Ex has gone NC on ME...can't stand it

[emby]

Immediately after the breakup we texted and said we were going to be friends...he said he didn't see why we can't be close.

Unfortunately for a few days I pestered him asking questions by text which he'd mostly already answered. Then I sent a long email of questions and promised I wouldn't ask any more when he'd replied. Fair enough, he answered every question and at first it was enough for me. I replied back but he didn't reply after that. I think I sent a few texts after, no reply, until I asked him about something on a facebook and got an angry text back

So today I was going to start 30 days of NC...but this evening I caved asking if the last 2 months were a lie and I needed to know...no reply so I changed tact saying I just want to talk, not about the relationship...

 

I just want a phonecall or something where he says look, I'm giving you space to heal, I promise we'll talk in a few weeks, rather than him just ignoring me.

So far today I haven't called (I doubt he would pick up) but I've been considering it along with tracking down his home phone number and all sorts of crazy things like going to his house.

Have I pushed him away too much with all the questions?? Is he not going to speak to me as long as he knows I'm not over it?

I hate this so much I can't bear it. I just want to hear his voice and ask him what he's been up to I don't even care about stupid questions anymore.

I would much prefer NC if it was me initiating it...I don't know how he can sit there, read my texts and ignore them.

[lexaton]

Immediately after the breakup we texted and said we were going to be friends...he said he didn't see why we can't be close.

Unfortunately for a few days I pestered him asking questions by text which he'd mostly already answered. Then I sent a long email of questions and promised I wouldn't ask any more when he'd replied. Fair enough, he answered every question and at first it was enough for me. I replied back but he didn't reply after that. I think I sent a few texts after, no reply, until I asked him about something on a facebook and got an angry text back

So today I was going to start 30 days of NC...but this evening I caved asking if the last 2 months were a lie and I needed to know...no reply so I changed tact saying I just want to talk, not about the relationship...

 

I just want a phonecall or something where he says look, I'm giving you space to heal, I promise we'll talk in a few weeks, rather than him just ignoring me.

So far today I haven't called (I doubt he would pick up) but I've been considering it along with tracking down his home phone number and all sorts of crazy things like going to his house.

Have I pushed him away too much with all the questions?? Is he not going to speak to me as long as he knows I'm not over it?

I hate this so much I can't bear it. I just want to hear his voice and ask him what he's been up to I don't even care about stupid questions anymore.

I would much prefer NC if it was me initiating it...I don't know how he can sit there, read my texts and ignore them.

 

What is the reason for you both breaking up?

[Philosoraptor]

All one can do after a breakup is protect their own feelings and take care of themselves. He is doing so, so stop texting him and start taking care of yourself. It's impossible to just be friends if either party has feelings deeper than friendship.

[emby]

What is the reason for you both breaking up?

 

Essentially, he doesn't want a relationship.

We started going out when he started at uni, so he's not experienced uni single yet. Having said that, he has no interests in playing the field or casual hookups. He enjoys the freedom of not having to talk with someone all the time, not having to check in about his plans etc. I didn't help because I can be pretty smothering. He 'didn't come to uni to fall in love' and 'didn't want a serious relationship'. Yet, he entered into the relationship and he stayed. I don't understand that.

[emby]

All one can do after a breakup is protect their own feelings and take care of themselves. He is doing so, so stop texting him and start taking care of yourself. It's impossible to just be friends if either party has feelings deeper than friendship.

 

Weirdly, he has shut himself off from the world a bit, not been on Facebook etc etc. I assumed he was completely over me though so didn't see the need to do this. He wouldn't answer me when I asked if he's over me before.

I know we can't be friends yet. I just want him to reassure me that we WILL get to that point and start talking again. He still has some of my things and last I knew we were planning to meet up sometime in the next month or so. I'm just scared I've pushed him too far away. I bet he thinks I'm still after answers or trying to change his mind...but no, I gave up.

[emby]

Please help me someone...

He's not answering the phone. And I know it's not because he's busy.

[ThatDudeXO]

I know you probably won't listen to what I say but...

 

Just stop contacting him, accept that weren't meant to be together. He is not the one so move on. You deserve so much better and he can't give you the love that you need, so find someone else who will!

 

Just please let this guy go and move on. I beg you.

[emby]

I know you probably won't listen to what I say but...

