RedRobin Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Phillydude, my biggest disappointment in your thread here is acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, the two other ladies you deem 'unattractive' might be sitting there wondering what is taking you so long to contact them. And here you are on a dating forum... not only discounting their looks (ok, fine, you aren't into everyone...big deal) but being what appears to me as totally absent of empathy that ANY of these women might be feeling the same way as you. Nervous, not sure what to do, trying to put their best foot forward... Maybe you aren't attracted to them, but they are good people?? The only reason you even care that the better looking one gets your clues is ONLY because she looks better... and that is the sad part. And when things aren't proceeding along in exactly the fashion and pace you want, you try to punish her with these little games. Funny thing is, I totally understand (not about the being mean about someone's looks)... but about being frustrated about someone's dating style or communication patterns early on. For me, it tends to drift into disappointment and despondency... not anger. But I get it. I sincerely hope you can find a way to treat them as human beings first...and packages that come in female form second. Maybe then, one of them would return your call. 2
oaks Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 So basically she PLAYED ME-LOL Damm, a unemployed man don't need this drama Or she just slept on it and felt differently the next morning. Or, perhaps, had another date with someone to whom she was even more attracted. But, yes, perhaps it was all an act, but you enjoyed the date, right? Did she make any promises that there would be anything beyond the date?
sid3 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I'm old enough to know that a ignored text followed by a unanswered call means it's over Maybe. Or she's playing hard to get! Time to step it up a little?
RedRobin Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I don't see how it is going to help Phillydude to keep him going down the he/she played who path. When I read threads like this, I remember all the 'frenemies' of the various men I've dumped. Always some stupid power play. It is so incredibly unattractive. Most people aren't thinking that hard about it... is what I have to keep telling myself. They just go to what feels best at the time, usually. Why is dating treated like a blood sport? Isn't it supposed to be about building intimacy?? No? Oh. Being unemployed is a temporary state. You'll get through it, Phillydude. I agree that having more rejection/disappointment during a period of job uncertainty isn't ideal for your self esteem. What about your other friends? Are you out taking care of your existing friends and making new ones? That might provide a bit more stability right now while you try dating.
Lostinlife4now Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 But after no response to a text sent last night followed by her not picking up the phone when I call, wouldn't that be a bad sign? I won't feel the need to leave a message because I would feel like she is avoiding me by not answering the phone on top of not responding to a text. Just call her one more time....if no response...then you will know that she is not interested. Good Luck!
sid3 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Just call her one more time....if no response...then you will know that she is not interested. Good Luck! I vote for leaving her alone.
Son Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Me too, i say forget about that girl. I bet she got some STD's as well.
LexiB Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Just call her one more time....if no response...then you will know that she is not interested. Good Luck! No no no. Not responding to a vague text? Ok, call her. Not responding to the text AND not returning a call (assuming she doesn't)? Leave her the hell alone. You'll sail right into creeper territory if you do any more at this point, OP.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Phillydude, my biggest disappointment in your thread here is acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, the two other ladies you deem 'unattractive' might be sitting there wondering what is taking you so long to contact them. And here you are on a dating forum... not only discounting their looks (ok, fine, you aren't into everyone...big deal) but being what appears to me as totally absent of empathy that ANY of these women might be feeling the same way as you. Nervous, not sure what to do, trying to put their best foot forward... Maybe you aren't attracted to them, but they are good people?? The only reason you even care that the better looking one gets your clues is ONLY because she looks better... and that is the sad part. And when things aren't proceeding along in exactly the fashion and pace you want, you try to punish her with these little games. Funny thing is, I totally understand (not about the being mean about someone's looks)... but about being frustrated about someone's dating style or communication patterns early on. For me, it tends to drift into disappointment and despondency... not anger. But I get it. I sincerely hope you can find a way to treat them as human beings first...and packages that come in female form second. Maybe then, one of them would return your call. I made my actions were clear on saturday and sunday night toward both woman that I was not interested. Especially on saturday when I had my dinner in a bag to take home and eat later while we talked.