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Do I have a chance to make things right or have I ruined things forever?

alexia29

By alexia29
in Second Chances

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alexia29 New Member

alexia29

Posted
Posted

I want to share my story and ask your opinions on whether or not I have a chance to get my ex back.

We met 3 years ago, dated for a few months then I broke up with him because he distanced himself from me. But I couldn't let go of him and worked on getting him back. I worked on myself on the things he (rightfully) disliked about me. We started talking again and would see each other as friends and we eventually got back together a year later.

We then dated for about 1 year but by the end he was not satisfied in the relationship, told me we were too different and that I am emotionally needy and broke up with me about 8 months ago. Since then I dated another guy for a few months but can honestly say that I never truly stopped thinking about this ex. I have done a lot of thinking lately and have decided I want to attempt to get him back again. He has all the qualities I want in a man and time is showing he is truly unforgettable and that I want him in my life.

 

The issue are that all odds are against me.

1. He absolutely despises me now. Not in an "I want to see you dead" kind of way but in a way that says "you are not worthy of my time". I said some harsh things when it ended. We are currently mostly off contact but we have emailed every month or so. All these emails, except the last one about 2 weeks ago have ended with him sending an angry email and me just not replying.

2. I know for a fact that if I don't reach out to him he will not reach out to me. He has told me that himself, that I need to be proactive in this aspect.

3. He just started dating another girl and she seems really really nice and he seems very into her.

4. He is moving away (7 hours away) in just three months.

 

So he has truly moved on at this point. I am quite sure that in his mind I belong in the "Don't ever date" list of people. And now that I have written all this down I am seriously seeing how impossible it is. But I am very motivated to try and put effort on it, I just don't know how to approach it. I know most people will tell me move on and heal, but my question really is, is there a chance to get him back, even if slim? Should I maintain low contact with him now that he is dating this new girl or just get out of his life completely?

nadineinlove Member

nadineinlove

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry to say this, but you really need to forget about him. He's met someone else, plus hes moving away soon.

I should really listen to my own advice, because reading your story reminded me of my own- I want to try again with my ex, but every time we have I ended up being needy like yourself and he said we were too different. I know how hard it is to forget about someone we love... but if they're telling us we're different and have walked away from us before, then we really need to move on and forget.

 

Get out of his life, if its meant to be let him miss you. Move on with your life, he'll come to you if he wants you.

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alexia29 New Member

alexia29

Posted
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Posted

He has criticized me of being passive and not taking action for things I want in life. So if I give up on something my heart wants, wouldn't I be acting passively and proving him right? He has told me several times that I need to take action in my life and get to things I want.

nadineinlove Member

nadineinlove

Posted
Posted (edited)

But he has to want it too. I'm sorry but he wants the other girl, hes with her. If he wanted you he'd be with you, or at least be pursuing you and not be with her.

Edited by nadineinlove
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alexia29 New Member

alexia29

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Posted

I will not actively pursue him. I will work on myself for the next 2 months. I wish the best for him and his new girlfriend.

Dimitris26 Member

Dimitris26

Posted
Posted

You need to do some things in the next 3 months untill he moves away:

 

- Work on yourself. Become as beautifull as you can be. Gym, Diet (healthy for crist sake) new high heels 8-10cm and a new dress (nothing extreme) You know... become that irresistible person you ve always wanted.

 

- Dont contact him. If he does... reply acting that you are sad of whats happened but u udnerstand what happened and agree to the break up in some way.

 

- Let the time pass so his enthousiasm for the new girl fade out a bit...

 

- 2 weeks before he goes... You contact him and ask him to meet. If you think coffee is much... just tell him you ll pass by somewhere and if he can meet you for 5 minutes to give / take / exchange the "stuff" you forgot to each others place.

 

- Go and be the most gorgeous creature on planet earth. not only the looks though. You have to be funny and sweet. (FRIENDLY)

 

I bet you he will contact you in the 2 weeks before he goes. I bet my life on it.

Million.to.1 Established Member

Million.to.1

Posted
Posted
You need to do some things in the next 3 months untill he moves away:

 

- Work on yourself. Become as beautifull as you can be. Gym, Diet (healthy for crist sake) new high heels 8-10cm and a new dress (nothing extreme) You know... become that irresistible person you ve always wanted.

 

- Dont contact him. If he does... reply acting that you are sad of whats happened but u udnerstand what happened and agree to the break up in some way.

 

- Let the time pass so his enthousiasm for the new girl fade out a bit...

 

- 2 weeks before he goes... You contact him and ask him to meet. If you think coffee is much... just tell him you ll pass by somewhere and if he can meet you for 5 minutes to give / take / exchange the "stuff" you forgot to each others place.

 

- Go and be the most gorgeous creature on planet earth. not only the looks though. You have to be funny and sweet. (FRIENDLY)

 

I bet you he will contact you in the 2 weeks before he goes. I bet my life on it.

 

 

That is the worst advice I have ever heard... except the begining bit. Yes, Go to the gym, buy a new dress, yes, but do it for yourself. Do it for the next lucky guy that will get to date you.

 

This advise is just a waste of time and will only prolong your suffering. Nadineilove is right .. you need to move on and let this one go and someone who will love you just the way you are, that you don't have to change for or be anything different than what you are.

