I'm annoyed....

[snug.bunny]

Yes "some" guys are just angry and insecure.

 

I mean its one thing to say you have bad taste in men... which I agree with FortyNineThousand Reynolds is not smooth to watch on screen. I found him cool in Vanwylder but have since grown to hate him.... but to say you could never get him... its like wtf. It's like if I said I like Picaso and some one was like "you could never paint a Picaso" or "you couldn't aford to own one!" There is just no logic and only insult in what he said.

 

Also insulting your earing sounds like a tard or PUA want to be. Basicaly no concept of how flirting works. You have to make fun of the ways a girl says stuff... now thats cute.

 

Well perhaps he viewed it as conceited because RR's acting abilities are 'debatable', whereas his physical assets, are not.

 

But I agree, there was only insult in 'those' types of comments. I know I've made comments that people probably have viewed as 'insulting'. At the end of the day we are all human, and that's the state of mentality I want to always try to return to.

[Ross MwcFan]

Guys --- why do 'some' of you insult a woman if/when she says she finds a particular physical appearance/type, attractive? Hmmm?

 

As an example, I was at a friend's party last night and a group of us (male/female) were talking about dating, relationships, what we find attractive, etc. I said I find men (for example) 'Ryan Reynolds' to be very attractive, and in turn, one guy in the group responds with:

 

"God, how conceited! You must think very highly of yourself for thinking you could get a guy who looks like Ryan Reynolds".

 

All because I said I think Ryan Reynolds is good looking!??!!

 

So, I said "well, I think it's pretty rude of you for insulting me just because you disagree with what I deem attractive, and I find it pathetic that you would do so". I was going to say a few other 'choice' words, but I bit my tongue.

 

I've encountered something similar before, whereas a man came over and started talking with me, he complimented me on my dress but then proceeded to tell me my earring were ugly and didn't match.

 

Do 'some' guys really get off on insulting women for no reason? I mean what is the deal?!

 

Some people are just like that. I think maybe they just get off on insulting people of whatever gender, not just women specifically.

 

Where I used to live, a LOT of people were like this, teenagers and adults, they always had this 'attitude' and would usually either insult me, get annoyed with me, or roll their eyes at me.

 

Sometimes I think maybe they're just miserable in life.

[ThaWholigan]

Haha, I actually like Ryan Reynolds movies, always have. I think he has an ideal body aswell, not too beefy but toned enough. Would like to have a similar build.

 

Either him or Michael Jai White

[fortyninethousand322]

Either him or Michael Jai White

 

Spawn? Cool superhero, but the movie was lacking.

[ThaWholigan]

Not really, I actually liked Spawn. It could have been made better, but I think they are remaking it with Michael Jai White again.

 

He's an excellent martial artist though and I would very much like a physique and the athletic capability not to mention the martial arts skills similar to him.

[chelsea2011]

came over and started talking with me, he complimented me on my dress but then proceeded to tell me my earring were ugly and didn't match.*

 

This reminds me of the scene in "Legally Blonde" when Reese gets cut off at the water fountain and the guy comments that her shoes were "last season Prada shoes". She determined rigt away that he was gay because straight guys don't notice things like that. So, maybe the guy was gay?...lol. I can't magine a guy making a comment on a woman's earrings either, unless of course, he was gay.

 

No offense to gays...it's that they are very style conscious.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I was at a friend's party last night and a group of us (male/female) were talking about dating, relationships, what we find attractive, etc. I said I find men (for example) 'Ryan Reynolds' to be very attractive, and in turn, one guy in the group responds with:

"God, how conceited! You must think very highly of yourself for thinking you could get a guy who looks like Ryan Reynolds".

 

You were talking about what you want In Real Life... and you threw out Ryan Reynolds as an example. Nothing wrong with that of course.

 

However, it's easy to see in context how he more than likely took this to mean you will settle for nothing less than a RR lookalike.

 

Life is full of communication errors... and you can't take this too seriously. He mistook what you said and provided you some feedback based on that. You can't go through life freaking out every time someone criticizes you.

 

So, I said "well, I think it's pretty rude of you for insulting me just because you disagree with what I deem attractive, and I find it pathetic that you would do so". I was going to say a few other 'choice' words, but I bit my tongue.

 

... so you insult him back. Way to take the high road.

 

I'm not sure how you can feel like he is the jerk when you both did the same thing.

[gaius]

I know I provoke women sometimes just to see if they put up with nonsense or have a good sense of humor. I wouldn't insult how they dress though, and that first guy did seem a little jealous.

