Why Did he do this for?

[Emmii]

Rootless it sounds to me that she's been hurt in the past and that's why she's behaving like this. Causing pain to others as she doesn't know how to deal with it and so she's on a path of self destruction. The difference between my ex and your ex is that his deeply regretting in actions. The fact I turned him down hasn't help as he feels like I'm the one that got away. He had made plans about our future. Sad thing is his brought the house he wanted me to move in to. His made sure that he has to go pass my house everyday. Before he would just drive up and down my rd.My rd didn't cross his way to his house. He did this for many yrs and even told me that my brother had brought a house around the corner.

[BewitchedandBothered]

This is EXACTLY why I don't contact her.

 

I found out the hard way that she's one of those people who confuses newness and lust for love. And similarly confuses comfortability and commitment for apathy and disinterest.

 

Unless she's in the "discovery" phase of the relationship, where everything is exciting and fresh, she bails. As soon as things cool off and the reality of true intimacy and partnership kicks in, she freaks out and rabbits.

 

And as much it breaks my heart to say so-- and it genuinely does; I love this woman -- I don't think it's going to be any different with this new guy.

Particularly since it's so soon after her and I's relationship. (2 years... And we had talked about marriage and kids extensively)

 

I honestly feel incredibly sad for her, because I'm afraid she'll never be able to sustain a deep, lasting relationship. And as hurt as I am, that's what I want for her.

 

 

Rootless, it's been about a year and half since being dumped ---twice he texted to see how I was--part of it was to really find out why 2 people blocked him and figured I was behind it--anything that went wrong was my fault in his eyes. I am willing to wager that if he gets a hemorrhoid, he will text me and ask why I did that to him, but I digress. I was hurting in a bad way those times he texted and therefore ignored him. No response. But....shortly after dumping me he sent me an email asking how I was. I told him to keep his spoon out of my bowl;his life is not my fault and my life is none of his business.

 

In your case, you say 2 years since your breakup. I figured a year is reasonable for a dumper to move on being that they were using us to get over us toward the end and moved on already in some ways. That's just how I figure it... My ex was on at least 5 dating sites while we were still together that I recall--I was not supposed to know that, but the ex wife shared it with me. When I confronted him about it, he became verbally abusive and said some cruel horrific things. when you meet him initially, he comes off as quiet and kind, peaceful. he is a Jeckyll/Hyde.

 

From what I gather, he met a few off those sites and dated, but made no real connection until around December/January. About a month or so ago is when someone told me he has a g/f and looks like it's been since January. He does move fast, but he will take anyone===meaning, he kept telling me how lonely he was and he's getting 'up there'--he is only 44. He said he needs someone who is always going to be there. He used to say how he missed that second income, so I am more than sure that's what he was lonely for, LOL. But...seeing that infamous picture I posted about, bothered me because she is attractive, is a successful veterinarian, is well traveled and cultured.

 

I can't read a map and enjoy using the GPS, I didn't start driving till I was 31 and haven't been anywhere notable. Does Myrtle Beach count? LOL. But at that time I thought he will never find better. I guess he did.

[Emmii]

I'm not in the slightest bit interested in how his wife looks like and what she does. It bothers him not knowing what I'm up to. My mutual friend has been invited over to his place. Since I found out about this I've kept my distance from her too. As she's been asking me alot of personal questions. I'm a guarded person. She tried her best to get information out of me and got nothing. As I know it's for his benefit.

[rootless]

Rootless, it's been about a year and half since being dumped ---twice he texted to see how I was--part of it was to really find out why 2 people blocked him and figured I was behind it--anything that went wrong was my fault in his eyes. I am willing to wager that if he gets a hemorrhoid, he will text me and ask why I did that to him, but I digress. I was hurting in a bad way those times he texted and therefore ignored him. No response. But....shortly after dumping me he sent me an email asking how I was. I told him to keep his spoon out of my bowl;his life is not my fault and my life is none of his business.

 

In your case, you say 2 years since your breakup. I figured a year is reasonable for a dumper to move on being that they were using us to get over us toward the end and moved on already in some ways. That's just how I figure it... My ex was on at least 5 dating sites while we were still together that I recall--I was not supposed to know that, but the ex wife shared it with me. When I confronted him about it, he became verbally abusive and said some cruel horrific things. when you meet him initially, he comes off as quiet and kind, peaceful. he is a Jeckyll/Hyde.

