fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 So after a very long hiatus from online dating, I went back on today. I sent a message to a very cute girl who is a couple years older than me. To my very big surprise, she responded (even with my horrible pictures-here's to you PP). And we've exchanged 4 emails total (I sent two, she sent two). So now, what? I ask this because in the past I've either responded too soon, or waited too long. Do I wait a day and then ask her out on a date? Or do I continue messaging for a bit longer? I don't want the "whatever you feel comfortable with" answer because that's meaningless to me. I'd like to meet up with this girl and get to know her (in person, not online), but I also don't want to freak her out and have her think I'm some kind of maniac pressuring to meet up in person. I also don't want to build this up and blow it out of proportion, but that should go without saying. So, any ideas?
FitChick Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Just ask her what she is most comfortable with, stating that you know some women like to meet right away and some like to chat online, then move to the phone until they feel more comfortable.
sid3 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Pace yourself. Why not get to know her a little more before deciding if you even want to meet her. Although let's be honest, yes? It would be a good experience for you. And probably a great first step in getting you out of your rut.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Pace yourself. Why not get to know her a little more before deciding if you even want to meet her. Although let's be honest, yes? It would be a good experience for you. And probably a great first step in getting you out of your rut. So what pace should I be on? Message every other day? Every two days? What? Do I step up the flirting in the emails? Gosh, I feel like I need step by step instructions for this. It feels so daunting...
sid3 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 So what pace should I be on? Message every other day? Every two days? What? Do I step up the flirting in the emails? Gosh, I feel like I need step by step instructions for this. It feels so daunting... Hey you still looking for someone to do a little writting for you? Let me know
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Hey you still looking for someone to do a little writting for you? Let me know Mayhaps. Though I'd prefer easy to read and follow instructions.
Mantis Toboggan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Just ask her what she is most comfortable with, stating that you know some women like to meet right away and some like to chat online, then move to the phone until they feel more comfortable. I wouldn't do that. Dating is supposed to be fun...not some verbal exchange of what she's comfortable with. It's too serious. You've exchanged 2 emails. In your 3rd email, tell her about some restaurants you enjoy. Tell her that you'd love to show her one. Then ask for her number. Once you have her number, set up a date. Don't get caught up in this electronic messaging back and forth. I've seen guys waste months emailing a girl who never intended to meet. If she wants to meet, then she will. She's on a dating site after all. But if she doesn't, there are plenty of women who will write, and write, and write, without ever planning to meet you. The important thing is that you ask. You've sent a few emails to establish your personality. Now let her judge you in person. 1
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 I wouldn't do that. Dating is supposed to be fun...not some verbal exchange of what she's comfortable with. It's too serious. You've exchanged 2 emails. In your 3rd email, tell her about some restaurants you enjoy. Tell her that you'd love to show her one. Then ask for her number. Once you have her number, set up a date. Don't get caught up in this electronic messaging back and forth. I've seen guys waste months emailing a girl who never intended to meet. If she wants to meet, then she will. She's on a dating site after all. But if she doesn't, there are plenty of women who will write, and write, and write, without ever planning to meet you. The important thing is that you ask. You've sent a few emails to establish your personality. Now let her judge you in person. So setting up a date at a restaurant is the right way to go here? The last girl I met online wanted to meet up for coffee first. I don't really care either way, I'm just asking questions. You mind giving me a sample of what I should write? With generalities of course not specifics.
daphne Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 In your 3rd email, tell her about some restaurants you enjoy. Tell her that you'd love to show her one. Then ask for her number. Once you have her number, set up a date. Don't get caught up in this electronic messaging back and forth. I've seen guys waste months emailing a girl who never intended to meet. If she wants to meet, then she will. She's on a dating site after all. But if she doesn't, there are plenty of women who will write, and write, and write, without ever planning to meet you. This guy's right. Don't wait too long. Strike while the iron's hot and while you still have her attention. You risk wasting time focusing on her if she's not going to meet you.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 Also, when should I set up a date? Middle of the week? End of the week?
Mantis Toboggan Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 So setting up a date at a restaurant is the right way to go here? The last girl I met online wanted to meet up for coffee first. I don't really care either way, I'm just asking questions. You mind giving me a sample of what I should write? With generalities of course not specifics. I personally hate restaurant dates with a passion. I feel like food just leads to sleep and boredom. So I apologize for even suggesting that. I was assuming that you're older than me. So I didn't want to say, "Take her out for drinks." But, my preference is to meet a woman for happy hour. Dinner dates are too cliche. Like "Look at me trying to impress you with how much of a gentleman I am." A couple drinks feels like a more social, "get to know you" thing, rather than a big, fancy ordeal. What should you write? "[A few words in response to her last email] How was your weekend? I was out enjoying the weather doing (blank). I was supposed to meet up with my friends at (your favorite bar). Have you ever been there? You'd love the happy hour. Let's plan to go there soon. What's your number?" Something like that, i suppose.
