lost09 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 (edited) ..just when I thought I had a good handle on women, I'm suddenly mystified. please help me understand what happened here. history - been single since the summer after i got out of a painful LTR. during this time i dated a number of girls.. never was really interested in any of them, but at the time it kept my mind of the ex-gf. then in the beginning of January she entered my life. any interest i had in the other girls I was in contact with was suddenly lost, and I turned my focus to her. we hung out a few times a week and it was amazing, she would agree. By Feb we decided to be 'official' bf & gf. the most amazing this about this, is this girl was crazy about me too. she'd txt me constantly with hearts and kisses, photos of what she was up to, and frequently texted me 'goodnight' and 'goodmorning'. she'd go out of her way just to see me quickly if we didnt hang out that day. when we were out together she'd always want to hold my hand, and give me little kisses randomly. she'd tell me things how she was so happy to be with me and she wanted to make sure i wasnt going anywhere. i told her i was just as excited and happy to be with her too, which was true. i LOVED the affection and it made me feel more comfortable to open up to her too. everything was just perfect, and it was unfolding so naturally. it was amazing. suddenly, one day, literally one day, she just stops all the texting. all the sudden im doing all the perusing, in fact it almost feels like im chasing. i won't hear from her unless I contact her. its been like this for about a week. ive tried to talk to her about this and she said she doesnt know what she wants now. she agreed that the last month or two has been amazing. when I try to get at the problem she's mentioned 2 things - things moved so fast she got freaked out, and she's concerned there isnt chemistry. it's weird hearing this because she was so incredibly into me so quickly, i dont see how there isnt enough chemistry. she seemed crazy about me! and usually that would scare me off - the only reason it didn't was because i was crazy about her too. im letting her cool off for a couple days, but she still hasnt tried to contact me unless i contact her first. im thinking its over it's weird that this suddenly happened. im completely confused. it seems i suddenly fell into the friends zone. i dont know where i went wrong. if you're wondering about age, shes 25, im 27 Edited March 19, 2012 by lost09
bikinibeach Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 sounds like she was putting all the effort in while you sat back and enjoyed it. women want to see you reciprocate. when you don't, we'll give up. THEN you notice. but usually too late by then. also, she might have met someone else. don't try to get her to admit, won't happen. just back off and let her come to you. or seek someone else.
carhill Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 .just when I thought I had a good handle on women, I'm suddenly mystified No need to be. You're unlikely to ever have a 'good handle' on women, even though, as in this instance, you felt you did. That's OK. Human. she's mentioned 2 things - things moved so fast she got freaked out, and she's concerned there isnt chemistry. She's young and has met someone else. See above for explanation.
thatone Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 the lesson to take away is push for sex earlier, thereby not giving her the opportunity to pick and choose amongst you and however many others which she wants to keep around. because, as carhill said, that's the answer. she ran into someone else she'd rather have sex with than you. note that 99.999% of women will never admit (read: lie) about this sort of thing. and other women will help them lie by misdirecting the blame toward you. so disregard all of that, and consider that the simplest explanation is probably the correct one. if you were giving her orgasms on a regular basis you would struggle to do anything you couldn't talk your way out of, much less worry about her leaving.
theories_galore Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Yeah man, same exact thing happened to me. Things were going so well then all of a sudden...nothing. Bloody sucks, but let me tell you this: she could be out with someone else or she really could just be freaked out and wants to chill for a bit. I agree with Bikini in that you should just let her come to you. My situation ended 2 weeks ago and since I've stopped talking to her (and it took about a week for me to really get over it), I really don't care anymore. Go get some self help books/audiobooks on dating/relationships, it really helped me. But first and foremost, lose all contact and let her come back to you. Good luck
Author lost09 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 (edited) honestly i dont think there is anyone else, even thought we were only seeing eachother a short time there was a really strong connection with trust. i mean we havent broken up - shes just acting more distant - so i feel like we're in this limbo right now. but hey, what do i know. when we were togeather I def showed affection back. But I kind of let her lead the way on it.. i would just reciprocate at a level right below where she was (so i wouldnt freak her out lol). we def had some good moments in the bedroom too. she seemed to enjoy herself. im going to stop contacting her and see what happens. at first I was very disappointment because I thought I found such a great thing. but if she's acting this way now it wasnt what I thought it was anyway. Edited March 20, 2012 by lost09
fishtaco Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Next! Seriously, go hit up on other women. There's no point sticking around for a dead end. If she's going to come around, she will. If not, she won't. Just go do your own thing. And also personally, I'd be more aggressive. If you're not aggressive enough, women think you're weak, you're not confident, you're not interested... etc. If you're too aggressive, it's "boys will be boys". Obviously there's a line, you don't want go into harassment zone. But within reasonable limits, there's less negative repercussion for being over-aggressive than under-aggressive. Thus, if you have to err, err on the side of too aggressive. 2
Author lost09 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 (edited) yea it just sucks. i was totally ready for a relationship, and she is exactly what i was looking for... and she seemed to be crazy about me. it was too perfect. i dont meet many girls that have that effect on me. but its back to the dating game i guess. BLAH :/ Edited March 20, 2012 by lost09
Author lost09 Posted March 22, 2012 Author Posted March 22, 2012 so i havent contacted her in the last couple days, except for now. i txt'd her that i wanted to talk to her tomorrow. i think its needed since we were 'officially' bf & gf, there needs to be an official talk to end it. im thinking im going to have to do the breaking up even though she's the one that got distant. any advice? i feel like its better to handle it this way and move on than be in this weird limbo state.