[Ross MwcFan]

You were talking about what you want In Real Life... and you threw out Ryan Reynolds as an example. Nothing wrong with that of course.

 

However, it's easy to see in context how he more than likely took this to mean you will settle for nothing less than a RR lookalike.

 

Life is full of communication errors... and you can't take this too seriously. He mistook what you said and provided you some feedback based on that. You can't go through life freaking out every time someone criticizes you.

 

 

 

... so you insult him back. Way to take the high road.

 

I'm not sure how you can feel like he is the jerk when you both did the same thing.

 

Um, he deserved it, and she didn't. What she did wasn't the same thing as what he did at all, and there was nothing wrong with what she did. I'm really glad that she stuck up for herself, serves the dick right.

 

I find it very surprising that you cannot tell the difference.

[somedude81]

Guys --- why do 'some' of you insult a woman if/when she says she finds a particular physical appearance/type, attractive? Hmmm?

 

As an example, I was at a friend's party last night and a group of us (male/female) were talking about dating, relationships, what we find attractive, etc. I said I find men (for example) 'Ryan Reynolds' to be very attractive, and in turn, one guy in the group responds with:

"God, how conceited! You must think very highly of yourself for thinking you could get a guy who looks like Ryan Reynolds".

 

All because I said I think Ryan Reynolds is good looking!??!!

I'm guessing, on more than one occasion he was criticized by a woman for saying that a certain woman was attractive or that he liked a certain physical feature.

 

In his mind, because it was said to him, it was OK to say it to you.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Um, he deserved it, and she didn't. What she did wasn't the same thing as what he did at all, and there was nothing wrong with what she did. I'm really glad that she stuck up for herself, serves the dick right.

I find it very surprising that you cannot tell the difference.

 

Nobody gets through life without taking some criticism. The trick is to not respond like a 12 year old.

[Ross MwcFan]

Nobody gets through life without taking some criticism. The trick is to not respond like a 12 year old.

 

Just because nobody get's through life without taking criticism doesn't make what he did okay.

 

What he said wasn't constructive criticism, it was just rude.

 

Sticking up for yourself like she did is not responding like a 12 year old.

 

That fact that you're saying that she's responding like a 12 year old (which is insulting) makes you a complete hypocrite.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Just because nobody get's through life without taking criticism doesn't make what he did okay.

What he said wasn't constructive criticism, it was just rude.

Sticking up for yourself like she did is not responding like a 12 year old.

That fact that you're saying that she's responding like a 12 year old (which is insulting) makes you a complete hypocrite.

 

Unless you are some kind of mind reader... you don't know this guys intent. You can't say for sure whether he was just being a dick or providing constructive feedback.

 

In fact you don't even know the exact words he used. All you have is what OP reports... and she was super defensive about it and very biased.

 

So... was this guy just being rude? I can't say for sure... but we can be reasonably sure that whatever his intent... she insulted him with intent to be insulting.

 

Regardless... It isn't insulting to ask someone to act their age.

 

Do you see my reasoning here?

[Taramere]

I've encountered something similar before, whereas a man came over and started talking with me, he complimented me on my dress but then proceeded to tell me my earring were ugly and didn't match.

 

Do 'some' guys really get off on insulting women for no reason? I mean what is the deal?!

 

Snug, you must have heard of the neg. Insulting your earrings, lipstick shade, shoes etc...they work on the basis that every attractive woman spends most of her life having men fawn over her, and will find it a refreshing, startling change when a man insults her. Because, you know, there's no such thing as an attractive woman who spent her formative years hearing and dealing with brotherly insults on a daily basis.

 

Elswyth posted a cartoon about the neg recently.

 

xkcd: Pickup Artist

 

I remember when I was round about 20, a guy I knew was forever insulting me. It didn't upset me, but I did find it mildly irritating because I had this instinct that he was trying to take down my self esteem because he fancied me....and there was no chance I was ever going to fancy him back.

 

One time a few of us were in a club. I was trying out a new look, and he came over to insult me about it. I think he was pissed off because I had a group of guys talking to me, he was jealous and he wanted to take me down a peg or two in front of people. When he insulted me, I just blanked him and carried on talking to those other guys who were giving him "what a tosser" looks. He then smashed some glasses in a temper and was thrown out of the club.

 

I always remember that incident when I hear about the neg. I think a lot of men totally misunderstand why it sometimes works. Good friends often have a vibe between them that involves fairly insulting banter, and it can be fun....but if somebody's doing it in an "I think you need taking down a peg or two" way, it tends to be a bit creepy in that you associate that kind of thing with abusers.

