atloss4love Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 My son is 13 years old and he has Aspergers He has rages everyday that start over nothing. He has wrecked my car, thrown his brother over A couch, ran away for hours , cusses, screams, Hit me, destroys almost anything in his path. I'm at the end of my rope. I'm a single mother That tries to work and support them. I need help. He is on medicine but is this the right way? He has been in a mental hospital, special school and Special programs. You say black he says blue. He thinks that everybody bullies him and he does Nothing wrong.
frozensprouts Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 My son is 13 years old and he has Aspergers He has rages everyday that start over nothing. He has wrecked my car, thrown his brother over A couch, ran away for hours , cusses, screams, Hit me, destroys almost anything in his path. I'm at the end of my rope. I'm a single mother That tries to work and support them. I need help. He is on medicine but is this the right way? He has been in a mental hospital, special school and Special programs. You say black he says blue. He thinks that everybody bullies him and he does Nothing wrong. I have a 13 yr old daughter with aspergers, as she does get bullied too. Kids who are different seem to be targets for that type of thing. She gets frustrated over the things about her aspergers that she can't control, but her frustration seems to come out more as sadness and isolation from others than anger. Do you think hat could be what is going on with your son? Does her feel frustrated because he feels alone, isolated and alone? He could be "raging against the darkness", but, as the saying goes ' better to light a candle than rage against the darkness". here is a site that may help ( it's for parents, kids, any age really) Wrong Planet - Autism Community he may also have other mental health issues or sensory input issues ( e.g.- ADD, ADHD, sensory processing disorder, tourettes syndrome) that are causing him to act out. His doctor would be a good "first stop' in trying to find out what is going on ( could also be his meds.- some kids react differently to them than others) I know it's a hard go for you right now, but you are not alone...I'm around here a fair amount, and will be more than happy to be a sounding board if you need one...
gaius Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I know a kid like that! His mother has him on so much medication that he runs around drooling all day. I only have to deal with him a few weeks a year but I still have fantasies of drowning him in a bathtub on occasion. The hell it must be to be stuck in that house every day of the year! The only thing I can suggest is getting him hooked up with as many out of the house activities as you can. The woman I talked about before has it so on a normal day she only has to deal with him for about 2 hours, the rest of the time he's out at school or a with a mentor. It would be even better if you could get him shipped off to one of those special boarding schools for kids like that. Sometimes your town will pay for it if you can prove he can't get adequate schooling for his needs in their system. I'm sure his behavior is taking a major toll on the healthy members of your family.
freestyle Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I've got some friends that have children with autism, and another one has been working with children, and adults with autism for many years now. I've absorbed a lot of information by proxy, and done some reading on my own. If it helps you to cope, or understand better---here's a great video I came across that kind of explains from the point of view of the person , or child with autism. There's several other videos on Youtube which might be helpful to you. I would also see if there's a support group in your community for parents of children with autism. Not only could you find emotional support, but you may be able to get networked with helpful community services.
Lois Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Diet plays an enormous roll in the behaviour of children with Autism. Preservatives, artificial colours and flavours, gluten and casein can wreak havoc. You may find this helpful: www.gfcfdiet.com I'm sorry that you and your boy are going through this.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I know a kid like that! His mother has him on so much medication that he runs around drooling all day. I only have to deal with him a few weeks a year but I still have fantasies of drowning him in a bathtub on occasion. The hell it must be to be stuck in that house every day of the year! The only thing I can suggest is getting him hooked up with as many out of the house activities as you can. The woman I talked about before has it so on a normal day she only has to deal with him for about 2 hours, the rest of the time he's out at school or a with a mentor. It would be even better if you could get him shipped off to one of those special boarding schools for kids like that. Sometimes your town will pay for it if you can prove he can't get adequate schooling for his needs in their system. I'm sure his behavior is taking a major toll on the healthy members of your family. This is someone's child you are talking about! Yes he may be difficult, but my God how insensitive. OP both my brother and sister are autistic. My brother had brutal rages. My parents did not want to "ship him off" somewhere. He was their child. What mess is your child on. They had my brother on such a cocktail of them that he developed severe constipation and they stopped all his meds to treat him. They expected a huge fallout when they withdrew him from the meds. What they found was that his rages actually STOPPED altogether. The meds were interacting in such a strange way that throughout his childhood he would often look gaunt and pale, like a drug addict. Then another set of meds caused a massive weight gain. Eventually after withdrawing him off of all of the meds his rages stopped but he couldn't sleep. The doctor prescribed a sedative. That sedative eventually lead to heart failure. He survived but was severely brain injured and now lives on a hospital bed in my parent's living room. Review your mess with a REGISTERED naturopath if you can. I remain very drug-phobic to this day. A lot of MDs like to play "guess and check" when it comes to medicating patients and disabled children and adults are (IMHO) some of the most over-medicated people on the planet.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 As well: pitch the wheat and dairy from his diet if you can. Every parent of an autistic I've ever known that has done so has had tremendous results. My brother, previously non-verbal, started talking when they eliminated wheat. Then, of course my mother welched on that and started giving it to him again: he stopped talking. (correlation: my mother has zero follow-through on many, many things)
bentnotbroken Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 One possibility for his rages maybe hormone surge. Puberty causes medication to need adjustment, though it is really hard to find the right medicine levels with hormones on a roller coaster. It is possible he is in stimulus overload.
