Lorenzo76 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 I have not been here in forever. I was that guy who had a revenge affair with my now ex wife OM's wife. We ended up getting married and are now expecting our first child together. LONG STORY!!! I was at the gym and ran into my ex wife. This would be the first time I had seen her since our divorce was finalized in early 2009. There were a couple of emails after our divorce but it was mostly business and if she wanted to see my son she would contact his mother. My son would bring her up once in a blue moon. He told me over a year ago she was moving. It was so weird seeing her again. We had been in each other lives since we were children. It was like we were strangers and I guess in a lot of ways now we are. First we talked about the weather and then my son. Then she got very serious and asked me if I had any regrets about the divorce and how we ended things. This question really surprised me. I told her I had a lot of regrets but I felt our divorce was for the best. She agreed then she said we did not really try to make the marriage work that I walked away and filed for divorce and started this new life with OW. I gave her no say in the matter. I was like where is all of this coming from?? I'm like you cheated first our marriage was in the toilet for a long time. As far as I was concerned there was nothing left to fight for. She said that she had a lot of time to think about our marriage and that given all our years together she could not believe I would just give up on us. I'm dumbfounded by this point. We have been divorced for nearly 3 years now. I asked her if she was happy. She said that she was happy and has learned from her mistakes but she lives with a lot of regret. She said we should still be married but because of actions on both our parts we are not anymore and she wonders what our lives would be like if neither of us had cheated. I told her this "what if" game was pointless. The fact is we both did cheat and even if neither of us had cheated we were still miserable in the marriage. I was like can you honestly tell me you don't think our relationship had run its course? She said she did not and she regrets not fighting for the marriage. She said she knew about my remarriage and that from the research she had done affair marriages don't stand a chance. By this point I am so done talking and told her I had to leave. I use to love that woman more than anything in the world. When we broke up when we were young adults I thought my world had ended. We got back together several years later I thought we had finally gotten it right and we would be together forever. Four years into our marriage she is cheating and I am laying awake at night plotting my revenge and fantasizing about seducing her OM's wife. It was a crazy crazy time. When all was said and done I could not be divorced from her fast enough and did not even want to be friends with her once the divorce was final. That is scary. The fact that your feelings can change for someone so drastically. I wish nothing but the best for her but I am so happy we are divorced. I am determined to prove her wrong about my marriage being doomed. We are both careful not to repeat the mistakes we both made in our first marriages. We have been married 1 year so we are still practically newlyweds but I am glad I ran into my ex wife. Makes me grateful for what I have waiting for me at home!! 4
eamherst14051 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Well said L76, that was a great and heart felt post, you can NEVER go back
Kidd Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Well said L76, that was a great and heart felt post, you can NEVER go back I'm going to need to have reasons (more reminders, I suppose) NOT to go back. Things are finally becoming amicable between STBXWW and I. Neither of us are talking about stopping the D, but I see a very similar conversation to yours coming in the future. She'll probably wait until the papers are in front of us (or perhaps 3 years after we D).
Binster Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Just shows how they re-write history. Kidd take note, soon it will all be your fault - probably already is.
Spark1111 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 I'don't know Lorenzo. That was one pretty amazing conversation she had with you. Lot's or remorse, lots of regret, lots of wishing she had fought harder for the marriage. It sounds like the lady has had a lot of therapy and grown in many ways. Many people would kill to have those words come out of an x's mouth. Take it for what it's worth because I think it is worth a lot. Good luck to you with your new relationship. I wish you well. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 I just thought of you yesterday.... Weird. Congrats on how things are going.
drifter777 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Thanks for providing a great "looking back" perspective. From the postings I've read on LS, very few BS's that choose divorce have any regrets maybe a year or so since d-day. Contrast that with those that attempt to reconcile, many of whom are still trying to make it work and struggling with the betrayal many years out. As for you ex-wife, who knows exactly what her motivation is for dumping all of this information on you now. Is she trying to torpedo your current marriage? Is she trying to keep you warm as a back-up plan? Maybe she's being completely honest with you and just needs to get her feelings and regrets out. Whatever the reason, I hope you don't let it affect your current life and relationship. You believe you made the best decision for the both of you and she needs to accept it and move forward as you have done. I don't think continued contact with her does you or her any good so I would urge you to keep your distance and devote your emotions and attention to your current marriage. Her shot regarding "affair marriages" is just that - a shot. The odds mean nothing when applied to an individual case. Something else to remember, when two people renew a romance that started years ago, as was the case with you and your ex, the odds are overwhelming that they will enjoy a happy relationship and the divorce rate is remarkably low. Obviously, this was not the case with you and ex so statistics simply don't hold in all cases.
2long Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Lorenzo: I'm going 2 be frank with you. You're si2ation and how you handled it has 2 be one of the "grodiest" I've read on any infidelity discussion forum in the past 10 years. But I do agree with drifter's comments about the statistics. And I wish you well. -ol' 2long
stillafool Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I have not been here in forever. I was that guy who had a revenge affair with my now ex wife OM's wife. We ended up getting married and are now expecting our first child together. LONG STORY!!! Good for you!!!!:bunny:I love these types of stories. Your ex has some nerve. I am determined to prove her wrong about my marriage being doomed. We are both careful not to repeat the mistakes we both made in our first marriages. We have been married 1 year so we are still practically newlyweds but I am glad I ran into my ex wife. Makes me grateful for what I have waiting for me at home!! You should be grateful, I wish you both the best.
Chi townD Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Did you tell your wife, not the Ex wife, or WW but the OMW, your current....I'm confused again.... THE CHICK YOUR LIVING WITH!!!! Did you tell her what happened? 1
Recommended Posts