zoomzoom Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Well here we are a month later doing much better with NC and boom! She calls from a unknown number... We talked for an hour. She said she was happy where she is and is glad she is working on herself and her daughter. She was gald to hear my voice and missed me being around. We did talk a bit more about the future, my bringing up of course. No begging or anything like that but I did tell her again how I feel about things She told me she does not want to be with anyone right now at this stage but did want us to be friends and wants to have me around in that aspect. I told her I can't do that because its the healthy for me to be around her and her daughter having my feelings still. She said she understood and said that when she is ready to think about a relationship I'm still not out of the cards but she can't say for sure how she is going to feel. She did say she fells 100% better about me since we split up and wasnt sure if its becase we are not together or if its becuase how I was changing how I was and wanted to be even before we split up. I told her that couples have highs and lows and that did not faze her one bit. She did say she did not want to lead me on and had no intentions of that because she does not have the same feelings that I do. It was a good calm and constructive talk though. I told her that I missed her daughter (we had a good bond) and she said she would never keep us from being friends and having that bond but I just don't think I can be around in there lives not knowing where things will go. Even though she says shes not leading me on I feel like she is? She could not tell me that this is done for good and never wants to ever be with me but on the other hand she can't say that she does want to be with me??? I said this is why I have not callled or texted you. What a mess! I feel better but I know its gonna just hurt again later.
flitzanu Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Well here we are a month later doing much better with NC and boom! She calls from a unknown number... We talked for an hour. She said she was happy where she is and is glad she is working on herself and her daughter. She was gald to hear my voice and missed me being around. We did talk a bit more about the future, my bringing up of course. No begging or anything like that but I did tell her again how I feel about things She told me she does not want to be with anyone right now at this stage but did want us to be friends and wants to have me around in that aspect. I told her I can't do that because its the healthy for me to be around her and her daughter having my feelings still. She said she understood and said that when she is ready to think about a relationship I'm still not out of the cards but she can't say for sure how she is going to feel. She did say she fells 100% better about me since we split up and wasnt sure if its becase we are not together or if its becuase how I was changing how I was and wanted to be even before we split up. I told her that couples have highs and lows and that did not faze her one bit. She did say she did not want to lead me on and had no intentions of that because she does not have the same feelings that I do. It was a good calm and constructive talk though. I told her that I missed her daughter (we had a good bond) and she said she would never keep us from being friends and having that bond but I just don't think I can be around in there lives not knowing where things will go. Even though she says shes not leading me on I feel like she is? She could not tell me that this is done for good and never wants to ever be with me but on the other hand she can't say that she does want to be with me??? I said this is why I have not callled or texted you. What a mess! I feel better but I know its gonna just hurt again later. how exactly did she "trick" you if you talked to her for an hour? 2
jamie1987 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Omg im in the exact same posiction my ex says that to me all the time but says theres no hope for us and we have a daughter together its only been two days and feels like years
Author zoomzoom Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 how exactly did she "trick" you if you talked to her for an hour? To answer the phone, it came up as unknown. With my job I'm glued to the phone so I answered. Omg im in the exact same posiction my ex says that to me all the time but says theres no hope for us and we have a daughter together its only been two days and feels like years It's tough and sucks when kids are involved. makes it twice as hard
gotye Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 she sounds very confused, but at least it also seems like a mature convo. I wouldn't count on her ever wanting you back relationship wise.... it might happen... but ya
M2155 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Nothing from what you wrote says get your hopes up. I wouldn't talk to you and be that direct about not wanting a relationship if in my mind I was considering it, especially knowing i can have you. I think You are on the back burner for real. Your thinking is probably best to keep your distance from her and the kid. It's sad, I was bonding with my ex's kids and it was unfortunate to let that go, but you just can't. It will make moving on so much harder.
