budley12 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I just found out my ex of 3 years is dating someone... It hurts so much. He broke it off 4months ago and was saying the whole "lets stay friends for now and maybe down the road". I stopped all contact with him a month ago, and now I find out his new toy went to texas with him for spring break, and now they are dating. I thought this fling was just a fwb and he just wanted to give us space apart (we were each others first loves)... what will make this pain go away.... I really thought all he wanted was some space and time... is this new toy just a rebound, do I still have a chance down the road? i cant stop crying, i just want this all to end.
CaliBabe Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 It is so painful to learn that your ex is dating someone new. I try my hardest to not know what is going on in my ex's life. Ignorance is bliss. What I would do if I were you however, is get out there! Meet new people and start dating! (Trust me it helps soften the blow). I find that not knowing a single thing my ex is doing helps alot.
Kaotic Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 This must be very heard on you If I found out that my ex was seeing someone else I'd be in pieces again I just take comfort in the fact that to every break up there are only two possible outcomes,and both come with time. Either with time you will find your way back together, or with time you will heal and move on. Things will get better. 1
Warrior Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Hey girl, I know how you feel just hold on there. And believe me I know exactly how you feel but you are not alone. Tomorrow is a new day and you stand strong on your feet. I can see by your text that your emotions are taking over. It WILL be painful for first month but it will go away I promise you. Get busy, play video games, stuff your mp3 player with music and go running, improve yourself, hit the gym that helps alot or come to me I'll give you a hug and we can both hit the gym see?! I don't want to see or know a girl is crying. Everything will be fine just trust me and hold on if you can't trust yourself (at this time) 1
stimson554 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 It is so painful to learn that your ex is dating someone new. I try my hardest to not know what is going on in my ex's life. Ignorance is bliss. What I would do if I were you however, is get out there! Meet new people and start dating! (Trust me it helps soften the blow). I find that not knowing a single thing my ex is doing helps alot. no, i would strongly advise against that, you need to take time to get over it, rushing into a new relationship when you are clearly not over your previous one can be destructive. go no contact and take somettime to heal.
AriesBunny Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I just found out my ex of 3 years is dating someone... It hurts so much. He broke it off 4months ago and was saying the whole "lets stay friends for now and maybe down the road". I stopped all contact with him a month ago, and now I find out his new toy went to texas with him for spring break, and now they are dating. I thought this fling was just a fwb and he just wanted to give us space apart (we were each others first loves)... what will make this pain go away.... I really thought all he wanted was some space and time... is this new toy just a rebound, do I still have a chance down the road? i cant stop crying, i just want this all to end. Don't think about having a chance down the road. Live your life the way you want. You will remember your first love. This is life's experience. 1
Anela Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I know how that goes - it's just awful. I was already in a bad way, and when I heard that for myself, I was wailing to someone about it, wondering why they got what they really wanted, and I was still alone. He's single now, and miserable. A year from now, you might be the one in a happy new relationship - one that lasts a lot longer, if not forever - and he might be single and wishing that he'd never broken it off with you. I don't say that so you'll hold out any hope that he might want you back, I say it because I wish I'd held onto that last year - the knowing that it probably wouldn't last. <3 1
Author budley12 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 do you think there is any chance of us getting back together? I realize that I shouldnt have these thoughts because they wont allow me to heal, but I truly believe we were meant for each other. Things ended badly between us but he told me he still wants me in his life and he doesnt want to lose me. I hope that one day we can be friends again but until I can look at him and not want to hold his hand or envision us together I dont think I should contact him and try and be friends...
69ways Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 No friends , No contact , no nothing. Obviously you are still reacting to his actions as you got feelings for him. I found out last week my 5 years ex fiance slept with someone. Ok i am not upset towards her as its been 14 months since our break up, the girl was due to continue with life BUT it made me realise one thing. I am not in any mood to get back together with her after this. Imagine if you get back together with him and each time you touch each other you are thinking that he was doing the same thing to her. If you want to get back together with him, I personally say NC NC NC to sort yourself out first, come in terms with this mess and then maybe, I say maybe if you still feel the same and he also, you can give it a go. The less you know the less it hurst , the less damage it does to any possibility of future getting back together. Go out, have fun, go to the gym, go for a short trip, fool around with a couple of guys, just enjoy life... Never forget, theres always two losers in a relationship and people that leave us and cant see how much love we got for them, loose more....os up to you to put yourself in the less looser position. As if you are getting back together again..... I cant tell yo, no one here can.....but even if you do, is it worth it? You are saying yes but look deeper.....you know is not 1
Philosoraptor Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I just found out my ex of 3 years is dating someone... It hurts so much. He broke it off 4months ago and was saying the whole "lets stay friends for now and maybe down the road". I stopped all contact with him a month ago, and now I find out his new toy went to texas with him for spring break, and now they are dating. I thought this fling was just a fwb and he just wanted to give us space apart (we were each others first loves)... what will make this pain go away.... I really thought all he wanted was some space and time... is this new toy just a rebound, do I still have a chance down the road? i cant stop crying, i just want this all to end. It's sad that so many people believe that "maybe in the future" will soften the blow. All you can do is not focus on him and just worry about yourself.