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 A female friend told me years ago that due to the fact I'm 6'5 and 275, a woman will be intimidated by my size and may just go along with the flow of the evening to avoid any type of confrontation So as a man who is 6'5, there is no way for me to tell if a woman is pretending or is actually interested. And as a man I'm the complete opposite, if i;m on a date with a woman I don't pretend, I talk less, and laugh very little, and purposely check my phone more.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 I don't see how it is going to help Phillydude to keep him going down the he/she played who path. When I read threads like this, I remember all the 'frenemies' of the various men I've dumped. Always some stupid power play. It is so incredibly unattractive. Most people aren't thinking that hard about it... is what I have to keep telling myself. They just go to what feels best at the time, usually. Why is dating treated like a blood sport? Isn't it supposed to be about building intimacy?? No? Oh. Being unemployed is a temporary state. You'll get through it, Phillydude. I agree that having more rejection/disappointment during a period of job uncertainty isn't ideal for your self esteem. What about your other friends? Are you out taking care of your existing friends and making new ones? That might provide a bit more stability right now while you try dating. And I remember in 2009 when I started the year unemployed, I didn't go on any dates at all because I can't have job rejections and date rejections all in the same month. The only thing that is keeping my spirits up right now is that my arthritis has been successfully controlled since December and I feel very good. So if I was still having joint pain and trouble walking on top of getting rejection from a job I want and a girl I want then I would be eligible to lay on the train tracks.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Just call her one more time....if no response...then you will know that she is not interested. Good Luck! Call one more time after no response to a text and a voicemail message? Are you kidding me? There will be no more calling, just one last text asking if she will play for money and then that's it. I'm also going to try and go on another date before April so I can get this out of my system.
RedRobin Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I made my actions were clear on saturday and sunday night toward both woman that I was not interested. Especially on saturday when I had my dinner in a bag to take home and eat later while we talked. Maybe I didn't fully understand the interactions you had with the other two women... I'm not even one of the hopeful women, and I'm not 100% sure from your 'actions' that would be lack of interest. Maybe you just felt like eating at home that night. Maybe your dog was sick and needed tending to. Maybe you were. Who knows? I do get the feeling that you expect women (both the ones you like and the ones you don't like) to read your mind. So, the other ladies are returning your calls. You initiated the calls, am I correct? If they are the ones initiating, I suppose you are not obliged to call them back. However, my exception to your posts are what I percieve as 'mistreatment' of these other ladies for the 'crime' of being less attractive to you physically. You don't like it done to you, but here you are doing it to them. Sure, you don't have to continue going on dates with women you aren't attracted to. I'd argue you need to clean up your mental state though. Sorry. Because the vibe you are going to give off to someone you ARE attracted to won't be pretty. Anyway, my apologies if I've read the interactions and chain of events wrong.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 I vote for leaving her alone. Thank You. I refuse to be labeled as a stalker
Author PhillyDude Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Maybe I didn't fully understand the interactions you had with the other two women... I'm not even one of the hopeful women, and I'm not 100% sure from your 'actions' that would be lack of interest. Maybe you just felt like eating at home that night. Maybe your dog was sick and needed tending to. Maybe you were. Who knows? I do get the feeling that you expect women (both the ones you like and the ones you don't like) to read your mind. So, the other ladies are returning your calls. You initiated the calls, am I correct? If they are the ones initiating, I suppose you are not obliged to call them back. However, my exception to your posts are what I percieve as 'mistreatment' of these other ladies for the 'crime' of being less attractive to you physically. You don't like it done to you, but here you are doing it to them. Sure, you don't have to continue going on dates with women you aren't attracted to. I'd argue you need to clean up your mental state though. Sorry. Because the vibe you are going to give off to someone you ARE attracted to won't be pretty. Anyway, my apologies if I've read the interactions and chain of events wrong. When I met the other woman on saturday night I instantly checked out when I saw her because I felt she wasn't on the same level as the woman I met the previous night. The woman on sunday night was on a lower level than the woman I met on Saturday night so I defintely had no intentions on calling either one of them back. Also I didn't lead those two women on. I didn't sit across from them in the cafe and gaze into their eyes and laugh and talk and text them after the date. So they both should know there is no interest at all because I gave no vibe that I wanted to see them again.
