Sugarkane Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Really sick of it. You're supposed to treat people Tge way you would want to be treated. Yet how many people on here got screwed over by someone. And I'm sure those people would 100% not want someone to do the same to them in return. Hypocrites 1
mike588 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Really sick of it. You're supposed to treat people Tge way you would want to be treated. Yet how many people on here got screwed over by someone. And I'm sure those people would 100% not want someone to do the same to them in return. Hypocrites Yep....I think you know my story. I've often wondered how she would feel if someone did that to her! 1
LSgirl Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 This was the first relationship where I felt I acted emotionally healthy (not perfect) but I watched how I said things, tried not to overreact, always did what I said I would, supportive, was just a good girlfriend overall. I'm very proud of the way I carried myself (I was at times emotional with him when I knew he didn't have strong feelings as me after a year) but I'm happy with the way I acted throughout the relationship. I have no regrets on my end, but sad to grasp the fact that the man I loved was never in love with me. After the breakup, he said I was a beautiful person inside and out and great and how sorry he was, thats it. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt someone the way his ex-fiancee hurt him, but in the end he hurt me by using me as his emotional crutch. Glad he is ashamed of himself, but I'm the one in pain.
Laveli Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 killing me right now, i want to text my ex and tell her how much i miss her
johan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 If they got screwed over, they must not have been doing the right thing.
johan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Sorry I hurt your feelings. It's hard to predict when someone extremely sensitive is going to read something you post. If you figure it's going to happen every time, then you just never end up expressing yourself at all. You should report me for being so mean to.... wait, who was I bullying again?
Moonless sky Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I completely understand what you're saying and it ticks me off. I'm being treated like dirst from him and he has no clue how it feels! I don't even understand why he broke up with me. All of a sudden he claims he doesn't love me anymore....lovely...I'm falling apart..
rootless Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I think there's a difference, albeit a small one, to being screwed over, and setting yourself up for a fall. Is that what you were saying, Johan? By my definition, I think being "screwed over" means that you did the right thing, you conducted yourself well and acted with decency, but you were hurt/wronged/attacked anyway. Through no fault of your own. In setting yourself up for a fall, you either ignore past experiences and better judgement and you wins up getting hurt because you ignored your own impulses, subverted your own needs, or tolerated behavior that you know you was beneath you. In either case, I don't think you deserve the pain, and the offending party should be held accountable and generally feel ashamed of themselves. I think Johan phrased it a little bluntly, buy I do think there's some value in really examining which instances we were truly blindsided or taken advantage of, and which instances we got burned because we made a bad decision. There's been times when I genuinely got a raw deal, and other times where I ran into trouble because I didn't pay attention to warning signs, or talked myself into doing something I knew was stupid. Love makes us act against our own self-interests some time. And although the comment was kinda harsh, it did make me think about what role I've played in situations where I ended up getting hurt... even if it was unfairly.
Toxhicide Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I completely understand what you're saying and it ticks me off. I'm being treated like dirst from him and he has no clue how it feels! I don't even understand why he broke up with me. All of a sudden he claims he doesn't love me anymore....lovely...I'm falling apart.. I am of the opposite party and am in the process. I'm not sure how your boyfriend may have felt, but I feel completely horrible at the moment. Do you know how it feels to come to a realization that you don't love your girlfriend whom you care for deeply? I was confused for three days about what was happening. I found out that I had started to develop feelings for a past crush again and the feelings for my girlfriend were long gone already. The relationship that we had held up was due to us both wanting to keep it up. I can't even understand why or how this can even happen, but it is, and it is horrible. For both of us.
