MarlaOryx Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I just reread this, and wow...I really did leave the door wide open. There is no question that it's his move now. It's been a month since he got this and responded that although it was beautiful, what didn't work really didn't work. That weeks of not talking was a good idea. Maybe we can be friends. Basically, it went from bliss to broken in a few hours. That last week he was a different person. On Thursday he finally said that he wanted to back away to allow the relationship he always wanted to manifest. That he wasn't "done loving me yet," but he knew we weren't life partners. I ended it the next day, saying that I was worth more than being pushed aside. ---- First let me apologize by doing all that via text. It was cowardly and insensitive of me, and I deeply regret it. You deserve more respect than that, and I have the utmost respect for you. I didn’t feel I’d be able to get through what I needed to say if I spoke to you and heard your voice. I am so sorry. Next, I want you to know that I’m not disappearing from your life. In fact, I really don’t want us to be over at all. So much changed in such a short time that I just have been so confused and scared. I look at those black & white pictures of us from the auction last weekend, and we were so happy. I don’t understand how things changed so much in less than 48 hours. You seemed like a different person on Monday and Tuesday and Thursday. I didn’t know how to react. My brain kept trying to make sense of it all, but there was no sense to be made of it. I’m just so confused. Everything I do seems to make things worse. If you want to talk, I’m here anytime. Call or text for clarification or closure. Basically, I love you dearly and deeply, and I want to continue as we’ve been, for the most part. I felt that you were pushing me aside to look for something better. That you had already given up on our relationship when you said you knew we weren’t life partners and that you knew for certain it wasn’t the one you’ve been waiting for. I am fully supportive for you to date other women. Like I said, I have a date on Tuesday myself. But in my other relationships/pursuits, I haven’t taken an ounce of love or time away from you or my husband. And it felt like you were putting me on the back burner, just keeping me around for sex and to meet your needs on your terms without addressing my needs. I feel that I did all I could to take on most of the fears/anxiety myself, dealing with mine so as not to trigger yours…but I feel it wasn’t enough. I am so proud and thrilled that I could show you love and freedom are possible together, but it’s beyond my control to take away the unpleasant parts of life. Any life. Any relationship. I took on as much as I could, truly. You’ve often told me that I’m wise when it comes to relationships and have great insight in them. I hope you come to see that this one is no different. If you find you’re willing to move forward with me in love, to move in closer and hold me beside you while you look for something different, more (not better), I’m right there with you. If you find you’re willing to truly treat this relationship as a spiritual practice, helping one another face and transcend fears and anxiety, to learn how to pull each other out of our heads an back into our hearts and souls, which is what’s real, please let me know. I’ll walk beside you on that path with great joy and deep love. Nothing would bring me greater joy than to walk with you in love. To laugh, dance, make love…all while keeping our freedom, dating others, and acknowledging that relationships aren’t always easy, but the work is so worth it. Remember, love…95% bliss. That’s what we have. Please consider than instead of throwing this away for a lousy 5% of discomfort and pain, we learn how to minimize that, go into it and through it, and ultimately transcend it. We can do this together. We’ve always known that our triggers and opposing fears were the greatest obstacle to our love. Please let’s not let those fears win. But, ultimately, if you feel that splitting up is the best course of action, we can talk and clarify and find closure. Then I will need 3 to 4 weeks of no contact to grieve and begin to move past this part of our relationship. Afterward, if you’re willing, we can come back together and see how we can be in one another’s lives. I hope the former is your choice. Come back to me in love, acknowledging that pain is a part of life, and lets learn how to transcend it together while basking in the love we’re so lucky to share. Let me continue to meet every one of your needs that I can. Let me continue to love you and support you. Come back to me in love, willing to give me at least some of the emotional support I need. Let’s find that balance you always speak of. Let’s learn to move through it quickly instead of letting it fester for a week. Acknowledge that avoiding pain only increases it. Let’s learn to transcend it, together. I love you so much. So f***ing much. I just can’t go backwards, love. Please say you want to move forward. That you will allow us to be what we are, in love, without prejudgments of what we will or won’t be together, with at least the potential of being and growing so much more together. As I told you at the beginning, you have no idea where this relationship will take us. Look at the gorgeous places we’ve been together, and three months ago, we never thought it possible. If you decide to come back to me, my arms will be open and waiting to accept you back with love. Please don’t give up on us, and neither will I. 4
Author MarlaOryx Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Validation? Please? It's his move on this, right? Even though this letter was four weeks ago... More details of the relationship and possible abuse in the Abuse forum: Emotionally Abusive? I'd love objective community thoughts on this situation. Just more validation as I pass the one month mark of NC. A reminder that it will get better.