[snug.bunny]

You were talking about what you want In Real Life... and you threw out Ryan Reynolds as an example. Nothing wrong with that of course.

 

However, it's easy to see in context how he more than likely took this to mean you will settle for nothing less than a RR lookalike.

 

Fair enough.

 

Life is full of communication errors... and you can't take this too seriously. He mistook what you said and provided you some feedback based on that. You can't go through life freaking out every time someone criticizes you.

Yes. Life is full of communication errors and so is criticism. I think the key difference is the intent behind the criticism and what we hope to achieve when saying it.

 

... so you insult him back. Way to take the high road.

 

I'm not sure how you can feel like he is the jerk when you both did the same thing.

His comments were mean spirited. There wasn't anything I said or did to him prior too, on a direct/personal level.

 

I have been known to have a pretty sharp tongue (my one friend equates it to the scene in Indiana Jones when the man's heart is ripped out in one swoop). There were things I could have said or done in response, to insult him back on a personal level, but I chose not to.

 

Just because nobody get's through life without taking criticism doesn't make what he did okay.

 

What he said wasn't constructive criticism, it was just rude.

 

Sticking up for yourself like she did is not responding like a 12 year old.

 

That fact that you're saying that she's responding like a 12 year old (which is insulting) makes you a complete hypocrite.

 

Yes, those were my initial thoughts too.

[snug.bunny]

Snug, you must have heard of the neg. Insulting your earrings, lipstick shade, shoes etc...they work on the basis that every attractive woman spends most of her life having men fawn over her, and will find it a refreshing, startling change when a man insults her. Because, you know, there's no such thing as an attractive woman who spent her formative years hearing and dealing with brotherly insults on a daily basis.

 

Elswyth posted a cartoon about the neg recently.

 

xkcd: Pickup Artist

 

I remember when I was round about 20, a guy I knew was forever insulting me. It didn't upset me, but I did find it mildly irritating because I had this instinct that he was trying to take down my self esteem because he fancied me....and there was no chance I was ever going to fancy him back.

 

One time a few of us were in a club. I was trying out a new look, and he came over to insult me about it. I think he was pissed off because I had a group of guys talking to me, he was jealous and he wanted to take me down a peg or two in front of people. When he insulted me, I just blanked him and carried on talking to those other guys who were giving him "what a tosser" looks. He then smashed some glasses in a temper and was thrown out of the club.

 

I always remember that incident when I hear about the neg. I think a lot of men totally misunderstand why it sometimes works. Good friends often have a vibe between them that involves fairly insulting banter, and it can be fun....but if somebody's doing it in an "I think you need taking down a peg or two" way, it tends to be a bit creepy in that you associate that kind of thing with abusers.

 

Hi Tara. I hadn't heard of it prior to this forum... Thank you for sharing your story, it helps put things into perspective. I know I need to do a better job of letting things roll off my back, balanced with not tolerating certain comments and/or behavior.

[Feelin Frisky]

hi snug,

 

Many persons of both genders have no "political savvy"--and it especially reveals itself whn they've had some alcohol in their system. Political savvy is largely about keeping contentious and subjective opinions to one's self. Honesty is usually the best policy but not always--silence or "savoir faire" (tactfully directing the conversation away from something that could be blunt, contentious and provocative) is a better policy, especially if you have no investment in seeing this person again. Thus a jerk, a social illiterate, an a-hole says pointed things about another person when the result can only be discomfort and want for defence.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Yes. Life is full of communication errors and so is criticism. I think the key difference is the intent behind the criticism and what we hope to achieve when saying it.

His comments were mean spirited. There wasn't anything I said or did to him prior too, on a direct/personal level.

I have been known to have a pretty sharp tongue (my one friend equates it to the scene in Indiana Jones when the man's heart is ripped out in one swoop). There were things I could have said or done in response, to insult him back on a personal level, but I chose not to.

 

I can't say the guy was trying some kind of PUA technique. I'm not sure it's fair to go through life assuming every guy that does something rude is a PUA in disguise. Just like I realize a woman can disagree with me and not hate men in general.

 

I've been in situations like this one you describe before. I find it completely acceptable to use a celebrity or character that everyone knows as a descriptive tool. However, if I said... I will only date someone who looks and is as successful as Scarlett Johansen... that's kind of overboard and silly. I would bet money that you didn't say it like that... but somehow that's how he took it. Communication error.

 

Anyway... I'm not really trying to bust your chops... I just want to kind of flesh this thing out so you can really think about it. So far this has just been "you go girl"... "isn't he a prick" type of responses.

