eleanorhurting Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 This thread started based on a question asked in Kaylan's thread. I did not want to hijack it so here it goes: To me a "creeper" is someone who seems very nice at first. But when you give out your number/information they become very pushy. I then always say "hey this guy seems very interested so I should at least get to know him" but then the reason why they are single becomes apparent. I think this word is offensive and I am going to refrain from using it anymore. I am sorry if I used it in your thread Kaylan. 1- The ballet/hippie/actor guy- when i met this guy he would call me almost everyday. Nice at first, but it raised a flag with me after a while. Why would someone be so insistent when I never initiated it and before we ever even went on one date? One time I did not pick up and he got upset that I didn't pick up. He was very insistent and very possessive when we were not even dating exclusively. We had never even as much as shared a kiss and I had told him that i wanted to get to know him as friends and he was already getting jealous if i hung out with my guy friends. He would also get very affectionate in public, specially in front of people (like if i invited him out with my friends he would try to hold my hands in front of them and things like that when we had not even kissed). Then a bunch of weird things about him started popping up: he told me he was 29 but he was really 33, he was trying to be an "actor" but he had no real back-up plan and lived with his parents, he lied to me about his name, and he started telling me these strange ideas about me having a purple aura and about the lamp that I use to study giving him radiation and about me being an indigo child. He also asked me if I slept with the person that I dated before and "how many times?". Oh and also when I had him on facebook he would like every status, every picture and he would look at everything and ask me about everything, every friend who posted, every thing! 2- The pot guy- I met this guy one time i was bored at a party that my friends were supposed to be at but ditched and we started talking. He seemed nice and i actually gave him my number. That was thursday. Next monday, he called me and asked me to dinner but when I said i could not because i had to study. He took food to my apartment. That was sweet. We talked and he tried to make out with me (which i did not let him because I told him I like to get to know people first) but we flirted and told me his "thing" needed a check-up from a doctor. I know he said it as a joke but I felt it was a little out of place. This is probably when I should have walked away, but I did not. 2 days later he called me to see what I was up to and when I sad I was at the library, he brought me food to the library and asked me to go with him to meet his sister. When we were on our way to the bar where his sister was (it was her birthday), he warned me not to tell his sister about where he lives because he has been keeping the fact that he bought a house a secret from his whole family because of some "money issues". i thought that was extremely weird. Why would you lie to your family about having a house? He told me his whole family thinks he is rooming with a college buddy. That friday he asked me out to dinner and it turned out to be to a very, very expensive restaurant. While i was flattered, I felt was not appropriate for someone you met a week before. The bill was like $150. I felt uncomfortable. On the way there his car smelled like pot and I asked him if he smoked and he said yes that he smokes regularly with his guy friends at least one a week. This guy is 33. I started a thread on this once and i guess it is everyone's personal opinion but to me smoking pot regularly at 33 is just... off. And more when you are lying to your family about some "money" issue. After the dinner he walked me to my door and started trying to kiss me but at this point I just had lost all interest between the whole lying to his family thing and the pot thing and the fact that he took me to such an expensive restaurant so soon. The next day he called me to invite me to a party his family was hosting so I could meet his parents but I felt this was too much too soon and I declined and never saw him again. He calls me a few times after to ask me out but I always politely declined.
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 I guess you guys are right maybe I do consider creeps people who are below my standards That does not mean they are bad people just... not what I want.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 The people you describe here sound kind of weird. I would hope they are below your standards, but that's not why they're creepy. In my experience, "creepy" has always been a euphemism for "awkward". Which is why the term gets a bad rep.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 There is a fine line between pushy and aggressive... and often that line is different for each woman. Creepers are the guys you find in the bushes outside your window with a pair of binoculars. Let's keep that particular label where it belongs. 2
SmileFace Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Creeper is just a new age word for stalker. Which has been shaked down and misused just to mean someone you are not interested in. 3
Taramere Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I think a lot of the time people will just use "creepy" to define anybody they feel awkward/ill at ease around. Often people who fail to pick up on social cues and respect others' boundaries.....but some people are just very easily "creeped out". Probably each and every one of us (females too) has creeped somebody else out at some point. My sister-in-law used to forever be going on about my parents' nearest neighbour creeping her out. It annoyed me, as this was a harmless old lady who was quite lonely and vulnerable after her husband died. I don't know what my SIL's problem with her was, but whenever the woman's name was mentioned she would shudder and say "ugh...she creeps me out." I'm sure the old lady would have been horribly upset if she'd known. 2
hotloader Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 That friday he asked me out to dinner and it turned out to be to a very, very expensive restaurant. While i was flattered, I felt was not appropriate for someone you met a week before. The bill was like $150. I felt uncomfortable. On the way there his car smelled like pot and I asked him if he smoked and he said yes that he smokes regularly with his guy friends at least one a week. This guy is 33. This is interesting to hear from a woman's perspective. The guy you described sounds a lot like me. I wouldn't think twice about dropping $150 on a night out. That's nothing to me, because I make well into the six figures and I'm single, so I wouldn't give it a second though. Think about all the crap that you single women have to spend your money on: Makeup, Victoria's Secret crap, fancy clothes and trips to the salon, etc. The list is endless. Me on the other hand, I'm lucky if I spend $150 on myself in a given month. I cut my own hair, and my wardrobe consists of a bunch of t-shirts and jeans. I wear either Van's slip ons or Chuck Taylors, and I'm lucky if I've got to re-buy a pair of those once a year. There's a LOT left over. You shouldn't have been taken aback by this fella spending $150 on a nice dinner. Would you have been aghast if he would have taken you to the Olive Garden? I don't see what the problem is. The guy seemed really into you, and you ditched him because he likes weed (as do a lot of people) and he's chivalrous and likes to spend money? He was probably just making weird nervous conversation when he was telling you about the house he bought.
