ginger11 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I'm looking for some advice or encouragement. I'm in my mid 30s so I'm not sure what sort of age range is on here but being female and in my mid 30s really does affect my behaviour and mindset! So from the few threads I've read on here people sound rational and honest. From the following account I know I must seem messed up and maybe I am but I want to try and change my life. I was going out with a guy for about 6 months and he broke up with me - sort of - he just started ignoring me, saying we would meet at the weekend and not contacting me, and then when I would contact him he would make some excuse. He has contacted me lately - via fb first - chit chat. I replied saying I didn't get why he was doing that after the way he ended things by ignoring me etc. He replied but didn't address that so I ignored it. Couple more chit chat messages over a few months and I ignored them. Then I got a text last weekend 'how are things'. I gave a pretty generic answer the next day and said hows work. He said its good to hear from you again and made more chit chat. Then wednesday another text I reply thinking maybe he just wants to be civil. but then I got a text the next day talking about his car trouble - again nothing of any substance. I just lost my patience and ignored it. The next day he sent a text saying - 'I'll take the hint have a good weekend' That kind of knocked me and I wish I had replied the night before and said 'ok why are you so chatty all of a sudden, whats up' just to see what he would say. I assumed he was just chancing it, desperate for 'intimacy' or lonely...but I wish I had confronted him on it. I'm half thinking of texting him later in the week saying - 'hey hows things' and then later saying yeah its annoying/weird when someone ignores you and then sends a text like that isn't it? Should I do that? Like I said he was a troubled guy and I didn't feel like he treated me well but I am finding it hard to resist the temptation to go down that road again. I'm mid 30s and would love to have a family. I'm not confident that I'll meet someone else I have had very few relationships in my life because of shyness and its only in my 30s that I've pushed myself. To be honest I don't have many friends either. He didn't make me feel good about myself saying I was an eternal optimist (as though I had no reason to be or something) sulking, being stingy. I never understood why women stayed in unhealthy relationships and yet here I am tempted thinking I can't do any better - I should take what I can get. Please help
leoc1973 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 hey ginger welcome to the site! I am thinking that 6 months and then ignoring you is rediculous. What are you going to wake up every day wondering if you are going to hear from your boyfreind ever again. You said it best... you are in your mid 30's and want a family so don't waste any more time on this guy. I am a male in my mid 30's and shy too and I know how hard it can be to meet people but I am still never going to settle. There are lots of guys like me looking for a sweet shy girl so don't start freaking out just yet! Ask him right out.. if he ignores it ask him again. You have the power here because he is crawling to you right now. What are his "problems"? Is he looking for money? Or are you simply his Plan B? no one wants to be a fall back person! Have you tried dating sites?
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I'm going to have to be careful here, because i am in a really, REALLY pisssy mood this morning, and don't want to take it out on you, but really? this is utterly pointless. this is just bloody idiotic, and a complete waste of time. just quit with all the puerile, stupid, fatuous, trivial chit chat. It's quite plain you guys are not an item, he gives a complete damn about you, he's just yanking your chain and playing you like a little fish in a big pond. what the hell do you really care about his car? WTF?? Ke-rrist, just delete his number, block him off and get a life!! he's a waste of space, and not worth a damn minute of your time even wondering about him.... read your post, like a complete stranger, and then tell me how dumb this all sounds. must you waste time on such an irrelevant problem? Can't you see for yourself that this is just a joke? I'm going to make myself a cup of tea......
Author ginger11 Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the replies. Taramaiden I know a few years ago I would have thought exactly the same and I did when I got the text about the car I just thought who does he think he is etc etc. I suppose I'm more scared at how little confidence I have now. When I was with him, several times I thought to myself: just go, just walk out the door this is making you sick to your stomach. There were times when he really showed so little respect for me and he was so selfish. But I'd make excuses for him - like he had a hard time growing up - his father treated them really badly. The worst things that could happen in a family happened in his. So I'd think he's doing his best etc. Mainly I thought 'who am I to break up with someone, when am I going to meet anyone else'. (Almost like if your in a job thats rubbish and the economy is bad you think well I'm lucky to have a job so I shouldn't quit). I suppose I never got closure from him - maybe thats how he wanted it so he could 'yank my chain' or I could be 'his plan B' as ye said. I had accpeted that a few months ago - as in, I accepted that I didn't get closure- but now he's just rattled me again. I know how stupid I'm being BELIEVE me. leoc thanks for the encouragement!! PS. I have tried dating sites - thats how I met him!!! So not too interested in that anymore Edited March 18, 2012 by ginger11
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