lilyblue Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 I've posted here a lot asking for advice, but this time I'm just actually curious about what other people would do. How do you think you would (or how have you if it has happened to you) react to being dumped by being vanished on. One day your significant other just disappears out of the blue and won't respond to anything. What do you think you would do?
smudge21 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Human nature to want/expect answers, so I'd be calling friends and family. If I hadn't heard anything then firstly I'd do it to show concern, make sure they'll alright. Once I knew that, I'd be after answers. If none came, and they were just blanking me, I'd be angry no doubt and would look to my friends and family for support/advice.
Philosoraptor Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 You would of course first be upset. Eventually you'd learn to pity this person for having such immaturity. 1
gotye Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 You would of course first be upset. Eventually you'd learn to pity this person for having such immaturity. oh gosh yes... it's so pathetic 2
M2155 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Well as you know it did happen to me and you know there is but so much you CAN do. You can either chase after answers and they shut you out. Or you don't, and they shut you out. What else can you do? They KNOW how they treated you and I'm sure somewhere deep down they feel bad about it and want to apologize. I think after time when they think you are ok with it, they may make a peep to make sure you don't hate them, but don't hold your breath waiting for them to knock down your door. It seems to come when you are no longer waiting. What can you do? I just don't know...I told everyone who would listen till I got tired of it!
madball2289 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 I've had this kinda thing happen a few times. The only thing I can tell you is, if they decide to disappear, let them stay where ever it is they went. 1
RobotNano Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 yeah, that feel of a bridge that been burned for no reason.
Author lilyblue Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Thanks for your thoughts so far. How much do you think you would personally push for answers before giving up?
madball2289 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I don't think pushing for answers is worth. It might just cause a delay in the healing process if you find our certain things. I would just let it be and better yourself. If you keep dwelling it will just make things worse. 1
stimson554 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I wouldn't react at all, if their so immature to just up and leave, then why would you waste your time thinking about them?
Author lilyblue Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 I don't think pushing for answers is worth. It might just cause a delay in the healing process if you find our certain things. I would just let it be and better yourself. If you keep dwelling it will just make things worse. I wouldn't react at all, if their so immature to just up and leave, then why would you waste your time thinking about them? But what do you guys think you would actually do? Do you think you could just turn off the wondering and let it be?
stimson554 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 But what do you guys think you would actually do? Do you think you could just turn off the wondering and let it be? I could. Don't know about other people.
jerbear Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I have pulled the disappearing act when I was younger. It was a way to avoid confrontation. Yes I was immature and I didn't voice my concerns and I didn't give her a chance to address my concerns. I just avoided her. What she did was call me a few things after a few days. Then we bumped into each other at the mall of all places. Well she didn't look good but she just went no contact with me.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 But what do you guys think you would actually do? Do you think you could just turn off the wondering and let it be? No. But Since I wouldnt have any answers, or any communication to hang on to, I'd heal faster because I'd have no choice but to move on. He is doing you a favor by vanishing, then you wont hold out for hope.
Author lilyblue Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 I have pulled the disappearing act when I was younger. It was a way to avoid confrontation. Yes I was immature and I didn't voice my concerns and I didn't give her a chance to address my concerns. I just avoided her. What she did was call me a few things after a few days. Then we bumped into each other at the mall of all places. Well she didn't look good but she just went no contact with me. Younger I can maybe understand... like teens or early twenties. Not a grown man. Was it just cowardice on your part? No. But Since I wouldnt have any answers, or any communication to hang on to, I'd heal faster because I'd have no choice but to move on. He is doing you a favor by vanishing, then you wont hold out for hope. I'd wouldn't exactly go so far as to say that he did me ANY sort of favor with his behavior, but I do understand your point.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 But what do you guys think you would actually do? Do you think you could just turn off the wondering and let it be? It happened to me, I think I was about 18; had no experience like this. He disappeared and of course I was worried. I called his work and home, no answer for days and days. Then, one day me and my friends stalked to see if he was going to work--he did, and then saw that we where there. He flipped out on me then and there, screamed and yelled and said for me to go away. I left and that was that. I cried for months over him; he could have been nice; if he didn't want to date anymore,say so, don't just disappear. i was such a mess. Some months later, he had the nerve to want to get back together.
jerbear Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Younger I can maybe understand... like teens or early twenties. Not a grown man. Was it just cowardice on your part? Early twenties, she was 20 and I think I was 21/22. Hindsight wise she was a good girl and good for me but I think I was to young and we're both young in the relationship dating department. Yeah, I would say cowardice; I admit it.