 

From what I gather, he met a few off those sites and dated, but made no real connection until around December/January. About a month or so ago is when someone told me he has a g/f and looks like it's been since January. He does move fast, but he will take anyone===meaning, he kept telling me how lonely he was and he's getting 'up there'--he is only 44. He said he needs someone who is always going to be there. He used to say how he missed that second income, so I am more than sure that's what he was lonely for, LOL. But...seeing that infamous picture I posted about, bothered me because she is attractive, is a successful veterinarian, is well traveled and cultured.

 

I can't read a map and enjoy using the GPS, I didn't start driving till I was 31 and haven't been anywhere notable. Does Myrtle Beach count? LOL. But at that time I thought he will never find better. I guess he did.

 

My ex and I were together for two years, and it's just slightly over a year since we split up.

 

Part of my uneasy reaction to her looking in on me is how relatively sudden her engagement is. I had maintained strict, hard-core NC, so I wasn't even aware she had been dating. It was a pretty big shock to the system when I found out, 'cause I literally knew nothing about what she'd been doing with her life, beyond bothering me occasionally.

 

I dunno-- my ex is ridiculously attractive, so I had no illusions about being the only guy she could ever charm. And while I was with her, I felt profoundly lucky. But now that I have some perspective, and I realize that there was a lot I was unhappy about in the relationship.

 

It's all just frustrating, because I was lobbying pretty hard to get us enrolled in couple's counseling before we split up. I knew she had avoidance issues, and yes, she had been deeply hurt in the past, but i thought they could be addressed. I truly wanted to make it work.

 

She agreed to go, and said it was a good idea, but reneged and dumped me shortly thereafter, in a spectacularly lazy and unfeeling fashion.

 

After that, I said enough is enough and cut off all contact-- only speaking to her once, as I said-- more or less to tell her I loved her, and wished her well, but her behavior stunk, and I wanted her to stay away from me.

 

Initially, the rejection left me with terrible self-esteem, but I worked my ass off, made some *major* life and career changes and was generally kicking butt. I opened my own design business, and within a month and a half, was earning more, and working with better clients than I had at my 6-year creative director position. Two weeks after leaving my job, I released a short film that's been viewed 100,000 times, and landed several high-profile gigs as a result.

 

I was finally starting to feel like I had my mojo back.

I was finally starting to feel legitimately happy-- not just a post-breakup survivor.

 

And then, WHAM!

 

Guess what?

My ex is spying on me, and she just got enagaged!

Less than a year after she looked me in the eye and said she wanted to marry me.

 

Between that, and my career switch, it was a lot of change to absorb all at once.

 

It's been a rough couple of months.

[rootless]

I'm not in the slightest bit interested in how his wife looks like and what she does. It bothers him not knowing what I'm up to. My mutual friend has been invited over to his place. Since I found out about this I've kept my distance from her too. As she's been asking me alot of personal questions. I'm a guarded person. She tried her best to get information out of me and got nothing. As I know it's for his benefit.

 

I'm the same way.

I take pretty substantial measures to prevent myself from knowing anything about her life.

 

I have NO idea who she's marrying.

Nor do I want to.

 

I just want to get over it, and move forward with my life.

[rootless]

I thought he will never find better. I guess he did.

 

Bewitched-- there's no truth to that at all.

He didn't find "better".

He found different.

 

And who's to say what that relationship looks like from the inside?

 

It could be a complete shambles.

 

As for traveling-- you can drag a sock monkey all over the world; it's still a sock monkey.

 

Conversely, if Albert Einstein never left his bathroom, he'd still be a genius.

 

It's not about where you go, or how often-- it's about what you bring to, and take away from the experience.

 

I know amazing people who have never been outside of their hometown, and I know some unbearable douchebags with full passports.

Edited March 19, 2012 by rootless

[BewitchedandBothered]

Bewitched-- there's no truth to that at all.

He didn't find "better".

He found different.

 

And who's to say what that relationship looks like from the inside?

 

It could be a complete shambles.

