toffeecream77 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 An ex of mine, after three years, wants to get back together. But I can't forget my other recent ex. I'm still in love with him. We broke up seven months ago. We were in a long distance relationship and I was planning to move back to his city. But he started to have doubts and started seeing a girl right after our break up. Since then, we've barely spoken. A few times on the phone, a few messages here and there but all my own initiative. I told him how I hoped his new girlfriend is a much better one than I was and apologised for everything (though, to be honest, i had nothing to apologise for). He didn't apologise for anything in return but told me how well things are doing, that they are practically living together and were away for the weekend to meet her parents. So why do I still love him and want him? I've been approached about a job in his city, it's my dream job, and there's a good chance I'll get it. I'm sure I'll bump into them around the city, no doubt. I used to think -- maybe he'll be bored with her by then, maybe he'll see me and realise his mistake etc. Silly, I know. All of my exs have come back to me at some point or another. But I don't think this guy will. And I don't think I'll ever meet someone like him again. He's the one that got away. And not only that: I can't seem to escape the fact that I now have trust issues. How can a man love me so much, travel across europe to declare his love, then a week later start things up with someone else? I don't get people.
stillafool Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Since then, we've barely spoken. A few times on the phone, a few messages here and there but all my own initiative. I told him how I hoped his new girlfriend is a much better one than I was and apologised for everything (though, to be honest, i had nothing to apologise for). He didn't apologise for anything in return but told me how well things are doing, that they are practically living together and were away for the weekend to meet her parents. This is him telling you he is happy and to move on. Let it go.
Author toffeecream77 Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 This is him telling you he is happy and to move on. Let it go. If only it were that simple in my head. I know it's over. I know he's probably really happy. But I can't seem to let go wanting him -- that said, I wouldn't go after him. I'm just so tired of wanting someone I can't have
Author toffeecream77 Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 I know. It just takes time to heal. How long? It's been seven months already. It really is too much sometimes.
Author toffeecream77 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 He called me this morning and we had a chat for half an hour about our lives. Towards the end, I brought up the friends thing and if he's comfortable. He said yes, but because we're just starting out and because I'm his most recent ex, he doesn't want to rock the boat with his girlfriend -- the girl he started seeing after me. I said I understood that, we don't even talk much, I just want to make sure we're ok being friends. He said he's fine, just to be a little patient in the beginning. Talking to him was great, we laughed a lot. We were talking so fast to get everything in. He didn't say much about the girlfriend and he didn't ask me about my love life at all. But he did mention that his girlfriend wasn't the jealous type. I laughed and said I wasn't jealous and you didn't like that! He replied we just failed to understand each other communicating because of the distance, and he thought I was being indifferent. So I think maybe that's why we broke up? He didn't understand me. And we failed to connect? I'm so happy the air has been cleared. I hope I get this job back in his city now (I've been looking for jobs for over a year in various countries, this is my dream job that's come up) because seeing him around wouldn't be an issue. We're friends. But I think I still love him. And while I won't actively pursue anything, I wonder if the attraction will still be there if we were to hang out as friends. What do you think? Does the attraction ever go or is it always there under the surface? Perhaps if we hung out as friends, it could grow and we could understand each other better -- who knows in the future? What do you think?
Mary-Jane Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 He called me this morning and we had a chat for half an hour about our lives. Towards the end, I brought up the friends thing and if he's comfortable. He said yes, but because we're just starting out and because I'm his most recent ex, he doesn't want to rock the boat with his girlfriend -- the girl he started seeing after me. I said I understood that, we don't even talk much, I just want to make sure we're ok being friends. He said he's fine, just to be a little patient in the beginning. Talking to him was great, we laughed a lot. We were talking so fast to get everything in. He didn't say much about the girlfriend and he didn't ask me about my love life at all. But he did mention that his girlfriend wasn't the jealous type. I laughed and said I wasn't jealous and you didn't like that! He replied we just failed to understand each other communicating because of the distance, and he thought I was being indifferent. So I think maybe that's why we broke up? He didn't understand me. And we failed to connect? I'm so happy the air has been cleared. I hope I get this job back in his city now (I've been looking for jobs for over a year in various countries, this is my dream job that's come up) because seeing him around wouldn't be an issue. We're friends. But I think I still love him. And while I won't actively pursue anything, I wonder if the attraction will still be there if we were to hang out as friends. What do you think? Does the attraction ever go or is it always there under the surface? Perhaps if we hung out as friends, it could grow and we could understand each other better -- who knows in the future? What do you think? Possibly. Hopefully he won't end up two timing anyone or flip flopping between you for years. Protect your heart, good luck
stillafool Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 He called me this morning and we had a chat for half an hour about our lives. Towards the end, I brought up the friends thing and if he's comfortable. He said yes, but because we're just starting out and because I'm his most recent ex, he doesn't want to rock the boat with his girlfriend -- the girl he started seeing after me. I said I understood that, we don't even talk much, I just want to make sure we're ok being friends. He said he's fine, just to be a little patient in the beginning. Talking to him was great, we laughed a lot. We were talking so fast to get everything in. He didn't say much about the girlfriend and he didn't ask me about my love life at all. But he did mention that his girlfriend wasn't the jealous type. I laughed and said I wasn't jealous and you didn't like that! He replied we just failed to understand each other communicating because of the distance, and he thought I was being indifferent. So I think maybe that's why we broke up? He didn't understand me. And we failed to connect? I'm so happy the air has been cleared. I hope I get this job back in his city now (I've been looking for jobs for over a year in various countries, this is my dream job that's come up) because seeing him around wouldn't be an issue. We're friends. But I think I still love him. And while I won't actively pursue anything, I wonder if the attraction will still be there if we were to hang out as friends. What do you think? Does the attraction ever go or is it always there under the surface? Perhaps if we hung out as friends, it could grow and we could understand each other better -- who knows in the future? What do you think? I just hope you aren't looking forward to moving to his city in hopes of running into him, talking to him, hanging out with him. He is obviously invested in his new relationship because he has told you he doesn't want to upset his girl and it isn't because she is the jealous type. He didn't want to talk to you about her because he didn't want to hurt you. Don't get your hopes up on him or hanging out. You need to move on and find a life of your own with new friends.
Author toffeecream77 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 I'm definitely still in love with him. Since speaking with him this morning, I've thought a lot about our relationship. I almost erased everything from my mind over the last seven months. Looking back, wow, it was great and I can't believe how I let someone like him go. I wasn't thinking clearly. Right now, at this moment, I don't think I'd be strong enough to see him. I was all for being friends, I was so certain I'd be able to hack it but right now, I think I'd melt if I saw him. All I want is him
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