zanesfan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I met this 30 year old guy back in Dec. (im 29). One of my friends invited him over to my house to play cards. Well a few days later he hit me up on facebook and told me he was interested in me and he wanted to take me out. Well to make a long story short, I began to see that he was very interested in sleeping with me. I told him that unless he wanted something exclusive we couldnt have sex. He said he wanted to be exclusive and he does not like to share. I told him I didnt want to have sex with someone who was screwing other people. Again he agreed. So yep, when I was totally ready we took the plunge. We had sex. All of a sudden, the exclusive part went out the door. He still came over once a week (we live 5 minutes apart), I would hear from him everyday (we both iniated contact), and the only time I saw him was when he wanted to come over. After we had sex, all of a sudden he wasnt seeking a gf. I told him to lose my number and I wasnt interested in seeing him anymore. He stated I was all over the place and didnt know what I wanted (even though I had told him I wanted exclusivity and companionship). After 5 weeks of no contact from me, he started easing his way back into my life (irrevelant emails and text messages.) I started slowly talking to him because 1.) I was lonely 2.) I missed his company 3.) I did care about him. He now tells me he wants a fwb relationship after I asked. He said the sex was good and he liked my passionate ways. Although I do enjoy being intimate, I dont want him to see and contact me when its convenient for him. I dont want to play any games either. And sadly, I do still want him to come around and I still want to be cool with him but I dont trust myself. We normally spend about 24 hours together and when he visits, he will cook, we will order out, watch movies, drink wine, talk, laugh, and of course have sex. I care about him a lot but at the same time I know I deserve more. How would you handle a situation like this?
Author zanesfan Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 I know I should and I want to. Im tired of the power struggle. Plus there is a part of me that wants to win him over just to prove something to myself.
Mantis Toboggan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I don't understand when women and men take this approach. You can't have a relationship before you get to know the person. So you met the guy in December, and over the course of a month or two, you expect it to be a relationship? You can call it what you want, but it's not a relationship. It's certainly "dating", but I woudn't ask anyone to commit to me after only dating me for a month or two. Because even if they SAY that it's a relationship, it's just a word. We still don't know each other, so how can we know that we should commit. Yeah, maybe the message board will say that I'm a typical non-committal male, but I just don't see how people can seriously expect or ask for a commitment before you even know what you're committing to. It can't be, "Okay, we've known each other for a few weeks. Time to get serious." You're worrying about the title of the relationship before the emotions have caught up with it.
spiderowl Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I'd walk away, definitely. This guy knows how to play you. He knows you like him. He doesn't think you'll have the self-respect to say no and walk away. He thinks he can offer you FWB. I bet he wouldn't offer the girls he really admires that; no, he'd want more, her attention, her time, her full commitment - and his! Even if you walk away and show him you deserve respect and won't accept his pitiful offer, he may still want you. Your value will go up in his estimation - cheap girls don't walk out on him. You may get a better offer from him. But, think about it - this is the kind of guy who will use women and offer them FWB knowing they feel something for him. Is that the kind of guy you want for long-term?
Author zanesfan Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) Mantis, I wasnt asking to be bf/gf off the bat. I was implying that once we decided to have sex, I would prefer for him to have sex with me and only me and vice versa. I didnt know him well enough (as you said) to determine if he is bf material. I still dont know at the point. However, I wanted to make sure he was open to having a partner if things got serious down the road. Spider, no this isnt what I want for long term. My frame of thought is so screwed up. I really do feel like I am getting played and im allowing myself to get played. The signs were definitely there but I choose to ignore them. I cant stop myself from thinking about him. And I get mixed signals all the time from him. For example, sometimes it takes hours for him to responds, he suggest we go to amusement parks together, he talked about having a picnic at the beach, he will ask to come over and I agree.. then he cancels, he calls me when I am upset about something with him to talk things over, he is very loving and affectionate when with me. I dont want to be that girl. I dont want him to see me as being that girl. I want to appear strong and confident. And yes, Im sure he wouldnt treat any girl he liked like this. Im just trying to figure out whats not registering with me. How do I wean myself off of him? I still want to remain friends. Just not intimate anymore. Edited March 19, 2012 by zanesfan
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