RedRobin Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 And as a man I'm the complete opposite, if i;m on a date with a woman I don't pretend, I talk less, and laugh very little, and purposely check my phone more. Yep. Clear as mud. A nice woman might give even THAT guy another chance. Got it. You like the women who will do some Vulcan mind meld with you on the first date and somehow intuit all of your little rules and habits. Of course, she has to be more physically attractive too... and ok with you being unemployed (which, says alot about a woman if she's willing to understand your temporary plight and not get freaked out). You are setting a pretty high bar to jump for most reasonable women to hurdle over. Seems to me.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Yep. Clear as mud. A nice woman might give even THAT guy another chance. Got it. You like the women who will do some Vulcan mind meld with you on the first date and somehow intuit all of your little rules and habits. Of course, she has to be more physically attractive too... and ok with you being unemployed (which, says alot about a woman if she's willing to understand your temporary plight and not get freaked out). You are setting a pretty high bar to jump for most reasonable women to hurdle over. Seems to me. Do you think most woman are less likely to reject a man face to face who is 6'5 and 265?
sid3 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 There will be no more calling, just one last text asking if she will play for money and then that's it. Please don't. No more texts. Like you said "its over" not sure what exactly it was, but yeah, one and done. Theres another lucky gal out there waiting for you, put your energy towards finding her, leave the other one alone.
Son Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Asking a girl to date guy NOT for money, is like asking God to create a "perfect" woman....it just can't be done.
Imajerk17 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 (edited) Yep. Clear as mud. A nice woman might give even THAT guy another chance. Got it. You like the women who will do some Vulcan mind meld with you on the first date and somehow intuit all of your little rules and habits. Of course, she has to be more physically attractive too... and ok with you being unemployed (which, says alot about a woman if she's willing to understand your temporary plight and not get freaked out). You are setting a pretty high bar to jump for most reasonable women to hurdle over. Seems to me. RedRobin, I'm not sure I agree with this. For a guy, so much of attraction is about looks. If we aren't physically attracted to her looks-wise, then it's not going to work. Doesn't matter how well the guy and girl get along, if the guy isn't physically attracted to her, he won't be interested. For a woman, so much of attraction is about "chemistry" and "connection", the Vulcan mind meld you speak of. And I'd say (my experiences and that of other guys) that there does have to be some sort of Vulcan mind meld for the WOMAN to agree to a second date. And many times if the woman isn't interested, she just won't give us the courtesy of a return response. No matter if we planned a nice date or not. Edited March 20, 2012 by Imajerk17 1
Son Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Women only think about their feelings...selfish...does not even comes close to a human female....it's like they only see them selves and no one else...
Imajerk17 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 RedRobin, I'm not sure I agree with this. For a guy, so much of attraction is about looks. If we aren't physically attracted to her looks-wise, then it's not going to work. Doesn't matter how well the guy and girl get along, if the guy isn't physically attracted to her, he won't be interested. For a woman, so much of attraction is about "chemistry" and "connection", the Vulcan mind meld you speak of. And I'd say (my experiences and that of other guys) that there does have to be some sort of Vulcan mind meld for the WOMAN to agree to a second date. And many times if the woman isn't interested, she just won't give us the courtesy of a return response. No matter if we planned a nice date or not. My point being that PhillyDude isn't some sort of selfish prick for not calling these women back. What was he supposed to do---send them an unsolicited text letting them know he wasn't interested? Then many people would say that would be presumptuous on his part. If they really want to see PhillyDude again, they could contact him you know.
RovingReporter Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Its a good thing paying women for sex turns you on because that's the only way you're ever going to get any.
Imajerk17 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 That's not to say that PhillyDude didn't play it poorly. --If the date went so well, why didn't you schedule a second date right then and there? --The girl showed all that interest, I would have tried her Sunday morning.
MrNate 2.0 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Women only think about their feelings...selfish...does not even comes close to a human female....it's like they only see them selves and no one else... Women are no where near as bad as you think they are.
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