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Can I text hi

redrose123

By redrose123
in Coping

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redrose123 Established Member

redrose123

Posted
Posted (edited)

Should I text my ex and ask him to meet up? He hasnt contacted me in 4 weeks and he avoids me at work. It's killing me because I just want closure and want to ask him if we can at least be civil at work. We never had a proper goodbye either. My family thinks I will come off as desperate and it would be a mistake. A part of me is unsure if he would even text me back and if he didn't I know I'd be

crushed. I just can't get him off my mind and it's killing me.

Edited by redrose123
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MarlaOryx Member

MarlaOryx

Posted
Posted

No. Don't text him. Not yet.

 

Think how you will feel if you reach out and break NC, having to start the count from day 1 again.

 

Closure is something that's sometimes elusive. No matter what, we don't get the answers we want or any that make sense. Sometimes we just have to accept that there are no answers. We'll never understand why.

 

Not a fan of Dr. Phil, but he has some useful things to say on breakups and closure.

Minimal Effective Response

Letting Go of Love

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

No don't text him. I'm going to be blunt, but I say this with respect - He doesn't want to hear from you.. If he did, he would have contacted you by now. It's been four weeks - He is doing NC because it's what he wants. You need to respect that and try to let go, make your own closure. For whatever reason (I don't know your situation) your relationship ended and NC was implemented for a reason. He has the right to not want to hear from you.

 

I understand you're hurting, you miss him and feel like there was no formal goodbye or talk for closure.. That's tough but it's just the way it is.

 

If you contact him and he ignores you, or replies back telling you off or is rude, HOW are you going to feel then? There are no new hurts right now, only wounds that need to heal. You reach out and contacting him = new fresh wounds for you to deal with, and that's going to hurt!

 

Think to yourself, he doesn't want to hear from me so why would i contact him? I'll be feeding his ego if I contact him!!

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MarlaOryx Member

MarlaOryx

Posted
Posted

Good point about feeding his ego. That's the last thing I want to do.

  • Like 1
BewitchedandBothered Established Member

BewitchedandBothered

Posted
Posted
Should I text my ex and ask him to meet up? He hasnt contacted me in 4 weeks and he avoids me at work. It's killing me because I just want closure and want to ask him if we can at least be civil at work. We never had a proper goodbye either. My family thinks I will come off as desperate and it would be a mistake. A part of me is unsure if he would even text me back and if he didn't I know I'd be

crushed. I just can't get him off my mind and it's killing me.

 

Why doesn't he text you 'hi'??? There is a reason he has not contacted you; it's over. There is your closure. Listen to you family; they are right. It will make you feel miserable when the convo is done and you will be left to wonder. Don't look for closure from your ex; you won't get it. Please do not text; let him come to you.

  • Like 1
mississippimom Member

mississippimom

Posted
Posted
Should I text my ex and ask him to meet up? He hasnt contacted me in 4 weeks and he avoids me at work. It's killing me because I just want closure and want to ask him if we can at least be civil at work. We never had a proper goodbye either. My family thinks I will come off as desperate and it would be a mistake. A part of me is unsure if he would even text me back and if he didn't I know I'd be

crushed. I just can't get him off my mind and it's killing me.

 

Stay strong. All last week I had gotten a couple of texts from my exbf after an 'disagreement' we had last Sunday and all last week I avoided him, ignored his calls, his texts for 5 days, on the 5th day, I was getting tired of being bugged about my jewelry that he obviously have "forgotten" that I got it all when I moved out last summer....etc...etc.

 

When we talked Friday, I was calm and collected. I was skeptical bout talking to him as he is still obviously upset about our breakup. He has a new gf now and I'm also in a relationship as well. I never brought up his gf or wanted to know anything of what is going on in his life, HOWEVER, he kept bringing up "us" and asking about the new bf, who is moving here in 3 weeks.....The exbf is obviously still "hurt" and I have tried everything to get him to understand that he has to FORGIVE and LET IT GO.

 

This is why I say STAY STRONG. Because just when I thought I was being "strong" and I was for those 5 days, I feel like I am right back to square 1 of NC. When we talked Friday, we didn't get to finish as we were both working so then I'm like, "if you wanna finish this, holler back", deep down inside, I knew he wouldn't, and I was okay with that.

 

As for him avoiding you at work, eh....he has to learn to keep your working relationship seperate from personal. Don't break the NC or you'll end up being right back at square one. Most of us have broken the "NC rule" plenty of times, we are all not perfect. But most of us can say that it shifts us right back to square one. It's our exes that contact us that keeps us from moving forward.

 

Now I feel like the ex and I still have "unfinished" business left over from Friday and I'm right back to squre one of NC. The reason why I broke my NC rule, is because he was like "why don't you want to talk to me, it's like you don't want to talk to me"......I explained that it was too painful and it is, regardless of the facts that I've moved on (trying to) but he hasn't been able to.

 

Don't break the NC rule, you will be amazed on how STRONG each day you will become. Find something else to distract you from picking up that cell phone :)

 

All of us are here for you!

Hope this helps!

  • Like 1
BewitchedandBothered Established Member

BewitchedandBothered

Posted
Posted
Stay strong. All last week I had gotten a couple of texts from my exbf after an 'disagreement' we had last Sunday and all last week I avoided him, ignored his calls, his texts for 5 days, on the 5th day, I was getting tired of being bugged about my jewelry that he obviously have "forgotten" that I got it all when I moved out last summer....etc...etc.

 

When we talked Friday, I was calm and collected. I was skeptical bout talking to him as he is still obviously upset about our breakup. He has a new gf now and I'm also in a relationship as well. I never brought up his gf or wanted to know anything of what is going on in his life, HOWEVER, he kept bringing up "us" and asking about the new bf, who is moving here in 3 weeks.....The exbf is obviously still "hurt" and I have tried everything to get him to understand that he has to FORGIVE and LET IT GO.

 

This is why I say STAY STRONG. Because just when I thought I was being "strong" and I was for those 5 days, I feel like I am right back to square 1 of NC. When we talked Friday, we didn't get to finish as we were both working so then I'm like, "if you wanna finish this, holler back", deep down inside, I knew he wouldn't, and I was okay with that.

 

As for him avoiding you at work, eh....he has to learn to keep your working relationship seperate from personal. Don't break the NC or you'll end up being right back at square one. Most of us have broken the "NC rule" plenty of times, we are all not perfect. But most of us can say that it shifts us right back to square one. It's our exes that contact us that keeps us from moving forward.

 

Now I feel like the ex and I still have "unfinished" business left over from Friday and I'm right back to squre one of NC. The reason why I broke my NC rule, is because he was like "why don't you want to talk to me, it's like you don't want to talk to me"......I explained that it was too painful and it is, regardless of the facts that I've moved on (trying to) but he hasn't been able to.

 

Don't break the NC rule, you will be amazed on how STRONG each day you will become. Find something else to distract you from picking up that cell phone :)

 

All of us are here for you!

Hope this helps!

 

I agree; use the thread under the Coping forum "post here instead of contacting your ex". Tell us what what you would say to your ex; you are safe here and your ego and dignity are in tact. Say everything you feel anytime you are feeling it. It is cathartic.

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