hotloader Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 ..just when I thought I had a good handle on women, I'm suddenly mystified. please help me understand what happened here. history - been single since the summer after i got out of a painful LTR. during this time i dated a number of girls.. never was really interested in any of them, but at the time it kept my mind of the ex-gf. then in the beginning of January she entered my life. any interest i had in the other girls I was in contact with was suddenly lost, and I turned my focus to her. we hung out a few times a week and it was amazing, she would agree. By Feb we decided to be 'official' bf & gf. the most amazing this about this, is this girl was crazy about me too. she'd txt me constantly with hearts and kisses, photos of what she was up to, and frequently texted me 'goodnight' and 'goodmorning'. she'd go out of her way just to see me quickly if we didnt hang out that day. when we were out together she'd always want to hold my hand, and give me little kisses randomly. she'd tell me things how she was so happy to be with me and she wanted to make sure i wasnt going anywhere. i told her i was just as excited and happy to be with her too, which was true. i LOVED the affection and it made me feel more comfortable to open up to her too. everything was just perfect, and it was unfolding so naturally. it was amazing. suddenly, one day, literally one day, she just stops all the texting. all the sudden im doing all the perusing, in fact it almost feels like im chasing. i won't hear from her unless I contact her. its been like this for about a week. ive tried to talk to her about this and she said she doesnt know what she wants now. she agreed that the last month or two has been amazing. when I try to get at the problem she's mentioned 2 things - things moved so fast she got freaked out, and she's concerned there isnt chemistry. it's weird hearing this because she was so incredibly into me so quickly, i dont see how there isnt enough chemistry. she seemed crazy about me! and usually that would scare me off - the only reason it didn't was because i was crazy about her too. im letting her cool off for a couple days, but she still hasnt tried to contact me unless i contact her first. im thinking its over it's weird that this suddenly happened. im completely confused. it seems i suddenly fell into the friends zone. i dont know where i went wrong. if you're wondering about age, shes 25, im 27 She's getting it on with another guy. Women gain and lose interest in men at the drop of the hat. She got bored with you, some other guy perked her interest, and she's now enamored with him for the time being. She'll repeat the same process with him, and move onto the next one, and on and on...... One day (about five to ten years from now), she'll look at herself in the mirror and realize that she is rapidly becoming a fat, used up tramp. At this point, she'll start joining websites like Match.com and eharmony.com. You may ask why she wouldn't start off with the freebie sites like Okcupid and POF, but that's probably what she's doing right now! Anywho....back to my original thought.... Once her looks start to go, she'll rapidly start seeking a partner in life to "settle down" with. Most likely it'll be some soft, effeminate sissified schmuck who's got a fat wallet. They'll buy a house together in some conformist suburban tract-plan, with absolutely no taste or character. They'll fill their garage with exercise equipment that they'll never use (but were bought with the best of intentions), so they'll have to park their painfully bland matching SUV's in their driveway. They may plant a tree or two in their yard, provided they get HOA approval in advance of course. She'll pop out a couple of kids by the time she's 35 or so, after which she'll start using some of that exercise equipment in the garage to get back into her pre-maternity shape. She'll start having "girl's night" with the other married women on the culd-e-sac. This will first entail going to lame chain restaurant bars, but over the month it'll progress to full-on nightclubs. She'll cite the extra exercise she gets from dancing as a means to justify this. She'll soon start cheating on her husband during these "girl's nights", as will her friends. It'll start with a devious kiss with a stranger in a bar, and will progress to blow jobs in the parking lot within a couple of weeks. She'll soon settle on one guy who she favors blowing over all the others, and that relationship will begin to blossom. Before she knows it, she'll be engaged in a full-blown (no pun intended) affair. This affair will last about a year, and she will have come to the realization that the "bar guy" is her soul mate! Horray for her! At this point, she'll abruptly divorce her husband, but not before raping him in the ass financially, destroying everything he's ever worked for in his life, and indenturing him to years and years of genetic extortion through the child support and alimony system. She will also take his children away from him, by the simple act of filing a false PFA. She will marry the bar guy, and the cycle shall begin all over again! This is love and marriage in 21st century America, fellas. I've been there, my friends have been there, and YOU will be there too unless you pull your heads out of your asses before it's too late. WAKE UP!
