. Or if she went with another guy - or her friends. same thing. inconsequential. But if its the above I have to sit in a one week holding pattern to find out for sure because there is no way I am going to iniate the first text of the week after all this. I have the control to sit back a little and slowly reel back in to find out for sure. the gap in texts this week with no contact will really put the pressure on her to make a move i feel especially after I just checked our text thread on my cell 300+ texts between us for one week. can someone say overkill. anyway the texts were so short and harmless i doubt that plays in. but not seeing my texts will make her wonder. But the problem is if its the first thing i said above I am screwed with this final standoff because she wont text out of embarrasment and me out of pride. we may never talk again and if it turns out she had a temp lapse but still likes me; that would suck. another missed opportunity wondering what could have been. Id like to turn this over to the "brass" for advice. Council what say you? Let have a vote A. text her today letting her have it (not too harsh though, firm and get the job done) B. ignore her for 2-4 days, then text if no response I think i can scratch this one because if she is into me she should circle back with me and likely will. Again unless she is too embarrased to do that given everything and still genuinely likes me. and is hoping i text here to kick things off again. Ill never know there. After a week i intend to move on one way or the other C. other option I missed? We all know D. to move on so no need to dissect that one. I have not seen this type of play before. The defensive scheme is good and giving me looks i havent seen before little football humor. Anyway, any constructive critique/advice/insight would be welcomed from all.
veggirl Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 WTF? You two had a specific date planned, time and all, and she completely ignores it by saying she didn't see your attempt at contact?! :eek: Tell her to eff off and then NEVER speak to her again! SORRY but if she liked you at all she would have been on the date, or apologizing profusely with HER OWN plans to make it up to YOU. And then she would follow through on that. Did that happen? no? Forget her.
veggirl Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Too... Long! I responded cause he posted it twice (the first time, the first 5 comments were continuations of the story!) but for the tl;dr--he met a girl (drunk) 5 yrs ago, and they recently re connected on FB and went out (to a bar) and then made out at her house. Now he tried to set up a 2nd date and she pushed it back and then did not show up on the newly planned day.
Author WinorLoseItsHowUPlay Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 (edited) WTF? You two had a specific date planned, time and all, and she completely ignores it by saying she didn't see your attempt at contact?! :eek: Tell her to eff off and then NEVER speak to her again! SORRY but if she liked you at all she would have been on the date, or apologizing profusely with HER OWN plans to make it up to YOU. And then she would follow through on that. Did that happen? no? Forget her. WTF? You two had a specific date planned, time and all, and she completely ignores it by saying she didn't see your attempt at contact?! :eek: Tell her to eff off and then NEVER speak to her again! SORRY but if she liked you at all she would have been on the date, or apologizing profusely with HER OWN plans to make it up to YOU. And then she would follow through on that. Did that happen? no? Forget her. I agree and you are right about everything you said. I appreciate your reply! I re-posted because I realized the stupidity of what I did with an epic 5 post continuation of the story. Sorry! At the risk of sounding crass; she did give me a handjob and though it is no big deal as an act on a date; it is a big deal however on the first one. I knew this girl from years back and we were never more than just friends. Her attitude on the first date showed this was anything but any occurance where there was no mutual interest. *** Now what probably happened is the interest peaked that night and declined to almost nothing by the following Sat. Thats the only plausible explanation assuming this girl is actually semi-normal and isnt carrying any baggage or serious character flaws. Of course aside from the immaturity and inability to communicate a simple "Im no longer interested, thanks". No matter what games girls play and conjure up; the physical part of interaction is always a tell-tale sign that a women is interested. They simply do not touch guys in any ways unless they are in some way attracted and want to send that subtle sign to another they are around. I am not talking about a casual brush; although to some women that is to be interpreted as a sign. Depends on the girl. But physical contact above and below the belt is a guartanteed sign. No girl gives a guy that type of pity! Her going hot/cold could be based on several possible things that happened. Another guy; her friends told her to ditch me and go out with them for st. paddys day (and if this were the case; not cool, and f her) because she could have just told me she messed up and picked st paddys day as the date to make up for the last cancellation and was sorry she double booked. Id still tell her to forget the whole thing at that point, but at least she would have showed some class. but these circumstances were just hilarious because generally speaking I know what I am doing out there and have alot of experience; but this one was a fresh curve ball i have never seen before. its a good lesson to learn. I texted her telling her shes shady;and that no one deserves to be treated that way. No reply and wasnt expecting one. Edited March 20, 2012 by WinorLoseItsHowUPlay
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