gotye Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 It's sad that so many people believe that "maybe in the future" will soften the blow. All you can do is not focus on him and just worry about yourself. ya, my ex just did that to me and for a second I had hope then remembered i have said that before to soften the blow
Author budley12 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 thanks for all the responses. Im hoping that overtime I will come to see the new path my life is taking me down. My ex was becoming my life and I was straying away from who I really am. I hope that I will eventually look back on this and see this experience as a good thing, but as for now the world is a dark and miserable place. What do I do if I run into my ex or his new partner? Right now I feel like I would get angry and say some nasty words but it would probably just make things worse and make my ex look less of me. But how do I act? I have seen him a few times and I pretended not to see him, but this whole avoidance act can only last so long since we are on the same campus. Do I try to be civil and have small talk? Do I complete ignore him? Do I try and be friendly so that if his new thing doesnt work out I can maybe move back in?
Warrior Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Thats completely normal to feel. I was complete train wreck first month of the break up, and second I think... Now at the end of March it will be 6 months of NC, I feel ALOT better. Time heals everything. If you run into them, just say briefly "hello, how are you? oh I gotta go, see ya around, have a nice day". Don't be nasty, don't let him see your depression or anger. Also that negative energy he gave to you must come out somewhere, when it comes out it will return to him (karma). You will see... P.s. when are we hitting the gym? just let me now ok 2
Author budley12 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 P.s. when are we hitting the gym? just let me now ok Come to Rochester, NY and we can go every day! I am just hoping I dont run into him. It sucks walking to and from class because I have to pass his car/dorm every time and I am fearing I will see him... =( A part of me want to see him but if I do I am afraid of what would happen. I will try to be civil like you said but in reality I may start crying and run away and avoid. 1
TheDovic Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I try my hardest to not know what is going on in my ex's life. Ignorance is bliss. I've been on this site a long time now, and the statement "ignorance is bliss" is the truest thing I have heard! You see for months upon months I gave advice on here about how to get someone back, and because I was focussed on getting her back I was constantly thinking about her. And because I was constantly thinking about her, checking her facebook, speaking to people she knew, driving past her work, I was MISERABLE and infatuated! She told me the day before Valentine's that she was seeing someone else and it almost killed me... initially! Since then I have deleted her from fb, I don't socialise where she might be, and I don't speak to her friends, and I have to say it is the best thing I have done. She drove past me the other day and that day I was depressed. Every other day I have been a lot happier because I know nothing of her life now. Maybe Cali babe's advice is potent in your situation. Stop seeking info about your ex and maybe you too will start to heal. 2
CaliBabe Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I've been on this site a long time now, and the statement "ignorance is bliss" is the truest thing I have heard! You see for months upon months I gave advice on here about how to get someone back, and because I was focussed on getting her back I was constantly thinking about her. And because I was constantly thinking about her, checking her facebook, speaking to people she knew, driving past her work, I was MISERABLE and infatuated! She told me the day before Valentine's that she was seeing someone else and it almost killed me... initially! Since then I have deleted her from fb, I don't socialise where she might be, and I don't speak to her friends, and I have to say it is the best thing I have done. She drove past me the other day and that day I was depressed. Every other day I have been a lot happier because I know nothing of her life now. Maybe Cali babe's advice is potent in your situation. Stop seeking info about your ex and maybe you too will start to heal. This is exactly my point. When you have no reminder or no knowledge of whats going on in their life you can focus on whats important, YOU! I'm sure my ex is dating, doing crap and what not but I do not need to know about it. And by not knowing, seeing him, etc I don't get upset. Out of sight out of mind. As crazy as that sounds about someone you once loved, it's true. 2
Warrior Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Thats completely normal. Probably you won't run into him but IF you do be nice and brief, let him now that you are strong and individual. I didn't run into my ex and I am glad I didn't. You heal VERY quick when there is no contact, no pictures, no phone number. Concentrate on yourself, you know what helped me also, I bought myself new sneakers, go shopping (I know ladies love it) if you saved some money . Rochester NY, I hear you, aight ahaha How can I send a personal message on this forum? I want to show you something that I found on the youtube 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Thats completely normal to feel. I was complete train wreck first month of the break up, and second I think... Now at the end of March it will be 6 months of NC, I feel ALOT better. Time heals everything. If you run into them, just say briefly "hello, how are you? oh I gotta go, see ya around, have a nice day". Don't be nasty, don't let him see your depression or anger. Also that negative energy he gave to you must come out somewhere, when it comes out it will return to him (karma). You will see... P.s. when are we hitting the gym? just let me now ok Hi, Warrior; I am hoping that is true what you said about karma. My ex is with someone new; he ripped my heart to shreds and it was intentional.