 

Just stop contacting him, accept that weren't meant to be together. He is not the one so move on. You deserve so much better and he can't give you the love that you need, so find someone else who will!

 

Just please let this guy go and move on. I beg you.

 

I know all that but whatever I do due to our situation we're going to be in each other's lives and that's what I want and he said he wanted...I know it won't be in a romantic way. I just don't see why we can't talk right now :/

[Thatguyintx]

I know all that but whatever I do due to our situation we're going to be in each other's lives and that's what I want and he said he wanted...I know it won't be in a romantic way. I just don't see why we can't talk right now :/

 

You can't talk because look what it's doing to you right now! You need to get your individual self back, without him.

 

Why do you need to be in each other's lives? I have to be in my ex-wife's life because we have a kiddo together. Otherwise, we would probably never see each other again.

[BewitchedandBothered]

All one can do after a breakup is protect their own feelings and take care of themselves. He is doing so, so stop texting him and start taking care of yourself. It's impossible to just be friends if either party has feelings deeper than friendship.

 

I, too, needed to see this, Philo. Protecting our feelings is of the utmost--the exes have moved on and we have to accept it, but.....Emby, you have just started the healing process; gotta go through those stages. I am wavering between anger and acceptance right now. I want to accept, but sometimes the wound opens a little bit and there is a setback.

 

Your ex did made it clear, Emby, that you both needed space and no more contact. Going to his house, seeking him out will do more harm than good and hurt you even more. I wish I could have the right words that would make you feel better, but, in time it will get better. You just have to let it happen. xoxoxo

[emby]

I, too, needed to see this, Philo. Protecting our feelings is of the utmost--the exes have moved on and we have to accept it, but.....Emby, you have just started the healing process; gotta go through those stages. I am wavering between anger and acceptance right now. I want to accept, but sometimes the wound opens a little bit and there is a setback.

 

Your ex did made it clear, Emby, that you both needed space and no more contact. Going to his house, seeking him out will do more harm than good and hurt you even more. I wish I could have the right words that would make you feel better, but, in time it will get better. You just have to let it happen. xoxoxo

 

Don't worry. I shan't hunt him down or get his home number or anything like that. I am going to take it a day at a time- one day of no contact, two days...etc.

I know that this isn't the end of us being in touch with each other. He hasn't said anything to make me think that, blocked my number, deleted my Facebook or anything along those lines. He still has my stuff. He just lets the calls ring out. He's doing it because he wants to get over it and for me to get over it. When everything is settled and I'm not emotional anymore, hopefully we can pick things up from there. I have been annoying as hell to him, to be fair. I just hope he doesn't think on me too unfavourably

[Philosoraptor]

Weirdly, he has shut himself off from the world a bit, not been on Facebook etc etc. I assumed he was completely over me though so didn't see the need to do this. He wouldn't answer me when I asked if he's over me before.

I know we can't be friends yet. I just want him to reassure me that we WILL get to that point and start talking again. He still has some of my things and last I knew we were planning to meet up sometime in the next month or so. I'm just scared I've pushed him too far away. I bet he thinks I'm still after answers or trying to change his mind...but no, I gave up.

He is likely hurting as well which is why he is shutting himself off. Just give him time to heal. Also, he can't assure you that he will ever be just friends with you. Most people, even those very close before a relationship and breakup, do not find a close friendship afterwards.

[emby]

So the latest is...I couldn't stop myself calling. He answered when he didn't think it was me and seemed disappointed that it was. Mostly the conversation was grunts from him and he said he'd call me later. He didn't. I texted him to say basically he was making everything wore not better for me. He texted back "I have nothing to say, nothing to talk about and its not all about you. I obviously don't want to talk so leave me be. "

Well. I said I'm sorry for contacting lately and I'm going to give him his space and that the only reason I called was to see if he wanted space and check we're still going to be friends. In the phonecall he said we'll be friends eventually but he didn't text me back about being friends or having my stuff still.

So am I to assume he's just pissed at me right now, wants to be left alone, but after NC and healing we can be friends again??

I miss him so much . I crave hearing his voice and just having general chitchat with him.

I've deleted his number from my phone and hidden it. Please advise me in what I can do in this time. I don't feel like I can leave the house (and I don't actually need to for 5 weeks).