thatone Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 so i havent contacted her in the last couple days, except for now. i txt'd her that i wanted to talk to her tomorrow. i think its needed since we were 'officially' bf & gf, there needs to be an official talk to end it. im thinking im going to have to do the breaking up even though she's the one that got distant. any advice? i feel like its better to handle it this way and move on than be in this weird limbo state. yeah, go get laid in a bar. then you won't care whether this girl calls back or not. and in the future stop behaving like a woman, because even women don't want to behave that way.
sid3 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 She's getting it on with another guy. Women gain and lose interest in men at the drop of the hat. She got bored with you, some other guy perked her interest, and she's now enamored with him for the time being. She'll repeat the same process with him, and move onto the next one, and on and on...... One day (about five to ten years from now), she'll look at herself in the mirror and realize that she is rapidly becoming a fat, used up tramp. At this point, she'll start joining websites like Match.com and eharmony.com. You may ask why she wouldn't start off with the freebie sites like Okcupid and POF, but that's probably what she's doing right now! Anywho....back to my original thought.... Once her looks start to go, she'll rapidly start seeking a partner in life to "settle down" with. Most likely it'll be some soft, effeminate sissified schmuck who's got a fat wallet. They'll buy a house together in some conformist suburban tract-plan, with absolutely no taste or character. They'll fill their garage with exercise equipment that they'll never use (but were bought with the best of intentions), so they'll have to park their painfully bland matching SUV's in their driveway. They may plant a tree or two in their yard, provided they get HOA approval in advance of course. She'll pop out a couple of kids by the time she's 35 or so, after which she'll start using some of that exercise equipment in the garage to get back into her pre-maternity shape. She'll start having "girl's night" with the other married women on the culd-e-sac. This will first entail going to lame chain restaurant bars, but over the month it'll progress to full-on nightclubs. She'll cite the extra exercise she gets from dancing as a means to justify this. She'll soon start cheating on her husband during these "girl's nights", as will her friends. It'll start with a devious kiss with a stranger in a bar, and will progress to blow jobs in the parking lot within a couple of weeks. She'll soon settle on one guy who she favors blowing over all the others, and that relationship will begin to blossom. Before she knows it, she'll be engaged in a full-blown (no pun intended) affair. This affair will last about a year, and she will have come to the realization that the "bar guy" is her soul mate! Horray for her! At this point, she'll abruptly divorce her husband, but not before raping him in the ass financially, destroying everything he's ever worked for in his life, and indenturing him to years and years of genetic extortion through the child support and alimony system. She will also take his children away from him, by the simple act of filing a false PFA. She will marry the bar guy, and the cycle shall begin all over again! This is love and marriage in 21st century America, fellas. I've been there, my friends have been there, and YOU will be there too unless you pull your heads out of your asses before it's too late. WAKE UP! A- only because there weren't any pictures included in your story.
silvermercy Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 if you were giving her orgasms on a regular basis you would struggle to do anything you couldn't talk your way out of, much less worry about her leaving. She would still leave in the end, regardless of them having sex earlier. If there's no chemistry, then there's no chemistry. She also said she freaked out by things moving too fast. So sex would just delay the process of her leaving him. Only it would be much messier for both parties then.
starla33 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I don't know why you guys are blaming this all on the girl. She probably read "He is just not that into you" while you guys were dating. As she was making all the effort she stepped back to see what you would do! I hate guys that make me do all the work I just assume they are not interested and move on. 1
thatone Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 She would still leave in the end, regardless of them having sex earlier. If there's no chemistry, then there's no chemistry. She also said she freaked out by things moving too fast. So sex would just delay the process of her leaving him. Only it would be much messier for both parties then. messier for her, yes. not necessarily for him. and we're giving him advice, not her.
silvermercy Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 (edited) messier for her, yes. not necessarily for him. and we're giving him advice, not her. I hope you are single. And stay that way. ---------- Edited March 22, 2012 by silvermercy
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