M2155 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Honestly you can be a coward at any age. I mean a lot of people just will take the easy way out. They may or may not think about the consequences to the other person at the time but in the grand scheme of things, they probably figure they don't have much to lose and you being a good person, will find a way to forgive them and move on. And unfortunately, that's what you are left to do.
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) It's really awkward and embarrassing I think! It's actually happened to me. I dated a guy for about 4 months, we had met through friends that thought we'd be "perfect" together, and he rushed me into things. And he met my family, I met all his friends, he came to my sisters wedding, we slept together, said we loved each other.. it was a pretty intense relationship. Then one weekend he didn't reply to my calls or texts, and I got on my iPhone and checked Facebook and it said he went from being "In a relationship" to "single". I was shocked and appalled and called him about 20 times til he answered.. then proceeded to flip out on him. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I was soo embarrassed, and didn't know how to respond when my friends asked when and why we broke up... Awful. So, my actions were just to be really persistent and flip out on him like a psychopath. Haha Oh, as for doing you a favor by disappearing and forcing you to get over him.. No. It was the absolute worst thing a guy has ever done to me. I thought at 24 years old he would be grown up enough to be a man and upfront. The only good thing that came out of the way he broke up with me was that I realized he was a loser and I wasn't really missing out on much. Actually, the way it happened hurt worse than actually losing him. But it gets better Edited March 21, 2012 by sweetsmmr91 1
Author lilyblue Posted March 22, 2012 Author Posted March 22, 2012 Early twenties, she was 20 and I think I was 21/22. Hindsight wise she was a good girl and good for me but I think I was to young and we're both young in the relationship dating department. Yeah, I would say cowardice; I admit it. It's nice to even have someone else admit it somehow Honestly you can be a coward at any age. I mean a lot of people just will take the easy way out. They may or may not think about the consequences to the other person at the time but in the grand scheme of things, they probably figure they don't have much to lose and you being a good person, will find a way to forgive them and move on. And unfortunately, that's what you are left to do. I wonder if he thinks I will forgive him. I just wonder what he thinks at all (obviously)!! It's really awkward and embarrassing I think! It's actually happened to me. I dated a guy for about 4 months, we had met through friends that thought we'd be "perfect" together, and he rushed me into things. And he met my family, I met all his friends, he came to my sisters wedding, we slept together, said we loved each other.. it was a pretty intense relationship. Then one weekend he didn't reply to my calls or texts, and I got on my iPhone and checked Facebook and it said he went from being "In a relationship" to "single". I was shocked and appalled and called him about 20 times til he answered.. then proceeded to flip out on him. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I was soo embarrassed, and didn't know how to respond when my friends asked when and why we broke up... Awful. So, my actions were just to be really persistent and flip out on him like a psychopath. Haha Oh, as for doing you a favor by disappearing and forcing you to get over him.. No. It was the absolute worst thing a guy has ever done to me. I thought at 24 years old he would be grown up enough to be a man and upfront. The only good thing that came out of the way he broke up with me was that I realized he was a loser and I wasn't really missing out on much. Actually, the way it happened hurt worse than actually losing him. But it gets better Thanks for sharing your story - sorry that you had to go through it too. It's really unthinkable that an adult could act this way. Embarrassing is right. I'm not sure why, but I feel like that as well. The fact that someone could do that to me somehow embarrasses me. I ,too, think that this is the worst thing that someone has intentionally done to me. And I definitely agree that the way he did it was far worse than it actually happening. There's really no excuse. Eventually perhaps it will get better. Thanks.
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