Just hobbies I can have at home, that kind of thing.

 

We seemed good after the breakup, texting and him saying he didn't see why we can't be close. Then I asked a million questions and pissed him off. He said before he doesn't hate me but finds it annoying.

[nature]

Emby, I'm so sorry you are hurting, BUT you really, really, really need to leave this guy alone. You are pushing him further away and acting like "the crazy ex girlfriend". Have you ever heard that saying? The crazy ex who won't leave them alone? That is how you are acting right now. I'm sorry this sounds harsh, but I am trying to help you. When he broke up with you, he said he wants to stay friends. He meant it at the time. But he didn't mean for you to call him and pester him the way you have been. He's trying to be nice by saying, yes eventually you'll be friends. Right now, with the way you've been acting, he's probably terrified to have anything to do with you. I am sorry if this hurts, but I'm trying to be honest with you to help you.

 

Have you ever heard the term "stalking"? That is what you are doing. He has asked you to leave him be right now, yet you keep persisting and contacting him. People can get restraining orders against someone for continuing to do what you are doing. You don't want it to come to this, do you? Because if you continue to cling to your ex and pester him, he may snap and do this.

 

Please, muster up some pride, get your self esteem together, get out of the house, get some exercise, go for walks, make some friends, start living your life. Nobody wants a needy, clingy, insecure person who is chasing them down as you are doing. It is the most unappealing thing in the world. You should not be contacting this guy again, at all. If he contacts you in the future, great. But leave him alone now. Accept it is over. Accept he wants to be free. He's tried to be nice about it, but you are going to make him angry before long, and you will not like it if this happens. It is a scary thing when you break up with someone and they won't leave you alone. Please don't be this person to him anymore. Accept that it is over, and start focusing on you, change your life, get some hobbies, start figuring out what you are giong to do next. Clinging to your ex and harrassing him and stalking him is not going to make him come back. It is going to push him further away, to the point he will never want anything to do with you, and may even contact the police to have you stop.

 

Please, for yourself, know that you deserve better than this. Hugs to you.

[emby]

Emby, I'm so sorry you are hurting, BUT you really, really, really need to leave this guy alone. You are pushing him further away and acting like "the crazy ex girlfriend". Have you ever heard that saying? The crazy ex who won't leave them alone? That is how you are acting right now. I'm sorry this sounds harsh, but I am trying to help you. When he broke up with you, he said he wants to stay friends. He meant it at the time. But he didn't mean for you to call him and pester him the way you have been. He's trying to be nice by saying, yes eventually you'll be friends. Right now, with the way you've been acting, he's probably terrified to have anything to do with you. I am sorry if this hurts, but I'm trying to be honest with you to help you.

 

Have you ever heard the term "stalking"? That is what you are doing. He has asked you to leave him be right now, yet you keep persisting and contacting him. People can get restraining orders against someone for continuing to do what you are doing. You don't want it to come to this, do you? Because if you continue to cling to your ex and pester him, he may snap and do this.

 

Please, muster up some pride, get your self esteem together, get out of the house, get some exercise, go for walks, make some friends, start living your life. Nobody wants a needy, clingy, insecure person who is chasing them down as you are doing. It is the most unappealing thing in the world. You should not be contacting this guy again, at all. If he contacts you in the future, great. But leave him alone now. Accept it is over. Accept he wants to be free. He's tried to be nice about it, but you are going to make him angry before long, and you will not like it if this happens. It is a scary thing when you break up with someone and they won't leave you alone. Please don't be this person to him anymore. Accept that it is over, and start focusing on you, change your life, get some hobbies, start figuring out what you are giong to do next. Clinging to your ex and harrassing him and stalking him is not going to make him come back. It is going to push him further away, to the point he will never want anything to do with you, and may even contact the police to have you stop.

 

Please, for yourself, know that you deserve better than this. Hugs to you.

 

No no, don't worry about being harsh!!

I know I'm becoming the crazy ex and I have to stop. Like I said, I've deleted his number from my phone.

I know and I am scared I've pushed him too far. He was just very responsive to my texts at first and any question that popped into my head I'd ask him straight away. Then gradually he'd stop replying. Then was the whole email thing, but then I didn't leave it at that. I'm annoyed with myself. I just thought 'maybe if I can show him I'm fine and I'm happy being friends already, he'll want to speak to me'. But really, we broke up a week ago today. When I wait 12 hours to speak to him it feels like FOREVER to me but obviously it feels like nothing to him.