gotye Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 it was amazing but up to him I guess pretend it was a rejection for now and not wait for him? maybe cause I want my ex back to bad I am hopeful I left it up to my ex to contact me too... but gave him a time frame cause it sounded like he really still wanted to talk... scared he will contact me and write me off as completely a friend
Author MarlaOryx Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Agreed. I'm terrified to hear from him. He=pain right now. Every time I see a new message in the email account he used, I catch my breath. It's never him, and a breathe a sigh of relief. I'm hopeful, too. But perhaps I need to lose that hope on him. He emailed the day after he got that letter saying that what we shared was beautiful and passionate and all, but what didn't work really didn't work. That weeks without contact was a good idea and that maybe we could be friends one day. Then he told me he loved me. That was that. Four weeks ago tomorrow.
gotye Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Agreed. I'm terrified to hear from him. He=pain right now. Every time I see a new message in the email account he used, I catch my breath. It's never him, and a breathe a sigh of relief. I'm hopeful, too. But perhaps I need to lose that hope on him. He emailed the day after he got that letter saying that what we shared was beautiful and passionate and all, but what didn't work really didn't work. That weeks without contact was a good idea and that maybe we could be friends one day. Then he told me he loved me. That was that. Four weeks ago tomorrow. I want to prove to my ex I am emotionally mature by the time he contacts me. I plan to keep him at arms distance and be flaky so maybe the thrill of chasing me will make him interested... but I really left him with the idea that he is probably acting rashly and the time apart is good for him to think of what he wants. If after that time apart he still isn't interested, it would be good because I think our downfall was being attached, clingy, and him not havin time to figure out himself alone 1
Author MarlaOryx Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Ditto. Completely in control of my emotions and genuinely happy. If he ever comes back, I will be much more aloof and unattainable, that's for sure. He would have to work rather hard to earn my trust again.
Limbo21 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 That's not what the letter says though darla Long letter, emotional and it really conveyed your pain to the reader. I feel for you. Personally in the past I have had letters, I've also sent letters when I've been dumped and I cringe thinking about it. Congratulations on the 4 week nc, it will only get better from here (most days). You sound a great catch so heal good and be ready for the next lucky catch He was right though, quite beautiful.
Author MarlaOryx Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 It doesn't say he'd have to earn my trust back? Is that what you mean, Limbo? True. That letter was received 3 days after the break up. It's not a month later. How did you feel about the letters you received? Why do you cringe when you think about the letters you sent? I am a great catch. Pretty awesome woman, overall.
gibson Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 The end of your relationship is not of a reflection of you, your value or your worth. Of course, we all take a blow to our self-esteem and ego when someone chooses to let us go, it's normal to feel the way you do. Even though you do not feel like it, you are in the process of healing. Just know that it takes hard work (plus time) to get your confidence and "mojo" back. 1
Limbo21 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Because letters show weakness We all want want we can't have. The moment something is unattainable then we want it more. When we can have it then we don't want it - human nature. That's why pleading heartfelt messages never work I'm all for helping remove some of the burden we are under an if it achieved that then result. If it was to get him back then it will do quite the opposite I know you already know that, just saying 1
heatherfeather Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Who says your 2nd chance letter has to be pleading and full of heart break emotions? It could say you are doing awesome! It could just be apologizing for any wrong doing you did and that is it. That way your spirit is free 1
OptimisticChiq Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Awesome, it was like written for a movie or TV series. Not kidding.
OptimisticChiq Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Awesome, it was like written for a movie or TV series. Not kidding.
Snow-white Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Your Second Chance Letter makes me cry. Wonderfully written!
fucpcg Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I am a guy that can bleed my heart like practically nobody I know. I have total respect for anyone that can do the same. F no contact, game playing, "oh I'm doing wonderful without you", can't express your emotions, the fear of opening them up because maybe they won't be reciprocated, blah blah blah. My ex girlfriend got letters like this from me, didn't make a dent, oh well. If I got a letter like this from my ex, there isn't anything I wouldn't do to try and make it work. Respect girl, I feel you.
marqueemoon4 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I am a guy that can bleed my heart like practically nobody I know. I have total respect for anyone that can do the same. F no contact, game playing, "oh I'm doing wonderful without you", can't express your emotions, the fear of opening them up because maybe they won't be reciprocated, blah blah blah. My ex girlfriend got letters like this from me, didn't make a dent, oh well. If I got a letter like this from my ex, there isn't anything I wouldn't do to try and make it work. Respect girl, I feel you. This is exactly how I am as well.. I was led to believe my ex wife was like this too, and surprise she turned out to be an impostor.
Recommended Posts