Author Headintheclouds Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 I agree with both of you. When I started hanging out with her I told her everything I was going through (to an extent) with the ex. I've been completely honest. I even told her that I just want to have fun and not jump into anything. The girl is great and I don't want to lose an opportunity with her. I know I'm not done grieving. Honestly I am enjoying the feelIng of being single. After hanging out yesterday I feel like she may be getting a little attached to me. I'm not really sure how to keep it from "going too far" but as I said I also don't want to lose a chance with a good girl.
CaliBabe Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I agree with both of you. When I started hanging out with her I told her everything I was going through (to an extent) with the ex. I've been completely honest. I even told her that I just want to have fun and not jump into anything. The girl is great and I don't want to lose an opportunity with her. I know I'm not done grieving. Honestly I am enjoying the feelIng of being single. After hanging out yesterday I feel like she may be getting a little attached to me. I'm not really sure how to keep it from "going too far" but as I said I also don't want to lose a chance with a good girl. Well atleast you know this and you are honest with the new girl. Having someone can definitely help during the healing process, just make sure you are healing and discovering your individuality.
NewYorker2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 HITC, I've been lurking around this site for quite some time now and finally decided to start participating. I've followed your thread from the beginning (including the previous one) and it sounds like such an awful situation. As I live in NYC as well, I totally understand how cramped you must feel in these tight living spaces with this girl, and I went through something at least somewhat similar with a previous ex a few years ago. Hang in there...take it very slow with the new girl and in a few days, you'll be able to get started with really moving on. I will warn you though, in the initial phases of not "getting" to see your ex anymore, you very well may feel that loss all over again. As painful as it is to have to see her virtually everyday, she still might feel "there" to you right now, and once you have completely gone your separate ways, it can be hard to adjust. I certainly remember being in a relationship with my live-in GF (~4 years) for about 9 months too long, and we both knew it was very much time to get out...100% mutual split. She moved out, but shortly thereafter I found myself feeling alone again and questioning the decision. It happens, but in the long run, much better to be done and away from one another. Best advice is to just leave it be...though I think you probably already know that. Good luck Man!
Chi townD Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Just keep talking to the new girl that you just want to have fun and see where things go. The RIGHT and HONORABLE thing to do is not to lead this girl on and be open and communicate constantly with her. I think she'll respect you more for it in the end. However, treat this girl right! Let her know that you're enjoying her company. Pay her compliments when they are warranted and treat her like a woman rather than a drinking buddy. 1
Author Headintheclouds Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 @Newyorker2012 Thanks man. I think I've dealt with most of how I will feel already. I mean, I do see her every day but right now it is so minimal that it's like she doesn't exist. I have barely been in the apartment. I have been out late the past few nights and only sleep there. I wake up after she is gone. The ONLY conversation between is is about the move or packing stuff to leave. @chi town d I think I have been handling the situation with the new girl very well. I have been completely honest with her. We've gone on some really great dates in the past week. We also have got pretty ht and heavy a few times. We haven't let it go too far yet, which has been torturous to both of us. We both agreed not to sleep with each other until I am moved into my new place. Right now we are just enjoying each other and our time and its been really awesome so far. I have 2 days left. I move on Saturday. Wish me luck guys, I'm almost out!
