tess Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] I need help!!!! I have just been dating this guy for 3 days now and he is really obsessed, he meets me outside of all my classes and insists being with me at lunch too, I havnt even told him where half of my classes are and yet he seems to find them. Today he walked in to my 4th class, in the middle of class! Then today I re-routed all my directions I go during passing time, and he still found me, When I noticed he was at the tennis courts, I quickly turned away and ran around the school, and found a back door to the gym, which noone uses, and then I hid between the bus rows so he couldnt see me, and to my surprise he came flying around the back of my bus and caught me, I told him to leave me alone and give me my space and he just gets worse when I say that, like last night I had to Disconnect my phone at 10:30 pm, because he would'nt stop calling. I'm am only 17 years old, PLEASE HELP????!!!! ( He has also gotten suspended from school before for stalking.)
sportsloving Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 Talk to your parents and your principal at school. If need be, you can and should file a restraining order against him ... but please let your parents and the principal know what is going on and how uncomfortable you are with his actions.
faux Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 Originally posted by tess [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] I need help!!!! I have just been dating this guy for 3 days now and he is really obsessed, he meets me outside of all my classes and insists being with me at lunch too, I havnt even told him where half of my classes are and yet he seems to find them. You have been dating him 3 days. This is that odd puppy love / obsessive phase everyone goes through in the beginning of things. It is perfectly normal for him to want to meet you after every class that you have. I'm sure he is asking your friends where to meet you, or you must have told him. If you have a problem with him doing this, you really should TELL HIM or he'll never, ever know he is bothering you. Today he walked in to my 4th class, in the middle of class! Even in college you get people popping in the door to say "Hello". I remember people doing that sort of thing in high school ALL the time. Again, if he made a disturbance and is upsetting you, it is up to YOU and ONLY you to tell him that he is bothering you. If you do not tell him he is never going to think there is a problem. Then today I re-routed all my directions I go during passing time, and he still found me, When I noticed he was at the tennis courts, I quickly turned away and ran around the school, and found a back door to the gym, which noone uses, and then I hid between the bus rows so he couldnt see me, and to my surprise he came flying around the back of my bus and caught me, I told him to leave me alone and give me my space and he just gets worse when I say that, like last night I had to Disconnect my phone at 10:30 pm, because he would'nt stop calling. I'm am only 17 years old, PLEASE HELP????!!!! If 10:30 pm is considered late in your house, you need to tell him that he cannot call you after a certain time. You have to tell people how late they can call you and what is and is not acceptable behavior. I certainly hope that you are telling him these things. If he's bothering you, be clear to him that it is upsetting you and it needs to stop. If you told him to stop calling you and he hasn't, then you did the right thing in disconnecting the telephone. THe more you ignore him the faster he should go away. You can always go to the office in your school and tell them what is happening. If he is doing things to bother you outside of school, and you have communicated to him that what he is doing is bothering you and must stop, you can approach the police. ( He has also gotten suspended from school before for stalking.) You young girls and "stalking". I swear. Stalking is extremely difficult to prove, even with the help of police. If this guy gets in trouble and is found guilty of stalking in court, then sure he is stalking you. Until then, it sounds as though he is harassing you. Harassment is often confused with stalking. I doubt that a high school has enough authority to suspend a student for committing an extremely serious crime such as stalking. Authority to suspend, sure. But authority to say a student was guilty of a crime such as stalking? Shaky on that one. If police were involved and he was found guilty in a court of stalking, then it probably wasn't best to get involved with this guy. You already attend school with him, so I'm sure he already knows your classes or friends. It is obvious that you two will run into one another. You provided him with your phone number, so of course he is going to call you. If he ends up hanging around your house or popping up continually outside of school I would begin to worry. This sounds more like confusion on his behalf. He may not know he is doing anything to bother you. Be sure to explain to him clearly that you do not want him to contact you again, and you want him to leave you alone. He needs to know what he is doing is bothering you. If he cannot stop after you have told him he is freaking you out, then you have a problem and can get others to intervene. Again, also note that harassment is an intentional act. If this guy has no idea that he is bothering you by meeting you outside of your classes and phoning you, and has no idea that you cannot receive phone calls after a certain time, he may not legally be in the wrong. If you have not taken the time to specifically tell him you want no contact, and explain the specific things he is doing to upset you, then this situation could be your own doing. Tell him those things, and do NOT simply just ignore him. If he has no excuse to be clueless as to him bothering you this much, then he is definitely the one causing the problem. Originally posted by sportsloving Talk to your parents and your principal at school. She has to tell this guy that he is bothering her, and why he is bothering her, and that he has to stop. Otherwise, it will probably just be found that he had no idea he was upsetting her. If need be, you can and should file a restraining order against him ... From what she has described so far, no, she cannot do this. If her state allows minors to file then I suppose so. Her parents would have to file one, however, and if this guy is a minor that may present further problems. Additionally, if she files for a TRO and cannot prove in family court that this guy is guilty of the crimes she accuses him of, she could be held guilty for using a TRO in a method to harass another, provided that this guy wants to pursue that. Additionally, to even file for a TRO she has to have solid proof for her case. Her word alone isn't good enough. but please let your parents and the principal know what is going on and how uncomfortable you are with his actions. Agreed. But be SURE to tell the GUY as well! So often one person never gets told he/she is upsetting someone else, and if only he/she had known he/she would have stopped.
moimeme Posted June 12, 2004 Posted June 12, 2004 This is that odd puppy love / obsessive phase everyone goes through in the beginning of things Sorry, Faux, but if she actively tries to avoid him by hiding and sneaking around and he STILL finds her, then it's not 'puppy love' any more. And you can doubt the school all you want, but schools are usually very reluctant to cause difficulties to students, so if it is known that the guy was suspended for 'stalking', there is likely something behind that. Yes, she needs to tell him to stop, but it sounds like this guy won't respond well to such a request - he'll just keep on doing it. Most people understand that 'puppy love' or any other kind of love does not mean inserting yourself into every corner of somebody's life - unless they have invited you to do so.
magda Posted June 12, 2004 Posted June 12, 2004 Yeah, sorry but that's not normal. If you plan on taking any sort of action, however, it is your responsibility to begin this action by telling him point blank to leave you the hell alone. Start nice, get mean as necessary. If mean doesn't cut it, threaten to tell the principle/your parents, if threatening doesn't cut it then follow through. Give him a fair chance to mend his freaky ways before you publicly humiliate him, in other words.
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