He essentially broke up with me because the relationship was too smothering and he wanted freedom. I don't see this as a dealbreaker because now I finally know this, a future relationship between us could be completely different. But all I'm doing is being super smothering and clingy

Don't worry, I'm going to stop trying to talk to him. I just want us to be friends again after I've given him space. He knows he has my things and I want them back but he hasn't mentioned anything about it so I'm presuming he does plan to see me again etc.

I want him to have only positive thoughts towards me but I'm scared I've totally jeopardised it...it's like every contact I thought I could patch over all the clingy contact, but when he didn't respond I just ended up seeming more clingy etc.

 

Oh and a couple of things...

When I speak about a future relationship with him I mean WAY in the future if things work out as friends. Since it is essentially a 'GIGS' breakup and he doesn't want a relationship with anyone.

 

Also, I didn't realise he didn't want me to speak to him until he sent that blatent text so I didn't see it as him asking me to leave him be and me refusing to, but it would be from this point onwards, if that's what you meant.

Edited March 21, 2012 by emby

[LogicallyIllogical]

No no, don't worry about being harsh!!

I know I'm becoming the crazy ex and I have to stop. Like I said, I've deleted his number from my phone.

I know and I am scared I've pushed him too far. He was just very responsive to my texts at first and any question that popped into my head I'd ask him straight away. Then gradually he'd stop replying. Then was the whole email thing, but then I didn't leave it at that. I'm annoyed with myself. I just thought 'maybe if I can show him I'm fine and I'm happy being friends already, he'll want to speak to me'. But really, we broke up a week ago today. When I wait 12 hours to speak to him it feels like FOREVER to me but obviously it feels like nothing to him.

He essentially broke up with me because the relationship was too smothering and he wanted freedom. I don't see this as a dealbreaker because now I finally know this, a future relationship between us could be completely different. But all I'm doing is being super smothering and clingy

Don't worry, I'm going to stop trying to talk to him. I just want us to be friends again after I've given him space. He knows he has my things and I want them back but he hasn't mentioned anything about it so I'm presuming he does plan to see me again etc.

I want him to have only positive thoughts towards me but I'm scared I've totally jeopardised it...it's like every contact I thought I could patch over all the clingy contact, but when he didn't respond I just ended up seeming more clingy etc.

 

Oh and a couple of things...

When I speak about a future relationship with him I mean WAY in the future if things work out as friends. Since it is essentially a 'GIGS' breakup and he doesn't want a relationship with anyone.

 

Also, I didn't realise he didn't want me to speak to him until he sent that blatent text so I didn't see it as him asking me to leave him be and me refusing to, but it would be from this point onwards, if that's what you meant.

 

Often when an ex suggests a "friendship" right after a breakup, they're either stringing you along as a backup or they're trying to alleviate their guilt. VERY rarely, as in almost never, does an ex actually want to be your friend after a breakup. Will you hangout? No. Will you talk about other love interests? No. Will one of you inevitably get jealous and angry and upset as a result of being "friends"? Yes.

 

After you cut off contact and some time passes, you'll eventually be able to understand what went wrong in the relationship. It takes two to tango, so don't put all of the blame on yourself. In time, you'll knock him off that pedestal you have him up on right now and you'll see that he's not all that perfect.

 

You're obviously younger if you're in school, so this will be a learning experience for you. I went through the same thing when I was in college. I wanted to be friends or do anything I could to hang on and hoped that my ex would realize she was making a mistake. Ironically, it was only after I let go that she came back. When she came back, my feelings for her were gone. I'm not saying that your ex will or won't come back, but one thing is for sure: you have to let go.

 

Once you let go, it will get better. I promise.

[emby]

Often when an ex suggests a "friendship" right after a breakup, they're either stringing you along as a backup or they're trying to alleviate their guilt. VERY rarely, as in almost never, does an ex actually want to be your friend after a breakup. Will you hangout? No. Will you talk about other love interests? No. Will one of you inevitably get jealous and angry and upset as a result of being "friends"? Yes.