Author Headintheclouds Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 Tonight was rough. Really really rough. My ex came home and we just talked normally. We were basically just shooting the sh*t. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then we started fighting about stupid crap. She took most of the dishes and silverware and I know that when we moved in together, we combined everything. This sounds so petty and in reality it is. We just kept going back and forth with it and it started getting sort of aggressive which is so different from anything we ever did. We rarely got I arguments, and if we did they were never aggressive. After this went on for a couple minutes I stood up and went over to her (she was On the bed). I sat down next to her and said wtf are we doing? This is so stupid! This is the last thing that either of us needs right now. I said stop... Just let it go. We both did. I say there next to her and we just looked at each other. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. I said that it's been a long time since we actually spoke about anything. That's when it all started. We had this retrospective talk about our relationship. Where it went wrong. Why she couldn't take it anymore. Why I acted the way I did. She directed a lot at me and said I was miserable which I sort of was. I told her that she did things to make me feel that way. Then I told her that I really didn't know what made me like that because since we broke up I have felt great about myself. I was sad because of what happened between us but I feel so much better about myself now. At one point I started crying which I really haven't done in front of her since the beginning of the breakup. I said unfortunately I wear my heart on my sleeve so I'm sorry that I'm crying right now. She said she doesn't remember me being like that ever. The truth is, I've always been that way but with her I never expressed emotions like that. I really don't know why that is. Anyways, things cooled down. I said listen, this is it. We are approaching our final moment here. I didn't just want to walk away from you and say nothing. Both of us acknowledged that we were glad we talked. She said we can talk more tomorrow if I want. Then... We reached for each other and hugged. Man... I can't explain in words how this felt. We both squeezed each other and held hands. It hurt so bad. She grabbed my hand and was rubbing it. I put my hand on the side of her face and said sleep tight, and walked away. After I walked away I had to walk in the back room. I was literally balling. I was quiet about it but man, It was bad. So. Now I sit here at 2am. She is sleeping. I am still on the verge of crying. I thought this was over. After the talk I don't have much hope for us as a couple in the future. I would really like to keep that hope alive but I don't think she is anywhere near thinking about that. I feel like my mindset has regressed about 2 weeks. I hope I wake up tomorrow and am not feeling like I do right now. Tomorrow I finish packing and getting everything in order. Saturday I move. I'm still looking forward to it, but tonight really really hurt. I never wish this situation upon anyone. This has been the hardest thing I can ever remember doing.
Author Headintheclouds Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 I'm feeling a little better this morning. I keep thinking about what her and I talked about last night. I do wish I handled it differently. When I cried she kept saying that she never meant to hurt me. She kept asking me if I hated her or was mad at her. I just said no. She asked me that question multiple times and I kept saying no. At that moment I didn't feel anger but when I think of it as a whole, I really do. I wish I held it together and just pushed through these last 2 days. The whole thing happened so fast and was almost out of nowhere. I've put on a good show in front of her lately. Living my life and showing confidence, acting like I didn't care, She knew that I was seeing someone and there have been many times where I was out very late. I had a good stage to leave from even though I still hurt inside. I hope I didn't ruin everything with what I did last night. It wasn't a pathetic scene, but it was emotional. I'm sort of beating myself up for it. She said something about talking again tonight. I don't really want to but if it happens I may tell her how I truly feel...the anger side. I should probably just let it go completely...
NewYorker2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 That's a tough one Man...sounds awful. But, hopefully the fact that you were able to talk through things will give you some sort of perspective and closure to the matter. It may not feel that way now, but as you are recovering over the next few weeks and months, I'll bet what happened last night will give you some degree of peace. Not sure how much good it will do to talk again today as it sounds like you've aired what you needed to and at least you have been civil to each other right here at the end. I'd really try to keep things brief the next day or two and maintain that civility. It seems obvious to me that this woman DOES care about you, but it also seems she just isn't feeling the same way in a romantic sense. That sucks, but you can't do anything to change it and all that is left is to leave her seeing you for what you are and hopefully remembering the good in the relationship. You've got another couple of days and at least you won't have to see her and dredge up feelings daily. Hang in there.
Author Headintheclouds Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 Thanks man. I haven't felt much pain in the past week or so. As soon as I sat down next to her last night it was almost inevitable that stuff was going to pour out. I didn't think I had that much left inside me. I feel like if I had left it alone, she would have walked away feeling guilty and that I had a lot of anger towards her. I may have killed those feelings last night and honestly, I wish I didn't. I'd rather her walk away feeling that way. Its almost easier for me to walk away feeling that she feels bad for what she did and I hope I didn't ruin that.
shayla Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 It is good that you had that conversation, even though it probably hurts awfully right now. You have the closure that you need. And you can both get on to the business of living your lives. I have been reading your thread and I have to say that you have made the best of a bad situation with dignity and with class.
