I think I'm done...and I'm okay with it

[Professor X]

I honestly don't think you're completely over your breakup, seems like the pain is still there. Which is fine, cause if her love was as big as you described it, than I can tell you it took me over 2 years to get over it, with a rebound in it.

 

I wouldn't state grand sentences such as "I'm done with this forever" but rather, "I'm done with this for now".

You'll want a new RS once you're really healed from your previous breakup, but for now, just take your time, take as much as you need of it, 2,3,4 years, whatever, just don't be bothered with it.

 

@Leigh87 - come back with us with the very same words once you and your bf break up.

[Lobouspo]

I can relate to you OP on so many levels, as your experiences are very similar to mine. I would just add take a break from dating but don' t give up. My dad did not meet my mom until he was 38 and they have been married now for 40 years. I have made the decision to really improve myself spiritually, physically, financially and professionally. These are areas of my life that I CAN CONTROL. Set goals for yourself in these areas, and zone in on them. I Think you will find the process to be rewarding, and you will feel much better about yourself

[fishtaco]

Just usually they'd disappear after 4 or 5 dates. And these were good dates, no awkwardness, no odd moments, had a lot in common, a lot of flirting, usually making out at the end of at least one of the dates. I even slept with a girl after 4 dates and she was the only one to tell me she didn't think we'd make it long term. All the others did the "fade away" after so many dates. No goodbye, no "I'm not feeling the chemistry" text or anything, just stopped returning calls. This probably has happened to me at least 10 times.

 

As for the women I've had relationships with and fallen for....they just didn't appreciate me. They'd do things like try to get me to say I love them. They'd talk about the future, having kids, getting married. My last girl introduced me to her entire family, and on the way in the car she says "just so you know I don't introduce guys to my family unless they're going to be around a while". She dropped me 2 months later 3 days after I spend 7 hours on a saturday helping her move apartments.

 

I had another girlfriend that used to stand me up and disappear afterward for a week or two. Then she'd come back crying complaining about some super tragic event that prevented her from calling me back for so long. Happened like 6 times. Never again.

 

I had a girl in college for 2 years who used to go out partying with guys at bars (she had a fake ID, I did not) and then she'd get all defensive when I asked. She'd spend more time in the summers with her "guy friend" than me, even when I traveled 2 hours to see her for a weekend, she'd be out with him and say she had plans already that weekend (after I planned that weekend with her over a month prior).

 

All that's just the tip of the iceburg. I'm trying really hard not to be bitter, I'm sure my typing comes across that way, but think of it as me just being tired. It's not worth it anymore, there's more things I can do with my life to make me happy. I just need to stop pursing women altogether. If they approach me and I'm in the driver seat then fine. But I'm done hunting.

 

I think it's not a bad idea to take some time off. It'll recharge you, but it won't stop you from seeking out these women and repeat the same pattern. In fact once you've built your career and are more grounded, there would be even more reasons for women to seek you out for motives that are not beneficial to you.

 

I think maybe you are too nice/tolerant. It's true that nice guys finish last, even when you can get women, this is what happens. I wouldn't say it's your fault directly, but it is kind of your fault indirectly.

 

I know someone, she's super nice. She would go out of her way to help her friends, she has an altruistic soul. So what happens? She was surrounded by a group of friends that are leeches. They drain her completely emotionally, and even money sometimes. And they give nothing back in return. And... they block out the normal people that she could have been friends with, kind of like weeds starving out everything else in your garden.

 

It's not her fault, she's super nice, but it is her fault because she lets people get away with acting like this. And people that are leeches have developed a nose that can sniff out people like her.

 

So for the long run, I'd say you need practice relationships. You need to experiment with standing your ground, and not tolerating certain behaviors. Learn to walk out and break off relationships.

 

But everything is a balance. I tend to break off relationships too easily. That's something I need to work on. So things like your past relationships tend to not happen to me, because I'd jump ship. But I also have mistakenly broken up with women that I should not have broken up with.

 

But it's a path that we all have to walk. You WILL make regrettable decisions, that's how we learn. The regret teaches us lessons that no one can.

 

Make sure you get what you want, that's my advice. How much are you willing to flex your moral principles in order to get what you want, that's entirely up to you. Mine is flexible, I'm not always on the good side. But, I'm on my side.