 

After you cut off contact and some time passes, you'll eventually be able to understand what went wrong in the relationship. It takes two to tango, so don't put all of the blame on yourself. In time, you'll knock him off that pedestal you have him up on right now and you'll see that he's not all that perfect.

 

You're obviously younger if you're in school, so this will be a learning experience for you. I went through the same thing when I was in college. I wanted to be friends or do anything I could to hang on and hoped that my ex would realize she was making a mistake. Ironically, it was only after I let go that she came back. When she came back, my feelings for her were gone. I'm not saying that your ex will or won't come back, but one thing is for sure: you have to let go.

 

Once you let go, it will get better. I promise.

 

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with you.

He's always maintained, since the first break up, we would stay friends and meet up both at uni and in the holidays. We have many mutual friends, shared interests, etc etc yada yada. Also, neither of us have any friends that live near at home apart from each other. I don't see why we can't 'hangout'. The ONLY two problems in the relationship were A) my smotheringness, control etc and B) his problem in being unable to communicate with me when he was unhappy. There is no bad blood there. We never had 'arguments' as such, no one cheated, we ended on good terms. Yes I was rather more upset than he was, but I don't have any negative feelings towards him.

 

Also, I'm friends with almost all of my exes. I spoke with a long distance ex just tonight. Another one I see from time to time at uni. Another one is at home and sometimes we chat or meet up. The only semi-long term ones I'm not friends with, one of them was a complete psycho and the other one cheated on me and dumped me in a horrible way, begged for me back and is now engaged. None of the exes I'm in contact with have had relationships since me but I'm 100% sure it wouldn't bother me.

I know this ex is not going to go into a relationship because he has specifically expressed that, and knows that if he does any time soon, I will hate him and cut him out of my life for saying he left me because he doesn't want a relationship, 'didn't come to uni to fall in love', etc.

So if he did get into a relationship, chances are I'd see it on facebook first, block and delete him and never see him again. It's really irrelevant whether we're hanging out or not...I'd react the same way. I wouldn't get 'jealous and angry' because when (IF) he got a girlfriend, I wouldn't be there for him to talk to me about her.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Often when an ex suggests a "friendship" right after a breakup, they're either stringing you along as a backup or they're trying to alleviate their guilt. VERY rarely, as in almost never, does an ex actually want to be your friend after a breakup. Will you hangout? No. Will you talk about other love interests? No. Will one of you inevitably get jealous and angry and upset as a result of being "friends"? Yes.

 

After you cut off contact and some time passes, you'll eventually be able to understand what went wrong in the relationship. It takes two to tango, so don't put all of the blame on yourself. In time, you'll knock him off that pedestal you have him up on right now and you'll see that he's not all that perfect.

 

You're obviously younger if you're in school, so this will be a learning experience for you. I went through the same thing when I was in college. I wanted to be friends or do anything I could to hang on and hoped that my ex would realize she was making a mistake. Ironically, it was only after I let go that she came back. When she came back, my feelings for her were gone. I'm not saying that your ex will or won't come back, but one thing is for sure: you have to let go.

 

Once you let go, it will get better. I promise.

 

Completely agreed.

[69ways]

So the latest is...I couldn't stop myself calling. He answered when he didn't think it was me and seemed disappointed that it was. Mostly the conversation was grunts from him and he said he'd call me later. He didn't. I texted him to say basically he was making everything wore not better for me. He texted back "I have nothing to say, nothing to talk about and its not all about you. I obviously don't want to talk so leave me be. "

Well. I said I'm sorry for contacting lately and I'm going to give him his space and that the only reason I called was to see if he wanted space and check we're still going to be friends. In the phonecall he said we'll be friends eventually but he didn't text me back about being friends or having my stuff still.

So am I to assume he's just pissed at me right now, wants to be left alone, but after NC and healing we can be friends again??

I miss him so much . I crave hearing his voice and just having general chitchat with him.

I've deleted his number from my phone and hidden it. Please advise me in what I can do in this time. I don't feel like I can leave the house (and I don't actually need to for 5 weeks).

Just hobbies I can have at home, that kind of thing.

 

We seemed good after the breakup, texting and him saying he didn't see why we can't be close. Then I asked a million questions and pissed him off. He said before he doesn't hate me but finds it annoying.

 

Stay away from him, you are pushing him and you are desperate.