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 This is interesting to hear from a woman's perspective. The guy you described sounds a lot like me. I wouldn't think twice about dropping $150 on a night out. That's nothing to me, because I make well into the six figures and I'm single, so I wouldn't give it a second though. Think about all the crap that you single women have to spend your money on: Makeup, Victoria's Secret crap, fancy clothes and trips to the salon, etc. The list is endless. Me on the other hand, I'm lucky if I spend $150 on myself in a given month. I cut my own hair, and my wardrobe consists of a bunch of t-shirts and jeans. I wear either Van's slip ons or Chuck Taylors, and I'm lucky if I've got to re-buy a pair of those once a year. There's a LOT left over. You shouldn't have been taken aback by this fella spending $150 on a nice dinner. Would you have been aghast if he would have taken you to the Olive Garden? I don't see what the problem is. The guy seemed really into you, and you ditched him because he likes weed (as do a lot of people) and he's chivalrous and likes to spend money? He was probably just making weird nervous conversation when he was telling you about the house he bought. maybe you are right. Maybe I should give him another chance. I have thought that maybe I dismissed him too soon. But I really really really don't like pot so maybe I should not as it would be an issue eventually. And you really don't think its weird that someone keep something big like buying a house from their family?
ScreamingTrees Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 So, uh, a guy who is persistent on following up soon after is a creeper? How long should a guy wait after getting a girl's number before it's considered non-creepy or un-desperate? Should I wait a few days afterwards? Does the fact that I don't fit either of OP's creepers change the waiting time? lol
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 oh and this guy does not make into the triple digits. he told me he makes around 25,000 a year (i dont know why he would tell me that). That does not sound like a lot... specially when you just bought a house... to be throwing $150 dinners around like that. maybe? I don't know.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 oh and this guy does not make into the triple digits. he told me he makes around 25,000 a year (i dont know why he would tell me that). That does not sound like a lot... specially when you just bought a house... to be throwing $150 dinners around like that. maybe? I don't know. Maybe that's 25,000 on the up and up, and he makes more "off the grid" so to speak.
Lobouspo Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Good job OP of seeing the red flags on these guys. The thing about hiding his living situation is off, and if he is lying about that to his family, God knows what he would lie to you about. At worst they are both creepers, at best clingy losers. Either way, couple bullets dodged.
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 So, uh, a guy who is persistent on following up soon after is a creeper? How long should a guy wait after getting a girl's number before it's considered non-creepy or un-desperate? Should I wait a few days afterwards? Does the fact that I don't fit either of OP's creepers change the waiting time? lol maybe i am easily creeped out No i think you should follow up soon like 1-2 days. And by phone! not text... The part where it becomes clingy/creepy is when after that follow up you start calling/inviting me places that same week almost everyday. It just seems desperate. I mean how can you be so interested when you barely know me? It makes me feel like you are just desperate for anyone. Maybe space it out. Like if after that monday he would have called me wednesday to ask me out to dinner on friday and the whole mess about him lying to his family would have been left out, then I would have definitely gone out with him. 1
ScreamingTrees Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 maybe i am easily creeped out No i think you should follow up soon like 1-2 days. And by phone! not text... The part where it becomes clingy/creepy is when after that follow up you start calling/inviting me places that same week almost everyday. It just seems desperate. I mean how can you be so interested when you barely know me? It makes me feel like you are just desperate for anyone. Maybe space it out. Like if after that monday he would have called me wednesday to ask me out to dinner on friday and the whole mess about him lying to his family would have been left out, then I would have definitely gone out with him. Point taken. Sounds reasonable.