pie2 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 OP - I'm sorry for the pain you and your son must be experiencing. I think one of the first steps in changing the behaviors within the family would be to chart your son's outbursts. Keep a log of the following: A - Antecedent (what happened before the outburst occurred?) B - Behavior (what does your son do...i.e. cry, hit, go to room, hurt himself?) C - Consequence (what happens after the behavior...is he ignored, video game taken away, grounded, appeased?) D - Duration (how long do the outbursts last?) Charting behaviors is often a part of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy. I'm not sure how social services are set up where you are but, if nothing else, you might be able to advocate that your school district, medical insurance provider or local mental health agency fund some ABA therapy for your family. 2
Nightsky Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Its funny to me how so many people say medication is the answer yet these "metal health" issues keep getting worse every year. Polute your body and polute your mind. I read the label on the package of fresh Oranges I bought. Says the following COLOR ADDED hmmm strange. Then it goes on to say Sodium Orthophenylphenol and/or ... comon is it and or is it or... Imazalil Fungicides and Coated with "food-grade vegetable Petroleum"... why does food grad petrol even exist and why is it in all the dirt and on all the food I eat... Now the. Now I live in FL I think I bought FL oranges... but I know for a fact that Calforia Oranges are sold at my supermarket as well as produce from all over the country and the world. I'm also sure that the oranges that I eat from Florida that have to be so hardily grown and perserved in factory setting are sold all over the country and world even if comming from localy... We spend all this time money yet we all don't see the real costs. Now all this medication is just further polution of the body in the name of "chemical imbalance" the key phrase people latch onto. What people seem to forget is everything in the body and universe is chemichal. The bodies job is to keep whats suposed to be out away and out... and to keep what needs to be in safely in. All thes vacinations and pills and everthin omg. Look the only good sugestion I can think of is if you can't handle your own kid then find a sleep away school you can send him. I don't believe in the type of Autism your son has as a helpful diagnosis in the same way I don't believe in diagnosing kids as manic depressive or hyper is at all helpful. Follow the money, and follow peoples human nature to label everything and not think about it and you'll have your answers. What you are going through with your son is no doubt tough. I suggest you take him off the meds and just get him some one to talk to. Maybe martial arts a mentor who you both can talk to. Thats my advice.
gaius Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 This is someone's child you are talking about! So was Hitler. If Nebraska still let you drop off teenage kids I'm pretty sure she would drive him out there.