You actually confirming his thoughts not wanting a gf......

You are doing all wrong....You called to ask if he wants space?

He broke up with you, he wants space...

Let him be and he might realise he wants you back...

Dont chase him, you boost his ego, reducing your chances with him and hurting your healing process

[BewitchedandBothered]

Stay away from him, you are pushing him and you are desperate.

You actually confirming his thoughts not wanting a gf......

You are doing all wrong....You called to ask if he wants space?

He broke up with you, he wants space...

Let him be and he might realise he wants you back...

Dont chase him, you boost his ego, reducing your chances with him and hurting your healing process

 

I don't think his ego is being boosted anymore; it's more of an annoyance to him now---I did this to my very first b/f at 17. Back then no cell phones and internet, I had to use the phone attached to a wall, pay phones and stalk him by taking the bus to his place or going on foot a few miles to his work place. I became quite the pest; he wanted to be left alone and I didn't accept that at first.

 

A few months went by and I was feeling some anger and wrote him a note, took the bus to his house, dropped it in his mailbox and left. It was an official goodbye note. it's too easy to contact people these days which makes is harder to heal and move on. Back then, you have no choice but to go cold turkey.

 

Leave the guy alone; he is annoyed; I would rather have the guy miss me than keep swatting me away like an annoying fly.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with you.

He's always maintained, since the first break up, we would stay friends and meet up both at uni and in the holidays. We have many mutual friends, shared interests, etc etc yada yada. Also, neither of us have any friends that live near at home apart from each other. I don't see why we can't 'hangout'. The ONLY two problems in the relationship were A) my smotheringness, control etc and B) his problem in being unable to communicate with me when he was unhappy. There is no bad blood there. We never had 'arguments' as such, no one cheated, we ended on good terms. Yes I was rather more upset than he was, but I don't have any negative feelings towards him.

 

Also, I'm friends with almost all of my exes. I spoke with a long distance ex just tonight. Another one I see from time to time at uni. Another one is at home and sometimes we chat or meet up. The only semi-long term ones I'm not friends with, one of them was a complete psycho and the other one cheated on me and dumped me in a horrible way, begged for me back and is now engaged. None of the exes I'm in contact with have had relationships since me but I'm 100% sure it wouldn't bother me.

I know this ex is not going to go into a relationship because he has specifically expressed that, and knows that if he does any time soon, I will hate him and cut him out of my life for saying he left me because he doesn't want a relationship, 'didn't come to uni to fall in love', etc.

So if he did get into a relationship, chances are I'd see it on facebook first, block and delete him and never see him again. It's really irrelevant whether we're hanging out or not...I'd react the same way. I wouldn't get 'jealous and angry' because when (IF) he got a girlfriend, I wouldn't be there for him to talk to me about her.

 

even so love.. YOUR not at a stage where YOU can be "just friends" with him, and will always in the back of you mind believe the door will always be open. Even he knows this, we know this and I think even you know this...

 

whether or not he is just being nice about this, if you keep calling/emailing him like this the tention is just going to build up and up and up until the **** hits the fan and things escalate to a point of no return where you can never be friends again.

 

for this to play its course naturally you need to be in a good mindset to accept what has happened, and what your doing right now is very unhealthy. You've just started having to deal with this break up, so you have two ways to deal with this right now:

 

1) ether try and accept that this relationship is really over and work on yourself so you guys can (potentially) be friends again in the future)

2) or keep pestering him to really learn the harsh lessions these senarios can bring first hand.

 

there are alot of experienced people on this forum, I am not saying take their word as gospel truth, but damn it they have enough experience to know what is best for you.

 

before any decent foundation of friendship and be made, you really have to believe, accept, and may peace with the fact that the relationship ...IS....OVER...

Edited March 21, 2012 by TheJiltedGeneration

[BewitchedandBothered]

even so love.. YOUR not at a stage where YOU can be "just friends" with him, and will always in the back of you mind believe the door will always be open. Even he knows this, we know this and I think even you know this...

 

whether or not he is just being nice about this, if you keep calling/emailing him like this the tention is just going to build up and up and up until the **** hits the fan and things escalate to a point of no return where you can never be friends again.

