lost2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I've been married for nearly 6 years to what I thought was a wonderful lady. We had the normal ups and downs, but nothing extreme. About a year and a half ago, I realized that I needed to do some work on my part, as we were growing apart, so I began being more attentive to my wife's emotional needs as well as helping her more with the day to day responsibilities. I scheduled MC and we went probably a dozen times throughout the next 8 months. She took note and we had what I thought was the best marriage. I would get texts from her during the day telling me that I was the best husband she could ever have and it scared her to imagine life without me. We would travel spend time together everything seemed great. We both became active in Church and put God first in our lives. However, during the holidays she started growing distant and being secretive with her phone. I found that she was receiving many texts but she had her phone password protected and her account is seperate from mine so I couldn't access them. I played it cool and began observing and discovered that she was seeing her exhusband (who is also married with children). My wife has two children from when they were married. I was able to confront her about the affair, which she admitted, but he had broke it off from her and she was willing to reconcille. I thought we had turned the corner as she seemed to be close with me again. A few weeks ago we were talking and she told me that she has strong feelings for EX and needed some space. This made me feels as if she stabbed me with a knife. Needless to say she withdrew from me and the texting started back. To make a long story short she now wants a divorce from me but says she wants to leave the door open. We have no kids together and I have until next week to get moved out. This all happened at the end of February. I have lost about 30lbs and did all the wrong things, begging, pleading, and just feeling as low as one can feel. She made the statement that she deserves to be happy. After much thought I told she is right and that I would never wants to make someone miserable. Overall I have excepted that she wants to get back with her EX, but it still really hurts. She divorced him because he ran around on her. She told me that she thinks he matured as their marriage had ended 10 years ago when they were both young late 20's. I told her that he's really matured, running around on his wife with my wife. I feel so betrayed!! and what about her wanting to leave the door open?
sLiPpeTh Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 So there are no children you'd be on the hook for? Count yourself lucky. Focus on taking back your own power; let her go and with good riddence.
plowguy1 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Dude, I feel for you, but it's a lost cause. she want's the guy that other women want. It's what they all want. if you're not that guy, forget it. like you I did everything wrong, the pleading, reasoning etc. The sad truth is she, and many other women would rather have a cheater or abuser back than have a guy like us. We push them away. If you could find it within you to act aloof, and possibly start garnering some female attention, she (might) change her mind. If you're like me though that's asking A LOT. when your world is falling apart, that is next to impossible. It's like a market really, and his stock is high for whatever reason. women for the most part are not logical. add in the crap they watch on tv etc. nowdays,. plus the fact that everybody's doing it. and you have the mess that is marriage in America. I'm still trying to make sense of what happened 2.5 yrs later, I don't think I ever will
Author lost2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Well I decided I wasn't going to move out, but she threatened to do something I would "regret". I have a job in law enforcement and I couldn't risk her making something up to have me removed from the house as it could have a negative impact on my job, but that did it for me. The love and commitment is now gone. I have moved out and moving on. Gonna have to pick up the pieces and take a few years to recoup all the costs (emotional, financial), but the last few days I've reflected on all this. I made my mistakes in the marriage and could have been a better husband; however, even when we had our downs, I never looked at cheating as an option. The simple facts are sometimes right in front of us, but the tunnel vision caused by love and emotion can be a big obstacle. Yes, I still have my sad moments, usually in the morning. Marriage is the union of two and I had a hard time pulling myself back out of the us that was no longer there. I think that is something that many here on LS need to remember. When you have a WS there is no longer an us, because the WS is not there anymore and if the BS doesn't adjust to this, their gonna suffer alot of pain and make mistakes on how to handle the situation. In my case the STBX and OM now can have each other without the secrecy. They are both cheaters and now it will be interesting to see how their relationship works out. I must admit, I think about the two of them with their I phones and wonder, how long before they start worrying about who is texting who. What a mess!
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