Asking a girl on a date who does not know you.

[Maverick]

Hello All,

I am new, was seeking some advice and came across this forum.

My name is Kevin, but my nickname is Maverick because some think of me as one. I am 18 and am sort of just starting in the dating world really.

I have had only one girlfriend thus-far in my life (she was my first everything if you catch what I mean) and I fell in love and she did not so it ended pretty hard for me. She left me for someone else in the middle of the relationship so I have alot of trust issues and things left over the relationship that I am working out but since I lack experience I cannot say much more than that. I know for me to learn more about the opposite sex I need to get out there and get back in the dating game. Its hard for me because I am a very very shy guy and get very afraid of the opposite sex easily I havn't asked out a girl since my first and do not know how to accomplish this. I am also a very sensitive guy and very honest, which sometimes could easily be my downfall because I end up breaking down and just pouring out all my feelings and I see it coming off as whining but basically it gives all the power to the girl because I am cracked easily and after the first five sentences in a conversation I end up spilling like my universal uncertainty of love on the girl and its not that attractive. My first girlfriend was lucky because she saw this as "cute" and went along with it but I think that was all I ever was was "cute" to her. Anyways, where this is all going is I am in this summer English class and there is a girl names Irena in this class of like 10 people. Today was only our third day of this class but I have already become very attracted to this person, I can't explain it, but being in her presence makes me want to be better, and I can see someone who is really interesting and just really nails everything I ever dreamed in a girl. I have been in college now for a year and have tried my best to usually put great distance between me and girls, and not because I am uneasy really around them but because next year of around June of '05 I will be transferring universities to one that is better fitted for my major. This is something I have to do if I want to continue with my field and it has been my life's passion. And I do not want another heartbreak or any kind of serious relationship to be separated by my transfer. And also I am the perfect 'fool in love' 'helpless romantic' type who would give up anything and everything for the ultimate love of my life/ happiness I could find. Being that if I found the one, I am not letting go regardless where my career twists. Which is more or less dangerous for my career. Anyways to make this long story short, I went into the food court and found a place to sit and outlined everything I knew about love, myself, any questions I have, and what to do. I learned 5 things: A) My knowledge is very small or too much "book-knowledge" not enough experience. B) I don't really think too highly of myself. C) I had a million questions. D) I didn't have anyone to talk to about this. and E) I didn't know what to do

 

Obviously I am attracted and now infactuated with this girl, whom I only met three days ago. We have not connected any way and I don't think she notices me the same way. We havn't really engaged in any conversation yet, but for some reason I cannot get her out of my mind and desperately want to ask her out or just get to know her. But its really hard being as shy as I am, I mean I am the definition of introverted. It was alot easier for my first because she was a good friend of mine for like 8 years before I asked her so we already knew each other well. But I cannot stop staring at her, searching for eye-contact and it almost seems that she is trying to avoid eye-contact, though I could be too analytic. Anyways, I am searching for some thoughts, on whether or not it would be wise to attempt to acquire a relationship knowing that I need to transfer, if you think I should go for it, then how am I supposed to ask her? Considering we are strangers I don't know if I could just walk up and say "Hey, want to go out on a date?" I fear rejection, but even more so I think I fear her accepting me, because if she says yes, I don't think I could come up with a good date or anything creative. Basically, help Any comments, any opinions, any questions are welcome (and I know these are opinionated responses so don't say I can't tell you what to do, just suggest then). Currently trying my best to build the courage necessary to just say 'Hi'

[masked_man]

Just one request before I respond, dude, could you please use a few more paragraphs next time you post, will make it so much easier to read

 

Ok, at 18 you're where many of us have been at one point or another. That is, shy and introverted, when it comes to dating. Unfortunately there is no pill you can take to ease this "condition" (in fact it takes some people YEARS to overcome), and really the best way to boost your confidence and social skills is to get out there and interact with people anyway you can.

 

While what happened with your first g/f leaving you for someone was hurtful, don't think everyone will treat you the same way. Further, if she really wasn't that in to you, what happened, however unpleasant, was probably for the best. Loveless relationships are no fun.

 

As to the new girl, I'd say try and ask her out. Go for something quick and simple at first, like a coffee or something. Find a causal setting where you just chat with her, rather than going through the stress of a "proper" date. If that works, repeat that sort of thing a few times, while you build up a friendship, and then think about taking things further.

 

At this stage you really know very little about her, yet you seem to think she is your prefect girl! Slow down a bit, and find out more about her first, the reality may quite different to the image in your mind!

 

Also you seem a little too focussed on future plans for someone who is 18. Stop worrying about June '05 - it's a year away!! Anything could happen between now and then to change your plans.

 

Good luck with it!