Danie Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Hello Everyone! I’m new here and am just looking for a place to talk about my marriage…the good, the bad, and the ugly…looking for feedback and new thoughts and ideas to the same old issues. We’ve been M’ed for years, together for 20 yrs, he’s my first and only love, this is his second M, we’ve two great teens and one grandbaby from his adult daughter. At the moment all I can think of is how in love I am with my H and how he’s starting to get on my last dang nerve. Not sure how that can be possible but that’s what I’ve been feeling lately.
Author Danie Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 What happened if you dont mind me asking. wow...such a simple question...with no simple answer. So much has happened over the years. I don't know where to begin. He had two affairs in the past. First one was when we first started dating, like in the first year...the second was about 6 yrs ago. The first one didn't really hurt me all that much...the second one devastated me. In the past, years and years ago we both drank way too much and there were a lot of fighting. There was physical altercations between us...but that’s all in the past now. Our *now* is very good. Heck, most of our yesterdays have been wonderful too...just some of the times were very bad. Now, I'm older and less inclined to accept bull**** in my life. He's older now and less inclined to be an ass. I think my new found attitude, along with my fears of the old days is producing these feelings in me. [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
NoneoftheAbove Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 So why are you with someone who is treating you like dirt? You deserve much better.
Author Danie Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 So why are you with someone who is treating you like dirt? You deserve much better. How do you know I deserve better? How do you know that he's treating me like dirt? Did you read where I said that most of our days have been wonderful? I'm not here to argue with you or anyone or to defend myself or my actions. Maybe I'm wrong for being here.
NeverDated Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 How do you know I deserve better? How do you know that he's treating me like dirt? Did you read where I said that most of our days have been wonderful? My good days with my XH were fantastic. It was the bad ones where he was beating me, demoralizing me, borderline raping me, treating me like a slave and all other manner of indignities that were awful. But hey, it was like an 80/20 split between good/bad, so maybe I was just overreacting. So the question is, why do you put up with so much crap on bad days? Is it just to have a few good ones? That's how abusers work. They make you feel like a princess on the good days so you gloss over the bad. I'm not here to argue with you or anyone or to defend myself or my actions. Maybe I'm wrong for being here. Maybe you are. Affairs, abuse, developing a just don't give a crap attitude as you get older...sure you don't have to defend, but these are all concerning. And obviously you have concerns, too, otherwise you wouldn't be on here to talk about your relationship. =)
Author Danie Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 It was the bad ones where he was beating me, demoralizing me, borderline raping me, treating me like a slave and all other manner of indignities that were awful. See, I think the communication breakdown that is happening here is due to the ‘projection’ of other posters onto my situation. Bad days vs. good days. Well, our bad days do not resemble anything like what your bad days were, and I’m very sorry that you went thru that painful experience. I’m simply not able to put up with that type of crap in my life. He knows this and knows that that behavior is a total deal breaker for us. is there something specific that you wanted to address and get feedback on, or just wanting to vent in general? I don’t really know…not exactly. I feel there’s a lot that needs to be…unraveled? Inside my head, my heart…and yes my attitude, lol. What I think is happening to me is that 1) I’m older and it seems everything is getting on my nerves, 2) I’m under tons of stress at home and at work, and 3) the past is haunting me, to some extent. Not just with H but with all of my past. I don’t want to put all this down on his head. It’s not his fault. I want to get thru this, to understand myself better, and hopefully still be M’ed to him in 10 yrs.
Recommended Posts