frozensprouts Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 for all those who say that aspergers/autism are not "real" or are just some fabrication of the psychological/pharmaceutical /whatever industry, I would like to ask what actual experience ( other than reading about it or watching a show) you have had with it? Have you actually parented a child with autism or aspergers, have you ever even met someone with it? ( and seeing the chracter "sheldon" on Big Bang Theory does not count) I have... two of my children have autism ( oldest has aspergers, youngest has autism), and they have always, even from the time they were newborns, been "different" . I compare them to my middle kid, and she was very different from them, and is "normal". The autism was NOT caused by vaccines or anything like that. It is believed that it is genetic, possibly aggravated by external factors. If you don't know what it is like for them...imagine this ... You are scooped up from your home and dropped into the middle of a busy city street filled with noise, color, bright lights, and everyone is pushing and prodding you. They yell and scream at you, but even though you may recognize some of the words, you don't understand the dialect, body language or facial expressions. You cover year ears because the noise hurts you, and you cry out, but no one understands. They keep pushing you so much it hurts, you keep crying out, but they don't stop. The lights hurt your eyes, so you cry out some more..You try and follow the crowd, but you just can't figure out where they are going. you keep asking for help, but no one understands. You hurt all the time, but you can't tell anyone because no one understands. ( in reality, it's an autistic child in a public place that's "normal" to most of us. The people screaming are just talking normally) Social interaction is often every difficult for people with aspergers/autism. They just don't intuitively "get" other people. they have patterns and habits that are very rigid and fixed. Their ability to see situations for other points of view is hampered. Many become the victims of bullies who don't understand what it is like for them. Many people with autism/aspergers are very intelligent , very sensitive and artistic ( though, sadly, they get labeled as "unfeeling" because they often don't express their emotions verbally). It takes a lot out of you to parent a child with autism, but the rewards are great. OP is there any kind of respite care in your area? There are respite care programs here ( I've been fortunate enough that I've never had to use them). In respite care, your child spends some time ( a few hours to a few days at a stretch depending on what is needed) with a qualified, trained care worker so that you can have some time to regroup. It is also beneficial to your child, as they have some "one on one" time with a different adult. The charting of your child's behavior and any external factors that may aggravate it is an excellent idea. If you can figure out the cause, maybe you an prevent it from happening, and help your child learn how to anticipate his rages and learn self control. I know it's hard...we had another appointment with our daughters psychologist, and it seems she is suffering from depression. Poor kid has been through an awful lot ( she also has fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome) 2
Nightsky Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 My main problem is diagnosing children who would otherwise be "normal" as having autism or bi-polar or what ever. Its just such a stigma and I believe it hurts their mind to be diagnosed. It's one more thing to overcome. Throw in medication and now you're really poisoning them. Not hard for me to imagine why some parents and doctors like doing this though. If a kid clacking his teeth all day and giggling and refusing to speak well then it might be helpful. But if he's just arguing and hard to deal with but because of modern labeling is now autistic I think you're hurting.
zengirl Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 My son is 13 years old and he has Aspergers He has rages everyday that start over nothing. He has wrecked my car, thrown his brother over A couch, ran away for hours , cusses, screams, Hit me, destroys almost anything in his path. I'm at the end of my rope. I'm a single mother That tries to work and support them. I need help. He is on medicine but is this the right way? He has been in a mental hospital, special school and Special programs. You say black he says blue. He thinks that everybody bullies him and he does Nothing wrong. My Background: My PhD work had me work with many children on the autistic spectrum and my thesis work includes some research in Aspergers and autism; I taught high-functioning autistic (ESOL) students in Korea and I've worked with autistic students in social programs in the United States. FWIW, I still feel like I know ****-all about the subject sometimes. No two kids are the same in general, and this is true when dealing with autism as well. I don't know what the "answer" is with your son, but I can suggest the following, if you can afford them/implement them: *a trained behavioral aid (not for all the time but to come and set up some systems and guidelines and work with your son 1-on-1 on a scheduled basis) *a highly structured environment; the chart another poster gave was a good idea -- it's important to map what theoretically causes outbursts *visual support systems -- TELLING autistic children "the rules" is a terrible idea; make sure they are visually supported, as most autistic children are visually oriented and have major issues with language and interpreting meaning from language. Create a structure and system of rules (this will make the child feel safe, even if they seem against it at first -- children all need boundaries, but autistic children especially) and consequences and stick to them. But make sure you support this in a way that is not just language. That's hard to do, really, but it's crucial. *new studies suggest dietary changes can help ameliorate autism -- it's not for sure, but there's some evidence that particular allergens (glutens mostly) exacerbate the condition I'm sure there are more things, but I cannot think of them right this moment. Hang in there. I know it must be unbelievably hard to cope with this right now, but hopefully it can improve. I think empathy for the child has to be balanced with accountability for their actions. Yes, they have to overcome more than many children (and