 

Your Ex and you just weren't suited. He just realised quicker than you did. You'll catch up... but not if you continue to hang on to this false hope.

 

 

There is something and someone better around the corner, I promise.

Dimitris26 Member

Dimitris26

Posted
Posted
That is the worst advice I have ever heard... except the begining bit. Yes, Go to the gym, buy a new dress, yes, but do it for yourself. Do it for the next lucky guy that will get to date you.

 

This advise is just a waste of time and will only prolong your suffering. Nadineilove is right .. you need to move on and let this one go and someone who will love you just the way you are, that you don't have to change for or be anything different than what you are.

 

Your Ex and you just weren't suited. He just realised quicker than you did. You'll catch up... but not if you continue to hang on to this false hope.

 

 

There is something and someone better around the corner, I promise.

 

 

Promises dont make things happen. This is heaven and this is hell. He moves away. Of course she will do all these for her... but simply she will give it another shot cause she simply has nothing to lose. If it turns out as nothing she will be sure now and actually MAKE an effort continue her life. And she will take power from all these little things that got her so far.

 

She simply has nothing to lose. she will only have something to get. Him or her life back. Either way sounds good enough for me. I hope for her as well

Love_sick_me Member

Love_sick_me

Posted
Posted

Hi,

 

I'd say don't keep your hopes up, and move on with your life. Who knows?

 

People are saying that you guys aren't suited for each others and stuff. How I see it is that, there is no such thing. I have seen people who have been the "oddest" match, and completely clashing in every way possible. Their relationships have been long running. It's up to people together. If you want to make it work, then it'll work. If you don't want to make it work, then it won't work out. It's really up to the people in the relationship. The fact of the matter is he's moving away, and he doesn't want to make it work with you. Are you gonna try to convince him? Not right now, he obviously doesn't wanna hear anything from you. Just give him time. Work on being friends first. Right now, it seems like you both need to "get over each other", whatever that means to you. It seems like you still have issues with him, and he still have issues with you.

 

Here's one helpful thing. If he's angry at you, or hate you it means he still has feelings for you. It's the one who gets under your skin the most is often the person you love the most. The saying goes like this, the opposite of love is not hate is indifference. Hating and loving is not that different, this has been documented in both social and physiological psychology. What you do with this information is up to you.

 

My suggestion is, work on yourself and focus on yourself. Get over him and YOURSELF. Just win in life. Everyone wants to be with a winner, including your ex :p. Be "the one who got away" for him. It honestly sounds like you're currently in no shape to be in a relationship with each other.

 

I wish you luck.

emby Established Member

emby

Posted
Posted
I want to share my story and ask your opinions on whether or not I have a chance to get my ex back.

We met 3 years ago, dated for a few months then I broke up with him because he distanced himself from me. But I couldn't let go of him and worked on getting him back. I worked on myself on the things he (rightfully) disliked about me. We started talking again and would see each other as friends and we eventually got back together a year later.

We then dated for about 1 year but by the end he was not satisfied in the relationship, told me we were too different and that I am emotionally needy and broke up with me about 8 months ago. Since then I dated another guy for a few months but can honestly say that I never truly stopped thinking about this ex. I have done a lot of thinking lately and have decided I want to attempt to get him back again. He has all the qualities I want in a man and time is showing he is truly unforgettable and that I want him in my life.

 

The issue are that all odds are against me.

1. He absolutely despises me now. Not in an "I want to see you dead" kind of way but in a way that says "you are not worthy of my time". I said some harsh things when it ended. We are currently mostly off contact but we have emailed every month or so. All these emails, except the last one about 2 weeks ago have ended with him sending an angry email and me just not replying.

2. I know for a fact that if I don't reach out to him he will not reach out to me. He has told me that himself, that I need to be proactive in this aspect.

3. He just started dating another girl and she seems really really nice and he seems very into her.

4. He is moving away (7 hours away) in just three months.

 

So he has truly moved on at this point. I am quite sure that in his mind I belong in the "Don't ever date" list of people. And now that I have written all this down I am seriously seeing how impossible it is. But I am very motivated to try and put effort on it, I just don't know how to approach it. I know most people will tell me move on and heal, but my question really is, is there a chance to get him back, even if slim? Should I maintain low contact with him now that he is dating this new girl or just get out of his life completely?

 

You are right that the odds are against you, especially with the moving away and the new girl. Then with the email as well...

Chances are, he won't want to rock the boat with new girl so you won't here from him much anyway. Best possible chance is no contact since your last contact has been angry emails to each other. Let the dust settle. Let him try out this new relationship. He knows where you are. I wouldn't say you were in the 'don't ever date list', but right now? He doesn't seem interested. I hope that doesn't sound awful. I mean you broke up, got back together for an entire year, then he left you, and 8 months later you're not back together. It doesn't look good does it?

 

Just being selfishly curious...when you first broke up and got back together, how did that happen? How do you go from being friends to getting back together and how long did it take?

robertmathis1026 Member

robertmathis1026

Posted
Posted

A few to do list

- Stop the contact-

- work on yourself ( self-improvement)

- Relieve yourself from the pain

- You can contact your ex

last thing is (don't expect too much from your ex

 

Are you SUFFERING THE PAIN, because your ex DUMP you? Can You imagine, if you can make your ex BEGGING TO BACK WITH YOU? click here to make it HAPPEN!!

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