75andsunny Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Hi everybody, So I've posted on here once before and always find great insight and I have another one to toss around hoping for some advice. So I've been seeing this lady for about 2 months and we bonded almost immediately. We've spent every weekend together, text all day and talk all night on the phone when we're not hanging out. It's really the fastest I have ever gotten this close to someone, and I think for her as well. Until this weekend. I was a red flag from the beginning: I am a recovering alcoholic. I don't drink, nor am I tempted to, and can chill doing just about anything just like everybody else, so it's really not that big an issue to ME. I disclosed this to her on day 1, so no surprises (and earlier than I usually with someone new that I meet). For some reason, I was just really comfortable with her from the beginning. She admitted her hesitation with it and I completely understand, which is why I want to be upfront about it with someone I am interested in as soon as comfortably possible, to avoid wasting anyone's time if it's a deal breaker. Anyway, after all the time we've shared together, she's decided that it is going to be a deal breaker after all. She is worried and afraid to go further, saying she doesn't want to have to always worry whether I'm drinking or not, or drinking in front of me, or breaking up in 5 months and me going on a binge or whatever, etc. All very valid concerns, which is why I told her upfront about it. She was very willing to learn more about it, and even went to a recovery meeting with me once. I thought everything was all cool, until, now, it evidently isn't. I wouldn't try to minimize her concerns, but to me, this issue is hers, not mine. I really don't have a problem not drinking or being around it, it's just that simple for me. It's how it has to be. And I have the tools, support and emotional maturity to move on from this and find someone more willing, but this hurts, because I really went out on a limb myself in opening up and putting myself out there with her, which is something I don't easily do. The classic, "It's not you, its me" line, but is it really her? Or am I wrong here? I guess the bigger question I have is: Would you date someone who is in recovery (obviously depending on the situation, and assuming it was solid recovery)? THANKS EVERYONE for reading!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Your post is far too vague. At what exact stage are you in your recovery?? That's the key element here.
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