asking them to totally do so might be unrealistic), but they still have to TRY to behave appropriately. The key isn't getting perfection---it's getting accountability and empathy on both sides. My main problem is diagnosing children who would otherwise be "normal" as having autism or bi-polar or what ever. Its just such a stigma and I believe it hurts their mind to be diagnosed. It's one more thing to overcome. Throw in medication and now you're really poisoning them. Not hard for me to imagine why some parents and doctors like doing this though. If a kid clacking his teeth all day and giggling and refusing to speak well then it might be helpful. But if he's just arguing and hard to deal with but because of modern labeling is now autistic I think you're hurting. Unlike ADD and bipolar disorder, Autism and Aspergers are not often misdiagnosed (most forms of autism almost never are---Aspergers, perhaps, on occasion is throw around too often, but it's rare to get a true misdiagnosis to the point where the child has truly been diagnosed). I think the stigma issue is hard to say, but with a child with Aspergers, it truly doesn't matter. There's no way to "hide" Aspergers prior to diagnosis. Everyone knows, whether they know the words or not -- the only way to really get to the point where you could hide it (and even then, poorly in all but the mildest of cases) would be to be trained and coached with strategies. Sadly, a child with Aspergers will never organically "fit in" in a mainstream environment. It will always be work for him/her, if it's even possible. In most cases, the label is a blessing and a validation for the children and parents who already knew something was different. It gives them a place to work from and develop those strategies as well as an understanding that the child is not just "difficult" but simply has a brain that is wired in a way that does not mesh naturally with the norms of our world. As to medication . . . you can't really "treat" autism or Aspergers. What I assume is being treated are symptoms (repetitive behaviors, irritability), akin to treating a brain tumor with an Advil. Many doctors also have to treat comorbid disorders -- hyperactivity, anxiety, and depression are common among many children who have ASD. 2
frozensprouts Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 My main problem is diagnosing children who would otherwise be "normal" as having autism or bi-polar or what ever. Its just such a stigma and I believe it hurts their mind to be diagnosed. It's one more thing to overcome. Throw in medication and now you're really poisoning them. Not hard for me to imagine why some parents and doctors like doing this though. If a kid clacking his teeth all day and giggling and refusing to speak well then it might be helpful. But if he's just arguing and hard to deal with but because of modern labeling is now autistic I think you're hurting. between my own kids and the kids/adults with autism/aspergers that I've met through volunteering at our local autism resource center, I can honestly say that I have never met someone who was misdiagnosed with autism simply because they have some behavioral problems ( ADHD or ADD I can see that happening with). I wouldn't have asked to have my kids "labeled" this way, but it's who they are. And , for the record autism is not "clicking his teeth all day and giggling and refusing to speak"...many with autism CAN"T speak, or have signifigant speech problems ( my son is lke that...trust me, if he could spek, he would, as it would be whole lot easier than the speech therapy he gets every day, and he'd be able to communicate and ask for what he wants without me having to ask him to repeat himself over and over until I can understand him. From what I understand, there is no medication that can "treat" autism, but some can help with the depression, poor sleep patterns ( melatonin is helpful for some) or seizures that can accompany autism ( I'm fortunate in that my children don't also have the seizure component that sometimes is part of autism). 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 In my experience as a person with autism, I had temper tantrums quite a few times at home. I think what your son may be experiencing is an overload of his senses. It's been said that a lot of autistic children have extra-sensory perceptions too (I have synesthesia), and if this is true, then I can imagine that this will be confusing on a deep level. As your son is now 13, the next 10 years of his life will be one of self-discovery, and it's important that you talk to him a lot and are there to offer support. The most important thing you can do however is give him a channel that he can pour his energy into. What does your son enjoy? Does he have any particular passions? Martial Arts may be of great help to him, I have met autistic people who have taken it up and it calmed them down immeasurably. Also think about what he likes doing creatively. I always played piano, ever since I was 3 years old, and I also taught myself to read and write very young, so I always loved writing. Encourage your son to find his passion. Find out if he has sensory problems and seek solutions to them. I am fortunate that I was able to deal with mine on my own. And try to remember that just because he has problems emotionally does not mean he is unemotional or that he lacks empathy. Perhaps he has too much empathy and simply does not know how to deal with it. I was always an extremely emotional child simply from lack of emotional control and maturity. It's important to speak with your child about these things. Finally, I want to extend my support to you. It will be hard doing it all on your own as it was for my own mother. I wasn't diagnosed as early, but it was always known that I was autistic. I would think that finding some outside help from someone will be beneficial, and especially from a male role model that he can look towards. I wish you and your son good luck 5