rootless Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I am of the opposite party and am in the process. I'm not sure how your boyfriend may have felt, but I feel completely horrible at the moment. Do you know how it feels to come to a realization that you don't love your girlfriend whom you care for deeply? I was confused for three days about what was happening. I found out that I had started to develop feelings for a past crush again and the feelings for my girlfriend were long gone already. The relationship that we had held up was due to us both wanting to keep it up. I can't even understand why or how this can even happen, but it is, and it is horrible. For both of us. I've been "that guy" too, and it's no damn fun. It's a HORRIBLE feeling to know that you're about to hurt someone who has done *nothing* wrong, other than have the temerity to love you. Anyone with a conscience feels like an absolute rat when they're going to dump their partner that way. It's another story if the breakup is prompted by cheating, or abuse, or dishonesty, but if you're leaving them simply because you lost feeling for them, it's a LOUSY decision to make. There's 10 kinds of guilt and confusion and sadness at play. You second-guess everything, you wrestle with feelings of selfishness, you bear the risk of being hated and demonized, and if you're a decent person, you feel an ENORMOUS amount of compassion and grief that you're about to inflict pain on someone you care a great deal about, who you share amazing memories with. You don't get the acute, confidence-shredding pain of the person being left behind, but it's still a gut-wrenching process. Will I lose them forever? Will they ever forgive me? Are their friends and family going to despise me? Am I doing the right thing? Did I fail the relationship somehow? Can I just not commit? Am I a giant jerk? You're a mess. And you're the only one responsible for it. You're about to drive a truck over someone who loves you, who you typically love too, and all you can hope to do is minimize their suffering. It completely sucks. Granted, I think the person getting left generally feels more pain-- but knowing you're the guy causing it doesn't feel good either. It's a sh*tty situation, wall to wall. 1
smudge21 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 You just got to remember, when people treat you badly after you've treated them so well, the problem is them not you. I've known so many people who have taken my kindness as weakness and tried to exploit it to their own ends, not just relationships. However, despite that, I don't feel the need to change, to treat others badly. This is just how I am and for everyone that abuses that, there are those that respect that... and they're the ones I stay close to. 2
Dragonsden Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 My ex once made me promise that I would never ever ignore her text/messages no matter what. And I gladly promised! Right after the break up when she didnt respond to my text and I reminded of the promise she said "well I never promised that in return, did I?". She was technically right ... but my point goes with your second statement! Unreal!
carhill Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 While I wholeheartedly support and empathize with the sentiments offered in the OP, in life it is those who care the least who have the most power and control in any human interaction. Simply, the person who focuses on doing the 'right thing', even if it leaves them vulnerable or at a disadvantage, 'cares more'. Otherwise, the care balance between the right thing and meeting their own needs and desires would be different. An experiment I found worthwhile was/is to intellectually and emotionally 'care less' about other people and the process and outcome of any particular life event; to change the balance. So far, it's worked really well. I'm rarely disappointed and in general feel more positive. Also, as a side effect, I've found, and have heard similar comments, that I actually come across as more caring to those who are friends and loved ones. I believe this is from being more selective and less generalized in the process of care. Do bad and hurtful things happen? Sure! Life isn't a one-way street. None of us is perfect nor is life perfect. If 'one is always doing or trying to do the right thing' and 'one is always getting screwed over', the commonality is 'one'. That is the point of clarity and potential change. It starts with 'one'.
Dragonsden Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 That could back fire too carhill. Women will always find something to complain about. I think its about finding the perfect balance between your needs and theirs.
carhill Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I just care less about their needs and desires, whether as friends or a partner. Actually I learned a lot of this stuff from women, by observing how they balance their needs versus their care for others. It's been really good information to counteract the socialization I experienced, which skewed too far to the side of generosity and love. Life teaches lessons. 1
Moonless sky Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I am of the opposite party and am in the process. I'm not sure how your boyfriend may have felt, but I feel completely horrible at the moment. Do you know how it feels to come to a realization that you don't love your girlfriend whom you care for deeply? I was confused for three days about what was happening. I found out that I had started to develop feelings for a past crush again and the feelings for my girlfriend were long gone already. The relationship that we had held up was due to us both wanting to keep it up. I can't even understand why or how this can even happen, but it is, and it is horrible. For both of us. My boyfriend called me yesterday because his mom begged him too, yes. He said to me I'm a screwed up person and I mess with him so much, but I don't believe this. We've gotten in fights but always worked them out. He has so much anger right now and said he'll never come back and this is the last I'll hear from him. He hung up without letting me say what I needed. I'm so lost and broken and I just can't function anymore. I want him to get over his anger and come back. How can someone stop caring so fast when the day before he told me he loved me so much. I'm sorry that you have to go through that pain, that's terrible. I really don't know how to help myself or you, I no longer understand relationships...
Dragonsden Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 My boyfriend called me yesterday because his mom begged him too, yes. He said to me I'm a screwed up person and I mess with him so much, but I don't believe this. We've gotten in fights but always worked them out. He has so much anger right now and said he'll never come back and this is the last I'll hear from him. He hung up without letting me say what I needed. I'm so lost and broken and I just can't function anymore. I want him to get over his anger and come back. How can someone stop caring so fast when the day before he told me he loved me so much. I'm sorry that you have to go through that pain, that's terrible. I really don't know how to help myself or you, I no longer understand relationships... People are effed up. Thats the reality. You will find someone better you deserve. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Yep....I think you know my story. I've often wondered how she would feel if someone did that to her! Mine complained about his ex wife wanting divorce (she left because of his menta/verbal abuse, same thing I endured)--yet he would always bring it up how it hurt him when she wanted to leave. She left him 3 times before she said enough. Then he turned around and did to me what he did to her and 2 others. Shaking my head. Oh, but everything he did to me, he said it was my fault--even his impotence was my fault. Still wondering what his new g/f is in for. It's only been since January they've been dating. Someone told me to give it time. 1
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