 

You can't control who is going to be a dick to you, BUT you do control how you respond. Sure you have a super sharp wit and probably could have left him crying for days... or psychologically scarred. Is that the person you really want to be? Since you already put effort into moderating your response... I would guess you want to be better than him.

 

Is there a response you can think of that might have made him realize he was being mean, without responding in kind.

[snug.bunny]

hi snug,

 

Many persons of both genders have no "political savvy"--and it especially reveals itself whn they've had some alcohol in their system. Political savvy is largely about keeping contentious and subjective opinions to one's self. Honesty is usually the best policy but not always--silence or "savoir faire" (tactfully directing the conversation away from something that could be blunt, contentious and provocative) is a better policy, especially if you have no investment in seeing this person again. Thus a jerk, a social illiterate, an a-hole says pointed things about another person when the result can only be discomfort and want for defence.

 

I like this post. I will try to tactfully direct such conversations in another direction in the future.

 

I can't say the guy was trying some kind of PUA technique. I'm not sure it's fair to go through life assuming every guy that does something rude is a PUA in disguise. Just like I realize a woman can disagree with me and not hate men in general.

 

I've been in situations like this one you describe before. I find it completely acceptable to use a celebrity or character that everyone knows as a descriptive tool. However, if I said... I will only date someone who looks and is as successful as Scarlett Johansen... that's kind of overboard and silly. I would bet money that you didn't say it like that... but somehow that's how he took it. Communication error.

 

Anyway... I'm not really trying to bust your chops... I just want to kind of flesh this thing out so you can really think about it. So far this has just been "you go girl"... "isn't he a prick" type of responses.

 

You can't control who is going to be a dick to you, BUT you do control how you respond. Sure you have a super sharp wit and probably could have left him crying for days... or psychologically scarred. Is that the person you really want to be? Since you already put effort into moderating your response... I would guess you want to be better than him.

 

Is there a response you can think of that might have made him realize he was being mean, without responding in kind.

 

You're right. It is up to ME, to control my response. My intent of this thread wasn't to generate "you go girl" comments. I was initially annoyed and I vented, thus my responses have been to acknowledge how the comment(s) made me feel and trying to take ownership of those feelings.

[Ross MwcFan]

Unless you are some kind of mind reader... you don't know this guys intent. You can't say for sure whether he was just being a dick or providing constructive feedback.

 

In fact you don't even know the exact words he used. All you have is what OP reports... and she was super defensive about it and very biased.

 

So... was this guy just being rude? I can't say for sure... but we can be reasonably sure that whatever his intent... she insulted him with intent to be insulting.

 

Regardless... It isn't insulting to ask someone to act their age.

 

Do you see my reasoning here?

 

It certainly comes across as though he was being a dick, and I'm sure he was aware of it.

 

Why would snug bunny lie? I can't really see any reason for why she would. Seems like you're grasping at straws here.

 

Most people wouldn't blame her for intentionally insulting him, it's what he deserves.

 

You may not have intended to be insulting about the age thing, but it certainly came off as insulting. In fact you do come off as quite abrasive towards others on here a lot of the time.

 

Anyway you could just as easily that snug bunny was just giving honest critisim to the guy.

[Untouchable_Fire]

You're right. It is up to ME, to control my response. My intent of this thread wasn't to generate "you go girl" comments. I was initially annoyed and I vented, thus my responses have been to acknowledge how the comment(s) made me feel and trying to take ownership of those feelings.

 

I agree with what you are saying. I think if this happens again you won't stoop to his/her level. Instead by providing a calm and kind response it will potentially generate a change in the other person's attitude.

[johan]

I agree with what you are saying. I think if this happens again you won't stoop to his/her level. Instead by providing a calm and kind response it will potentially generate a change in the other person's attitude.

 

Snug.bunny is lucky to have you here to help her think this through. I think she has learned a big lesson.

[Ross MwcFan]

Snug.bunny is lucky to have you here to help her think this through. I think she has learned a big lesson.

 

Yeah, where would snug bunny be without UF's moral guidance? Where would we all be in fact?

[johan]

Yeah, where would snug bunny be without UF's moral guidance? Where would we all be in fact?

 

I hate to even think about it.

[Feelsgoodman]

The irony of this thread is that women, on average, are far more guilty of the behavior described by the OP. Fat unattractive women would often refer to their good-looking, slim counterparts with such insulting/derogatory names as "bag of bones", anorexic, bimbo, etc. They would claim that being slim as unhealthy and that men were brainwashed into liking slim/petite women by the media.