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 It is so painful to learn that your ex is dating someone new. I try my hardest to not know what is going on in my ex's life. Ignorance is bliss. What I would do if I were you however, is get out there! Meet new people and start dating! (Trust me it helps soften the blow). I find that not knowing a single thing my ex is doing helps alot. Hi there, Calibabe!! I sooooo agree with you; I was doing fine until I found out things through well meaning friends and on the newsfeed. I have since blocked the acquaintance whose pictures were plastered all over fb--of my ex and his new g/f enjoying a day at a beautiful waterfall nature park, there was a pic of a bed and breakfast where the ex captioned "this is our bed and breakfast"...My heart sank. I called a friend who went through this and cried for a little bit. It is more so about my pride. He treated me rotten and then while still seeing me, put himself on several dating sites--i found out through his ex wife that he was on those sites looking for his soulmate=-when just around that time he said I was his soulmate. He treated me like garbage and apparently worships this new one. It made me feel awful. I so wanted him to have his karma, but I am guessing he will have all he wants in life. You just have to screw with someone's emotions and then you hit the lotto, pretty much...That's how it feels. Ignorance truly is bliss. After awhile, you do become indifferent, but because I can't unsee those happy pictures of a man who I feel is sick and twisted, it gave me a little regression/setback. It hurts that he loathes me and is smitten with another. 1
Warrior Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 That is very nasty and bad. He IS a bad person if he done that intentionally. I can say to you this, atleast you can be glad that that person is not with you anymore. It would affect very bad on you, you don't want someone using your heart for their wrong ways. Yes, karma exists. The whole planet is balanced, like a scale. Head up, go forward, you know you are above (him and) his actions 1
OffandOnStillinLove Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I just found out my ex of 3 years is dating someone... It hurts so much. He broke it off 4months ago and was saying the whole "lets stay friends for now and maybe down the road". I stopped all contact with him a month ago, and now I find out his new toy went to texas with him for spring break, and now they are dating. I thought this fling was just a fwb and he just wanted to give us space apart (we were each others first loves)... what will make this pain go away.... I really thought all he wanted was some space and time... is this new toy just a rebound, do I still have a chance down the road? i cant stop crying, i just want this all to end. youre not alone, i found out the same/similar thing [he's 2 months with a girl now] and Im bummed too- Im just asking God for strength and seeing that if he doesn't value me maybe he never will, but its still hurting very badly- Just let yourself cry and be sad, but dont get stuck there... if people dont see our valueand worth, Im starting to have glimpes that maybe their blind or fools - He has admitted he has a problem with inimtacy, and so this could just be a rebound/ not healthy thing- same for your guy, could be just a crap "fling" that isnt worth being jealous over, maybe
OffandOnStillinLove Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 This is exactly my point. When you have no reminder or no knowledge of whats going on in their life you can focus on whats important, YOU! I'm sure my ex is dating, doing crap and what not but I do not need to know about it. And by not knowing, seeing him, etc I don't get upset. Out of sight out of mind. As crazy as that sounds about someone you once loved, it's true. so true! fb and other "info soucres" are making breakups harder, b/c its "out there " for everyone to see- adn we need to NOT look for any info, good post, thanks! [im goin thru same thing, similar] 1
OffandOnStillinLove Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Hi there, Calibabe!! I sooooo agree with you; I was doing fine until I found out things through well meaning friends and on the newsfeed. ................a man who I feel is sick and twisted, it gave me a little regression/setback. It hurts that he loathes me and is smitten with another. Im brand new and just learned how to LIKE somn, and I dont know how to quote you w/o having the FULL paragraph, but anyway , thanks for your like too! 1
96Firebird Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Come to Rochester, NY and we can go every day! Join Planet Fitness. I recently joined the one in Irondequoit, and it has been a great stress reliever. I'm assuming you're closer to Henrietta because that is where most of the colleges are, I used to go to that Planet Fitness and its pretty good too. 1
Author budley12 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Join Planet Fitness. I recently joined the one in Irondequoit, and it has been a great stress reliever. I'm assuming you're closer to Henrietta because that is where most of the colleges are, I used to go to that Planet Fitness and its pretty good too. Woah cool to see someone in the area. I goto Brockport! And warrior if you want you can just send it to my email [email protected] =)=) Thanks again for all the responses! I saw my ex today with the other person at lunch and they were flirting and holding hands. It hurt but at the same time I just got angry and told myself I am better than this and my ex has changed and its his loss...
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