 

As for traveling-- you can drag a sock monkey all over the world; it's still a sock monkey.

 

Conversely, if Albert Einstein never left his bathroom, he'd still be a genius.

 

It's not about where you go, or how often-- it's about what you bring to, and take away from the experience.

 

I know amazing people who have never been outside of their hometown, and I know some unbearable douchebags with full passports.

 

My dear Rootless:) Again, you have this way with words that brings a happy smile to my face:) I am chuckling and feeling better:) I needed to hear that; I have good and bad days---mostly good since some time has passed, but...the way he treated me was unspeakable. the things he has told others about me and i could not defend myself--some just took his word for it. And knowing full well he has told this new girl terrible things about me (he told me all bad things about all his exes), while lifting her on a pedestal makes me want to toss my cookies. Just this past week, I was told that he is asking people if they are still friends with me, if so, why am I not blocked, etc. I don't understand this, why is he asking people this a year and a half later---its' not enough that he blocked me numerous times and then finally year and a half ago. Blocked me like I was a nobody and moved on. I don't think I could do that to a person, just do that like it was nothing.

 

Thanks yet again for reeling me in:)

Edited March 19, 2012 by BewitchedandBothered

[rootless]

Any time.

 

This will cheer you up.

A former coworker of mine just spent four weeks touring Europe, and every single picture she posted is of her, sweating and looking like she's about to projectile vomit, in a bar.

 

Every. Picture.

 

And I have another friend who took a snapshot with his stupid cellphone of one of the most heartstopping sunsets I've ever seen. From an Arby's parking lot.

 

It's the person. Not the location.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Any time.

 

This will cheer you up.

A former coworker of mine just spent four weeks touring Europe, and every single picture she posted is of her, sweating and looking like she's about to projectile vomit, in a bar.

 

Every. Picture.

 

And I have another friend who took a snapshot with his stupid cellphone of one of the most heartstopping sunsets I've ever seen. From an Arby's parking lot.

 

It's the person. Not the location.

Thank you; I just hope she's not all that spectacular and that she's just like the rest of his exes, LOL; shhhh...Stop that, Ego;)

[nature]

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Nature we were together for 5 yrs. I wastotally heart broken. It's taken me yrs to trust again. I saw him 4 yrs ago andI got the closure I wanted on why he cheated on me. He told me why cuz he wasjealous of my male friends and felt insecure. When i saw him last He would sendme loved up texts everyday. I'd bumped into him a few times on a night outwhere he would tell all my friends he made a mistake and that he still loves meand wants to try again.

Emmii, your ex has obviously never gotten over you. He had grass is greener symptom while with you as the honeymoon period was over and you two were in your 5th year together. That is why he cheated, as well as being insecure about your male friends. But after breaking up, he's never been able to recapture that same love he had with you. Even marrying a woman after knowing her only a few months. Very silly. He obviously still has a piece of his heart stuck on you and is interested in you and knowing what you are up to. Even tho he's made a choice to marry someone new, he still has not forgiven himself for cheating on you and losing you. Which is why he can't 100% move on. How sad he did that to you. I'm so sorry .But in some ways, you can see now that he is the one who is paying for it. In that he knows what he did and will probably regret it forever. Whereas you have been able to move on.

Bewitched, Rootless is absolutely correct in everything he said to you. But I understand how you've been feeling. I have done the same. Compared myself to the new girl, convinced myself she's better than me. That was a few years ago when my self esteem was lower. Now that I know more about her I think he settled cuz she's easy. Things arent' always as they seem on the outside. Just wait. Time will tell. Sending you hugs.

