What if...

[underpants]

You had a party and another Parents kid disrespected you. Didn't listen, broke rules, took knives in the yard, didn't play well or share with other kids and when confronted by the homeowner quietly and calmly (away from the peers) said such things as...'what are you going to do about it?' Then in front of kids when asked to share, said such things as 'I don't have to listen to you'. At your own house.

 

The kid is 10. Old enough to know better.

 

Is it okay to let the consequence be that he is not allowed back until better behaviour can be expected, or that I may ask him to leave if he misbehaves for any reason?

 

A parent was there but seemed not to notice or want to be bothered when I pointed it out. That is unfortunate.

 

The parent is a friend, and I know it is a touchy subject. Any navigation tips are welcome.

 

Its always blown off as boys will be boys, but not this.

 

Thoughts?

[threebyfate]

If you're the homeowner in question, discuss the issue with them now that you're both calm. If they get upset, don't invite them to your home anymore.

[underpants]

Hey you, how are things? I log in sometimes and never post, just to check in, some of you mean so much to me.

 

The situation as you can imagine getting to 10 has gone on for a while.

 

Its an annual party and usually if a kid has a melt down or misbehaves that parent is on it, usually thanking me on the way out the door. That is how kids roll. I get that.

 

This is sort of different. When I tried to address it afterward to the parent that is a long time friend I was rebuffed with 'I know my kids are a'holes and everone hates them.' Yikes, not true and no.

 

So, this year I said perhaps it would be best if you and your boys sat this year out. Feeling that was the only card I had to play for last years behavior.

 

The wish was respected and it was a much less stressful party, but I still feel sick about it.

 

My wish is that with the parents permission he can come back but if he acts out or is mean to other kids he has to learn a consequence. Leave or dont' be invited back is all I have. Not sure they want that though?

 

I hate this because I like that kid as strong willed as he is I just can't let him do things that make other kids and other adults suffer. Not at my home.

 

Am I bad?

Edited March 20, 2012 by underpants

[AriesBunny]

So, this year I said perhaps it would be best if you and your boys sat this year out. Feeling that was the only card I had to play for last years behavior.

Sounds like a good idea as long as it works.

 

The wish was respected and it was a much less stressful party, but I still feel sick about it.

It worked.

 

My wish is that with the parents permission he can come back but if he acts out or is mean to other kids he has to learn a consequence. Leave or dont' be invited back is all I have. Not sure they want that though?

Next year you can put a time frame for the party. Some parents have bed times for their kids.

 

I hate this because I like that kid as strong willed as he is I just can't let him do things that make other kids and other adults suffer. Not at my home.

 

Am I bad?

No

[threebyfate]

Doing great! Gestating our second baby right now.

 

It's nice to see you everytime you pop back in. Hope life's treating you well too.

 

No, you're not bad at all. You handled it appropriately, since the parent(s) refuse to parent. Can't imagine ever giving up on your own children and shrugging your shoulders over bad and worse yet, dangerous behaviours (knives).

 

As a thought, if you ever have this child back and he misbehaves, don't be discreet about it. March him over to his parent(s), explain the situation to them, then leave the child with a suggestion to the parent(s) that because this child can't behave, it's time for them to take him home.

 

This way, you've allocated responsibility right where it belongs.

[jerbear]

Doing great! Gestating our second baby right now.

bump #2, congrats!

[underpants]

Doing great! Gestating our second baby right now.

 

It's nice to see you everytime you pop back in. Hope life's treating you well too.

 

No, you're not bad at all. You handled it appropriately, since the parent(s) refuse to parent. Can't imagine ever giving up on your own children and shrugging your shoulders over bad and worse yet, dangerous behaviours (knives).

 

As a thought, if you ever have this child back and he misbehaves, don't be discreet about it. March him over to his parent(s), explain the situation to them, then leave the child with a suggestion to the parent(s) that because this child can't behave, it's time for them to take him home.

 

This way, you've allocated responsibility right where it belongs.

 

Hey, congratulations.

 

This is a early day party. However, some kids get tired and restless if they stay too long so I've now set a time for kids to go home rule.

 

Yes, I want to do that, march him over to the parent enjoying my hospitality and tell them that it is time to take him home due to x, y or z behavior. Honestly I think the parent would have just told me to relax or get over it.

 

I didn't want to bring him out (parent or kid) in front of peers, this year, without a prior talk or agreement. However, in the future it would be nice for them to be on board or just not attend.

 

I've gotten no calls about it, except a few thank yous from some other parents, so I will just let the chips fall.

 

If it's easier for them to hate me then I guess thats fine too.

 

Thanks for making me feel a little less terrible.

 

Cats are so much easier.

Edited March 21, 2012 by underpants