Frank13 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 In my opinion she is a horrible women. She disrespects your NC, calls from a private number, tells you she feels 100% better about you by not having you in her life, doesn't have the same feelings you do, and then plays the "lets be friends" card. She is a selfish freakin b**ch! She is keeping you on the back burner as a back up plan. 3
Limbo21 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Yeah Frank I agree with you bud .... Find the anger, hate her and use that to stoke your healing. You deserve a woman who loves you without conditions. Good kick brother
Author zoomzoom Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Thanks guys! This is just been tough, as soon as I start getting good she calls or drops a text. Its hard to tell what the hell shes thinking. Thats the other thing she said yesterday was I'm over the relationship but I'm not over you. Nice huh? crazy ass women!!!!
Riseabove Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Sometimes I cant believe how selfish ex's can be. If I were you I would go on with NC and not analyze anything she said. My ex called, sent sms's and wanted to meet me the first month after the break-up. I off course analyzed every little detail she wrote or said. It almost drove me crazy. All the usual stuff. She missed me, sad, wanted to be near me, blabla. She did not even want to break the relationship on facebook. All the time stating that she did not want to give me any expectations whenever I brought up the relationship. The two times we met during this month was all about her. All her troubles. She even told me to please take good care of myself, for her sake. After one month of this bull**** I kindly told her that I could not have contact with her at all in order for me to move on. The best you can do is to take control of your situation and let her know that. My ex also had a kid. I would guess is that it is even more difficult for an ex to consider taking you back because of this. They don't want men walking in and out of their lives. They want stability. If they are concerned about the kid at all they will be very careful with this, and rightfully so.
69ways Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Sometimes I cant believe how selfish ex's can be. If I were you I would go on with NC and not analyze anything she said. My ex called, sent sms's and wanted to meet me the first month after the break-up. I off course analyzed every little detail she wrote or said. It almost drove me crazy. All the usual stuff. She missed me, sad, wanted to be near me, blabla. She did not even want to break the relationship on facebook. All the time stating that she did not want to give me any expectations whenever I brought up the relationship. The two times we met during this month was all about her. All her troubles. She even told me to please take good care of myself, for her sake. After one month of this bull**** I kindly told her that I could not have contact with her at all in order for me to move on. The best you can do is to take control of your situation and let her know that. My ex also had a kid. I would guess is that it is even more difficult for an ex to consider taking you back because of this. They don't want men walking in and out of their lives. They want stability. If they are concerned about the kid at all they will be very careful with this, and rightfully so. Try analysing a depressive low esteem ex gf for 14 months. Been there done that..... Its like riding the fun fair with a ltr of vodka
Riseabove Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Try analysing a depressive low esteem ex gf for 14 months. Been there done that..... Its like riding the fun fair with a ltr of vodka It's just not worth it. If they want you back they will be back. In the meantime the best we can do is just stay away. It's the best thing no matter the outcome. Either they come back or you have moved on with time. I think of it this way. When I met my ex and we fell in love there were no games, no hesitation, no thinking and no analyzing. Just pure happiness. Becoming a couple should not come down to analyzing the grammar or wording of an sms. It should be something both want and when both want it you can feel it and you just know it's right.
69ways Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 It's just not worth it. If they want you back they will be back. In the meantime the best we can do is just stay away. It's the best thing no matter the outcome. Either they come back or you have moved on with time. I think of it this way. When I met my ex and we fell in love there were no games, no hesitation, no thinking and no analyzing. Just pure happiness. Becoming a couple should not come down to analyzing the grammar or wording of an sms. It should be something both want and when both want it you can feel it and you just know it's right. I agree but emotions tend to overcome logic for the dumpee
Author zoomzoom Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 It's just not worth it. If they want you back they will be back. In the meantime the best we can do is just stay away. It's the best thing no matter the outcome. Either they come back or you have moved on with time. I think of it this way. When I met my ex and we fell in love there were no games, no hesitation, no thinking and no analyzing. Just pure happiness. Becoming a couple should not come down to analyzing the grammar or wording of an sms. It should be something both want and when both want it you can feel it and you just know it's right. That's so true! I have been looking at it in this light. I have not been sitting around in a rut at all. I had a hook up two weeks ago and have been on a date (still talking with the date girl) and it does help to push forward. I still can't just delete the ex from my head but shes not in control of my life at this point. It is just so hard with her daughter because of the bond we had, she called me dad and looked at me as her dad. When the ex told me yesterday that her daughter was having problems adjusting it just tore me up. But you are right she knows how I feel and the ball is in her court if she wants to give it another try when she is where she wants to be in life. She is a SLOW mover when it comes to acomplishments so hard to tell when that will be. I'm not gonna pass up chances for me in the mean time. I agree but emotions tend to overcome logic for the dumpee At times thats for sure! My mind tends to play tricks on me it seems like
Riseabove Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I agree but emotions tend to overcome logic for the dumpee I know. It is extremely painful and difficult to handle. Dont get me wrong on this one:) My break happened in july 2011, NC from august 2011. And I'm still far from over her. I only broke NC once, writing her a brief sms asking if she was ok and if she had found a place to stay with her kid. I got an answer but I did not initiate more contact after that. Sometimes I even feel hurt that she has not even tried to contact me at all since August last year. But if I use reason, she is only respecting my wish of NC. But on some weird way i would like her to contact me just so I could blow her off. Stupid I know. thats emotion before logic. At least I feel a little bit better nad I know deep inside that even I have a better life now than I would have with her. It just takes time, a long time.