 

for this to play its course naturally you need to be in a good mindset to accept what has happened, and what your doing right now is very unhealthy. You've just started having to deal with this break up, so you have two ways to deal with this right now:

 

1) ether try and accept that this relationship is really over and work on yourself so you guys can (potentially) be friends again in the future)

2) or keep pestering him to really learn the harsh lessions these senarios can bring first hand.

 

there are alot of experienced people on this forum, I am not saying take their word as gospel truth, but damn it they have enough experience to know what is best for you.

 

before any decent foundation of friendship and be made, you really have to believe, accept, and may peace with the fact that the relationship ...IS....OVER...

Agreed; thought I have had nc with my ex and it has been a year and a half (picking up the pieces from abuse seems to take forever), and knowing he is with someone new hits home sometimes. I don't want to see him fawning all over someone else while my wound is still raw. Once you hit 100percent acceptance, you will know it, but you have a lot of healing to do.

[emby]

even so love.. YOUR not at a stage where YOU can be "just friends" with him, and will always in the back of you mind believe the door will always be open. Even he knows this, we know this and I think even you know this...

 

whether or not he is just being nice about this, if you keep calling/emailing him like this the tention is just going to build up and up and up until the **** hits the fan and things escalate to a point of no return where you can never be friends again.

 

for this to play its course naturally you need to be in a good mindset to accept what has happened, and what your doing right now is very unhealthy. You've just started having to deal with this break up, so you have two ways to deal with this right now:

 

1) ether try and accept that this relationship is really over and work on yourself so you guys can (potentially) be friends again in the future)

2) or keep pestering him to really learn the harsh lessions these senarios can bring first hand.

 

there are alot of experienced people on this forum, I am not saying take their word as gospel truth, but damn it they have enough experience to know what is best for you.

 

before any decent foundation of friendship and be made, you really have to believe, accept, and may peace with the fact that the relationship ...IS....OVER...

 

Ok so...I did my first day of NC today. It was a lot harder than I thought. For some reason even when I was texting him and he wasn't replying, it felt easier than this because I knew he was reading my texts and therefore in some way we were communicating. It's so hard it literally makes me feel sick and anxious knowing I can't speak to him . I know it's a bad and an unhealthy thing but he became my entire life. My life revolved around him and things like 'uni', 'job', 'family', 'friends' were just little extras floating around that I sometimes paid attention to. Now he's gone obviously I feel awful. Yeah, now I have time to focus on other things, yada yada, great.

 

I guess...I don't want us to become strangers. I don't want TOO much time to pass so that neither of us care much anymore. I'm also scared I've pushed him too far already.

I don't know...I feel like the relationship ended simply because it was too intense from him and he felt trapped, smothered and a lack of freedom. It never needed to be like that if he'd just told me how he felt. I didn't realise he wanted a less serious thing with me, and I would have been happy with it! None of this needed to have happened.

[sweetheart5381]

Ok so...I did my first day of NC today. It was a lot harder than I thought. For some reason even when I was texting him and he wasn't replying, it felt easier than this because I knew he was reading my texts and therefore in some way we were communicating. It's so hard it literally makes me feel sick and anxious knowing I can't speak to him . I know it's a bad and an unhealthy thing but he became my entire life. My life revolved around him and things like 'uni', 'job', 'family', 'friends' were just little extras floating around that I sometimes paid attention to. Now he's gone obviously I feel awful. Yeah, now I have time to focus on other things, yada yada, great.

 

I guess...I don't want us to become strangers. I don't want TOO much time to pass so that neither of us care much anymore. I'm also scared I've pushed him too far already.

I don't know...I feel like the relationship ended simply because it was too intense from him and he felt trapped, smothered and a lack of freedom. It never needed to be like that if he'd just told me how he felt. I didn't realise he wanted a less serious thing with me, and I would have been happy with it! None of this needed to have happened.

 

Then in that case, if you feel that it never needed to happen, then really see it that way. Visualise it. Look back to the time when you did not love this person, when they were someone you knew, not a loved one. Don't try to be friends right now.

 

Some people send mixed signals and it messes you up but you have to know inside when it is time to draw the line and stop hurting over it. No one deserves to feel crappy all the time and you are your own best friend in the end. You are feeling pain right now - the best thing is to just let go, enjoy all the good in your life right now!

 

Hearbreak sucks ass, but dragging out it sucks even worse.