kaylan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 lets simplify all this bull shall we. creeper = unattractive woman or man who is trying to get with me. Simple. /thread 1
Professor X Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 lets simplify all this bull shall we. creeper = unattractive woman or man who is trying to get with me. Simple. /thread Sad but true as the great Metallica once said, to many people think that way. @ Elean, the 2 guys you described aren't creepy, atleast not to my understanding. The first guy is pushy, ye, but that's about it. 2nd guy is shady at best, but still, did nothing wrong. And if he has issues with his family, it's HIS issues, not yours, so if he chooses to keep some stuff hidden, you haven't got the right to hold it against him. 1
kaylan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) maybe i am easily creeped out No i think you should follow up soon like 1-2 days. And by phone! not text... The part where it becomes clingy/creepy is when after that follow up you start calling/inviting me places that same week almost everyday. It just seems desperate. I mean how can you be so interested when you barely know me? It makes me feel like you are just desperate for anyone. Maybe space it out. Like if after that monday he would have called me wednesday to ask me out to dinner on friday and the whole mess about him lying to his family would have been left out, then I would have definitely gone out with him. Solution: move to NY and date kaylan. Problem sizzolved lolz Edited March 18, 2012 by kaylan
FitChick Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Pot smoker: maybe his family is always asking him for money or maybe he owes them money. If he doesn't earn much, perhaps he is financially irresponsible. What disturbed me more about him was that you just met him and hadn't even dated yet he knew where you lived because he brought you food. In both these cases it sounds like you let things drag on far longer than you felt comfortable with, perhaps not to hurt their feelings? Women tend to do that and wind up assaulted when they ignore their intuition about someone. Why don't you get their number first and you call them first when you've had a chance to think about it for a day or two after meeting them? It's also a good strategy to use on a guy you know you would never date and makes them feel less rejected immediately.
dasein Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 IME, when applied to men, "creeper," means: 1. Guy who is really creepy, criminal, unstable vibes (~10%) 2. Guy who is totally incompetent in building attraction and seducing women. (~20%) 3. "Guy who is less attractive than I think I rate who had the nerve to speak to me or ask me out, who I can use to brag among my GFs about my general level of attention from men without really being branded as a braggart. Best of both worlds, GFs get message that I am attractive to men, I don't come off haughty." (~70%) Good on OP for swearing off use of the insulting term. 1
Hetzer Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 From what you are writing, you sound like you move around in a social circle of high-rollers, people who come from wealthy homes where they are used to getting what they want when they want it.
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Pot smoker: maybe his family is always asking him for money or maybe he owes them money. If he doesn't earn much, perhaps he is financially irresponsible. What disturbed me more about him was that you just met him and hadn't even dated yet he knew where you lived because he brought you food. In both these cases it sounds like you let things drag on far longer than you felt comfortable with, perhaps not to hurt their feelings? Women tend to do that and wind up assaulted when they ignore their intuition about someone. Why don't you get their number first and you call them first when you've had a chance to think about it for a day or two after meeting them? It's also a good strategy to use on a guy you know you would never date and makes them feel less rejected immediately. This is a good idea. You are right. I should not have let it get that far. You are right about the financially irresponsible part. Maybe I should not have called him the term because of this but, is it too picky to think this is an undesirable quality in someone I want to date? And the first guy was pushy yes but what really made it a deal breaker at the end was the fact that he lied to me for 2 months about being 33 and only admitted to it when I confronted him.
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 From what you are writing, you sound like you move around in a social circle of high-rollers, people who come from wealthy homes where they are used to getting what they want when they want it. You have no idea I want someone who is either in school or working hard to get where they want to be.
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 IME, when applied to men, "creeper," means: Good on OP for swearing off use of the insulting term. Definitely! Will not use again. 1
johan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Creep is a good term for someone who you suspect is so selfish and/or oblivious that your personal boundaries and maybe even your safety is at risk. Their mannerisms make you feel uneasy, and they invade your space uninvited at times that aren't appropriate. Their actions leave you wondering what is next and almost totally convinced you don't want any part of it. And on top of that you know that they don't like to take "no" for an answer. They may have good intentions, but who cares? They can have their good intentions somewhere else. Guys who are too sensitive to the term tend to have fragile egos. Pretty much every guy is going to come off a little creepy to some woman during his single life. 1
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Creep is a good term for someone who you suspect is so selfish and/or oblivious that your personal boundaries and maybe even your safety is at risk. Their mannerisms make you feel uneasy, and they invade your space uninvited at times that aren't appropriate. Their actions leave you wondering what is next and almost totally convinced you don't want any part of it. And on top of that you know that they don't like to take "no" for an answer. They may have good intentions, but who cares? They can have their good intentions somewhere else. Guys who are too sensitive to the term tend to have fragile egos. Pretty much every guy is going to come off a little creepy to some woman during his single life. And I'm sure i have come off as creepy to guys too at some point
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