Riseabove Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 That's so true! I have been looking at it in this light. I have not been sitting around in a rut at all. I had a hook up two weeks ago and have been on a date (still talking with the date girl) and it does help to push forward. I still can't just delete the ex from my head but shes not in control of my life at this point. It is just so hard with her daughter because of the bond we had, she called me dad and looked at me as her dad. When the ex told me yesterday that her daughter was having problems adjusting it just tore me up. But you are right she knows how I feel and the ball is in her court if she wants to give it another try when she is where she wants to be in life. She is a SLOW mover when it comes to acomplishments so hard to tell when that will be. I'm not gonna pass up chances for me in the mean time. Sounds like you are on your way to feeling better:) At least if you are able to date a little bit. Just let it happen if it happens with your ex. It's just so damn exhausting to be thinking about what they are thinking all the time. Meanwhile, life passes us by. Ironically I think more about my ex the more I visit this forum, like right now;) I tend to picture my ex in all the stories I read here. That is why I try to my keep visits here to a minimum. On the other hand theres a lot of good advice here. Get it and get out:) Good luck! 1
69ways Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I know. It is extremely painful and difficult to handle. Dont get me wrong on this one:) My break happened in july 2011, NC from august 2011. And I'm still far from over her. I only broke NC once, writing her a brief sms asking if she was ok and if she had found a place to stay with her kid. I got an answer but I did not initiate more contact after that. Sometimes I even feel hurt that she has not even tried to contact me at all since August last year. But if I use reason, she is only respecting my wish of NC. But on some weird way i would like her to contact me just so I could blow her off. Stupid I know. thats emotion before logic. At least I feel a little bit better nad I know deep inside that even I have a better life now than I would have with her. It just takes time, a long time. i broke NC 10 times about and managed 65 NC with her calling me... Now though I imagine her with the guy she slept with and I fell repelled by the idea of having anything to do with her again.......
flitzanu Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 To answer the phone, it came up as unknown. With my job I'm glued to the phone so I answered. why not just hang up then when you realized it was her?
marqueemoon4 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 why not just hang up then when you realized it was her? because he was happy to hear from her. duh
Author zoomzoom Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 because he was happy to hear from her. duh ding ding! I was in a sick way and the other half I was like damn! You can't win!!!! BTW: Marqueenmoon4 I read your post on the other part about what you have gone through, I HEAR YA!!!! Similar situation with a child involved not mine but I have been in her life the last 5 years. My EX shares some common things with yours such as the bad growing up situation, her father left when she was young and broke her for good. Her father and brother have mental health problems (BP & manic depressive) Her husband held a loaded gun to her head when she left him and lots of other major life fails have hit her smack in the face. She wants to do well but can never get out of first gear. I gave her the best she has ever had in life this came right out of her mouth and she ups and takes off a month ago to move back with her parents becuase its not the best situation for her and her daughter at this time huh?? So man I hear ya!!!!
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