Mack05 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 (edited) It is good that you had that conversation, even though it probably hurts awfully right now. You have the closure that you need. And you can both get on to the business of living your lives. I have been reading your thread and I have to say that you have made the best of a bad situation with dignity and with class. Shayla that is EXACTLY what I was going to say. Headintheclouds you are a classy guy with a big kind heart..U keep that up, great things will come your way..Of that I am certain.. Sadly this pain, is something we all have to deal with at some stage in our lives..You are dealing with it very well. Just grieve the relationship when she is finally gone. If I were you, I would tell the new girl you are just not ready. If you continue seeing her, you are just postponing and avoiding dealing with your emotions... In most cases this (avoiding, rebounding, suppressing, etc) comes back to bite you in the ass in future...Think about it. Edited March 30, 2012 by Mack05
Author Headintheclouds Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 Thanks guys. I really appreciate the support One thing that stands out from last night is this... She said she doesn't want to lose me as a friend and hopes that we can hang out in the future. I told her it would be awhile before I could do that. That seems so final to me. All in all, no matter how I've portrayed her I think she is a great girl. I really honestly would love to have a chance with her again somewhere down the line. I guess what I would hope for her to say is that she felt that way too, but I don't want to live with false hope. Maybe these feelings will pass too. I think we both felt something when we hugged last night. It wasnt just a hug. It was probably the most connected I've felt since this breakup happened. She squeezed me and it just felt different. She held my hand and rubbed it as she stared at me. For one moment I felt that there definitely is still some feeling left for me inside her. I didn't want to let go. I dont think she did either.
Author Headintheclouds Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 We moved out today, but I have to back track a bit... Last night she texted me other way home and asked if I would be home when she got home. I said yes and we decided to get take out since we had a ton of packing left to do. The last time we ate together was when the breakup first happened. We went to get sushi that night and barely ate a thing. It was the worst dinner we ever ate together. Neither of us could stomach anything. So when she got home last night I said lets get sushi. We ordered a ton as we always do. I had this bottle of wine that was made by someone in my family. We had it for almost 2 years and had been saving it for a special occasion. I never thought that occasion would be our last meal together. We had a great dinner. We ate it all. We talked and laughed and enjoyed each other as well as the wine. I'm not sure if she saw the irony in all of it as I did, but I think it's pretty obvious. We finished sorting and packing what was left and went to sleep. I stared out the window for awhile. The reality sinks in. This is the last night we would be under this roof together. I went to bed... This morning was hectic. Overall though the move went very smooth. Then it came... The final moment. The final goodbye. Something I had been thinking about so much. We ended up in the back room of our apartment. We both knew this was it. I looked at her and started tearing up. She did a little too. She said that she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. I said that regardless of anything, this whole thing is necessary for both of us. I said that we both need this, and of this didn't happen, nothing would have ever changed. I said, I'm not looking for an answer right now, but I want you to know that I hope that we can revisit this at some point in the future. if anything ever became of us again, it would be very very different. I told her i loved her and she said the same to me. We hugged and squeezed each other for a couple minutes. We walked back into the kitchen together. I helped one of the movers for a second. I turned around to walk out the door for the last time and I grabbed her, and kissed her on the cheek. I put my hand other face and whispered "I love you" and walked away. I could See her tear up as I turned around. I can't make anything of this now. I just have to live my life without any hope of anything ever happening between us. I really truly hope something does. Maybe that feeling will go away. I love her so much. I really feel like we belong together. Despite our differences I think that we could some day make it right. But as I said, we both need this right now to move forward for ourselves. In the next few days there may be some contact as we have a couple monetary things to sort out. After that is done, I plan to go NC. I really dont think she will attempt to contact me anyway, but I think it's what I need to do to move forward. Thank you all for your support through this. I am currently in my new place, In a new neighborhood, and looking forward to this new life.
Author Headintheclouds Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Man...you guys were right. Now that we actually moved, the feelings have been pretty strong. I know that tonight I won't see her, or tomorrow etc. I'll have to contact her soon once I get my security deposit back from my old landlord. I really don't want to contact her. Im thinking of a way to minimize the contact. Maybe I'll just text her about it and ask her for her bank acct number so I can just deposit it. Anyways, being in my new place feels good. I just really really miss her.
NewYorker2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 It sounds like things were left on just about the best terms they could have been. I'm glad to hear you're settling in to the new place and hopefully the feelings will die down a little more as you adjust to the new reality. Stay strong and hang in there. Weekend is just around the corner...get out and enjoy this incredible weather!
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