spiderowl Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 (edited) I really feel for you as I know how difficult autistic children can be. My children both have Asperger's and, while the problems vary between them, there are crucial things in common. What seems to cause most problems with my two (and maybe yours, who knows?) are: - sensory overload - too much noise, movement, talking, interaction expected Both of my children can't cope with this. They start to react and behave in a disorganised and irritated way. One of them becomes completely distracted and unfocused as he is taking in everythign around him as well as trying to do whatever is required of him at the time. If he is not able to go to a peaceful environment and relax, they get increasing irate and angry. This anger is expressed especially towards people close to him. - inconsistencies if I define something for them and then later modify the definition, e.g. "cakes usually have eggs in them" to "not all cakes have eggs in them", they get very wound up about what they see as inconsistencies like this. Most of us realise that this is a modification and adapt without complaint but autistic children find this kind of flexibility unbearable. My kids will argue, get annoyed and upset, accuse me of deliberately lying, you name it. They are extremely intolerant of things we would barely notice. It is impossible to maintain the kind of rigid, consistent and peaceful environment that autistic children seem to need. However, if one is aware how much these inputs from outside bother them, then it does give one the opportunity to remove them from an environment they perceive as overwhelmingly painful when things appear to be getting worse. If a child is getting wound up and angry, consider what is impacting on them and take them somewhere peaceful. Give them a distraction - a drink, a biscuit, a pen and paper - and keep the place quiet and calm and see what happens. It is extremely tough though. My son stood up and screamed at me one day out of the blue. It turned out he could hear a high-pitched sound that was driving him crazy. I couldn't hear anything. He kept having a go at me about the noise - how am I supposed to know where it's coming from? Autisic children pose these kinds of dilemmas all the time and, ultimately, we have to live some kind of normal life some of the time and can't compensate for every sensory problem they experience. Imagine turning up sound, light, colour, noise, vibration, smell, everywhere, all the time, and it will give you an idea why a child might be getting wound up and angry. Calming environments might help, ear defenders might help. I wish you all the best as I know how hard it can be. Edited March 23, 2012 by spiderowl 1
eddiesay Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Dealign with Autism is not an easy task. My girlfriend has a 7 year old with Autism. This is a new relationship, and I have been introduced to his life only in the last few months. My girlfriend says that when I am over, it takes time to "get him into his routine" again. Makes it hard on relationships, but it is what it is. I wish I knew how I could be involved more, but I guess it takes time? Any suggestions on how I can help her? 1
Lois Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Dealign with Autism is not an easy task. My girlfriend has a 7 year old with Autism. This is a new relationship, and I have been introduced to his life only in the last few months. My girlfriend says that when I am over, it takes time to "get him into his routine" again. Makes it hard on relationships, but it is what it is. I wish I knew how I could be involved more, but I guess it takes time? Any suggestions on how I can help her? It will take time, that's for sure, and lots of patience. I'm probably not going to be much help, but I think you should ask your girlfriend what you can do. She knows her son best. And of course, there's lots of good information on the web that may help you understand Autism a little better - never hurts to arm yourself with knowledge. Have to say, your girlfriend is lucky, it's very nice that you care. Good luck.
frozensprouts Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 a lot of kids with autism have very rigid behavior patterns, are very sensitive to external stimuli ( or they may be very insensitive to it, and , as a result, they self stimulate to get sensory input)... he may also find social situations with a new person very challenging, as he may not be able to read your body language, facial expressions and non verbal cues...makes it hard for him to socialize with you... forming a bond with him will take time, but it can be done... my advice would be for you to ( depending on how he process sensory input) speak quietly and calmly to him, explain how you're feeling ( e.g.- I'm happy to see you, etc.) as he may not be able to rely on non verbal cues ( e.g.- a smile) as a communication method... because they can't rely on non verbal cues, it may also take them longer to trust you, especially if they have been hurt in the past...but you can overcome that i have found that a good way to interact with a child with autism is to play games with them that they like ( mine love building /construction games, jigsaw puzzles, computer or video games and especially drawing or painting). At first, you may find that you are more playing next to them than with them, but, over time, you may just find them interacting more with you best of luck:)
eddiesay Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 He trusts and loves me. He does more with me than he does with any other guy involved in his life. He does not like going anywhere withhis father, but will jump in my car and buckle himself in to go somewhere with me. My GF tells me it is not my responsibility to help. That she has to deal with it on her own since she "got herself into it" (her words). I do not get more than a day with them, as she worried about sensory overload on him, as he gets wound up when I leave. I want more time with them...I think more, consistant time, will reduce the overload he experiences...But i dont know. I adore both of them. 1
frozensprouts Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 He trusts and loves me. He does more with me than he does with any other guy involved in his life. He does not like going anywhere withhis father, but will jump in my car and buckle himself in to go somewhere with me. My GF tells me it is not my responsibility to help. That she has to deal with it on her own since she "got herself into it" (her words). I do not get more than a day with them, as she worried about sensory overload on him, as he gets wound up when I leave. I want more time with them...I think more, consistant time, will reduce the overload he experiences...But i dont know. I adore both of them. you sound like a great guy, and it's so nice that he wants to spend time with you... is it possible that you girlfriend may be a bit worried about him becoming attached to you, and then if you break up, he'll be hurt?
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