LoveAshley Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 There is a newer guy at my work, let's call him Jake. He's been there since October actually but I didn't even talk to him for like the first month he was there because he worked in a different area. Well now he's in my area and he is pretty cute and I have been trying to talk to him. I have a bit of a problem being shy and quiet around new people myself, but I always make an effort with a guy I am attracted to. So I have been talking to him at least 1-3 times day we work (we only work 3 days a week), and it's usually something work related or small talk that only lasts like 10 seconds or less. This has been going on since December, but I can't get a really good convo started for some reason. Another thing I have noticed is that I am always the one to initiate when we talk or puts in effort to keep it going (which usually fails). At first I thought it was just him not being interested in me, but now I think he is just a quiet and shy guy because he doesn't really connect well with anyone else there either. I have only seen him really talk a good while with this one older guy about sports...which I am not into. But other than that, he's just kind of a loner. Even my friend Brian today was talking about people at work and he said, "Jake is ok, but he doesn't talk, so whenever I work with him, it's all quiet." I'm thinking, "Good, it's not just me!" So how can I get this guy out of his shell?
ascendotum Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Be a bit more overt. Like a number of guys on LS confess, we are a bit clueless when it comes to 'subtle' interest from a woman. Ask him on a friday whats he's up to on the weekend and if he's doing anything exciting with his gf. If he says he has no gf, say how you are surprised because he's a cute guy, and guage his reaction. If you don't want to be so forward, then have it relayed to him via another person in the office, where they can ask him what he thinks about you, and that they think she likes you, and get feedback on his reaction, that way. Since you initiate most of the conversations, its a shame he does not make the most of the opportunity and you have to work to keep them going. I hate that, and that is usually enough for me as a measure of interest, especially if they are not that way with a hot looking person, which is not your case, but still that aspect might take a while to change if he is really shy.
gaius Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 If the only thing he's comfortable talking about is sports then you might have to read up a little on the local team so you have a guaranteed icebreaker. He'll probably start opening up more about other things once you've talked regularly for a while. I know it's kind of boring to check out something you're not really interested in, but it can work. Just don't ever let them know you got into that subject specifically to talk to them.
Thieves Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) My advice is to take it one day at a time. Let him see you like talking to him, and then dig deeper. Not many people are going to automatically feel comfortable around another person, especially if they're the type who's naturally laidback or quiet. Back to the point: try and establish basic communication with him every day. Say "hi" to him when you come in to work, and stop to have a quick chat before you leave. Joke around about something interesting that happened at work. Don't be afraid to talk to him at length, even if he doesn't always respond right away. Ask open-ended questions. Just let him know you notice him. Also, it never hurts to be relaxed. The best thing you could do for a shy/quiet person is to be able to enjoy pauses or silences in conversation -- not just think of it as being awkward. If the conversation slows down, no worries, just smile and pick up the ball again as best as you can. Edited March 18, 2012 by Thieves
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