Mantis Toboggan Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Also, when should I set up a date? Middle of the week? End of the week? It doesn't matter. If small details like this would stop a girl from liking you, then she wasn't going to like you anyway. I wouldn't worry about this.
Sith Apprentice Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 (edited) Ask her if she'd like to talk on the phone in your next message. Once you have her number I recommend asking her out over the phone. Do not take her on a dinner date unless you want to get written off as a nice guy. Most women aren't worth taking out to dinner anyway. Dinner dates are a reward for women you're already sleeping with and crazy about. Invite her out to drinks and then gauge if she's worth taking to dinner later on. I like meeting women on Sundays for first dates. That way I'm not tired from working during the week and I don't have to sacrifice a Friday or Saturday night for someone I don't know and not sure if I want to see again. Edited March 19, 2012 by Sith Apprentice
SmileFace Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 You are going to want to move communication away from the dating site ASAP.
veggirl Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Ask for her phone # in the next msg. Once you have it, call her and ask her for coffee soon. I'd ask for 2 days out from when you call. 1
Nightsky Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 You are going to want to move communication away from the dating site ASAP. I agree. Just tell her you want to meet for coffee or something quick. Then if you like her have a resteraunt or something planned. If you don't like her then just say you enjoyed meeting her and leave it at that when you guys are done chatting. Send her a msg something like "We should meet and see how things go, how does a coffee shop near you sound?" 2
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 Ok, phone number and coffee. She actually goes to school where I did. There is a coffee shop right across the street (kind of a local joint). Perhaps there would be good. Should I send her the message tonight? Or wait? I'll be out all day tomorrow and won't be able to go online... edit: and thanks everyone for the help.
Sith Apprentice Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 I recommend not waiting at all. OLD is all about striking while the iron is hot. You need to pull them offline as quickly as possible.
Nightsky Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Ok, phone number and coffee. She actually goes to school where I did. There is a coffee shop right across the street (kind of a local joint). Perhaps there would be good. Should I send her the message tonight? Or wait? I'll be out all day tomorrow and won't be able to go online... edit: and thanks everyone for the help. Send it tonight and see if she has any free time to meet tuesday either at lunch of dinner. Tell her you'd enjoy meeting her and getting to talk to her in person. This isn't a date you're just meeting her to make sure you like her and she likes you in person. If the meeting goes well make sure you ask her out in person before saying goodbye. Be ready to ask her to do something right then and there. Lame to meet walk away and then ask her out over the net so you don't have to face her in person. It will be best to ask her out if you like her. She might be shy when you meet her it can be awkward meeting some one for the first time from online. Don't worry about it if you like her ask her out. Have a good time with her and don't be afraid to laugh and joke. Ask now.
Forever Learning Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Ask her if she'd like to talk on the phone in your next message. Once you have her number I recommend asking her out over the phone. Do not take her on a dinner date unless you want to get written off as a nice guy. Most women aren't worth taking out to dinner anyway. Dinner dates are a reward for women you're already sleeping with and crazy about. Invite her out to drinks and then gauge if she's worth taking to dinner later on. I like meeting women on Sundays for first dates. That way I'm not tired from working during the week and I don't have to sacrifice a Friday or Saturday night for someone I don't know and not sure if I want to see again. I recommend not waiting at all. OLD is all about striking while the iron is hot. You need to pull them offline as quickly as possible. Great insight, interesting perspective.
sid3 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Ask for her phone # in the next msg. Once you have it, call her and ask her for coffee soon. I'd ask for 2 days out from when you call. Under normal circumstances, definitely. In the Op's case, I think he should give it another day or two. Why does he need to ask for her number within 24 hours. Besides he just got started today, and he's already got one on the hook!
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 Ok, sent it. Here goes nothing right? 1
Nightsky Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Ok, sent it. Here goes nothing right? Yeah I mean until you meet her none of it was that real. She could have been any one. Once you do meet her things get more real but keep that "Here goes nothing" attitude because women love a carefree calm confident man. It's the guy who looks like he might have a meltdown if things don't go his way they hate.
sid3 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 The likely to flake risk just shot through the roof. Well good luck.
aj22one Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 The likely to flake risk just shot through the roof. Well good luck. That risk was 50-50 from the get-go. It's the nature of the beast that's called online dating. haha What are you tryna do? Worry the poor guy to death?
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