Rootless, you have an amazing way with thoughts and words. Everything you have said to Bewitched is so wise. I am sorry to hear about your ex. However, to only be split up for a year and she's already engaged to someone new? I can already see the writing on the wall. There is an old saying that it takes 8 seasons to really get to know someone. With 4 seasons a year, that is two years. She does not really know this person yet. She is marrying him after only really knowing the honeymoon phase. I can see how you were totally caught off guard and it stung hearing she was engaged only a year after. My ex and I were together almost 4 years and engaged to be married. He got cold feet, started running around like a goon, acting like he was 19 years old again. We had been so close and in love and best friends, and had such passion for each other. But he messed it up and pushed me away and ultimately said he didn't want to get married anymore or have kids. He said he just wanted to be free and single and never settle down or have kids. 8 months later I went to a restaurant/pub I go to often with friends, and we were just having wine and chatting, when my ex walked in with this girl and sat down at the table RIGHT BESIDE US. 2 feet away from me. My stomach was in my throat. He saw me. She was rubbing his arm and hand, and they were leaning in close to each other. It was the worst experience of my life. They are still together 2.5 years later. And she has 2 kids. So he went from wanting to be single and free with no kids ever, to a relationshipo with a woman with kids. Kick in the stomach for me. I just posted on here about it because he's made contact with me recently, if you are curious to know someone (me) who has been thru what you are

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/317857-heard-my-ex-again-time-phone-call

[BewitchedandBothered]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]

Nature we were together for 5 yrs. I wastotally heart broken. It's taken me yrs to trust again. I saw him 4 yrs ago andI got the closure I wanted on why he cheated on me. He told me why cuz he wasjealous of my male friends and felt insecure. When i saw him last He would sendme loved up texts everyday. I'd bumped into him a few times on a night outwhere he would tell all my friends he made a mistake and that he still loves meand wants to try again.

Emmii, your ex has obviously never gotten over you. He had grass is greener symptom while with you as the honeymoon period was over and you two were in your 5th year together. That is why he cheated, as well as being insecure about your male friends. But after breaking up, he's never been able to recapture that same love he had with you. Even marrying a woman after knowing her only a few months. Very silly. He obviously still has a piece of his heart stuck on you and is interested in you and knowing what you are up to. Even tho he's made a choice to marry someone new, he still has not forgiven himself for cheating on you and losing you. Which is why he can't 100% move on. How sad he did that to you. I'm so sorry .But in some ways, you can see now that he is the one who is paying for it. In that he knows what he did and will probably regret it forever. Whereas you have been able to move on.

Bewitched, Rootless is absolutely correct in everything he said to you. But I understand how you've been feeling. I have done the same. Compared myself to the new girl, convinced myself she's better than me. That was a few years ago when my self esteem was lower. Now that I know more about her I think he settled cuz she's easy. Things arent' always as they seem on the outside. Just wait. Time will tell. Sending you hugs.

Rootless, you have an amazing way with thoughts and words. Everything you have said to Bewitched is so wise. I am sorry to hear about your ex. However, to only be split up for a year and she's already engaged to someone new? I can already see the writing on the wall. There is an old saying that it takes 8 seasons to really get to know someone. With 4 seasons a year, that is two years. She does not really know this person yet. She is marrying him after only really knowing the honeymoon phase. I can see how you were totally caught off guard and it stung hearing she was engaged only a year after. My ex and I were together almost 4 years and engaged to be married. He got cold feet, started running around like a goon, acting like he was 19 years old again. We had been so close and in love and best friends, and had such passion for each other. But he messed it up and pushed me away and ultimately said he didn't want to get married anymore or have kids. He said he just wanted to be free and single and never settle down or have kids. 8 months later I went to a restaurant/pub I go to often with friends, and we were just having wine and chatting, when my ex walked in with this girl and sat down at the table RIGHT BESIDE US. 2 feet away from me. My stomach was in my throat. He saw me. She was rubbing his arm and hand, and they were leaning in close to each other. It was the worst experience of my life. They are still together 2.5 years later. And she has 2 kids. So he went from wanting to be single and free with no kids ever, to a relationshipo with a woman with kids. Kick in the stomach for me. I just posted on here about it because he's made contact with me recently, if you are curious to know someone (me) who has been thru what you are

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/317857-heard-my-ex-again-time-phone-call

 

((((HUGS)))) Back, Nature:)

[Emmii]

Nature you're so right. After reading your msg it's quite sad to think that his in that position. When we broke up I wanted him to feel pain like he had never felt before. Time being a healer I moved on from that emotion and wanted him to be happy after all we did share 5 years together and there's no need to hate as it won't make me a better person.

I do feel for him. I never thought that a person who had cheated on someone could still carry strong feelings after all this time. Thank you so much for your msg. He screwed up big time. Very sad! His feeling the pain now. Karma!